We Can Explain...

We Can Explain... (NC-17)
Disclaimers: I OWN NOTHING! If you recognize it, someone with lawyers and money and a life invented it, loves it, and would not like to see how I'm treating their characters. Marvel owns the X-Men in all their incarnations and I make no profit from this work of fan fiction. None whatsoever. Damn it. This work of fiction contains sexual situations of many sorts (het, slash, femslash and even solo), swearing in great amounts, same sex relationships, heterosexual relationships, mild drug use or reference to it, abuse references, irresponsible behavior, non main stream theism, and other things that might bother some people. If you are not of age in your community or are easily offended, bugger off. I am not responsible for your inability to read a warning and labels.
A/N This story is a take on THE CANTERBURY TALES by Geoffrey Chaucer (okay, there's some debate about that but I'll save it for you Brit Lit majors later). The gist of that story is a group of pilgrims meet at an inn and are to visit the Shrine of St Thomas in Canterbury. The innkeeper charges them with each telling two tales going and two on return and whoever has the best tale wins. It gets very...bawdy...in bits. That said, I'm not going to rhyme unless I can't help it (and the villagers rejoice!) and I'm not going to just lift the characters out of the tales and swap 'em with X Men Evo characters. Onwards and upwards...forward momentum and all that...

A/N 2: Goddess Foxfeather, Queen of Mad Plotbunnies, BUSIEST WOMAN ALIVE (tm), Prophetic Muse, Hamster Witch and Uberbeta...wheeeeeeeeeeee! InterNutter, TC, Maxwell Pink and Dracena...regretting your offers to archive/host yet, lol? *glomp * ProPhile, get your smut skills ready... Michael (the other one) gets a huge glomp for part of the idea behind this story. :) Readers/Future Reviewers: Have you seen the ducks? I found a nasty note from the goose and frankly, I'm a little worried...

The silence stretched to the breaking point. "We can explain," Jean finally burst out. "Really!"
"I'm sure," the Professor intoned, raising one brow. "And I'm sure each of you has an equally fascinating and no doubt entirely truthful story..."
"Well, ja," Kurt said, slightly affronted by the sarcasm.
"Shhh," Kitty nudged him. "Not now!"
"But, Katzchen, we do have an excuse!"
Professor Xavier waved down the burgeoning tension in the room with a negligent gesture. "I'm feeling especially generous today in spite of the fact it's bill paying day and I had a tremendously tedious meeting with the state board of education..." He sighed and closed his eyes. "We'll wait and begin the fun when everyone has arrived. Logan, any word from the Southern contingent and their...others?"
"Not yet," he gruffed with a quick glare in Kurt's direction.
"Was?" Kurt sighed. "I really didn't do anything wrong!"
"And what of Jubilee, Amara, Lance and Remy?"
"Nothing," Storm sighed. "I've checked almost everywhere."
"Then check everywhere. The rest of you," the Professor continued, his tone taking on his don't-mess-with-me cadence, "clean up. Meet in the kitchen area as soon as you're done. No sense doing this on empty stomachs."

"We really can explain," Kurt groused, flopping down on his bed with a very child like pout.
"And we will," Kitty groaned, tired of the repetition. "We just have to go along with how the Professor wants to do this."
He opened one eye and peered at her warily. "Who are you and what have you done with Kitty?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"The Kitty I know would be snarling and growling, making her side of the story heard..."
"Kurt, sweetie, love of my life..." She smiled tiredly but kindly, "Think about it. Even though it is the truth, our story does sound kind of...bad."
"More ridiculous than bad," he said after a moment's thought. "But it's true! He'll know it's true!"
"Then we have nothing to worry about and frankly, I'm too pooped to fight it. I need a nap, a shower and a serious tooth brushing, not necessarily in that order." She made a face and shuddered delicately. "I smell and taste like hotel soap."
Kurt smiled, an echo of her own exhausted expression, reaching up to wrap his fingers around her wrist and pull her down beside him. "Well, since we both need a shower..."
Kitty looked sorely tempted. "We'd better not. It'd make us late and I think we need to be as straight and narrow as possible right now."
Kurt frowned, an exaggeration of the usual expression and more like a pout. "Nein, I don't want to wait. It's been a week..."
"Kurt," she complained but without much force. "C'mon. I don't want to get in trouble." She paused. "Well, any more trouble any way..."
"We'll be quick," he promised.
"Fuzzy, that's not exactly incentive most days..." She smiled faintly and sat down next to him. "You know, you're incorrigible."1
"All part of my elfin charm," he opined, sitting up next to her. He pushed a lock of hair back from her face and kissed her, cupping her face in his hands.
She sighed and pulled away slightly. "How are we going to do this?"
"Um, Katzchif yif you don't remember..."
"No," she sighed deeply. "Explain ourselves..."
"Honestly, like you said," he murmured, kissing her just below her ear. She murmured in what might have been assent or acceptance but did not pull away as he nipped her skin. "We can't go wrong with the truth, no matter how bizarre it is..."
"What about," she paused and moaned slightly as his tongue traced a burning hot path from her ear to the hollow of her collarbones, "the others?"
"At this point," he responded slowly, distracted by the taste of her skin on his tongue, "I don't know or care."
"Kurt! They're our friends!"
"I'll care in a little while..." he promised, pushing her back against the bed and slipping his hand under her shirt. "I'll care very much."
"You should," she breathed, her fingers working on the fastening to his holo, "care now..."
"I do care, just about other things."
Kitty sighed and closed her eyes, too tired to do much more than react. The past week had been Hell and she could count her hours of sleep on one hand. Kurt's bed was altogether too welcoming and he was too warm against her to protest. And, she thought to herself, what he's doing feels too nice... She raised her hips as he pulled on her jeans, helping him ease them down her legs. The first touch of his tongue against her folds made her jump, even though she was mostly expecting it, he murmured against her, nonsense words and appreciative sounds, his hands skimming across her thighs. Kitty could not help the moan that rose from her throat as he parted her flesh, finding the pearl of her desire. She arched her back and felt the familiar warm melting sensation began between her thighs and spread through her belly and down her legs.
"Hey, guys, I...oh for fuck's sake!" Todd slammed the door and scrubbed furiously at his eyes. "You set me up!"
Rogue smiled innocently. "It was someone else's turn," she shrugged.2
Kurt appeared in the hallway a moment later, his expression thunderous. "Have you ever heard of knocking?"
"She made me do it!" Todd blurted, retreating slightly in the face of an angry Nightcrawler.
"I just told him to get y'all," Rogue pointed out. "And you need to learn to lock your damned door!"
Kitty ghosted out of Kurt's room, looking rueful. "This seems to happen every few months," she sighed.
"Like I was tellin' him, lock the door," Rogue said without remorse. "Sides, he didn't see anything, did you, Todd?"
Todd was bright red under his usual greenish pallor, his eyes flitting everywhere and lighting nowhere, especially not on Kitty. "Nope, nothin'."
Kurt growled low in his throat and Kitty laid a staying hand on his arm. "What'd you need, Rogue?"
"Remy and Amara just got back so we're gonna start."
"But I haven't showered," Kitty began, then paused. "Whoa...Remy and Amara? Where are Lance and Jubilee?"
"We don't know," Todd sighed. "Neither does anyone else..."
Kurt's tail la to to and fro as he shot Todd one final glare. "Go shower, Liebes. I'll make sure they don't start without you."
Kitty made a mournful noise. "No, I don't want to hold things up..."
Rogue laid a gloved, friendly hand on Kitty's shoulder. "Kit, I'm saying this as a friend...please, go shower!"
The shorter girl sniffed. ne. ne. I don't smell that bad..." She stalked down the hall to her own room, not bothering to open the door on her way.
Kurt rubbed his forehead distractedly. "How mad is the Professor?"
"I think," Rogue said carefully, "he's more worried than mad."
"It's Logan who's pissed, yo."

Less than an hour later, settled raggedly around the table, Kitty's hair still wet and her clothes clinging damply to her back, Professor Xavier began. "We're still missing two of our number but I want to start trying to make heads or tails of what has happened this past week." He glanced at each face in turn, silencing any attempts at preemptive explanation. "Each person in turn will have a chance to tell me their pertinent details. No interruptions from the others. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Professor," they chorused like elementary students.
"And," he added, looking at Logan, "there will be no threats, no expressions of disbelief, and no...snorting."
"I don't snort," Logan muttered.
"Yes, you do," Storm said under her breath.
"It's...complicated," Scott put in, ignoring the older couple. "We kind of overlap..."
"Well, do your best," Professor Xavier sighed. "Who is going to go first?"
Kurt and Kitty exchanged glances. "Us, I guess," she began.
"One of you."
"Was?" Kurt edged closer. "Is this some divide and conquer thing?"
"Safety in numbers?" the Professor murmured. "No, I just want to get the best idea possible as to what happened and rather than...pry...I'm giving you each the chance to tell me your stories. Kurt, you are to be first."
He winced. "Fine, fine... Okay, well, it all started last Friday when we left here..."



1 Calling Kurt incorrigible is always funny to me due to The Sound of Music. During their little roll call, Kurt von Trapp steps forward an announces, "I'm Kurt, I'm fourteen and I'm incorrigible!" Yeah, I'm a dork. But I'm okay with that.
2 Oh, you think I could start a fic in the Foreververse without them getting caught?