Accident

I didn't mean for it to happen, didn't plan on ever doing anything about my problem. It was an accident, it had happened before I really had time to think about what I was doing. He'd just looked so sad, so lost, and I couldn't stand seeing that look in his eyes. The look that just screamed 'I have nothing now, I am nothing'. I'd had to getrid of that look, and by that point it didn't seem to matter what the cost would be to me. So I'd kissed him. Kissed him because words never seemed to come out right for me when they were important. I put everything I'd ever wanted to say to him into that kiss. All my love, admiration, and respect. And, for a moment, one wonderful moment, before the surprise hit, the pain was gone from his eyes. I'd ran then, not wanting to stay, wanting to leave before the surprise turned into disgust, because I knew he was straight, even if he hadn't pushed me away.

The next time I'd seen him I knew something had changed between the two of us, and I'm not sure if it was a good change or not. I'd managed to get rid of one look only to have it replaced by another that I couldn't stand. Every time he'd look at me now, those alien eyes would be guarded, with a calculating look, constantly trying to figure something out about me. I just hope that when he finally comes to his conclusion about me, that his look won't change to one I like even less. Hate