A Relative Term

I own the X-Men!!! Yeah, right, I wish!!!!!

Intro: This is set in the near future of the X-Men, it’s a ‘what if….’ Meant to be a letter from one character to another. Hope you like it. Please read and review.


A Relative Term


“Dead, it’s a relative term. There are so many ways you can be dead; six feet under, half dead, or my personal favorite, walking dead. That was me. No one seemed to notice when it happened. One day my world seemed to crash down, just when everything was almost normal again, and I died. Right there in the recreation room. Sure, I was still breathing, but the air had become so thin that every breath was a struggle. I’m so tired of fighting.

“It all started, it seems like forever ago, when my powers returned. I couldn’t stay where I was, and had no place to go, home seemed like the logical answer. The greeting was as cold as ever, not that it was your fault. I guess no one was ever really happy to see me. Not that I blame them, but it would have been nice if they at lat least tried to hide their disgust. Non-the less, I settled in just fine. Old habits returned and before long, it was like I never left. Some things had changed though. It was like someone put up a divider in the middle of the mansion. Don’t pretend you couldn’t see it. Maybe it had something to do with the professors extra workload, but I think it had more to do with the divorce.

“How long were they together anyway? Warren had said it was only a matter of time. Still, I felt bad for Scott. I know what your thinking, ‘how could I feel bad for him, it was all his fault and I hated him anyway.’ Well, it was his fault, but what he had most men would kill for. Beyond anything else, the love of a good woman, and Jean was one of the best, is the most valuable thing in the world. I know what Frost is like. We’ve gone a few rounds in the past, to her it wasn’t a matter of ‘love’ like Logan said, it had to do with taking what someone else had. Didn’t you ever wonder why after she ‘rose from the dead’ she left the mansion? I don’t hate Scott. He does deserve some pity though, if only for being stupid. Jean, on the other hand, is a different story.

“I was happy, even if the team was divided. I still had the one person who was important to me, Logan. This will surprise you, but for a long time we had been together. No one knew, Logan liked to keep his secrets. We would meet in private, sneak past the security in the middle of the night, and make love under the stars for hours. We wouldn’t dare do this in the mansion for fear we would be caught. At first it was spur attic, but then it started to happen every night. It got to the point where I couldn’t sleep without our little rendezvous. I had fallen in love with him. There was a time when we were sure one of the students had spotted us, but nothing was ever said of it. We moved deeper into the forest after that and continued to change places every night. It had become a game, Logan would find a spot and I would find Logan. By the time we got to each other, we were so worked up that we came fast. We would lay on the bare ground, naked, my head on his chest. We talked for hours like that, cradled safely in each other’s arms, he would run his fingers through my hair. I miss that most of all.

“It had been months since the divorce and there was no sign of Frost anywhere. Scott, the Boy Scout, of course had to go looking for her. Not that I cared, but this left Jean to run the team. It was a terrible month. Jean kept a close watch on Logan and our rendezvous all but stopped. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, I was sure that something was wrong. It had made no sense, why would Jean watch Logan so? My thoughts became that of jealousy; I had become possessive over the one thing that I could never posses. Logan noticed the change and confronted me. I told him of my fears that Jean would take him from me and he quickly stifled them. He told me that I was his, that nothing would ever change that, he was wrong. That night we snuck out but to our surprise, we found Scott in the forest. He was sitting by a tree, he claimed to be thinking but an awe struck expression covered his face. When he began talking, it was so fast we couldn’t understand him. We could only make out a few words. How he got there, we had no idea, but we quickly gathered him up, before he could start to guess why we came, and headed for the mansion.

“ In the mansion, Professor Xavier talked to him. It had turned out that he found his father in Massachusetts; apparently looking for his son in the last place he had seen him. Corsair needed to talk to his boys, about what, I wasn’t sure. Whatever it had been, it bothered Scott. He returned to the mansion and had been looking for Alex, but found himself wondering the grounds for the better part of the evening. The professor collected Scott and Alex and left immediately. With them safely off the ground, Logan and I had missed our chance. Sunlight pored in the windows, and Logan kissed me goodnight. I lied in bed for hours that morning crying, feeling I had lost an important part of myself. I wanted him to come to me, to hold me, to say that he loved me and only me. That was the first time I noticed the air thinning.

“The next day, Professor Xavier returned with Scott and Alex. Someone else came as well, Corsair. Jean was sent to my room, woke me and informed me that the professor wanted to see me. I dressed quickly. As I walked the halls I looked for any sigh of Logan, there was none. The office door was closed but when I began to knock, it opened. What I walked into was a nightmare. To make a long story short, the professor handed me an old picture of the Srs’ rs’ family, I was in it. Me as a baby, held proudly by a young Corsair, sitting on the edge of a hospital bed, surrounded be my brothers and mother. The world around me did somersaults, how could this be? We sat there for the better part of the morning, talking, yelling, and even fighting at one point. In the end, we all agreed to disagree. I’ve already said that I don’t hate Scott, but I quickly found out the feeling was not mutual. He had told me he wished I were never born. It was as if he thought I would bring shame to his wonderful family name. The words cut like knives through my heart. Then there was Alex. He didn’t even know me, he admitted that much himself. Yet he was non-to happy to learn of my existence either. The words from Corsair, though kinder, were mere bullshit. He claimed to be worried he would never again get the chance to tell us, so he chose this moment to tear what fragile a relationship we had apart. I would say I hate him, but I can’t. He is, after all, my father.

“As I left the office, I began to search for Logan, feeling the need to vent. He was nowhere to be found. I learned shortly after that he went into town with Jean. They had gone to the movies; I waited on the front porch for five hour before they returned. Everything festering inside me. How I hated Jean Gray. She took the one person I needed now more than ever. They walked up the stairs laughing as if the world was great. Why shouldn’t they, they didn’t know what had happened. I stood and looked directly at Logan, he kept walking, right past me, as if I didn’t exist. It was too much to take, I ran in behind them and grabbed Logan. He spun quickly, anger in his eyes where love once was. He pushed me back and told me to keep my hands off him. She stood there, watching, I could see her just over Logan’s shoulder, she smiled. What had happened to my love? He turned, putting his arm around Jean, and left.

“For the rest of the day I tried to corner Logan so that he could explain his actions. I had little luck. By the end of the night I had managed to find him alone in the rec room. He was sitting in front of the TV watching some show. I stood between him and it then asked him what was going on. Now, looking back on it, I realize I didn’t need the answer, I already knew. He stood up and glared at me. With one sentence my world came crashing to a halt. He looked me dead in the eyes, no twitching, no blinking; he made sure I knew he was serious. He whispered slowly so that I could grasp the full force of his words without him repeating them. ‘I’m in love with Jeannie.’ That was it. He turned and left me there, alone. It was a long time before I found the strength to move again, to even breath. I felt the tears and let them come, my body began shaking and my knees gave. I knelt there for what seemed forever hoping that he would come back. He didn’t. I was sobbing uncontrollable but I finally managed to find my feet. I rose an empty shell of the person I was before. How could he say that, how could he not love me? The mere memory of his words still sting.

“ I walked from the room, staring into oblivion, shocked tears streaking my face, past the kitchen. Scott had been in there and spotted me. I don’t remember how many times he asked what had happened or what was wrong, but he followed me all the way to my room. He still stands on the other side of the door even now, practically begging to be let in. I can hear the terror in his voice. This puzzles me, you see, I thought he hated me and that Logan loved me. Maybe I’ve been wrong all these months, maybe I shouldn’t have come back. Things do change, more than I would care to admit. Maybe I’m what changed. Till this point, you know I’ve never been really serious about anyone, but there was just something about Logan. Something that made me want to be a Summers, something that made me want to take back all the bad things I’ve ever done, something that made me whole again. Of all the lovers I’ve had, no one touched me like him, no one ever could, or will again. I’m truly sorry to be putting all this on you, but there is no one else. I just felt I should at least try to explain why I’m doing this, you see, I think it’s not really suicide if your already dead, is it?

“I have just one more favor to ask of you, a last request as it where. Just tell ‘Ro that I love her, that I’ll always be with her. Please, please tell her that it’s not her fault. She will probably try to blame herself for not being here for me, but she was. I still have the ruby. Tell her to remember the ruby and never forget me. Thank you Kurt, for everything. Good bye.


Yours truly,
Remy LeBeau