Her Secret

Her Secret

Night after night it is the same. This is her secret that she dares to keep. He sleeps and even in his dreaming he seems perfect. She watches the rise and fall of his chest as he takes in each breath. Silky black hair that she would kill to touch. The body that she yearns to have hold her and have to hold. But the only one who can not see it is him and she’ll never tell. Instead she remains silent. The desk in the corner of his room has become her spot to observe and watch over him. Emma tells her to stay away. Cessily encourages her every step of the way, but she still say’s nothing and keeps her heart hidden. It’s easier that way. He saved her life and showed that he was strong and worth the wait.

The breeze is a reminder that she must leave soon. Always before he wakes up. She will listen to him later. For now the moment belongs to her. No other can have him, he is hers. At least that’s how she feels. No one has taught her any better. Zebra Daddy had kept her like that but it had been different. She feels a connection to him. He doesn’t understand her, not really. She doesn’t mind that. Santo never notices her because usually he is asleep as well or out. She will not be caught. He starts to wake and she will move away, taking to the window once again and letting things be. Sooraya does not mention it. She keeps her secrets to be hers alone.

Maybe this was part of why Emma hates her. She is a threat not to be taken lightly. When his breathing returns to normal and the coast is clear she returns. She wants him close but doesn’t dare to let it happen. It’s how she keeps things. Safer for him. Or is it just safer for her? For a long time she would let no one in and still stands by that. Who would se open up to? Turn to when feeling sad or angry? Well there was no one. She has learned to keep herself away from anything that could be torn away from her. People that mean something to her. Instead she watches alone in the dark as the real leader of their team sleeps.

She waits until he is deeply lost in his dreams, she can tell by his breathing. Staying were she is until she finds the courage to step forward. Slipping from the desk in silence, she walks over to the side of the bed. He will never know. He never does. Something so small to others but meaning much more to her. She is a weapon. She is a killer. She is part of the team. Most of all? She is a woman. Tracing the blanket that covers him lightly with her fingers up along his calf and thigh to a place where she does not touch. She draws back hearing a little sharp intake of breath. She doesn’t want to wake him up, he might toss her away if he did so she smiles softly to herself. A private smile reserved just for him. Drawing back her hair with her left hand so that it would not tickle or irritate him. Blowing softly against his neck , her breath warm but she knows what she is doing. The evidence would speak for itself. Leaning down she places her lips to his and kisses him softly.

He starts to stir and she moves quickly away. She expects that. It’s never different and she will leave him again and sneak back over to the girl’s dorms, leaving only a brief inkling that she was ever there. By the time he wakes she is always gone. It’s better that way, for both of them. For this is her secret. Her heart that she shows as ice to everyone else. And a man to never have. But to love from a distance. It’s all she knows and all she would ever take. Well maybe tonight. Maybe tomorrow she will go further. Maybe tomorrow she will show him who she is inside. For now her comfort is the cool sheets of her bed against her bare skin. The soft pillow that she has grown accustomed to. The whispers in the night that keep her safe. She closes her eyes and sighs, speaking so softly to herself that no other would hear.

“Goodnight Julian.”