Inner Conflicts

Inner Conflicts -- Part 25 Inner Conflicts Part 25 Kurt sat silently flipping through the pages of a book in the school library. His thoughts were on what Tabby had said just yesterday. She was jealous, that's all.  Lance told him that he loved him, and it couldn't be a lie.  After all, Lance wouldn't sleep with him if he wasn't in love with him, right? Kurt sighed. But then again. . . A body thrusting painfully into him. . . There was that night. Memory buried alive. . . He didn't mean to. Kurt felt his body tremble as he quickly banished the thought from his mind. Lance had made a mistake, and now he was trying to make up for it. Everything would be fine. Kurt sighed as he flipped another page.  Classes would start in fifteen minutes. X Scott hated his life at the moment. Everything was so fucking stressful. Some of the younger X-men members didn't know what was going on with Kurt, or know what had happened to him, including Kitty. It was fairly obvious now, but the damn girl was being a fucking ditz and was actually mopabouabout because Lance wasn't talking to her as much as before. The idiot even said that maybe it was because she didn't move fast enough for the bastard. He so wanted to yell at her right then and there, but the warning look he got from Jean stopped him. He stormed into the school library, hoping that by one slim chance something would go right and no one had checked out the book he was looking for. He headed over to the non fiction section and rounded one towering shelve of books. He paused. There. . . Sitting at the table. . . He saw the familiar back of a person. And the other one was no where in sight. Scott slowly moved forward, setting his bag on the end of the table. He cleared his throat. X Kurt was ready to close his book when a sound startled him.  He whirled around. Scott was standing right there. "Kurt?" Kurt wanted to port away, but he was too frozen in shock. "Kurt, can we talk, please?" Scott whispered, not wanting to attract attention. Kurt stared at the floor. Scott sighed.  "Kurt, we miss you, please believe that.  No one really knows what happened, and if you want it kept like that, believe me, we'll keep it like that. Just, please, come back to us.  It doesn't feel like the X-men anymore without you." Kurt looked up at Scott. He wished that he could see the eyes behind those shades, to see whether or not he was speaking the truth. For the first time, he completely hated those shades. They hid the truth. "I can't," Kurt whispered. "Why?" Scott's voice actually sounded strained. . . and hurt. "Because. . ." Scott patiently waited. He almost didn't hear it. "Lance needs me." Scott remained quiet for a moment.  "Lance. . . does. . . not. . . need . . . you.  I don't know what he's done with you, or what he's said to make you believe that, but Lance doesn't need you!  We do!" Kurt didn't look up at him. "I need him" "Huh?" "I. . . l-love Lance." Scott was silent again. He swallowed audibly before he spoke again. "If you and. . . and Lance. . . do like each other. . . why can't you see each other while you are at the Institute?" Kurt laughed bitterly.  "Like everyone let Lance and Kitty see each other vhen he liked her?" Scott winced. "Kurt. . . " "No, no more.sp;&sp; I. . . I chose to. . ." "But I miss you. . ." Scott's voice was so low. Kurt paused as a pain shot through his heart. Yeah. . . "I missed you, too. . . all of you." X For the first time, Scott felt hope. Kurt missed them.  He missed them all. When Kurt had said he loved Lance, it had felt like the whole world was collapsing on top of him.  And a vile taste appeared in the back of his throat. But that went away by Kurt's declaration of missing the X-men. Scott looked at Kurt fondly.  The smaller mutant was staring at the floor, looking very much lost and alone.  So Scott gave into the impulse he had. . . He pulled Kurt into an embrace. Kurt tensed up in his arms, but Scott held on. Then Scott felt tentative hands reach around and embrace him back. Both of them stood there for a while. He was never one to show too much physical affection. . . but the need had been to great.  He only hoped that this would convince Kurt to come back to them. . . or at least talk to them more. Give them a chance to talk him into coming back. X Kurt stopped breathing when Scott hugged him. This wasn't something he expected.  Most of the time, Scott just ruffled his hair, or swatted him in the arm. But it felt different. . . and good. It was hard to describe. When Lance held him. . . he felt loved. But with Scott, it was like a sense of familiarity, peacefulness, and safety. Kurt rhis his arms to return the embrace, and stayed there in sweet innocent bliss, completely relaxed. He felt his throat tightening and his eyes watering. He wanted to cry. But why? Something. . . some memory was making him sad. . . and he wanted to just talk about it.  But it wouldn't come out.  Instead, he just stayed there, silent. Then he tensed up again. Lance had just appeared, and the look on his face was indescribable. X Scott let go of Kurt.  Something was wrong. He glanced back and was quickly angered by the sight of Lance Alvers. He took one step forward, but was held back. Kurt was holding onto his sleeve, a helpless look on his face. "Please, don't," he said, before letting go and grabbing his own bag.  He moved towards Lance, who remained silent. His face was expressionless, but his eyes appeared to simmer in anger. Kurt tugged at Lance's vest.  "The bell is going to ring," he said, softly. Kurt threw one more pleading glance at Scott, shaking his head minutely. Scott wanted to ignore his pleas, but knew that if he did, the fragile trust they now shared was liable enough to be broken. Lance slowly brought up his arm around Kurt, thumb latching into one of Kurt's belt loops. He glared at Scott as Kurt led him away. Scott remained rooted where he was. Kurt gave him one final glance. A small smile flittered across his lips. Then they disappeared around the corner. Scott sighed, feeling as if a great weight was finally being eased off of him. Kurt was talking to him again. If Kurt was happy with Lance, then fine.  So long as Kurt was back with him and the others at the Institute, he'd be able to learn to live with it. But at the same time. . . Something seemed wrong. Scott scrambled to go after Lance and Kurt when the bell rung. Shit!! Scott found his exit blocked by the school dean, one of the meanest sons of bitches around. "A little late, Summers?  Report to the Principal's office before you go to class."   With that, Mr. Rod-in-the-ass-Jenkins gave Scott a pink slip and stepped out onto the campus to catch more hapless students. "Dammit!" tbc. . .