Defeating The Past, Embracing The Future

Title: Defeating The Past, Embracing The Future
By: Lisa
Summery: Rogue wants while Logan runs and both face the possibility of no future together when a face from the past returns to revive Weapon X.
Disclaimer: I do not own them. **sigh** I did create Marcus, but if someone wants him, I can give him up easily, cause he is a really, really, really bad man.
Feedback: It’s good. Kind of like Logan with no shirt good.

Rogue’s POV

When Logan came to me three weeks after we returned from Alkali like to tell me he needed to take off for a while, I couldn’t even pretend I was surprised. I mean, he is part of me, I have him in my head so I knew he would be feeling restless and on edge after all that took place with Stryker and as much as I hated to see him go, I wished him luck and asked that he at least call from time to time so I would know he was still alive and somewhat well. I was tempted to ask if he would take me along, but I knew the answer, I knew he still saw me as a child despite the fact I was nineteen and had a grand total of five men living inside my mind and with their ages combined, I was maybe close to two hundred years old, if not older.

Anyway, I put on a strong face, a classic brave front and then I walked Logan to the door, received a hug, a kiss on the top of the head and he was gone.

I cried and Scott’s shoulder that night, as he cried on mine and later we laughed at the insane pair we made, lost in our grief and pain and hurting so much neither of us could stand it.

Of course, as Scott gently pointed out, the man I loved was alive and well, even if he was a stubborn ass and according to Scott it was only a matter of time before Logan came to his blessed senses and realized he loved me.

That he needed me.

Of course, I told him he was insane, cause Logan looked at me and saw the skinny girl that had crawled unseen into the back of his trailer in Laughlin City.

But Scott smiled and said Logan had seen me for what I was and that was part of the reason he had run. He hadn’t expected to see me changed so much…he hadn’t really given thought to the reality that I had grown up while he was away so when he saw me again, it kind of threw him.

It made him realize time passed for others even if it didn’t seem to pass for him.

It gave me something to think about, but I didn’t hold on to much hope, as I went about living my life at the mansion.

I joined the team.

I learned to fly the jet.

I broke up with Bobby when he finally broke down and told me he loved John.

Yeah, like I didn’t know that. I have both of them in my head.

Those two have had some vivid thoughts about one another and I got to say, images of Bobby having sex with John can be a little disturbing.

Of course, those images didn’t trouble me as much as the ones I had of Logan with any of the too many to name partners he had known during his time.

Of course, with Logan’s memories, I just learned to erase the face of whatever woman he was with in any particular situation and replace it with me…I could picture myself straddled Logan…under Logan…bent over a dresser with Logan behind me, thrusting into me, his massive hands cupping my breast.

Vivid sexual daydreams? Yes.

Actually sex? No.

Ever after I ended my relationship, such as it was, with Bobby, and began dating Remy, I still had toxic skin.

I was still the untouchable girl.

Until Carol.

Carol. A nightmare and a blessing.

Carol that I had to kill when she went insane and randomly began brutally killing both humans and mutants.

Carol that nearly took over my mind and body and would have, had it not been for the professor and Scott and their determination not to lose me to the new voice screaming inside my head.

Carol that had once known a mutant with powers similar to mine and as a result, knew the switch within my mind that enabled me to turn my skin off and on at will.

Absorbing Carol gave me the ability to touch and fly, she gave me super strength and the ability to heal.

She also gave the Logan in my head cause to get pissed off because he is kind of on the possessive side up there and it tends to upset him whenever someone knew comes barging in to what he sees as his space.

Real Logan. Mind Logan. Both a pain in the ass.

Of course, I love both of them so I find it easy to ignore the whole pain in the ass issue.

Others, however, have a hard time with the Logan in my head.

Carol. Eric. John. Bobby. David.

Remy had no problem with them being in my head, never mind the fact that Carol and Eric are both borderline nuts.

Remy could live with that.

Knowing that a part of Logan was in me annoyed him, because he knew the truth that everyone else knew.

I loved Logan.

Heart. Mind. Body. Soul.

With all that made me who and what I am, I loved Logan and after a year of trying to feel more than friendship for Remy, I finally told him that it was unfair for me to hold on to him when I could never give myself to him completely.

He was hurt, but he admitted it was time to end the façade, for his sake and mine and when he began dating Ro three months after he and I broke up, I was happy for both of them and I went to Ro and wished her well.

She smiled and touched my hand and told me not to give up hope, because she had a feeling Logan would return soon.

But I had my doubts.

He had been gone for nearly two years, at that point and he called once every month or so and when he did, we had wonderful conversations that allowed us to talk and laugh.

And Logan got to curse when I told him about Carol a month after it happened.

He blamed Scott and Charles and himself.

I told him to chill out, I was fine, I had Carol under control and Ro was helping me with the learning how to fly thing.

He scoffed when I told him I was now stronger than he was and I assured him that when he got home I would prove it by kicking his ass.

I cherished those conversations with Logan.

And I missed them when first two, then three, then four months passed without so much as a word and I finally decided I should go see Charles and express my concern and he said he would look into it.

And he did.

And he came to me personally and he held my hand when he told me that he had just received information that confirmed Logan was in trouble.

He had been captured by the government.

Someone was making an attempt to complete Stryker’s work.

Someone had decided to revive the Weapon X project.

Someone was determined to extract the humanity from Logan, leaving only the animal that could be controlled and dominated.

And commanded to kill.

My first reaction was to cry, I sobbed as the professor held me, then I struggled to pull all of my emotions together and I asked what was the plan…how did we intended to find Logan and bring him home.

I was ready to do whatever it took, fight whoever dared stand in my way and I died a little inside when Charles explained that a plan to track down Logan’s location was in the works, but he wanted me to be prepared for the reality that we might be too late to save Logan’s life.

The government had had him for over four months, having captured him just days after his last call to me.

Charles wanted me to be ready to face the possibility that the Logan I knew, the Logan I loved, might already have disappeared forever…there was a chance the government had him within their complete control and if that was indeed the case, Logan would be a threat and a danger.

If he was completely Weapon X, Charles asked, did I know what that meant.

Yes, I replied.

It meant he would have to be destroyed.

And we all knew only one person had the power to kill The Wolverine.

And that was me.

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Logan’s POV


I could tell by looking in her eyes that she didn’t want me to go, but she was gonna be strong and not ask me to stay and I admired her for that. It proved she understood me, I was in her head and she knew I needed to get away after all that had went down with Stryker and Jean.

She thought I needed to go off alone and mourn for Jean.

She was wrong.

I mean, yeah, I did mourn Jean, I hated that she died the way she did, that she gave up herself to save the rest of us and I miss her, cause she was one of the good ones. A real, decent woman…she had heart and soul and you could tell she really cared about the kids at the school.

She cared about me.

Of course, I know she didn’t love me, she was Scooter’s one hundred percent, but she gave a damn about what happened to me and that along with the fact that she was a beautiful woman drew me to her.

But I didn’t love her.

The Wolverine doesn’t love anyone.

At least that’s what I told myself when I left Marie standing in the foyer that second time around, with no dog tags, just my word to hold on to as a promise that I’d be back after a while.

I had to run for a while.

From her.

From those damn brown eyes that looked at me and saw the good and the bad and still loved me.

And I knew it was love, not a crush, or some shit like that.

I could feel it. Smell it. She loved me.

And I loved her.

The big bad Wolverine loved a teenager girl with killer skin and a heart too damn big for her own good.

Of course, being the older of us, even if I wasn’t the wiser, I was wise enough to know I was no good for her; I knew she deserved better…she deserved someone that wasn’t part beast, someone who knew who he was and where he came from and I knew if I stayed around the school, I would forget about that and take her to bed.

I knew I would make her my mate.

So I left, told myself I would give it time, see if my feelings faded or if hers changed, but each time I called the second I heard her voice I knew she loved me still and I loved her so I decided to do more digging into my past.

I decided, if I could find out some solid information about myself, maybe that would make me a better person.

Maybe it would make me someone that deserved her.

But I still called, I limited myself to talking to her ever few months and I relished each of our conversations cause I loved hearing about what was going on in her life.

I was pleased as hell when she ended it with Ice Cube.

Not so pleased when she started dating the Remy kid.

Was pissed when I heard she was on the team, and after I heard about the Carol story I was ready to go back to the mansion and carve Scooter and Chuck into pieces.

Course, Marie, she calmed me down, told me she was fine, she was stronger and she could fly.

And heal.

She could heal.

My knees about went weak at that, cause I knew it meant she would be okay…she had the gift I had, she could heal and live and that meant she and I could have a hell of a long time together.

Just as soon as I learned more.

Dug deeper.

I needed some answers.

So I found out about some contacts Stryker had in the government.

I thought I was playing it careful, never staying in once place all that long.

I thought I was keeping myself below the radar, not drawing too much attention to myself or the questions I was asking.

Turns out I was wrong.

I caught the attention of a man named Marcus Stryker.

William Stryker’s brother and partner in the Weapon X Project.

I didn’t know Stryker had had a brother, until it was too late.

Until I was caught.

They got me the day after what would be my last call to Marie.

I was walking to my truck when I felt a sudden pinch in my neck, but before I could try and process what had happened or why, I was out, lost in the darkness that took a long time to finally faded.

When it did, I was in a lab.

A collar around my neck, in a force field guarded cage.

It was then that Marcus Stryker introduced himself to me and in some ways, it was a lot like looking at his brother.

Marcus had the same cold smile.

The same arrogant eyes.

He was just as bad as William had been, maybe even more so, I realized, as he told me what he had in mind for me.

What he was determined to do.

He had a few experiments he wanted to run first, a few theories William had not felt at all compelled to test.

But Marcus did.

He wanted to find out for certain what I could and could not survive.

And if I did, he would finish the work he and his brother began and put Weapon X into play in the human/mutant war he felt certain was on the way.

How better for mutants to die, Marcus said with a smile, than at the hand of one of their own kind.

An invincible, unstoppable, human controld, mutant killing machine with no ability to think for himself.

No ability to feel.

When he was done, there would be no humanity left in me.

I would be animal.

I would be machine.

I would be his, he said.

I told him to fuck off, but he laughed and told me to enjoy what little control I had while it lasted because soon I would be nothing more than a lap dog at his beck and call.

If I could have killed him in that moment, I would have.

Because everything he promised he would do to me began the next day.

It was hell…it was brutal…the pain was enough to drive me out of my mind…any kind of torture Marcus Stryker could conceive, I endured, mostly for his sadistic pleasure, as a punishment for his brother’s death he blamed me for.

I wanted to die.

I prayed for death.

It never came.

But she did…time and time again…it was only in my mind, but she was there, so real and vivid and beautiful, gently telling me to hold on, to fight and not give up because I was not alone.

She said she would find me.

She said she loved me.

At night I dreamed I was in her arms, safe and warm, with her holding me close, telling me it had all been a nightmare.

A nightmare and nothing more.

But each day I faced reality, I was in hell and there was little chance that I would ever escape with any trace of sanity left within me.

So at night, when the dreams came, when Marie came, I told her all the things that I had never said before.

I told her I loved her.

I told her I had loved her from the moment I saw her.

I told her I was sorry I had left, that I knew now I should have stayed and began building a life with her because the past didn’t matter and now, because I had been so insanely obsessed with the past, I would never have a future with her.

I would never kiss her.

I would never make love to her.

I would never marry her.

I would never see our child sleeping in her arms.

I would die alone, with only the dream image of her face smiling down at me.

Alone in my cell, I cried, at night, and I whispered her name.

Marie…Peace.

Marie…Beauty.

Marie…Love.

Even now, as each day becomes more brutal, more unbearable, more agonizing than the last, I sit on my cell, chanting her sweet name, and in my own way, I know that I am saying goodbye.

I’m letting go.

It’s almost done.

Logan is almost dead.

Only the animal will remain.

Marcus Stryker will have his Weapon X.

I sigh and say her name one more time…I whisper that I love her more than life and I will love her well into death.

I love you, Marie.

It’s over, Marie.

I’m broken, Marie.

Stryker has won.

Goodbye, Marie

TO BE CONTINUED...