We Could Have Had it All (In Places of Despair)

Title: We Could Have Had it All (In Places of Despair)

Rating: NC-17

Warnings:  M/M, Anal, Angst, One Shot

Characters/Pairings: Erik/Charles

Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape or money making form own X-Men or any characters attached to that name they belong solely to their creator and publisher. I’m only borrowing them for my own amusement.

Summary: A bittersweet account of the two reminiscing over their wonderful but fleeting times together as lovers.

Author Notes: Just a quick drabble. I was listening to Damien Rice and this idea popped in my head. Third fan fiction in less than a week. I am on a roll.

 

 

Charles sat in front of the large window in his study room. He watched the trees outside sway from the Summer breeze. The mansion was quiet and he was alone. He dismissed Hank and the other’s- he couldn’t take the look of pity they gave him in his wheelchair not to mention the remorseful thoughts they all had. It was too much to bare. The heartache of loosing not one but two close friends in the past forty-eight hours took a noticeable tole on Charles.

After the episode on the beach, Charles was taken back to his house and was tended to by Hank. He constructed a wheelchair for him that had the highest use of technology. And now, the rest was up to Charles; he would have to learn to live with his hardship. It was quite ironic, Charles loosing the simplest human task of moving one’s legs and yet being so extraordinary with his telepathic powers. Now he felt even more in touch with his power, he relied on it. However, his head was a heavy bundle of grief and Erik was the fury inside of it. The man that very well defined him had now deserted him.

He didn’t hate Erik, he couldn’t. He understood his decision, his reason to leave just as he knew Erik understood why Charles couldn’t go with him. Erik held so much pain inside of him, he wouldn’t be able to resist the urge of killing now- even if his creator was dead. He did not hate him. He missed him. He missed his familiar smell, his eyes, his intriguing thoughts, his soft lips, his love.

Charles and Erik held each other like they’ve been lovers all their life. They were pressed together on the small couch in Xavier's study. The door was respectively locked and the crackle of the fire in the mantle masked (most of) their sounds. Flesh disregarded lack of space. “I love you” was on the tip of Erik’s tongue, but Charles already knew. He lifted his head and their lips met once again. He was safe here.

All those nights they spent wrapped in each other arm’s panting from a long, gentle love making. All of the caresses, the gentle kisses. All those mornings they woke, legs and arms still tangled around another. Whispers of ‘good morning’ and soft pecks. All gone.

Charles felt a tear run down his cheek. He mourned over the lost of a dear friend and a lover. Oh, the horrendous pain to be so close to someone and know deep down you’ll never feel the same way about another. He wondered if Erik felt at ease with his decision. The thought stayed with him and clouded all of his other thoughts until he couldn’t hold it back any longer. He shut his eyes tight and searched the hemispheres for his dear companion.

Charles put Erik’s words into his veins. He bundled each murmured sentence into jars like fireflies and suspended them around in his head. He enjoyed the man’s silence, but his voice was his favorite sound of all. There were talks of forever. Distant plans to continue traveling the world and eventually creating a safe haven for all mutants. But plans rarely work out the way they’re suppose to.

In a bunker, far off at sea, Magneto sat on the edge of a bed. He pulled off the large metal helmet and dropped it to the floor with despair. He ran a hand through his hair and cradled his heavy head in his delicate hands. Thoughts raced about in his mind, hurting and conflicted. He couldn't stand to be at the hand of a destructive human race that held no promise of accepting mutants, but how could he let go of the one man that took him as he was completely and wanted nothing of him but his time? The only man who disabled his many defenses, the only man that could evoke feelings in him that were far from the spectrum of rage. Charles was the only thing Erik had done right. And now he couldn’t stop playing in his head the horrific scene of his lover crying out in agony. For him, the world ended once the bullet pierced Charles.

“I can’t take my mind off of you.” He whispered. And at once he was simply Erik. Something undeniably was broken inside of Erik and only one person could ever make him whole once more. Suddenly, he felt the familiar sense of someone penetrating his thoughts. There was conflict in Erik’s mind, Charles knew it.

Erik and Charles sat at the kitchen table, enjoying a meal. After dinner Erik helped wash the dishes. Charles gave him a soft peck on the cheek as a thank you and before he could turn away, Erik captured his lips fully. Charles leaned against him out of present habit and returned the kiss. Erik lifted the boy up on the counter. Charles raised his shirt off him and it fell to the tiled floor. Charles ran his fingers down Erik’s spine, causing the older man to shiver. Their clothes were pulled off one another with great care. Erik pressed himself against Charles with need. He thrusted inside of Charles’s familiar warmth and the man hugged his waist. They moved as one. Neither of them realizing this to be the last time they’d ever be together.

    "Come back to me, my friend."

 

-By Ashton