Inner Conflicts

Part 32

Tabitha and Kurt quietly walked through the trees that surrounded the school.

Tabitha tried to organize her thoughts together, while Kurt patiently waited
for her to speak.

In a way, he felt as if he were now in the therapist's shoes, and it was
an odd feeling.

Tabitha then stopped walking, and Kurt stopped with her.

She looked up at him.

Kurt stared at her, inquisitively.

She closed her eyes, leaned forward, and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

Kurt gasped and pulled back, eyes wide.  "What was that for?" he asked,
hand flying to his lips.

"How did it feel?" Tabitha asked, eyes opening.  Her face didn't reveal
any of her intentions.

Kurt remained silent.

His lips were tingling, and there was a flutter in his stomach.

"Funny," he said.

"A good or a bad funny?"

Kurt thought some more.  It felt like the first time he was about to
go on a roller coaster.

"Good."

Tabitha nodded.

"And when Lance kissed you?"

Kurt stared at the floor.  "Wrong."

"I like you Kurt.   I like you as a friend, and I like you a lot.
 That's the difference.  Someone once showed me that to, and a
lot more."

Kurt looked up at her.  "I like you, too, Boom Boom.  And for a
while, I guess I really liked you a lot.  You made me forget Kitty for
a bit, when Lance was still trying to date her."  He sighed.  "But
I knew that you wouldn't like me that way either.  Everyone just wants
to be my friend."  His voice was filled with bitterness.

Tabitha touched his cheek.  "I like being your friend, Kurt.  And
maybe a little bit more.  Some friends are closer than others, you
 know?"

Kurt looked at her, bitterness turned into confusion.

"I was only thirteen when my so called first took me.  I was walking
home from school, and he showed up out of nowhere, forced me into the car,
and took me into some empty alley."

Kurt bit back a horrified gasp.  Thirteen?

Tabitha sat down on the floor, and Kurt did the same.

"I was scared, and I didn't know what to do.  My parents were always
fighting, and I already felt like it was my fault.  I figured, if they
found out about this, then. . . well. . . who knows.  Maybe I thought
they'd blame me.

"All I know it that I kept it a secret.  My grades weren't all that
back then, so no one noticed anything too much different when I started getting
more D's than C's.  And I really didn't have any friends.  I was
too different.

"Then Matt came back.  The guy was in high school, and he started hanging
around near my school.  I was scared, and I should have told an adult,
but like they say, hindsight is 20/20, foresight, you're pretty much blind.
 He actually knew my name.  And then one day, he caught me on my
own again.  He asked for me not to be afraid.  Said his name was
Matt and he thought that I was the cutest chick he ever saw.  Said he
couldn't wait till I got into high school."

Tabitha sighed.

"He wanted to be my boyfriend, and since we already did boyfriend girlfriend
stuff, I shouldn't be so afraid or ashamed.  He told me ovedoved me,
and wanted to keep on showing me that.  Little by little, I fell for
his lies.  In a way, it was a way out of my parents' home.  The
fights were getting bad, and he was my ticket to some happiness.

"And things were okay for a little bit, you know?  He wanted sex every
day, and it hurt at first, but then it felt better."

"How old was he?" Kurt asked quietly.  

"Seventeen," she responded.

Kurt felt sick.  It would have been slightly more understanding, but
equally frightening, if the guy had been a freshman. . . but seventeen? Almost
a legal adult?  

Tabitha traced some patterns on the ground.

"Yeah.  I stayed with him for a few months.  Maybe four.  Then
he started hitting me each time I did something he didn't like.  And
it was always the same thing.  'I'm sorry, Tabitha, I didn't want to
hurt you but you made me so mad.' 'I'm sorry, Tabby, but next time you should
listen to what I say, you know how mad I get when you don't listen.' 'Listen,
Tabs, no one is going to want you, so treat me with the respect I deserve.'"

Kurt closed his eyes.  Yeah, that sounded familiar.

"I just remained silent.  Then some girl noticed what was going on.
 Probably because it had just happened to her own mother.  She
started hanging around me, and I didn't want to trust her.  After all,
why would she be speaking to the odd ball, you know?  Then she started
saying stuff about Matt, like he was only using me and stuff.  I didn't
want to listen to her, but she never left me alone.

"Then, one day, Matt overheard us talking.  He got real mad.  He
didn't even wait for us to be alone.  He started hitting me, saying
that I was trying to leave him.  The girl, Chelsie was her name, she
got in between us and got a few hits as well.

"Some officer was passing by and saw most of the fight, and he stopped Matt.
 The look on his face was scary.  I guess that was when I realized
that Chelsie was right.  He was using me, and he was just plain crazy.
 Chelsie was pretty bruised up, but she was fine.  Said it was
the right thing to do.  We became pretty close friends.

"My mom and dad were mad, I was right about that.  But my mom was mad
that their fighting had kept me from going to them.  It was around then
that they went through the divorce.

"Then I met James.  He was, like, the coolest boy I had ever met.  He
had found out what had happened to me, and he felt sorry for me.  He
took me around to a lot of places on his bike, escorted me to movies and
such, and was a real good friend.  He listened to me when I talked.
 I confessed that I missed Matt.  Sure, he was a jerk, but he had
made me feel wanted for a bit. That he must have loved me a little bit.
 James told me that I was not thinking straight.  And he kissed
me.  We sort of got caught up in the moment.  One thing led to
another, and then, well, I found out what it was like to have a more caring
partner.

"James felt guilty.  He thought he had taken advantage of me.  I
thought I was the one that took advantage of him. We decided that it was
something we both needed, and that we should just remain friends.  If
anything ever came out of it, then so be it.

"Unfortunately,  my mutant powers started emerging, and my dad, thanks
to joint custody, noticed and started using me.  My mom found out, and
was able to get a judge to grant her sole custody.  That was when she
packed our stuff and came here to Bayville."

Tabitha finished her story and stared at the ground.

Kurt remained quiet for a while.  "You'rch sch stronger than I am,"
he whispered.

Tabitha gave him a small grin.  "Nah. . . I had one good friend to help
me out.  You have a lot more.  You'll be strong too. You'll see."

Kurt looked at her. "You think so?"

"I know so. . ." she replied softly, and both of them looked into each other's
eyes, sharing tender smiles.

X

Scott was in a panic.

As was Rogue.

"You don't think Lance took him do you?"

"Why would Lance take Kurt?" asked Evan, tired of being left in the dark.

No one answered him, and he sighed in frustration.

A moment later, a familiar person hopped by, and Scott caught him by the
collar.

"Where's Lance?" growled Scott.

"Sheesh, give a kid a heart attack, yo," responded an unhappy looking Todd.
 "I was just on my way to get a ride from him.  He waits for us
at the parking lot."

"Do you know where Kurt is?"

Todd froze for a moment.  "I saw him get out of class early.  He
and Tabitha had met up."

"How do you know that?" asked Kitty, the tone of her voice sounding strange
to the others.

Todd gave a sheepish grin.  "I was cuttin' class."

Scott let him go.

Todd moved as quickly away as possible form them.

Scott sighed.

"Well, if he's with Tabby, we might as well go on ahead without them."

"Are you sure we shouldn't wait for them?" Kitty didn't look too thrilled.

"They'll be fine," said Rogue, pushing Kitty towards the car.

"I suppose you're right."

X

Kurt stared in amazement as he slowly came back down from his rush.

He had no idea how it happened, it just did.

Both had been looking at each other, and then they were kissing.

And then Tabitha had down him a more gentle and. . . sweet side. . . of sex.

It had been incredible.  He didn't feel ashamed, and he didn't feel
like a freak.  For one blissful moment, he was one with another person,
and he was glad.

Tabitha moaned into his chest as she began to wake up.

Bleary eyes looked into his, and she gave him a sleepy grin.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," Kurt whispered in return.

"How ya feeling?" she asked.

Kurt quietly thought about the question.  "I feel, pretty good."

Tabitha chuckled.  "It's even better when two people are completely
in love, Kurt.  And I won't lie to you.  I like you more than just
a friend, but I don't know if I'm right for you to be anything more.  I
mean. . . I'm still trying to find myself, and I get into trouble, and  I
don't want you hurt in the process, you know?"

Kurt looked relieved.  "I understand.  I was a bit worried about
what would happen next.  I like you a lot, BoomBoom, but I don't know
if. . ."

"Shh..." Tabitha placed a finger on Kurt's lips.  "I know.  I've
been there."  

She sat up and began buttoning her blouse, trying to smooth to the wrinkles.
 Unfortunately, it looked like it was ruined from the grass stains.

She got off of Kurt, allowing him to button up as well.

Both of them shared another look and began giggling.

"You've got grass in your hair," they both said.  With a laugh, both
of them helped each other pick out the grass and sticks from their hair.

X

"Kurt, where were you?" asked Xavier, the moment Kurt was within Institute
grounds.

Kurt ported from outside to where he guessed Xavier was calling him from.

Sure enough, he was in the living room, surrounded by the other.

"I was out with Tabitha, talking and stuff," said Kurt.

"We were so worried about you!" cried Kitty, throwing herself on him.

Kurt just chuckled and gave her a quick hug before gently prying her off.
 "I'm sorry for making you all worry.  I promise to say something
next time."

Several of the X-men looked at each other.

Kurt's behavior seemed. . . almost like the old Kurt.

"Are you really okay?" asked Scott.

Kurt beamed at him.  "I am glad to say, that today, I have never felt
better."  And with the cryptic remark, he ported out of the room.

The others looked at one another, confused.

X

Lance watched in a dejected manner when he spotted Kurt a few yards away.

The smaller mutant was smiling a bit more, and it hurt knowing that he was
no longer the cause for it.  Then again, had he ever really made Kurt
smile?

Lance cursed himself.

The smiles Kurt had given him were out of nervousness and trickery.  

Again he wondered what it would have been like to have actually seduced the
boy and relish him without the tricks and mind games he had resorted to.

With a heavy sigh, he turned and walked away.

Yet, he couldn't help but laugh at the irony.

Weeks before, he had laughed at how pitiful Kurt was mooning over Kitty.

Now, with Kitty knowing the truth, she would probably accept Kurt, and now
Lance was the pitiful one moping about losing Kurt.

X

"Kurt?"

Kitty's tentative voice trailed into his room.

Kurt looked up from his history book, puzzlement evident on his face.

He let himself drop from his perch on the ceiling, and let himself land on
his feet.

"What is it?" he asked.

Kitty phased into his room, and gave him a nervous smile.  "I just.
. . wanted to talk."

"About?" Kurt closed his book, tiltins hes head.

"About what you asked me a while ago."

"Oh?" Kurt looked confused.  Then it dawned on him.  "Oh!. . .
uh. . . oh."

Kitty looked at the floor.

"Um, well, I couldn't answer you back then.  I was, kind of afraid,
so I sort of made stuff up.  What I really wanted to say. . . that is.
. . like, um. . . well."

Kurt stood up and slowly walked to her.

"You don't have to say anything Kitty.  I understand.  Things would
have been different if I didn't have blue fur."

"No, it's not that.  I got over that, like, a long time ago.  But
by then, you were, like, the coolest friend anyone could have.  And,
well, I was afraid of ruining that.  I mean, I've seen some friends
date friends, and then, things went bad, and, like, they stopped talking.
. . What I mean is, if we didn't work out, I'd die if you stopped being my
friend."

Kurt nodded.

"Truth is, Kurt. . . if I w-weren't so afraid. . . yeah, I'd. . . well, I
like you, Kurt.  A lot."  Kitty began to stammer badly.

Kurt just looked confused.

Kitty sighed.  "I always wondered what it would be like to go out with
you," she finally said.  "And, well, there's a m-movie out and..."

"Oh, Kitty," Kurt breathed, giving her a smile.

He reached out and touched her cheek.

Kitty leaned into it, marvelling at how soft his fur was.  She felt
herself blush as she wondered whether or not his whole body felt this soft.

Kurt leaned forward, lips parting.

Kitty closed her eyes and tilted her face up, nervous in anticipation.

The kiss didn't land on her lips.

Her eyes flew open as Kurt pulled away, her forehead tingling where he had
given her a kiss.

"I'm glad you're my friend, Kitty.  And I would not want to ruin that
as well."

"But..."

Kurt placed a finger on Kitty's lips, gently silencing her.

"I need some time," he said.  "I know I am not ready for any kind of
relationship.  I'm still...healing."

"Oh..." Kitty sounded disappointed.

"But we can still hang out at the movies if you want," Kurt offered.

"Okay." Kitty smiled, despite the small pain in her heart.  The rejection
had been subtle, but it was still there.  Funny, she never would have
guessed that Kurt would turn her down.

Kurt turned back to his bed.  "I have a quiz tomorrow.  I need
to study."

Kitty nodded.  "Yeah, I understand."  She phased through the door.

She almost ran into Evan.

"Whoa, what's wrong?" he asked, seeing the look on her face.

"I never thought I'd get rejected by a supposed freak," she said in such
a pitiful and woeful voice.

Evan couldn't help but laugh.

Kitty's eyes narrowed and she punched his shoulder hard enough to make him
stop.

"Ow!"

"Hmph! Serves you right, Daniels!" Kitty stormed away.

Evan rubbed his aching shoulder and shook his head.  "Heh. .  it
was funny. . . couldn't help it."

X

Tabitha lowered her can of soda as she looked at Kitty.

The small brunette had her head down on the picnic table, face hidden behind
an arm.

"...and I'll never know how it feels to be held by him, and I'll never know
what it's like to have a real boyfriend, and I'll never know what it feels
like to kiss him..."

Tabitha couldn't resist.  She liked to tease, she liked to flirt, but
she was never one with a mean streak to taunt.  However, Kitty had been
an idiot at first, rejecting  Kurt before getting to know him.

And now that she knew she liked him, Kurt was in no shape to be ready for
a relationship.  Then pain of being used was too new.

"It feels real nice."

Kitty stopped mid rant and looked up.

"It tickles, and . . ." Tabitha felt her face heat up from the memory.
 "And you can feel how strong he is but he is so gentle.  And his
tail..." She fanned herself.

Kitty was silent, unable to comprehend.

Tabitha made goo goo eyes, sighing deeply.  "I am like so lucky to have
been his first girl.  He said it was a mind blowing experience."

". . ."

". . ."

"What?!"

Tabitha shrugged.  "It just happened.  We were only going to talk."

"You slept with my Elf?!"

"Blue's not yours. And sad to say, he's not mine either.  We're just
friends.  But, if we're ever in the need, we agreed to look for each
other. And believe me, I'll probably needs lot of comforting."

Well, that wasn't true, but seeing Kitty looking jealous was worth it.

X

eft>
Classes were over and people milled about.  Within the hour there was
going to be a game, and some of the students wanted to be there.

Tabitha ran up to meet Kurt on the benches.

They hugged and started talking.

Kurt grinned in pleasure as he looked down and took in the scenery.  Jean's
team was playing, and it amazed him that the girl's soccer team was more
popular than the boy's football team.

He looked out towards the gym.

His smile froze as he caught the sight of someone looking at him.

Tabitha noticed his displeasure instantly.

"What is it?"

"Lance," he growled out.

Tabitha touched his knee.  "You can still report this..."

Kurt shook his head.  "I just don't want anything to do with him."

"But what if you guys fight each other?"

"Then I hope the others keep me from killing him."

X

That was the story of his miserable love life.

Lance turned away when Kitty showed up and deliberately sat between Tabitha
and Kurt.

Tabitha had then stood up and moved to the other side of Kurt, leaning her
head on his shoulder.

Kurt's attention was distracted, and the contempt look on his face was replaced
by one of amusement.

Kurt was looking happier, thanks to his friends.

As for him . . . the days seemed lonely.

He had tried briefly to ensnare another girl, hoping that it was just the
sex he was looking for.

But the act wasn't as fulfilling.

Lancet tet tears rise in his eyes.

Yeah, he was happy for Kurt.

His friends, as much as he hated to admit it, were good for him.  He
had witnessed the transformation of the broken boy into something more stronger
and beautiful than ever before.  

He noticed that more people seemed to notice him.

Maybe aura's did exist, and that was what people felt.

 Lance wished that he could have had a second chance.

But that was hopeless.

Kurt was moving into a new direction, and Lance figured that letting him
be would be the right thing to do, the only true good intention he would
ever have the chance to offer.

Fin