Pain

I didn't want to see anyone. I wanted to be left alone. To be with my thoughts, my pain, my agony. Why the hell should I? They know I'm in fucking pain...I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE!!!!

Jeanne was gone. I would no longer have my princess with me, her smile, her bright blue eyes. They were all gone.

“Scott...” I heard Logan's voice calling after me once I got off the Blue Bird and my legs couldn't carry me fast enough.

I wanted to get away. Away as far as I could go. Especially from Logan. I knew he had a thing for Jeanne from the get go and really didn't want to hear it from him. Especailly from him. The asshole---why couldn't he had let me pass by him to get to her? WHY????

It had been a long day. I went to my room and shut the door, which I hardly ever do.

I rolled over in my bed, half expecting to see Jeanne there. My hand waved across her pillow and a tear trickled down my face. Jeanne, I cried out angrily in my mind.

It was a hard night of sleeping, mostly tossing and turning in my bed, hearing Jeanne's voice, seeing those bright beautiful blue eyes and her smile. I could also still feel her warmth next to me, the feeling of her smooth body stil very fresh from the night before, the love we felt and the tender love making we had. Finally I awoke and sat up in my bed. I rubbed my eyes and got up. She was not there...

After getting dressed, I hear a knock on the door.

“Scott, we were wondering if you'd like to eat breakfast with us.” came Night Crawler's quiet voice.

“No, leave me the hell alone.” was all I said.

I opened up my door, just barely noticing the blue man, and walked right past him. Where I was going, I didn't know or care. I really didn't give a shit.

After a few minutes of walking, I found myself at the Danger Room. I walked in and shut the door.

Looking around, all I could see was her.

“Scott...” came her voice. I twirled around, but no one was there.

“Scott, help me.” her voice sounded in pain.

“Stop,” I whispered, covering my ears.

I see her standing in front of me.

“I know you're dead, damn it!!!!” I hollered and begin to fire. It felt good, so I keep at it.

I didn't care where I fired, didn't care if anyone was in the room with me. If they got hit, that was their own damn fault.

000

Logan sat with the Professor in the study room. They were trying to reflect on what had happened the day before, not truly believing what had happened.

Charles closed his eyes when the vision came to him.

“Professor?” Logan questioned, worried about his old friend.

“I just got a vision on Scott,” came the answere.

“Logan, he's in the Danger Room.” the Proffesor told the Wolverine as they entered the proffesor,s office.

“I'm on it,” Logan groweled and headed for the door.

“Logan, be careful. Scott's in pain, he'll more likely do something out of control.” Charles warned him.

“I'll be ready,”

Logan started walking to the all familiar room. Damn it, Scott, why the hell did you have to leave so fucking early last night? We could have talked, could have dealt with it together...

000

Logan stepped carefully to the door of the Danger Room. He didn't hear anything, but he smelled the scent of his friend. He was in deed in great pain.

The Wolverine opened the door and looked around. He found Scott hovering in a corner, his arms hugging his legs.

“Scott,” Logan said, nearing the other man.

“Leave me alone, Logan.” came the choked answer.

“No, Scott. I know you're in pain, let me help you..” Logan said, refusing the order and sqauted down eye lever.

“How the hell do you know of pain, Logan? How? I fucking lost her! I lost my world, god damn it!!!” I cried out, wanting to hit the man that was now in front of me.

“Trust me, bub, I KNOW pain. I loved her, too, you know.”

I looked at those brown eyes. They were also filled with anger and pain.

“Why the hell did she do it, Logan? Why? She didn't have to!”

Logan gulped back his own tears, though he knew they were coming soon.

“She did it to save us, Scott. To save you. The only way she knew how,”

“I could have stopped her!”

Logan put his hands around Scott's chin and made the mutant look at him square in the face.

“Listen to me, Scott, do you think she would have allowed you to? Do you think for one minute she would fucking LET you?”

I kept shaking my head, not believe a word he was saying, but knew it was true. Jeanne would have done it, no matter what. Not only for me, but the team as well.

“I—I keep hearing her voice, seeing her smile. I don't think I can go on...” I said.

“You can, we all can. We can make it together,” Logan told me.

“I don't know...”

“I'll help you, Scott. We can help each other heal,” our heads were so fucking close, our noses touched.

I gazed into those eyes and tried to smile, but the smile wouldn't come. Once again, tears of anger and pain drizzled down my cheeks, and I angrily brushed them away.

Logan was right. I was not the only one in pain. But it still hurt like hell. I flet empty inside, lonely.

“You gonna be okay?” Logan asked the stupid question.

“Yeah, sure.” I answered half heartedly.

He wrapped his arms around me and it felt good. I rested my wary head on his chest and closed my eyes

Logan was a smart-ass, but he knew what I was feeling and it felt good to know that.

Suddenly, I felt his mouth close on mine, felt his warm tongue meeting mine and the kiss grew into passion. Where the hell did this come from??

I pulled away. "Logan, I can't do this. It's too soon..."

But, his kisses covered the words and his hands held my neck.

He pulled my hand down to his manhood and helped me to start rubbing it. During the kisses, I could hear him growl and I moaned with him.

Some how, he had taken off my uniform and I eagerly took his off.

Logan broke off the kiss and lowered himself to my member and started sucking. It was too soon after Jeanne's death...I knew it was. But, god, it felt soooo fuckng good! He knew how to work my cock just the way I liked it as he kept eyeing me.

I was glad I still had on my visor---he couldn't see the way I was eyeing him.

Suddenly, he turned me around on my stomach and I felt his warm cock slide in me and I moan with pleasure and pain. He kept at it, going harder and faster, grabbing my sides to help him.
At one point he stopped and moved his manhood around inside me--that was different, but it felt good. Everything this man, this beautifull man, was doing to me felt good.

For one solid hour I had forgotten about Jeanne and what had happened the night before. My body was tingling over what Logan was doing to me and suddenly I could feel warm liquid flowing through me.

Logan moaned and I with him.

He stopped, but kept his dick inside me for a little while longer as he rested on my back. I felt his heart beating fast as he tried to catch his breath.

No, my mind shouted, don't let this end so soon! I will have to come back to reality...
Finally, Logan pulled himself out of me and started getting dressed. I took the que and got dressed myself, hating that this had ended.

We sat there for the longest time until Logan finally cleared his throat.

“I think it's time we go, Scott.”

He got up and extended his hand to me. I looked up at him and sighed.

“Come on, you can do this.” he forced a smile.

I took his hand and stood up on shakey legs to begin a day with out Jeanne....