Variation on a Theme
Variation on a Theme
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Variations on a theme (R/NC-17)
Standard Disclaimers Apply—not mine, never will be. Marvel owns the characters herein unless otherwise noted. I make no profit from this work of fanfiction.
A/N Goddess Foxfeather, Queen of Mad Plotbunnies, BUSIEST
WOMAN ALIVE ™, Prophetic Muse, Hamster Witch and Uberbeta…I sense smut
forthcoming, lol… This was written for that
challengey thing on Nutter’s board—“revive the muses!”
I had been
watching her for over a year before she even noticed me.
thought she was some hideous freak. She
had the prettiest hair, curly and brown and red and every color in
between. I loved sitting outside with
her because then I could see the sun shine on all the colors, making it look
like some precious metal or jewel. She
caught me staring once and I had to lie, say that I had just been thinking
about lunch or something. I don’t think
she believed me. I think that was the
first time she noticed I might be human.
We went to school together, did homework together, played Jamie’s video
games together… I think the fact we
were two of the youngest at the Institute had something to do with how much we
hung out. Something about needed to
have a friend who wasn’t always reminding you that you hadn’t been where they
had yet, that you weren’t old enough to do this or that.
or that we couldn’t go to the junior prom or whatever the Hell Kitty and Jean
got to do. We just…were.
She gave me
my first broken heart. “Do you think
Bobby might fancy me?”
My
oh-so-suave response? “Huh?”
“Bobby.
he’s been talking to me a lot lately. Think he might fancy me?”
She was
eating an egg salad sandwich, drinking a pop, and ripping my heart out all in a
few moments. “Do you want him to?”
“:I don’t
know. Might be nice, having a blofancfancy me. Someone other than
Jamie. He’s sweet and all, don’t get me
wrong,” she said in a rush, like I was going to be insulted that Jamie might
like her. He had a crush on a new girl
every week, and he recycled, too. Once
he ran down the list, he started at the top again. What’s that saying? Hope
springs eternal?”
“Well,” I
said like I didn’t care, “I could ask him…”
“Would
you? Please?”
She was too
eager. “Sure,” I said, very proud that
she couldn’t hear how bad I wanted to scream right then, “I’ll ask.”
not. I avoided her for three days.
at a joke, seeing her frown over a math problem too hard for either one of us,
tucking her hair behind her ears when it escaped those ridiculously cute pig
tails, without…her. Three days and then
she found me.
“Did you
ask yet?” she demanded. Demanded, like it was her life’s blood or something.
“Uh…”
I couldn’t.
“Why
not?”
“I’ve been
busy…”
“Damn
it…” She didn’t sound mad at me.
It was
insane, but I couldn’t let her do that. “No…No…look, wait here.
She looked
confused and I don’t blame her.
“Now? But it’s ten at night…I
think he’s in bed…”
“Well…”
She smiled
then and damn if it didn’t make my heart skip like some dumb romance
novel. I wanted to make her smile like
that all the time. I don’t know when it
started but I knew it was no use fighting it.
I had to accept this. “What if
you ask him tomorrow morning? I can
listen in…”
“What if,”
I cut her off, “what if…he doesn’t?”
“Oh.”
it. “I didn’t think of that…”
“Rahne,
you’re my…friend. I don’t want you to
get hurt. Let me ask him tonight and
I’ll let you know…”
She tugged
at the edge of her nightshirt and I tried, God how I tried, not to lick my lips
as I stared at that smooth bit of skin right above her breasts.
breasts…Sorry. Train of thought
derailed. “Okay,” she said.
“Great,” I
lied. If I smiled any harder, my face
would have cracked. “If I’m not back in
thirty minutes…um…”
“I’ll come
knock on his door with some story about needing help with homework,” she
suggested, her eyes dancing.
“Right.
God, I felt sick. If he liked
her, I couldn’t do anything about it. ">
She obviously liked him a lot and would be over the moon if I came back
with good news. But if he didn’t…
didn’t like her like that, but honestly, I didn’t care.
comforting her and…*ahem* Bobby opened
his door after the first knock. “Hey,
got a sec?”
“Yeah, come
on in. I was just trying to find a book
for St John…”
It looked
like the entire contents of three bookcases was piled on his bed and the
floor. “Guess you didn’t find it…”
“Guess
not,” he laughed. “St John’s gonna be bummed.
He really wanted to read it, too…”
“Speaking
of finding things…” Well, that
sucked. I didn’t know how to go on.
“Yeah?”
“I was
wondering if you’d found a date to homecoming yet.”
He looked
at me like I was an interesting bug he’d found on the patio.
“I mean, I
know you and Kitty were going and all, but…”
“Do you
have someone in mind?” he sort of avoided looking at me then, stacking his
books all willy nilly into the shelves, some not even facing the right
way.
“Well…” I
tasted bile. “What about Rahne?”
“Rahne?”
scared or what. “Rahne Sinclair?”
“Yeah,
her!”
“No
way! So not my type…”
“What’s
wrong witr?”
defensive as I thought it did?”
“She’s
just…Rahne. She’s too something.”
“Too
cute? Too nice?
Too pretty?”
Bobby gave “Jerk.” “Look,
me this eye rolling ‘oh come on!’ look. “She’s a tomboy, for crying out
loud.
she’s my friend and all, but I just don’t feel anything for her… Oh, God.”
“Why do you
ask?”
“I was
wondering why she kept looking at me like that… She kept asking the dumbest
questions…’Can I borrow your pencil?’ when she already had one in her
hand…Geez! I have to straighten this
out…”
“No.”
move. “Don’t.”
“Why the
Hell not?”
“Because…”
out. “Because you’ll break her heart
and she’ll cry and I hate it when she cries because it makes me sad, too, and
if you break her heart, I’ll have to hurt you.
A lot.”
Bobby had
this terrible look of perfect understanding on his face.
“Please
don’t say anything!” I was begging and
I knew it. “Please!”
“Okay,
okay…wow. I never saw that coming.”
lips and nodded. “Secret.”
“Thank
you…”
Rahne was
waiting still, sitting on my bed and chewing her thumbnail.
“Um…”
“Oh.
Well, all for the best.”
“Rahne, wait…”
“I need
some water,” she sighed. “Then I’m
going to bed…”
“Listen…”
“I don’t
want to…”
“Please,
just…listen. There’s someone who really
likes you. More than Bobby ever could
have, in fact. I mean REALLY likes
you.”
“Oh?”
“They…they’ve
liked you for over a year now. They
think you’re funny and smart and beautiful.”
“Really?”
She blushed so much I thought she would burst.
“Who is it?”
‘They’re
someone you know…” I couldn’t tell her yet.
“They think you’d never like someone like them…they think you’re too
similar in some ways for you to ever like them.”
“Too
similar?” she laughed. “I thought it
was differences that messed things up.”
“Not in
this case. This person is
very…scared. They don’t want you to
find out but they think it feels like they’ll die if you never know.
couldn’t stop myself, “what’s so much worse is the feeling they’ll have if you
find out and hate them for it.”
“Why would
I hate them for it?”
“They’re
not what you want.”
“Are they
nice?”
“Sometimes…”
“Are they
smart?”
“Depends on
who you ask, but they get straight A’s.”
“Hm.
“Not quite the word I’d use…”
“Are
they…attractive?”
“Some
people think so. They don’t.”
“Ah.
“Only a
month or two.” I could see her going
through the ages of the people here like some mental Rolodex.
“It’s not
Jamie…”
“No.”
funny. I scooted closer, so close I
could feel how warm she was. She
smelled like oranges and powder and toothpaste. I wanted to remember it always because in a few minutes, I was
sure she’d be gone.
“And not
Bobby…St John is right out… Kurt is still drooling for Kitty…Scott and Jean are
symbiotic…” She sighed.
I did
it. I couldn’t stop myself.
painful in that split second before I kissed her. Her eyes were so wide and she was starting to lean away, but I
did it. I kissed her. She was soft and
sweet and I wanted her so bad and I could feel the pain trilling with want in
my stomach like some electric current and god it hurt and felt so good all at
once. I had my hands on her arms and
she was stiff like she was scared, then all of a sudden, she relaxed.
she stopped being so stiff. I could feel
her lips against mine, moving a little, not parting quite but kissing me.
form a coherent thought. I think I
pulled away first, not able to breathe quite right. “I’m sorry…”
“Jubilee…”
“No,
don’t.” I couldn’t bear it if she
pushed me away now. I found myself at
the door, still breathing funny. “Look,
it’s up to you now. I like you.
spiel. There. That’s…it. I’m going to
my room. Don’t…don’t answer me or
whatever. Just think about it.”
“Jubilee…”
“No!”
“You’re in
your room. I need to go to mine…”
“Right.
Right…”
She edged
past me, like she was afraid of me almost.
“Look, I…”
“Don’t.
Just think about it.” It hurt to
shut the door on her but I did. I
kissed her. I love her and I kissed her
and now all I had to do was wait until morning to find out if she would break
my heart again.