Variation on a Theme

Variations on a Theme Ch. 2 (High R)

Disclaimers Apply

 

A/N Goddess Foxfeather, Queen of Mad Plotbunnies, BUSIEST
WOMAN ALIVE ™, Prophetic Muse, Hamster Witch and Uberbeta…know any
troll-be-gone spells? This is based on Scrib’s challenge pairing on Nutter’s
board and is a bit slashy in nature…

 

 

I thought I
would die from the pain. I know it
sounds melodramatic but it’s true. I
was nervous, sick to my stomach, every mention of her name, the sound of her
voice making me jump, making my heart pound.
She didn’t talk to me for two weeks.
Two weeks for me to think about what I’d done, what I’d said to her… Had I ruined one of the good things in my
life? Had I just screwed up so bad I
could never fix it? Two weeks to the
day, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore.
I went looking for her. I
avoided Bobby like the plague—he knew and it showed. He kept giving me these pitying looks and I saw him huddled with
St John more than once. So now two
people knew, and whomever Rahne had told…
God, I prayed she didn’t tell anyone.
I had never liked someone, loved someone, the way I did her and it
scared me. Good girls are supposed to
do well in school, have a few hobbies, date some nice boys and marry the one
that’s least objectionable and that you hopefully love as much as the one who
broke your heart the first time. Good
girls weren’t supposed to get a crush on their best female friend, they weren’t
supposed to check out every book on lesbianism and bisexuality Bayville Public
Library had, including a few they had to order from the city libraries, they
weren’t supposed to develop insomnia, wondering if they were a freak… Like
being a mutant wasn’t bad enough, now I’m bisexual. Or something.

Rahne was
hiding from me, too. I had heard Kitty
telling Kurt (I swear those two are so sweet I might get diabetes just from
being around them, once the jealousy dies down) that Rahne was spending a lot
of time in the Danger Room and looked like Hell. Great. I’d made her
sick. There was only one thing to
do—take it back. Tell her I was high or
something. Tell her I have a mental
problem that makes me say things I don’t mean.
Sexual Tourettes. Two weeks
without her hurt bad enough. I couldn’t
imagine a lifetime. I knew our
friendship would never be the same but I had to have at least a little part of
her in my life again. I sound like such
a stalker, I know but… If she was
unhappy, and it was my fault, I couldn’t live with myself. That’s how I knew I was in trouble—I wanted
her to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.
I went to the Danger Room first, hoping Kitty had been right and she was
spending half the days in there. The
light above the door showed someone was using it and I debated waiting to see
if she came out or looking elsewhere. I
think the gods must enjoy torturing me because the door opened then and she
came out. With Jamie. “So tonight, right?” she asked, walking
backwards a few paces as he went the other way down the hall.

“Yeah…seven
sharp,” he grinned. I swear, I thought
he was going to float down the hall, he was that happy.

“See you
then!”

“Rahne…”

Her face
did this weird flicker thing. She went
from being happy to startled to bland all in one second. “Jubilee…”

“I take it
back,” I blurted. “I didn’t mean it.”

“What?”

Was I
hoping too much that she looked disappointed?
“The stuff I said in my room two weeks ago…I take it back.”

She
narrowed her eyes at me and I had the feeling she was laughing on the inside. “You don’t…like me-like me anymore?”

I could
hear Scott and Evan coming down the hall.
“Look, I really want to be friends again, okay? Can we just pretend I never said anything?”

She sighed
so painfully it hurt me to hear it.
“I’m sorry, Jubilee. I can’t do
that…”

 

I couldn’t
stand to be around anyone. I couldn’t
stand the thought of seeing her leave to meet Jamie or with Jamie or whatever
the Hell they were doing. I couldn’t
stand hearing Kitty and Jean giggle and coo over the two of them. I couldn’t stand myself. I was stupid, I was a freak… Rogue came to ask me if I wanted pizza for
dinner and then Kurt came to ask if I wanted to watch videos downstairs. I ignored them until they went away. I could hear Storm and Logan take turns listening
at my door, their footsteps familiar to my hearing. They finally stopped around eleven. I was exhausted from crying but I couldn’t sleep… I knew I should
eat something but I couldn’t bring myself to leave my bedroom. I had cost myself a friend because I
couldn’t keep my weird desires to myself.
I must have dozed off finally because at midnight, I heard someone say
my name. “Huh?”

“It’s just
me…”

Oh Gods in
Heaven and Hell… “How’d you get in
here?”

“You don’t
lock your door.”

I could
barely see her in the dark, just the bits the moonlight picked out as she stood
halfway between the door and my bed.
“Rahne, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t
talk.” She swayed like she was going to
come closer but she just stood there.
“I have a lot of things I need to say and it’s better if I just say
them, okay?”

“Can I turn
on the light?”

“I’d rather
you didn’t…” She did move then, sitting
down at my desk in the creaky chair I’d rescued from Logan’s shredding spree
when the Professor remodeled the mansion a few months ago. “Okay, it’s like this. I don’t know. I just don’t fucking know.
You’re one of…no, you are my best friend… When you told me that a
few weeks ago, I freaked out. I mean, I
thought I could handle it just fine, you know?
But I didn’t. I got really mad
at you the next day because you made me think bad things. I was raised to think being that way was a
sin but I know it isn’t… I know you won’t go to Hell for being that way…but I
couldn’t help thinking it for a little bit, thinking of Father Doyle yelling at
the Jimmy Newton and Chester Markham when he caught them in the vestibule. I was mad at you for two days. I was so mad I couldn’t look at you. Then I was sad. I got sad because I didn’t know if I’d hurt you or not… Jubilee, I’ve never thought of girls like
that before. I mean, I don’t think of
boys like that very often to tell the truth but girls never crossed my mind.”

I thought I
was going to be sick from nerves right then and there, all over my bed. “Oh.”

“But…but I
still don’t know. The more I thought
about it, the less freaked out I got. I
made a list,” she muttered like she was embarrassed. “I made a list of all the things I would want in a boyfriend,
then I made a list of all the things you have.
Except for one glaring exception, it was a close match.”

I wasn’t
sure if I should be insulted or not, that she was comparing me to a guy. I decided not to be—this sounded too
hopeful.

“After
that, I got nervous. I wondered if I
was making myself into a lesbian or bi… I wondered if it was one of those power
of suggestion things. I asked Jamie out
on a date to the movies to see if there was anything for me there. Then I got
to thinking that maybe I just didn’t have feelings for Jamie so I asked Evan,
and then Bobby, then St John…”

My head
reeled. Why hadn’t I noticed her going
out with all the guys in the place? Had
she…with them? I closed my eyes so I
couldn’t even see her silhouette in the night.
“Oh.”

Rahne got
really quiet for a few minutes. “I’d
like to try it with you, I think. To
see…”

I know she
heard me suck in a breath. My heart was
pounding so hard it made my chest hurt and my hands were shaking. “To see?”

“I can’t
promise you anything, Jubilee, but I want to find out if maybe…down the line…I
could…”

I’m not
quite sure why I did it but as she stood up, so did I. I was closer to her than I thought I would
be and she didn’t move away. She swayed
a little closer and I kissed her. I
took her by the arms and kissed her again, and this time she responded right
away. All I could think was that I was
kissing her and she was kissing me and she tasted like root beer and vanilla
and she smelled like soap and I wanted to do all sorts of things that we
weren’t even close to ready for… When
she touched my lip with her tongue, I couldn’t help it. I made this noise in my throat that made her
pull away. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“It’s
okay. It’s just…I think we’d better
stop now.”

“Yeah…it’s
kind of fast. Sorry.” I let go of her arms and stepped back,
unable to stop smiling. I felt like I
was on fire, my heart beating fast, my head spinning, heat pooling up in my
hips and belly and I knew that if she stayed any longer I’d do something
stupid.

Rahne
cocked her head to one side and touched her lips, making me wonder what she was
thinking about, wonder if she liked how I kissed. She moved so quickly I barely had time to react. She kissed me this time, pressing hard
against me. I could feel the hard
points of her breasts below mine, I could feel her all soft flesh and hard
muscle, planes and curves… I had the
silly thought that girls who kissed guys were seriously missing out because
kissing girls was so much better. Her
hand came up to my breast and I gasped, but she didn’t pull away this
time. I was in my nightshirt and she
was wearing what she had on for her date with Jamie, her second date with him,
it seemed and suddenly, I felt very exposed.
I wanted to touch her bare skin, to feel her breasts in my hands, kiss them
and lick her flesh. It took all the
willpower I had left but I pushed her away.
“Right,” she said and sounded so breathless it made my mind wander even
further downward. “Too fast.”

“Right.”

She backed
away from me and I could see her more clearly as she crossed into the path of
moonlight coming in through the window.
“I’ll see you tomorrow…er…later today.”

“Okay.” She turned away from me then and started to
open the door. “Rahne?”
“Yeah?”

“Are we
going to do anything about us? Really?”

“Yeah…but…would
it be terrible of me to ask if we can keep this between us?”

“No…but…but
if we end up…more…I can’t live with this as a secret forever, you know.”
“I know.” She sounded like she was smiling. “Goodnight, Jubilee.”
“Night, Rahne.”