Inner Conflicts

Inner Conflicts- Part 3 Inner Conflicts Part 3 Shit!! thought Lance, at Kurt's panicked face. At the same time, he was torn between two emotions. He was feeling a perverse sense of  delight that he alone had managed to break one of the mighty X-geeks. At the same time, he was stricken with guilt that he had reduced a person to such a terrified state. Lance reached out and grabbed Kurt's arms before the guy bolted. X Fear. That was the one overwhelming reaction in Kurt's mind. Flight was the second one. out out another thought, Kurt willed himself to port away. He was not expecting Lance to come along for the ride. He ported himself to the school campus and found himself falling on his back with Lance right on top of him. Both looked into each other's eyes, stunned by their sudden positions. Then Kurt's state of mind returned to panic.  "Get off!" houthouted, trying to throw Lance off of him. "Shut up!" Lance shouted in return, pinning the smaller boy to the ground.  "Are you crazy? Someone could have seen us just appear out of no where!" One hand found itself covering Kurt's mouth as he looked around, trying to spot any potential witnesses. Luck seemed to be on Lance's as as there was no one around. Kurt, in the meantime, struggled to get out from under Lance. "Kurt, listen to me!" pleaded Lance, focusing back on the German youth.  "I'm sorry, dammit! I'm sorry!" Kurt glared at him from below, hair pooled beneath his head. His body trembled from both terror and fury. Lance risked the chance to remove his hand from Kurt's mouth.  "Sorry?!" Kurt repeated, incredulous.  "You... you... r-r-r. . .ack. . .hurt me and you are sorry?!" "Kurt, I didn't mean for what happened to happen! I was drunk, I wasn't thinking, I. . . dammit, it wasn't suppose to be this way." Kurt turned away, his chest heaving from erratic breathing, eyes filled with unshed tears.  "Nein, it wasn't.  My  mother alvays said my first should be something special. . . or should have been." Lance felt horrible. "I'm sorry," he murmured again, easing his grip on the boy.  "I don't know how to make it up to you." "Just stay out of my face," snarled Kurt, shoving Lance off. Bamf. Lance blinked at the cloud of e. &e.  He sighed, shoulders drooping.  His conversation definitely didn't go according to his plan. He stood up and brushed the dirt from the back of his jeans.  It was a moment of truth now.  Either the blue mutant was going to rat on him. . . or keep it secret. Either way, Lance wasn't too sure which was worse. Being jailed as a rapist, or being allowed to be eaten alive with guilt each time he spotted the German kid. Lance slowly made his way back to the school's parking lot to get his jeep. X Kurt felt like he'd never stop shivering. As soon as he got back to the Institute, he headed to the showers.  However, the water wasn't hot enough to wash away the feeling of filth that had descended upon him after he had left Lance behind.  The cascading water hid his tears that fell from his eyes. He stayed in there, lost in thought, until someone knocked on the door. "Kurt, man, don't use up all the hot water!" he heard Evan shout. Kurt shivered, realizing that the water had turned to ice a long time ago. He turned it off, leaning his head up against the tile wall.  He let out a long shuddering sigh and got out of the tub.   With water dripping on the floor, Kurt gingerly tied the towel around his waist.  His body still ached from the abuse he had taken, and he could also feel fingers trailing down his body.   Kurt wiped the foggy mirror with his bare hand.  He stared at his retiontion. A sullen blue face stared back at him. For the longest time, he had despised the way he had looked.  So different from the other humans.  Professor Xavier had given him a small chance of normalcy with the hologram projector.  His human look was cool.   But never, in all his life, would he imagine that he would be. . . taken. . . in his true form. He thought that he was tainted enough with his mutant powers and looks. Lance had tainted him even more. Corrupted him. Kurt suddenly lurched towards the toilet and vomited. X Evan leaned up against the bathroom door, wincing at the retching sounds that Kurt made. He looked at the door, wishing that the blue dude would at least talk about whatever had happened.  Whatever it was, Xavier, Logan, and Storm were keeping quiet about it.  Scott didn't even want to guess what had happened.   But he suspected. That much Evan knew.   Evan almost fell back when the door opened. He straightened himself up and threw a small smile at the Nightcrawler. Kurt just stared back at him, looking ill. "Are you okay?" asked Evan. Kurt shook his head.  "I think I caught zee flu or something. . ." he muttered, his eyes flickering away. Despite the robe that Kurt had suddenly taken to wearing, Evan could swear he saw that Kurt's ribs were starting to be visible. "I'm sure Auntie O can fix something for you," said Evan, doubtfully. Kurt shook his head.  "I don't feel hungry," he said, before walking past Evan. The younger teen just stared after him in disbelief.  He got that sick feeling in his stomach again as he watched Kurt slowly climb the stairs that led to his room.  He could only hope that it was the flu that was making Kurt all sick. Evan sighed deeply and went into the bathroom. A short five minutes later, Evan could be heard shouting about the stupidity of small water heaters for big mansions. X "Mr. Wagner?" called out Ms. McKenzie, the school's newest Chemistry teacher.   Kurt looked up at her as he slowly put his notebook into his backpack. "Yes, Mz. McKenzie?" he responded, greatful that at least one teacher in this sorry excuse of a high school correctly pronounced his name. Ms. McKenzie motioned him forward. Kurt picked up his bag and made his way to the teacher's desk as the last of the students were leaving. "Kurt," started the teacher, a smile on her face.  "You've certainly seemed to have grasped the concepts of Chemistry right away. And I'm also aware of the required Community Service hours you must accomplish each year as part of you National Honor's Society Club.  I was thinking, there really are a good number of students in need of a peer tutor.  Would you be willing to help out?" Not really, thought Kurt, knowing that he would have to come into close contact with students.  However...the club did look up upon student tutors, and tutoring was less messy than, say, cleaning up a park in which interesting bits of germ filled dirt can cling to blue fur. "Sure," he said softly, a small smile on his face. "Great!" exclaimed the teacher, beaming.  "I'm sure we'll find you a student by the end of the week." "Vonderbar," Kurt said in response. X Lance paused as he heard Ms. McKenzie talkto ato a student.   Sneaking a peek, he saw Kurt standing in front of the teacher's desk.  His curiosity peeked and he leaned up near the door way, eavesdropping. "I'm sure we'll find you a student by the end of the week," he heard the teacher say. A quick scheme entered his head, and with his heart pounding, Lance made his way back to one of his classrooms. X "So, like, you're going to tutor?" Kitty asked, standing next to Kurt as they made their way to the school parking lot. "Ja," Kurt responded, half heartedly. Kitty smiled.  "That is like so nice.  Geeky, but, nice.  I'm so going to consider the beach clean up.  I mean, what can be more beneficial than getting a tan while doing good to the community by cleaning up the shores?" "And showing off your body?" Evan teased, coming up behind them on his skateboard. Kitty tried to smack him with her books. Kurt allowed a small grin to reach his lips. They've been trying so hard. Despite Xavier's gentle persistence in seeing a counselor, Kurt felt that everything would be fine on it's own.  He was now joining the rest of the team for dinner, and he wasn't as jumpy at school.  Except for when his imagination got the better of him and he could hear or feel Lance's presence from behind.  But he never was. He supposed he should have told someone that he knew who his attacker was, but. . . the humiliation of having to report that he was violated by a guy.  People would think he was a wimp, or that he really wanted it to happen to him.  And his parents in Germany. . . No. . . he couldn't let them find out.  He didn't want to shame them. "Kurt?" he heard Kitty call out. The German boy felt his face heat up.  He had spaced out again. He'd been doing that frequently, and he knew that it was causing concern amongst his peers.  But he couldn't help it.  He only hoped that Jean and Xavier didn't pick up any stray thoughts. X Kurt waved goodbye to Evan as he made his way to the school's library. Ms. McKenzie had told him that his "pupil" would be waiting with Mr. Cury, another sceince teacher. Kurt walked into the library and looked around.  He spotted the grey haired teacher and walked towards him, putting on a pleasant face. Nobody knew what had happened to him, and he was going to try his best to make sure no one realized that anything was seriously wrong.  Even if he didn't know the student. "Ah, Mr. Wagner," said Mr. Cury, smiling down at the youth. "I'm so glad you decided to tutor." He frowned slightly.  "Unfortunately, some of my students aren't as bright as you. But at least there are a few that are bright enough to know when to ask for help." Mr. Cury stepped aside, exposing the student.  "Mr. Kurt Wagner, I'd like you to help Mr. Lance Alvers." tbc. . . .