OF ANGRY ELVES AND MOUTHY MERCENARIES
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X-men Comics › Slash - Male/Male
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Adult +
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1
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1,452
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Category:
X-men Comics › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,452
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the X-Men, nor do I own the characters from it. I make no money from the writing of this story.
OF ANGRY ELVES AND MOUTHY MERCENARIES
"Um. If I understand you correctly, I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t use your tail to locate my prostate, in the literal meaning of that word. The slang meaning would be okay, but not absolutely necessary. I’d settle for a finger, if that’s all that’s being offered. Like I said, I know I’m not exactly Mr. America. Beggars can’t be choosers.” Despite his self-deprecating words, I knew better. He’s no beggar, and he knows it. But I don’t think I’ll tell him I know it too. At least not yet. “So, since you have the same sort of healing factor that Logan has, does that mean ve don’t have to vorry about catching anything from each other?” “How do you figure that?” “Simple. If I have any disease, and you catch it from me, your body vill just cure it. On the other hand, anything you might have been exposed to in the past vill have already been dealt vith by now, so I’m safe also. Therefore, ve don’t have to bother vith the usual precautions.” “But what about the cancer? My healing factor never cured that.” “So vhat? Cancer isn’t sexually transmitted.” “Yeah. Why didn’t I think of that?” “Maybe because you haven’t had any reason to think of it until now, if vhat you’ve been telling me is true?” he suggested. “Oh goodie! That means we can have unsafe sex and still be perfectly safe! Aren’t we just such lucky guys?” Then I frowned. “Wait a minute, what about with girls?” “Vhat about it? You could still get a girl pregnant, but that’s about all.” He smiled and tapped his beer bottle against mine, as if proposing a toast. “In that case, here’s to many more years of unsafe sex.” He grinned and upended his bottle into his mouth, as did I. WADE We both drank down the rest of our beers. I was about to toss the empty over the edge of the cliff, but he took it out of my hand and replaced it in the cardboard carrier. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Vhat’s so funny?” he asked, taking the last full bottle and opening it. “You Krauts are so damn orderly. Can’t even stand tossing away bottles.” “That is not vhere they belong. They belong back in the container, so they can be properly recycled later on.” “That’s exactly what I mean. Alles in Ordnung should be tattoed on all your foreheads.” He actually laughed at that, taking a swig of beer and then handing the bottle to me so I could have some. “You know, Vade, for once you got something right.” “Whadya mean, for once? I’m right a lot.” “Ja. But I’m German, so I’m alvays right.” I knew he was kidding by the tone of his voice as he repossessed the beer bottle once more and darn near drained it dry. He’s getting drunk. Tell me something I don’t know. Push your advantage. Act drunk yourself so you can catch him off guard. Off guard? I don’t think this dude is ever off guard. Go on. Try it. “Alvays right, huh? Even vhen you’re wrong?” I let my voice slur a little, while doing a deliberately poor imitation of his accent. “Ja. Especially vhen I am wrong,” he agreed, almost jovially. He gave me back the bottle and I finished it off. With exaggerated care, I replaced it alongside the others. “There. Now everything’s in order once again, ja?” I asked innocently. “Ja wohl, mein Herr,” he replied. Then he leaned over and kissed me directly on my mouth, which was still uncovered. DARKHOLME Wade might have thought the alcohol was affecting me, but I’ve been drinking beer since I was a child. All I really wanted to do was take him by surprise, and prove that I wasn’t all that squeamish, even if it meant kissing his lumpy and misshapen lips. In my life, I’ve seen many things far worse than Wade Wilson’s body. I kissed him hard and brutally, deliberately allowing my fangs to cut his lip. While he was still recovering from his surprise, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him a little ways back from the edge of the butte and down, so that we were both lying on our sides, then I broke free of the embrace and flipped over so that I was behind him. With my right hand, I searched for the top of his uniform pants beneath that heavy-duty utility belt he always wears. “Hey, what’re you –” he started to protest. “For once in your life, try to keep that big mouth of yours shut for a vhile. Und bend your knees a little, if you vant me to do this.” By then I had his ass exposed, even though I had left the front of his pants still tucked in, only stretching the fabric down past his buttocks in the back. Predictably, his ass was just as lumpy and misshapen as his lower face. Not a big deal. I expected that. I ran the tips of my fingers over his rear, very gently, almost as if I wanted to tickle him. In my experience, some people like that sort of touch, others just start to laugh. He didn’t laugh. I teased him like that for a few minutes, then placed my hand flat against him, rubbing harder and more forcefully, feeling the hard muscles tighten beneath his ravaged skin. Oh yes, he liked this. No question about it. As I used my thumb and third finger to spread his ass cheeks while rubbing my middle finger down his cleft, he inhaled sharply, then relaxed with a moan. Before actually touching his anus, I put my hand in front of his face, pressing two fingers against his mouth. “Suck on them. Get them vet.” As he obeyed enthusiastically, I added, “I’m sorry I’ve got nothing better than this to use for lubrication. My fingers are somevhat thicker and longer than average.” “ ’S OK,” he replied as well as he could, considering he had a mouthful of blue fur and fingernails. “ ’M no sissy.” In any case, I reminded myself, I couldn’t do any damage to him that he couldn’t heal. I started gently, rubbing a fingertip around and across his anus and perineum in order to get him ready and spreading the saliva around as much as possible. When I’d done the best I could, I spit on my finger and placed the tip of the middle one against his anal sphincter and pressed into the opening, gently and steadily at first, then harder, until I felt my finger slide through. I could feel the slick lining of his rectum. For a while, I just slid that one finger back and forth, twisting it a little now and then. He seemed to be handling that fairly well, although I still wished I had more lube. When things felt loose enough, I added another finger and began slowly working my way deeper, trying to locate his prostate. I realized then that my hand was turned in the wrong direction because I was lying behind him, so I couldn’t just curl my fingers, I had to use the back of my knuckles to feel where I was. I figured that would work, given that my fingers are a bit longer than average. It was harder to be sure that way, but at last I thought I felt the telltale bulge of the gland against the front surface of his rectum. I was right. As soon as I touched that sensitive spot, his whole body tensed up and he exclaimed rather loudly, “Oh shit!” I grinned to myself. I had him now. It was just a matter of time before he’d come, and come hard. WADE My first impression when his fingers went in was that it’s rather like taking a very satisfying shit, but in reverse. In fact, as I got used to it, it started to feel rather nice. When he pushed in even further, it still felt pretty damn nice, but it was kinda weird to know that something was traveling the wrong way up my exit ramp. All of a sudden, it got way better! I wasn’t prepared for the pure thrill of pleasure that shot through me, and then kept going, in delicious spasms each time his fingers moved against that sensitive place with a rhythmic stroking motion. The feeling was at once familiar and yet new, not quite like the same way sex had always felt before, but not all that different either, just more intense. In the space of a few seconds, it became that quivering sensation of impending ecstasy right before the final explosion: wonderful but almost unendurable at one and the same time. Then something hard and flat pressed firmly down on my crotch, putting pressure on my stiff cock through the thin fabric of my uniform pants and started rubbing against me. I wondered for only a split second what it was before I realized it had to be the end of that devil’s tail of his. All of a sudden, everything inside me went crazy with ecstatic convulsions as I pumped out my cum, screaming out loud some words that never even registered in my mind. It went on at least twice as long as it ever had before and seemed to involve more of my body than just my cock. As the spasms diminished, I was left lying there gasping for breath. DARKHOLME When he bellowed, “Oh, dear God!” I almost laughed, since Wade had teased me not long ago about calling on a deity I didn’t believe existed. With my tail pressed tight against his crotch, I could feel the jerking of his cock, not to mention the wetness spreading through the thin fabric of his pants. As he began to recover, I realized my own cock was still hard and wishing for some relief of its own. It occurred to me that maybe I should have used something other than just my fingers. Ah well, too late now. I slowly retrieved my cramping fingers from the hot embrace of his ass, then rolled over onto my back, staring at the darkening sky above us. A few bright stars lay scattered across the sky as the colorful sunset retreated into the west. Idly, I reached down to my aching groin and started rubbing my erection. Still breathing hard, Wade turned over to face me. A gloved hand pushed my hand aside and took over massaging my crotch. I almost pulled away and jumped to my feet, but squelched that impulse before it could happen. “Vhat are you doing?” “I should think that should be pretty obvious, Kraut. One good turn, as they say, deserves another.” “You don’t have to --” “Shut up, dummkopf,” he replied, as his other hand took hold of the waist of my sweatpants. “I’m going to put that big mouth of mine to a use other than making clever remarks. Never done it before, but I know how this works from being on the receiving end now and then.” He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at me. “Unless you’ve got any objections?” In reply, I lifted my hips enough for him to pull my sweatpants down. My underwear quickly joined them. I closed my eyes and laid my head back on the still-warm rock, feeling the cool breeze on my engorged genitals. It was quickly replaced by a delicious warm wetness.