Forgiveness

She had just gotten back. She still loved Scott and lusted after Logan, but Logan wasn't there right now. He was in Canada as usual. Now she was broken hearted and alone. Lying in the medlab, her wrists bandaged up, her once firey eyes, dull, staring at the ceiling.

Jean Grey-Summers had changed after she had lost herself to the Dark Pheonix and after the Dark Pheonix had been defeated, she had more power, but at the same time, none at all. Her powers had grown, but her soul it seemed had been defeated as well. She was like a broken doll not really in control of itself.

After she had killed so many people, she had hoped to find things the same. She blamed herself, but she had hoped Scott or Logan would help her heal. Maybe help her forgive herself. But Logan was hadn't been there and Scott wanted to divorce her.

Tears were flowing from her face as she remembered the day she returned home to the mansion. It had been raining, and she stepped out of the cab. She had been soaked through to the bone and she walked through the mansion gates. She unlocked the door to the big house and walked through as if nothing had changed. When in reality, everything had changed.

Scott had been the first one to see her and at first he was shocked, then he grew angry. They slept in the same room and when they touched each other, it was as if he were raping her and abusing her instead of loving her the way he had. His anger flowed through their link, their repetoir was not the same.

He rarely talked to her. Even after they had slept together. He just rolled onto his side and fell asleep. Dreaming of Betsy and Emma. Not her.

It had hurt her at first until at last she had grown numb. She kept to herself after awhile, even avoiding the frightened glances of some of the students. Soon, she stopped going to classes. She had kept herself down in the medlab. Busying herself with mundane things such as keeping the equipment cleaned and orginized. Fixing lab reports.

Hank had grown worried about her as she grew fixated with little things. She began to eat less and sleep little. He watched her wither away. Soon, the depression set in for her and he often saw her crying alone or even crying in her sleep when she got any.

Logan hadn't been there to see her spiral of self-destruction, thank god, but she was sure he would have helped stop it. Give her the love she needed, the forgiveness she craved.

But Logan didn't come. She grew more depressed and desperate and finally walked the edge. She wanted to die. If she couldn't be forgiven, she'd kill herself. She got drunk one night and locked herself in the medlab bathroom, after grabbing a scalpel.

She wrote on the mirror a note of apology and said, "God forgive me, I'm sorry for what I'm going to do." With that, she sobbed and slid the sharp tool across her wrists slowly and gasped out in pain. She watched the blood ooze from her wrists and she shook from the loss of blood. She grew pale and faint and finally collapsed on the floor.

The next she knew, she was here on the bed. Alone again. Afraid, angry, hurt and alone. The only sound in the silence being that of the monitors and the sound of her tears. She prayed for the slow release of death to releave her of her agony.