Inner Conflicts

Inner Conflicts -- Part 30 Inner Conflicts Part 30 The bell rang and students began to rush out into the open, ready to take the bus, or wait for their rides. Several students, however, were hanging around the school campus, and not all of them were there for after school activities. Kurt took his time to place his books into his locker. Pietro was standing next to him, tapping his foot on the floor in a furious pace. "Why don't you just go home and come back?" Kurt asked, annoyed with the sound. "Done that," Pietro said.   He glanced down the hall. "However, there was a store I wanted to go to..." "See?  You'll probably be back by the time I'm ready to go." Pietro nodded. Then he zipped away. Kurt closed the locker and turned to walk down the hall. Outside, Pietro met up with Scott. "He's heading to talk to Tabby now," he said, before darting away. X Kitty watched as Freddy carefully folded the wrapper of his hotdog before throwing it into the trash. That was her signal that it was okay to start. She took a deep breath. "Hey, you've done the acting thing before," said Rogue, as a form of encouragement.   "Yeah, well, I really did like the guy then." "You use to like Lance." "Rogue, you're not helping!" X Lance paced around outside the school. He felt all jittery. Kitty was actually coming to him.  After all the chasing he had done, she had responded the most when he stopped. Guess that was a new tactic he was going to have to try. Lance took a deep breath. There! Lance spotted Kitty coming his way. He toned down his sharkish grin into a more pleasant smile. X Toad watched from the top of the building.  As soon as he saw Kitty, he spoke into a small radio. "The Cat's on the prowl, yo." "Good," came Tabby's voice.  "Crawler's almost here." Toad hopped away. It was timet tht the rest of the Brotherhood retreated, leaving Lance to deal with his own mess. Guilt was not an issue. The X-geeks were the enemy, but even the enemy shouldn't suffer what Kurt had in Lance's hands. X Kurt neared the hall that led to the janitorial closet. Looking around, he saw that he was safe to teleport. In an instant, he found himself by the room. Tabitha was there, and she didn't look a bit surprised. In her hands was avelovelope. "What's that?" he asked. "The truth," said Tabitha, looking pretty grim. Kurt had the urge to leave right then and there. X "Hi," said Kitty, shyly. Lance leaned up against the wall of the school's building.  "Hey," he said in return. Kitty stepped up to him. "I, like, spoke to Tina.  She's thinking it will happen." Lance grinned.  "That's cool.  Are you okay with it?" "Well, yeah, I mean, like, I think so.  I. . ." Kitty turned beet red.  "I haven't done anything like that." "If you'd like, I can sort of, practice with you.  I haven't, really, you know, kissed a girl I liked as much as you." Kitty smiled.  Liar, liar, liar, she screamed in her mind.  She briefly wondered how much of their plan she would ruin if she suddenly started attacking Lance. She froze when Lance touched her chin and tilted her face up. But she kept a small nervous smile. Lance slowly leaned down to kiss her. clo closed her eyes. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts... Lance's lips were gentle, and Kitty briefly wondered if the others were wrong. Then she remembered the way Lance had treated Kurt, and was instantly pissed. She almost pulled away when she felt Lance slip in some of his tongue between her lips. It took a lot of effort to not bite down on it. Instead, she tried thinking on how it would feel if Kurt was kissing her like that. Would she like it? Hate it? What if he didn't like it? Never thought of that before. She wasn't blind to see how much Kurt liked her, but she was a bit hesitant to even consider thinking of him as boyfriend material. What if she had agreed to trying to go out with him, and he ended up disappointed? Wouldn't that be the kicker.  Rejected by the so called freak. Her thoughts froze when she felt a hand trailing around her lower back. Lance was slowly pulling her towards him. She moved her hands up against his chest, lightly touching it. She really didn't want to get too close, not that it was much of an option right now. Dammit, Tabitha, where the hell are you? X Kurt stared at the envelope in his hands. He looked at Tabitha, and slowly began to open it. "Blue, Lance isn't at all what he seems." Kurt pulled out the contents inside. "He's nothing but a manipulative bastard." Kurt stared at the photos in his hand. "He's just using you. For what, I'm not too sure.  The feeling of power? Fun?" The hand holding the photos trembled.  "You're lying," Kurt's voice came out, hoarse. Tabitha was surprised.  "What?  No! Kurt, those pictures were taken not too long ago." Kurt looked up at Tabitha. "Y-you're lying," he stammered out.  "Photos c-can be faked..." Tabitha grabbed Kurt's shoulders. "Blue, you have to believe me.  If Lance was treating you right, I'd turn the other way.  But he isn't, and you have to face the truth!  Can you honestly tell me that you liked being hit?" Kurt's eyes grew wide.  "How did you... I mean, I. . . I made him mad. . ." "And that gives him the fucking right to smack you around?  Did Scott or Rogue ever do that when you made them mad? Kitty?  Any of the other X-men?" "N-no, b-but i-it's different..." "Different how?" "He. . . he loves me.  . ." "You really believe that?" Did he?  For one moment, Kurt froze in thought.  His dream came back to him.  He was struggling against something. . . pushing him into the ground, burying his protests, his screams, his memories. "I have to," he whispered. Lance had to care for him at some level.  He just had to.  Otherwise. . . otherwise. . . it just would have been. . . sex.   Tabitha grabbed his arm. "Let me show you something," she said. Kurt looked at her. X Lance was doing his damnest best to hold himself in check. He didn't want to scare Kitty off, not when he had her in his arms like he had wanted for a while now. Kitty pulled back, a strange smile on her face. "So how was it?" he asked, playfully. "I guess it was all right." "You guess?" Kitty shrugged. It was around then when Lance picked up a faint scent of brimstone. X Kurt had been tempted to just dump Tabitha somewhere and teleport his way home. However, he went against his fleeing instinct and teleported over to the south side school's yard. Tabitha looked around and pulled Kurt behind  a tree. "If he cared for you, wouldn't he be telling her that he's in love with someone else?" Kurt didn't want to lookut cut curiosity was the downfall of everyone, and so he did. His breath froze when he spotted Lance kissing Kitty. It couldn't be. . . Lance had told him that he was the only one. . . They had made love out in the woods. They had shared the same bed. Lance was his first. Pain.  Heavy breathing. Bruises. Lance had been the first all right. The first one to. . . "Rape..." he whispered harshly. Tabitha looked at him sadly.  "They do that.  They take advantage of you, and make you believe that it was out of love."  A large tear rolled down her cheek, ruining her thick make-up. Kurt clenched his hands, his whole body trembling. His eyes were shut closed, as if he hadn't heard a word Tabitha had said. "It wasn't love. . . it was rape. . ." he muttered.   A new feeling began to boil deep within him as wave upon wave of forgotten memories began to wash over him. The pain he had felt that night of the dance. The humiliation of not being able to defend himself. The fear of Lance's advances. The shame that nearly drove him to slicing his skin. The guilt for keeping secrets. And as he began to clearly recall those memories, he wondered why he had blocked them out to begin with. Because Lance had said only he would love me. . . and I was desperate enough to believe him. Kurt's eyes flashed open and narrowed. Tabitha stepped back, allowing Kurt a clear view of Lance. Kurt growled. And then he was gone in a puff of smoke. X Lance whirled around in time to see a fist heading his way. His vision erupted into stars and bright lights as he felt himself crash to the floor. "You...you bastard!!" he heard a familiar voice shout. Shit!! he thought, as he tried opening his eyes. Kurt was glaring at him. "It's not what it looks like!" Lance blurted out.  "We were just practicing. . . " "For a make out party," Kitty spat.  "I can't believe you fell for that." "You were acting?" asked both boys, stunned. "Uh, yeah," Kitty said.  "Like, I'm not blind.  I saw how you were treating Kurt, you dumb ass." Lance scooted backwards and got up, looking at both Kitty and Kurt. Kitty was watching him with eer eer on her face. Kurt was glaring. And in a distance, he caught a familiar figure heading his way. Tabitha. "You bitch!" he shouted.  "You set this up, didn't you?!" "Yeah, yeah, whatever.  If you hadn't fucked with Kurt's mind I wouldn't have gotten involved in the first place!" Lance turned to Kurt. "Kurt, you have to believe me, it wasn't real.  They're just trying to break us up..." Kurt's expression wavered, and a bit of doubt crept into his eyes. Both Kitty and Tabitha saw the danger. "Do you like being hit?" Tabitha asked.  "Do you like feeling dependent on him?" Kurt's anger returned. "Kurt, come on, think about the good times we shared!" pleaded Lance. "Nein. I won't believe you.  I was afraid! I realize. . . I realize I never believed you in the first place!!" Kurt swung out another blow, which Lance expertly dodged. "You son of a bitch!" cursed Kurt, showing how fluent he had gotten in the English language. Lance used his powers to shake the ground. While he could take on Kurt alone, he was a bit wary about taking on Tabitha and Kitty as well. Kitty was unaffected by the movement, using her phasing powers to keep her steady. His timing on Tabitha was perfect. She had just created one of her explosive balls, and his earthquake threw off her aim. It exploded above his head, sending sparks cascading down on him. The sting was nothing compared to what it could have been had the sucker hit him dead on. All parties froze. Kurt looked like a large cat ready to pounce on his prey, and Lance was tense, waiting for the moment in which Kurt would try to port in his direction. Instead, Kitty stopped Kurt. "Let's just go," she said.  "Please? Home? Back where people really want you?" Kurt glanced at her. Tabitha reached for his shoulder. He glanced at her and nodded.  Then he looked at Lance. "This isn't over," he growled, before porting out of sight. Lance stood there for a moment. Then he let out a deep sigh and stared at the ground. He had lost Kitty. . . And now he had no one to go home to and relieve him of any needs. X Kurt broke away from Tabitha and Kitty upon arrival. They had ported exactly two miles from the school, and in wilderness. They had all the privacy they needed. Both girls stood and looked at each other as Kurt began to cry. "I was so stupid," he said out loud. Kitty's eyes became glassy with unshed tears.  "Oh, Kurt," she murmured, reaching out for him. Kurt shied from her touch, a first.  And it hurt.   "It didn't feel right, I knew that. . ." Kurt continued to cry out.  "So why did I. . ." "They always make you feel special in the beginning," Tabitha said, stepping forward.  "They make you forget the pain they gave you the first time.  And then you come to believe that you really don't deserve their love, and that every beating you receive was all your fault.  And then you begin to forgive them each and every time." Her words were like arrows, piercing into his soul. It was as if he had been completely blind, and was now regaining his sight. He wanted to deny that it had gotten that far. . . but. . . he knew. . . He knew that he had just reached that point. And if it weren't for Kitty and Tabitha. . . He turned to look at them, their images blurry from the tears that wouldn't stop. "I wanted to believe. . . that someone would. . . love me enough to look past all this," he whispered harshly, stretching his arms out in a mock bow, as if putting himself on display for the world to see. "I'm an idiot.  He only told the half truth.  That no one would love me." "Kurt..." Kitty stepped in again, trying to get closer. "He was right on that part," Kurt snapped.  "You couldn't answer me that one night.  And you told Lance what I had asked you!" Kitty covered her mouth with her hand. Tabitha snorted.  "Figures he would twist the words of your friends around.  I'm sure Kitty said something to him, and he probably made it out to make it a lot worse." "I just told him that you had asked me if I could ever consider going out with you and that I didn't know how to respond." "Because you're probably disgusted with the thought of it." "Kurt, no..." "Well, if you weren't then, you must be now." "Kurt, please. . ." Tabitha shushed Kitty. Kurt's crying was now soft and weary sounding. as sas staring at the floor, looking broken. Tabitha gently reached out and cupped his chin, lifting his head. "Blue. . ." she whispered.  "We don't blame you.  We're not disgusted with you.  And neither are your real friends, and family, at the Institute." Kurt's lips trembled and the tears began to fall heavily again. "I wanna go home," came out a soft and plaintive request. Both girls burst into tears as they embraced Kurt and held onto him as if their lives depended on it. X Lance kicked at the dirt. He had no way to get home but by walking. A crunching sound caught his attention.   He looked up and froze. Summers, Jean,  and Rogue stood directly in front of him, arms crossed. While Jean's face was impassive, the contempt from the other two was obvious. I'm in deep shit. . . tbc