Finding A Way Around Pride

This is my first fiction so I hope its enjoyable. I don't have a beta so please excuse any mistakes. I will periodically catch them myself and edit.
-Emaree
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The mansion buzzed with activity, echoing the drone of summer insects busy outside under the bright sun. There were, of course, classes in session as education was of the utmost priority at the Xavier Institute, but since this was the weekend the students had the day to themselves. Most of them were escaping the heat by piling themselves into the pool. Among them were Bobby and Rogue, though Rogue decided it would be best to read a book at a safe distance from everybody. She was taking a risk, being dressed in an arm-baring tank top to enjoy the sun like everyone else and she didn’t want any accidents. Bobby's boisterous voice drifted towards her on a warm breeze and she sighed. Though their relationship was holding together, it was just barely. She would blame it on her skin but Bobby had repeatedly said that this was untrue; he liked her because of her, not because he wanted some physical action.

She looked up with a smile, searching for the Iceman amongst the splashing and roughhousing of the other students. Her happy look faltered when she found him, tossing a giggling Kitty into the air to splash back into the water. If she were paranoid and doubtful of his intentions, she would have sworn that the look on his face was something that ‘just friends’ didn’t look at each other with. She wasn’t, though – paranoid that is. After all, he had braved her mutation to kiss her, hadn’t he? He wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t care. Self pity welled in her chest but she shut it away with practiced willpower. She looked up again, hoping to catch his eye and gain reassurance from the love she knew she would see there. Instead her lifted gaze met the expanse of Bobby's water-glistening chest. She scooted over on the lounge chair to make room for him, feeling better with him near.

“Tuckered out?” she asked with another smile. He shook his hair, spraying her and making her cry out in mock indignation.

“Of course not, but a growing boy has to eat.” He replied and grinned sheepishly when his stomach announced that it agreed with this statement.

“I’ll get us something,” she said and held up a hand when he started to disagree, “I’m not swimming anyway. Get back in.”

He smiled at her in a way that made her long to touch his cheek, but she refrained from doing so and got up. She shivered at the climate change that came with simply stepping into the cool shadows of the kitchen out from under the sun. It wasn’t as busy in here as it was outside, prompting her to breath a sigh of relief. Rogue got to work on their lunch, ignoring the way the few people who were hanging around the kitchen shied away from her when she got too close. If she let it get to her she would never be happy. She noticed Cyclops sitting at the large kitchen nook, looking morose and lackluster. The students avoided him as well, as if he had a dangerous mutation that they wanted to avoid. No new power had manifested itself for him, though; just a broken heart and grief. She decided on making a sandwich for him as well, to try and cheer him up a little. The loneliness seemed to roll off of him in waves and she shivered again. When she finished she sat down across from him and slid the plate under his hanging head. He jerked as if woken abruptly and looked at her.

“Thought you might be hungry…” she offered with an encouraging smile. He sighed and nodded, picking up a half.

“Thanks, Rogue. I haven’t eaten all day…I haven’t felt up to it.” He told her and she nodded understandably. After Jean died at Alkali Lake he had spiraled into a depression; it made the students feel very uncomfortable, seeing the leader of the X-Men in such a state.

“I just miss Jean so much…” he began, putting his sandwich back on the plate and picking at the crust of the bread. She sighed mentally but steeled herself – he had just recently started talking about his feelings and would now tell anybody who would listen just how much Jean had meant to him. Everyone understood, of course, and couldn't begrudge him any comfort he could find. At first they had been glad he was finally opening up and potentially starting on the healing process. The different team members had willingly lent an ear. It had been 6 months since that day, though, and he hadn't made any progress. He was still lifeless and lackluster, despite that fact that he was constantly seeking comfort in words. Nobody had the heart to interrupt him or find an excuse to leave and she was no different. She gave him a look that said ‘Go ahead and let it all out,” and boy, did he.

The sky went from bright sunny yellow to an orange color, alerting her of the time. She had been listening to Scott for at least two hours now and knew Bobby was wondering what happened to her. She fidgeted restlessly, eager to give into the knot in her stomach that made her feel as if she had to leave this minute. Scott must have noticed this and released a heavy sigh, weighted with sadness and she did the same, but for a different, though not unkind reason. This always heralded the end of his monologues. She reached out to pat his hand but instinctively pulled it away and settled for patting the table next to it.

“I can’t pretend to know how you’re feeling, but you know that I’m here for you, like the rest of the X-Men.” She told him in a soft voice. He merely nodded and finally bit into the sandwich, now slightly soggy from catching tears. She looked back at him when she reached the back door, then continued on to the pool. There were only a few lingerers and she didn’t spot Bobby amongst them. She hadn’t seen him come into the house, but with the size of the mansion being what it was, there was more than one entrance into the house from the back grounds. With sandwiches in hand she searched the perimeter of the pool, stopping to sweep a quick look in the pool house. At least, it meant to be quick but she didn’t realize how long she had been standing there, staring, until Bobby jumped off of the summery wicker couch. The creaking sound of the rattan material broke her out of her trance and she focused on what was going on. Behind him Kitty was adjusting her bikini top, which had some how become askew.

Her heart slammed hard once against her ribcage and then fluttered pathetically.

“Bobby? Kitty.” She whispered, clamping her hands down on the paper plates in her hands to keep them from trembling. Trembling in anger, she knew, but she didn’t want them to get the impression that she wasn’t in control. The hard paper edge crumpled in defeat in her fists.

“Rogue?” he said in a wary voice, walking towards her, “I didn’t know where you were…and…”

“I was making sandwiches and Cyclops was there.” she said in a weak voice by way of excuse. Kitty had stood up and looked at her with guilty eyes over Bobby’s shoulder. Blood rushed to Rogue’s face and she felt hot, she couldn’t take a breath. How dare she even look at me, Rogue thought. She wasn’t an expert, but she was sure that this was not how friends behaved with their friend’s boyfriend. She had trusted her. Kitty looked worried but Bobby had a strange look on his face. Was that sympathy?

“Here’s your sandwich.” She finally ground out and threw it at them, catching half of Bobby’s face and what was showing of Kitty’s over his shoulder. She whirled and ran out of the pool house, feeling weak and quivery with rage. Students jumped out of her way in a panic as her bare arms brushed past them on her race to get to her room. They stared after the untouchable young woman and some even flinched when her door slammed with the sound of a bomb going off.

This was all because of her skin! If Bobby could touch her he wouldn’t be looking to other girls for satisfaction. She grabbed a sweater and gloves, shoving them down over her despite the hot weather. He had lied to her and the worst was that she had known it. She had tricked herself into believing him when he repeatedly told her that their problems were not based on the inability to touch. And now he felt sorry for her, of all things. As if she was pathetic. Why did she have such a horrible mutation? She threw herself on the bed, then changed her mind and sprang up to pace. Small items went flying as she walked past her dresser and desk, her hands reaching out to sweep everything off of them in angry gestures. Through her gloves she could feel her fingernails biting her palms and her helplessness against the tide of anger just frustrated her more. Her anger burned itself out, though, and turned into self pity. She sunk onto the bed again, holding her face in her hands. I shouldn’t be surprised, she thought. What did I expect; him to be celibate for the rest of his life? This is a pattern that will repeat itself my whole life and I might as well give up. A knock on the door interrupted her self-appointed pity party and she prayed that it wasn’t Bobby – she didn’t want him to see her like this.

“Who is it?” she muttered.

“Its me kid.” Came Wolverine’s gruff voice from the hallway, “Can I come in, or am I in the way of yer planning for mass destruction?”
She smiled wryly but it didn’t reach her eyes - she bade him come in.

“I’m surprised yer door’s still on. I nearly got run over by kids fleeing in terror. What’s up?” he asked curiously, raising an ebony eyebrow. She just shook her head and rolled her eyes, sighing as she held up her gloved hands. Logan nodded with a sage look on his face.

“Ice Prick?” he questioned and at her mumbled ‘MmHm’ he crossed his arms, “Sorry, kid.”

“Its alright, I guess. I don’t know why I’m so surprised.” She admitted and smiled a sad smile at him.

“Ah, men. You don’t need ‘em anyways darlin’.” He told her with an older-brother type grin that made her feel worse. His sibling-like attentions shouldn’t hurt her feelings anymore but the twinge in her heart was still there.

“I just hoped…There’d be someone who wouldn’t care…” she said and faded off – they’d had this conversation before.

“Men are men and you can’t change that.” He said again, frustration jumping in him – after all, they’d had this conversation before. When would she understand? The sooner she would, the sooner she’d quit hurting her self. Maybe I’ll just be blunt, he thought.

“Look, kid, unless you learn to control yer power this’ll just keep happening. Findin’ a guy that’ll stick around with a girl he can’t touch would require a crazy amount of luck and at that rate, you’d be more lucky to find a cure to yer mutation.” He huffed out, feeling bad for the stunned look on her face but feeling triumphant that he finally got through to her. Rogue looked at him as if the Blob had just climbed out of his nose and said he wanted to join the X-Men for the greater good. Or if he had ripped out all of her hope and sat his fat behind on it. If Wolverine says it…it must be true, she admonished. He’s too blunt to lie. She was quiet and dropped her eyes to the floor, hiding the disappointment. He obviously included himself when he said that and she felt a little more of that useless feeling of hope wring out of her heart. If it twisted anymore today, she was sure it would snap.

“I’m sorry, Marie, but that’s the way life is.” He muttered by way of apology, “Don’t be too down. Maybe you’ll find a way to control it.” He looked doubtful, though, even though she knew he was trying to hide it to make her feel better.

“Its alright…I knew that already.” she choked out and he gave her a ‘that-a-girl’ look.

“I knew you were a smart girl. Tough.” He said with an affirming nod.

“Yeah. I think I feel better already.” She lied, putting on a strong front – if he thought she was tough she wouldn’t let him down, despite what he had just told her. A glutton for punishment, that’s what she was. Still rolling over her own feelings to look a little better in his eyes.

“Good. Want me to have a word with him?” he grinned, then shrugged when she shook her head, “Whatever you say, darlin’.” He ruffled her hair in that brotherly way of his again and left.

Good God, she felt terrible. He hadn’t helped her, not one bit. After he came back from leaving post-Statue of Liberty incident, she started noticing how he acted when Jean was around. Soon realizing that he wanted the psychic, she started recognizing how their own relationship had developed to a sibling-like camaraderie. Her heart had been broken then, especially when she saw how he looked at Jean and went after her when Scott wasn’t around. She had been strong, though. Always putting on a good face when it came to him, because she knew he couldn’t stand weakness. She told herself that if she loved him she wanted him to be happy. Even if it was with someone else…right?

She had decided to move on and try to forget her feelings. This decision was made easier by the fact that Jean continued to turn him down and stand with Scott. Rogue had refused to follow after him like a love-sick teenager. So she turned her sights on Bobby, who had always been nice to her and liked her well enough. Seemed to like her, at least. No. No, she was sure that he had had feelings for her. They must have just faded away when any romantic interactions were repeatedly hampered by her untouchable skin. Her stupid, lethal skin. If it hadn’t been for her mutation she would still have Bobby’s affections. They would have been like a normal couple. Maybe even Wolverine would have thought about her as something more than a sister. After all, you couldn’t have romantic feelings for someone who had to keep touching you to save their life.

She heaved a great sigh, not sounding unlike Scott and stood up. She wouldn’t hide up in her room because she had been rejected by some boy. She removed the heavy sweater and threw it into the corner, opting for something that covered her without retaining heat. Though she was feeling down and out she couldn’t dwell on it. There was nothing to be done for her and she would just have to accept it. She closed her door behind her with a decisive slam – just one more to make her feel better – and left her problems down the hall in her room. Once downstairs she heard a commotion from the TV room and wandered in. Someone had been watching the news and their current story had the mutants in an uproar.

“Worthington Laboratories has just released their newest discovery: a cure for the mutant gene. Some are calling it the ‘miracle serum’ – the cure to the mutant epidemic. Interviews with large political figures who support the Mutant Registration Act are already underway. There is no doubt that they stand behind it and the new cure. Clinics all over New York city have been stocked with the ‘miracle serum’ and will be available beginning tomorrow…” the new caster reported. It seemed as if her eyes were boring right into Rogue, as if she was speaking on national television just to her. Nobody noticed her rush to get upstairs to her room this time; they were too busy shouting about the new ‘miracle serum’.

She didn’t remember climbing the stairs or reaching her room, but time came back into focus when she leaned against the inside of her closed door. This was so wonderfully and scarily coincidental that she couldn’t catch her breath. If Rogue had been in a better mood or had it been a normal day, she would have thought about this rationally. She probably would have consulted Professor Xavier. The thought about talking to him about this came up, but the image of his disappointment rested on the inside of her closed eyes. She couldn’t bear to disappoint him – not today. The best thing to do would be to leave without telling anybody. She would deal with everyone’s reactions when the deed was done because then she would be happy. If she could be strong during her deepest feelings of sadness, she could take anything when her world was bright again.

Dresser drawers slammed and the bathroom was left in disarray as she threw the necessities into her worn duffel bag. She ran a hand over it and recalled that it hadn’t been so long since she’d carried it around everywhere, wandering across the states without permanence. She pulled the zipper closed and gazed around the room. Rogue was almost positive that she wouldn’t be allowed back to the mansion once her mutation had been neutralized. It was, after all, an institute for mutants and hopefully she wouldn’t be one for long. That would only happen if the ‘miracle serum’ actually worked, though. She was too excited to think properly and couldn’t even contemplate the cure not working. Her happiness depended on it working. Hope broke through the gray shroud that was her growing depression and she feel asleep with a smile that night.

Tomorrow she was gone without leaving word with anyone as to her destination.