My Immortal

Done to Evanescence song My Immortal, hence the title. These characters and song in no way belong to me, they all belong to Marvel and Evanescance and so forth, I make no profit from any of this. I heard this song one rae radio not long ago and it reminded me of Scott and Jean, so I thought I'd write a song fic about it. The song just seemed to perfectly fit what Scott would be going through after her death.


Words after ~~: Song lyrics
In single quote marks: ' : Scott's thoughts
In double quote marks: " : Jean's thoughts, Storm and Scott speaking


~~My Immortal~~

~~I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone~~

Scott Summers slowly approached Jean's bedroom, the door shut like she had been in there just this morning. But it had already been a month since her death. 'I don't know if I can handle this much longer, I'm breaking apart, my whole world is caving in on me, Dammit Jean, why did you have to be the fucking hero! My whole life is gone in a fucking second, Jean why did you have to be so stubborn.' Scott places his hand on the door, afraid to open it. 'Why did you leave me Jean, I can't live my life without you.'

~~These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase~~

Tears swelled up in his eyes and flowed beneath his ruby lense. He placed his hand delicately on the door as if it is as fragile as his mental state is at the moment. He slowly turned the knob and the door clicked open a crack. He pushed the door the rest of the way and stepped inside. 'Jesus it still smells like her in here, her bed isn't even made from when she last slept in it.' He choked back a sob as he noticed the faint indentation in her pillow where her head once rested peacefully. Nobody had been in her room since she died. Scott walked over to her bed and sat down on it.

~~When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me~~

He buried his face in her pillow and sobbed. 'It still smells like her a little, that shampoo she used to use, smells like peaches, fucking son of a bitch I fucking hate myself for not being able to help her, Goddammit, it's all my fault, why did you do it Jean, why couldn't you have stopped it from the jet, I just want to die.' Scott wept into her pillow, grasping at its sides as if trying to hold on to some part of her that she might have left beind. He gave a sorrowful cry and beat his one fist into the pillow.

~~You used to captivate me
By your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me~~

'I know if I go to sleep tonight I'll see her again as if she were alive and it's so fucking real. I can see every fucking minute before she died under the water and I can feel every emotion that went through my mind as I watched her helplessly, God help me I'm going insane. She had such a promising life ahead of her, Jean why did you kill yourself, you didn't always have to be the strong one...' Scott turned his head so that it was facing the wall by the door and he stared blankly at it, not caring if anyone walked in on him.

~~These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase~~

'I don't think I'll ever get over this, these feelings are more than I can handle, it feels like it's ripping my fucking guts out and it feels like my heart is about to burst. The knot in my stomach is growing worse every day, like somebody punched me there. Sometimes I'm so damned sad that I can't cry at all. If you can hear me Jean, I love you, please help me.'

~~I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along~~

At that moment a book dropped from one of Jean's shelves and opened up onto the floor. 'What the hell...' Scott sat up looked at it. 'It looks like a diary or something.' Dread knotted itself in Scott's stomach as he looked at it. Scott stood up warily and went to retrieve it. He opened it up to the last entry, dated a few days before Jean died. "I just wanted to say that I am completely happy with my life. I hloveloved, I've had the love of my life Scott, and a I have a wonderful job here at the Institute and all my friends. I know that if my life were to end right now that I would die happy. I fear that this is the last journal entry I will write because if I haven't said it all by now than it doesn't need to be said. I'll end this by saying that I love you Scott, no matter what happens, and I will always be there with you no matter how hard the times seem. I have learned to never give up hope because without hope you have nothing. And always believe." 'It's as if she knew she was going to die.' His tears dropped onto the journal entry, smudging some of the ink. He shut the book and laid it back on the shelf. 'I think that might have been Jean giving me a sign. God, don't give up Summers, you're stronger than this. God just give me a sign, anything, I don't care.' He turned towards the door as a rush of peach filled the room. He smiled sadly and sighed. 'Maybe I do need to start looking for someone else, maybe that would help, but rnd rnd relationships don't usually work...' Then the door to the room slowly opened and Storm looked in at Scott. She smiled shyly at him. "I thought I might find you here. Come on, why don't you let me get you a cup of coffee or something." Another rush of peach filled the room and a little red heart-shaped pillow fell off of another shelf, seemingly out of nowhere. 'Something I won for Jean at that carnival. I think she's trying to tell me something.' He walked over to Storm and he shut the door behind him. "Coffee sounds nice," Scott said to her and they headed off towards the kitchen. Things would take time to heal, but like Jean, he must be strong and never give up hope.