Frail

I got my wish. I’ve been going crazy in the mansion and Xavier decides it might be safe for me. They’ve heard that Creed is in Europe somewhere, hooked up with some terrorist group. Jean comes with me to the mall, so does Jubilee. Logan drives. I can’t get comfortable around that guy. He shadows us and we go to the movies. I actually relax for a little while and get lost in the movie. When the happy ending comes I have a moment of fluttery excitement, wanting to be as happy. Then I come crashing back to earth. Oh yeah, I can’t have a normal life. I forgot. We eat lunch, we try on clothes, and then we buy shoes. I’m smiling when we get out to the parking lot. Logan brings the van around. He pulls up outside the store we’re in and gets out to open my door. I ride shotgun. I get carsick and it seems to help if I sn thn the front. Jubilee sits behind me and Jean sits behind the driver’s seat. Logan walks around to get behind the wheel.


I’m looking out the windshield and I don’t see anything coming. Jean shouts a warning to Logan. A big SUV slams into Logan and the side of our van. I had my seatbelt on already, but I hit my elbow against the window and it shatters. The other vehicle wasn’t going very fast, but is is tossed sideways onto the floor. I shake my head and look back at Jubilee. She’d unbuckling and lunging toward me with her hands outstretched. I look to my right and see a big hairy face snarling at me. I can do nothing except curl up into a fetal position and shield my face with my arms. I’m a coward.


Jubilee shoots a stream of whatever it is she has over my head. I hear him snarl and Jean is getting upright. He grabs my arm and starts to pull me out the window. I’m holding onto the seatbelt and screaming like mad. He breaks the belt and holds onto the front of my coat, trying to pull me out the window. I brace my hands and knees against the door and try to hold myself inside the van. His face is close to mine for a second and I can feel his breath again. My heart beats once and he whispers a single word.


“Mine.”


In the next heartbeat he releases me and flies backwards, hitting bricbrick wall of the shoe store. He stays there, suspended above the ground like he’s nailed there. Jean grabs me with one hand and pulls me into the back seat. Her other hand is palm out toward Creed. Jubilee climbs over us both and grabs Logan’s collar. He’s pulling himself upright, and she drags him into the van. Then she drives us away from the shop. Jean releases Creed and I see him fall. Then she shoves her hand forward and his SUV rises into the air and slams into his body, trapping him against the wall.


Our van isn’t moving very fast. One of the wheels is damaged from the impact. Jean holds me down on the floor of the van. She's cradling her wrist to her side. She has her eyes closed.


"Help is on the way." She won't let me get up and look at Logan who is sprawled in the passenger seat. I'm crying now. I can't help it. I'm a complete coward and I'm content to let these people toss me around as long as they keep Creed away from me. All of my bravery and selflessness that I thought I felt at the mansion is gone. If I hadn't gone to the bathroom in the shoe store, I'm sure that I'd have wet my pants. I can't do this. I'm not supposed to be in this kind of life. I can't see where we're going, but soon, Jubilee screeches to a halt and the working doors fly open. Scott and Kurt, the blue man who watches me run, are there.


Scott pulls Logan from the front seat and puts him in another one of Xavier's vehicles. It's a Pathfinder or something like that. Jean shoves me at Kurt. He takes my arm and helps me out of the van. Jubilee runs to the new vehicle and Jean follows. Kurt holds my chin in his hand.


"I need you to be calm for me."


"You're fucking kidding, right?" I say. I'm crying still. He wraps his arms around me and I'm subjected to the weirdest sensation I've ever felt. It's like the ground falls away but I'm not lifting into the air. Then we're in front of the mansion. Kurt pulls me inside, crying and sniffling. Xavier is waiting inside. He doesn't ask me what happened because I can't talk yet. I hear his voice in my head telling me to relax, that I'm safe now. I wipe my nose on my sleeve. Kurt is holding on to my shoulders. I'm glad because I feel like I'm going to fall.


People are running past me to the front door. Some of them look younger then I am. They're all suited up and ready to fight. I'm ashamed because I'm ready to see them go fight when all I want to do is find a locked closet and hide. I feel dizzy and sick. I hear someone calling my name, but it sounds far away. There’s a rushing sound in my ears and my hands feel numb. I try to reach out in front of me but my limbs aren't responding. Then blissful darkness.


I don’t know how long I slept. When I woke up I was in the medical lab. Jean was sitting next to me and I was reminded of the first time we met. She gave me a sad smile.


“How are you feeling?”


“Tired. Sick.” She didn’t say anything for a little while andskedsked what I dreaded. “Am I still…?”


“No, Jenny.” She said, squeezing my hand. “Dr. McCoy thinks it was emotional trauma.” That was all she said.


Now I’m sitting in my room, trying to cry for a baby I wasn’t sure I wanted in the first place. And the tears won’t come. Maybe if I went down to the basement where they’re holding him I might cry. It’s been twelve hours since I saw him. Twelve hours since he tried to tear me from the van’s window. Twelve hours since all of my courage failed and I let others fight the monster that came back for me. Xavier had listened to me. I'd told him that I had built up my courage, living in the house, so that I had myself convinced I could stand up to him. But the second I saw him in broad daylight I collapsed into a screaming ball of cowardice and let a girl younger than myself defend me with fireworks. Xavier told me that they were all trained to use the gifts and I wasn’t expected to be able to fight Creed. I wanted to. I wanted to be able to fight him.
Log Logan is okay, of course. I’ll never understand how he heals so fast after being sandwiched between two big vehicles, even with a mutation. I feel guilty that Jean broke her wrist but sat by my bed till I woke up. I take a shower and get dressed in jeans and a sweater. It’s about three in the morning and almost everyone is asleep. I walk barefoot down to the kitchen and get some water from the fridge. Dr. McCoy gave me some pills that are supposed to relax me dull my emotions. The pills give me dry mouth. My thoughts are a little fuzzy around the edges and I'm not trying to cry anymore. I hate being a coward. I replay the events I my head. Screaming little bitch, that’s me. The blubbering, the wailing, the huddling in a ball on the floor of the van. Yeah, I’m pretty proud of myself.


At three in the morning, things look different than they do any other time of day. With no noise to distract you from your thoughts, you start to think a little too much. Like me, I thought it would be a good idea to take a peek at Creed. At least my emotions will be somewhat in check. I’ve had the tour, I know where things are but I don’t know if I can get to him. I just start walking. I take the elevator down to the floor with the detention cells. I don’t get very far. Logan’s there. He doesn’t look surprised.


“You shouldn’t be here, Jenny.”


“Says you.”


“Says me.”


“Please?”


“No.”


“Come on.”


“No.”


“Logan!”


“No.”


“I need to do this.”


“No.”


“Put yourself in my place.” I’m starting to feel frustration well up, now I can cry. I hate being a crybaby. I never was before this.


“I don’t think I can.”


“Of course not! You’re not a victim.” My nose is running again and the spit is building up in my mouth. “No matter how badly you get hurt, you heal. I’ve still got a cast after two months.” I shake my arm at him. “You can’t possibly understand how much I need to see him.” He stares at me for a second then he presses a button on the wall. A metal panel slides up and reveals a window behind it.


“He can’t hear you unless you press this button.” He points to another button. Then he points to a little black button. “Press this if you want to hear him. I don’t recommend either.” He steps back out of the way and lets me look.


The cell is small and sparse. There's a bunk that folds out from the wall, a toilet and shower too. Creeandsands in the middle of the cell. He's wearing jeans and a flannel shirt. His clothes are torn and bloody but he doesn’t look injured at all. He's staring at me through the glass. I look at Logan.


“Is this breakable?”


“Bulletproof.”


“Not what I asked.”


“I can’t break it.”


“Okay.”


I look at Creed. He licks his lips really slow and smiles. I'm shaking a little but feeling okay. “Can he smell me?” I know Creed has senses like Logan’s.


“Not through the window. But I should tell you…”He hesitated. “He knew about your condition when we brought him in.”


“Does he know about it now?” Logan raised an eyebrow.


“Now?”


“I lost it.” The words seem to catch in my throat. McCoy said it was emotional trauma from yesterday afternoon.”


“I didn’t know, I was here all day.”


“It’s okay.” And suddenly it is. I’m okay. I’m going to survive now. He’s in a cage and I’m barefoot, drinking bottled water in a mansion standing next to the one person who hates Creed as much as I do. I press the black button.


“Hello, Frail.” It’s the same voice as before. It chills my blood but I keep my features composed. “Did you come all the way down here to see me?” He has way too many teeth. “Just wanted a little look-see?” He pulls open his shirt at the collar and unbuttons it.


“Spare me.”


“Come for something else then?” He grabs his crotch and gives it a hike as if he’s from Brooklyn. I try to avert my eyes, but they’re drawn to it. There it was. It had already been inside. "Round two?"


“Didn't you lose round two yesterday afternoon to Jean?” He shrugs. “You only count the rounds that you win.” I step a little closer to the glass. “I just wanted to know why you came after me today.”


“Is that all you wanted to know?”


“Let’s just start with that.” He sits back on the bunk.


"I got a better idea. Why don't you tell me about my baby." I wrinkle my nose in disgust. "Think of it as an exchange. You talk and I'll talk."


"First tell me what makes you think I'm pregnant."


"I wasn't sure till today. With the runt around I couldn't get close enough to you, but I went into the clothing store where you tried on clothes." He leered at me. "You left your scent on those pretty gray pants."


"Is that why you were following me and sniffing my pants? To find out if I was pregnant?"


"Nah, I just wanted something a little fresher than a memory." I am too grossed out for words. What he says next makes me a little scared, even with the block. "I was planning to spend a little quality time with you as soon as I got you away from the girl scouts." He nods at Logan and licks his lips again. He has an ugly smile. "We'd have had a real good time."


"Somehow I doubt the 'we' part."


"Well, I'd have had a good time anyway. Might have even let you live again." He steps forward and lays a hand on the glass. His hands and fingers are huge. The claws rest against the glass. "I didn't know you could scream so loud though. That was an added bonus."


"You like screams?" I'm not crying, I know it has to be the block. "You're a big man, usually it's the little guys who get off on making people feel weak."


"Don't try to analyze me, Frail."


"Don't call me that. I didn't break."


"You bled. Close enough." His voice is low, he's almost purring, but I can see a little impatience in his expression. He wants me to freak out. "I remember the way it smelled." He closes his eyes and his nostrils twitch. "Your hair was clean, and damp, like it is now." He's bluffing, he can't smell me. His fingers twitch. "Didn't smell like grease from the diner where you worked."


"That's where you saw me."


"My turn for the questions." His voice sharpens. "When did you find out you were pregnant? And don't lie or I'll know."


"I figured it out the way girls usually do. I was late, then Logan confirmed it." Creed's features twist into a scowl. "That was a couple of weeks ago."


"You planning to get rid of it."


"I thought about it, but then I decided not to." So far I wasn't lying. I'd just have to be careful. "Now what made you pick me to follow around?"


"I liked your smile when you waited on me."


"It's the same one I give everyone. You were no different, I don't even remember you."


"You're lying."


"Not directly. Jean made me remember." My turn to shrug. "Before that you were another faceless customer to me. If I smiled it was to get a better tip."


"I sure gave you a good tip, didn't I?"


"No, you gave me a broken arm and a concussion."


"I made sure you'd never forget me again, didn't I?" He smiles.


"Is that it? You left me alive so someone would remember you?" I'm beyond angry. I look around the panel, hoping that there is a button that I can press and have him crushed with hundreds of tiny spikes. I'll watch it happen while eating popcorn. "That's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard." I'm so disgusted that I start to walk away.


"No, wait!" His voice is urgent. He doesn't want to let me go with the upper hand. But he's lost it for good.


"Stop wasting my time."


"Every girl remembers her first." There's desperation in his face. He's an animal wanting to be human. He wants to matter to me.


"That's why you followed me. You wanted to make sure you still had an effect on my life. You found out I was pregnant. So why try to take me out of the van? It was obvious I had a reminder."


"I want the child."


"Too late." I want to rip his head off. "It's dead." He looks stunned.


"You’reng.\ng." There's doubt in his face. I walk really close to the glass and crook a finger at him. He bends down and looks me in the eye.


"I miscarried right after you came after me. Emotional trauma can cause spontaneous abortion. You killed your own offspring." He stares at me. "Now tell me I'm lying."


"You did it."


"To get revenge? Don't flatter yourself." I sweep him with my best look of condescension. "You
scared me when you attacked me in my home, you scared me when you tried to take me out of the van, but you don't factor into my decisions anymore." I'm certain Jean is with me now. I had my suspicions before.


"You'll always be mine, Jenny."


"You injured me, Creed, but the cast comes off next week, and it's the last reminder." I don't smile at him, but my expression is triumphant. "I'll forget you."


"I'll always be there when you take a lover." He says.


"You won't be anywhere near my thoughts when I make love." He snarls at me and slaps his palm against the glass.


"If you ever take a man into your bed you'll feel me there with you, on top of you." He's agitated and his voice is rising. "Each time you let him inside you and you feel his hands, you'll think of me." He grins madly. "It'll be me every time." I take his final power away. I know the look on his face will be the last thing I see of him. Now it's what I'll remember.


"News flash, asshole." I say in a calm voice. "I'm gay."