Frail

Jenny:


Jubilee and I talked last night. Well, she talked, I just lay in the dark. After we were both in bed, I lay awake for a while, not tossing or turning, just being still. That's probably how she knew I was still awake. She took a deep breath and just plunged right in. Like she knew I'd come as close to friendship with her as I was going to at that point.


"I was fifteen." Her voice was soft. "I had run away from foster care after my parents died. I was living in a mall, hiding from security and sleeping wherever I could. When a man saw my fireworks display and told me he was a talent agent, I thought I'd been rescued." She laughed bitterly. "He told me he was scouting for young, new talent for his agency. He was so well dressed and clean that I didn't question him. He gave me the number of the hotel where he was staying and asked me to call him after his meeting. "


I heard her shift under the covers and take a few deep breaths. I waited.


"I went right to the hotel where he met me and bought me dinner. I hadn't had a real meal in a while. We talked about my future in show business and he showed me photos of his wife and kids. He asked me if I wanted to sign a contract or at least look one over. I agreed to look at one and he said he would call his lawyer from his room and ask him to meet us in the morning. I went upstairs. He smiled and made a few jokes. He wasn't handsome, but he had a good-natured face."


She stopped talking. I knew she was having trouble keeping calm. I was a little embarrassed at the look inside her life that she was giving me. But I wanted to hear more.


"When we got into his room, he shut and locked the door, then he hit me really hard and I fell down. I was so surprised that for a second I thought it was an accident. He couldn't be hitting me on purpose. I was going to be his newest client. Then he stuffed a handkerchief in my mouth and used his belt to tie my hands behind my back."


I stopped breathing. I could feel my heart struggling to beat. I knew what had happened, but I knew she needed to say it.


"He did it to me on the floor. I got rug burns. They took longer to heal than…anything else. Afterward he told me to get dressed and leave by the back stairs. I did. I could hardly walk, but I managed to get out of there. I had been stupid to tell him about my life. He knew I had no one and couldn't cal the police. I was the perfect victim. But I managed to lift his wallet while we were in the elevator. I didn't plan to take his money. I was going to give it back to him when the contract was signed. I thought it would be funny to form a partnership, then toss his sis stuff like something out of a movie. He'd shake his head and lean back in his chair with a an amused chuckle and say to himself, 'What have I gotten myself into?' But that's not what happened.


"I went to the bathroom in the mall, one with a baby changing station. I bought a bunch of baby wipes from a dispenser and cleaned myself up in the handicapped stall where there was room to take off my pants. Not much else I could do till the stores closed and I'd have the bathroom to myself. So next I looked at the wallet. He had a couple hundred dollars inside and some credit cards. I couldn't use them myself so I paid twenty bucks to a guy I knew who used the cards for a few hours and bought me some new stuff. I kept his driver's license and the pictures of his family along with the cash. I ditched the wallet and didn't go near the hotel again in case he was a regular."


I knew Jubilee had finished her story but I still felt like silence would be easier. I can talk about what happened to me if I'm in an empty room.


"I know you don't sleep at night." She said. "I just want you to know that sometimes I don't either." She rolled over and didn't say any more.


"Thank you." I whispered, and slept.

This morning the Professor summons me. He knows I'm a little funny about being around guys, but he's not the threatening type. He sits me down and asks me if I want to contact my family now. I've avoided talking about them, Jean knows a little, but she keeps my secrets pretty well. I explain my situation to the man in the wheelchair and he listens. I tell him that I attended the community college and work as a waitress. Until the night I met Creed, I'd lived in an attic apartment over a big, old house. My parents aren't dead, but they might as well be.


My mother told me in a matter-of-fact way that since I'd graduated from High school she really didn't need to be concerned with me anymore. I'm sure it had more to do with the loser she's dating who didn't want me around. My mom is really thin and pretty. He likes having her all to himself. Didn't matter that I wasn't eighteen yet. She told me to go and stay with my father, but I opted to stay with friends instead until school started. My father is always drunk, and even if I haven't been to see him in months, he expects me to start cleaning up the house.


Once I got my financial aid, I rent the attic apartment. It's pretty sparse, and really hot in the summer and early fall, but I put a fan in the window over my bed and I can sleep at night. I have my own steps that lead to my door, and there's an older lady who lives next door that I talk to sometimes. Her grandkids are all far away and she likes to have someone to fuss over. I don't mind. No one ever really fussed over me before. Her name is Mrs. Landry and she was the one who found me. She watches television till late and she usually falls asleep in her rocker. She must have had the window open and heard the ruckus from my place. It's nice to be fussed over.
I tell the professor that I'd like to write her a letter. He agrees that it would be a nice idea. He doesn't ask about the baby, but he asks how I'm feeling.


"Pregnant." I say. I tell him that the skin under the cast itches like crazy and he laughs. I tell him I'm still planning to keep the baby. But I warn him that I'm not sure why I'm doing it. I tell him I'm not religious and I'm not very maternal. I I' I'm too young to be a parent, and I have no money and no place to raise it. Not to mention the fact that the child will be a constant reminder of the most horrible experience of my life.


"Could you be keeping the child out of a need for vengeance?" He asks carefully. "Perhaps for something to hold over his head when we find him?" He isn't unkind by asking this. He just wants me to understand myself.


"Yes." I say. Because it might be the reason I'm keeping the child. I can't feel anything for the life inside me. Not yet. Xavier tells me that I may continue my education at his school, and live there. I ask him about cost and he tells me that there will be no charge. He knows I'm relieved to hear him say this. I didn't have any other options. I still have to live like a virtual prisoner because there is always a chance that Creed might want to go for round two. I ask him if he will do something for me. I tell him I want to know what the team knows about Creed. I can't stand the thought of being kept out of the loop.


"Are you certain you want to know what he's doing?" Xavier doesn't think it's a good idea.
I tell him that I don't need to know every detail of every move he makes, but if it looks like he's headed in this direction, or he makes contact with anyone to please let me know. I can't stand sitting around and waiting if he's forgotten about me, or being unprepared if he hasn't. I want to be honest with him and I can't put my next feelings into words. I tell him he can read me. He does. I can't seem to find a way to say it, but a part of me hopes that he hasn't forgotten me.
I want there to be a reason that Creed chose me. Something more than convenience or sport. He's changed my life completely and I think about him all the time. I'm connected to him forever and deep down I want him to know that I'm carrying his child.


I start crying because I'm truly ashamed of wanting this. I can't look Xavier in the eye. I don't want him to think that I want Creed in my life. I just want to be on equal ground. Even though I hate him with every part of my soul, Creed is important to me solely because of his influence in everything I do. I take a handful of vitamins every day, I do physical therapy, I'm living in a house full of mutants, and I want to mean something. I want to be significant to him.