How to Slay a Dragon

The Knight Has Fallen

By some miracle, Logan managed to make it to his room without being seen by any late night wanderers. He shoved open the door and stumbled blindly through. The stale mixture of blood and his own scent churned his insides. His renewed hunger and the memory of the sickening act he had just commited was his undoing and he desperately bolted for his bathroom. He dropped to his knees in front of the toilet and began to disgorge a combination of stomach mucus and blood. Remy's blood. Tears of regret and pain fell from Logan's eyes as he continued to dry heave until his body ached from the strain.
Although threatened to be overtaken by exhaustion, he was somehow able to stand up and turn on the shower. He didn't wait for the water to warm before stepping into the hard spray. Logan chanced a look down and shuddered as the blood caked around his groin and thighs swirled in rivets down his legs and ran a rapid course across the floor before circling the drain to disappear. He quickly grabbed a bar of soap and began to vigoriously scrub away at his skin, but knew nothing could scour away the shame of his actions.
How could he do this? Easy. Something inside chided. Yer a fuckin' animal. This is what you do. Kid's human, what did you think was gonna happen? Did ya really think a beautiful creature like Remy could love some outta the bush beast like you? Stop kiddin' yerself, old man. You know shit just don't happen fer you that way. The names Silverfox and Mariko ring a bell? And them's just the ones ya know about.
Logan breathed a tight sigh and found no plausible arguement on his behalf. He'd done what he'd done because that's who he was. He couldn't have anything beautiful in his life because the very notion would throw him into a panic. Instead of enjoying what he had, he would eventually find himself trying to destroy it before it was taken away. It was his own damn fault.
Logan looked down at the hands soaping his body and realized that they were shaking. The same was happening to his legs. His skin began to burn and sting and his already aching stomach clenched viciously. Logan grunted in pain and fell to his knees on the tiled shower floor. His mouth and throat suddenly felt drier than a desert. Logan knew that he was starting to crash and burn. He had gone too long without and now his body was paying for it. A sudden headache pounded the back of his eyes, making the soft light of the room flare into a super nova. He heard every drop of water hit the tile like a cannon vibrating through a megaphone right next to his ears. Swirling smells of blood, vomit, sex and pain shoved themselves into his nostrils. Logan was powerless to do anything except shut his eyes and scream, until a smooth darkness overcame him.
Hold me now I need to feel relief
Like I never wanted anything
I suppose I'll let this go
and find a reason I'll hold onto
I'm so ashamed of defeat
and I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm outta trying to get by

When he finally came to again Logan realized his body must be blocking the drain because the water had rose enough to almost cover his legs. He was sore and his sides ached from the akwardness of his slumped position. With a pained groan Logan righted himself and struggled onto unsteady feet. His body hurt in every way fathomable and he knew, healing factor or no, that it wasn't going to end any time soon. Bumps and bruises would fade but the memory would burn itself into his soul, where it would rot and fester. Sicken him to the core just like any other time.
Logan figured it was pointless but sleep seemed like the only option available at the moment. A chill grazed his soaked body as he stepped out of the shower and dragged his broken form back to the bedroom. A few sloppy steps and he threw himself onto the bed, still naked. The pillow was cold and smelled musty as did the covers but Logan really couldn't care. His head throbbed with a migraine and his skin was still on fire. The cold, stale air in the room seeped into his body and caused him to shiver. A battle of scorching heat and biting cold raged on his flesh, leaving Logan crazed and desperate for relief from the constant muscle seizures.
For what seemed like hours, he crawled from one extreme of his bed to the other seeking comfort. He angrily fought the crawling sickness that caused his limbs to become increasingly restless. His stomach was in a constant cramp from the shivers and hunger. Although frustrated and exhausted, Logan propelled himself up from the bed and blindly began to pace the floor. He moved from the bed, to the dresser then over to throw open the window; only to close it seconds later because the wind was far too cold despite the comfortable summer heat. He ran his fingers constantly over his tingling scalp. His heart was beating a mile a minute, like a terrified rabbit wanting to leap out of his chest. Logan grimly chuckled at the thought that it would do just that. What he wouldn't give to have it do that.
There was an incessant buzzing in his head, causing his neck muscles to jerk and tic every so often. He could feel the skin between his knuckles begin to stretch as his claws tried to inch their way out. Something was sending Logan's body the signal to hunt. There was something that he was needing. An itch that was in need of a serious scratch. His body desired something that he was going crazy without.
"Ya keep walkin' homme, y' gon' wear out de fine carpet."
Son of a bitch! Logan stopped dead in his tracks. He whipped around to where he thought the voice had come from. A dull red glow drew his attention to a darkened corner of the room where Remy Lebeau was crouched, a burning cigarette dangling from his fingers. How in hell had he not known the thief was there? He should have smelled Remy the minute he came into the room.
"What're ya doin' here, Remy?" Why the hell was his throat so dry?
Logan watched as the younger man rose gracefully to his feet, casually snubbing the still lit cigarette between his thumb and forefinger.
"You in de loo fo' long time. Havin' some trouble?"
Logan remained silent, his tired muscles still twitching uncontrollably. With whispered steps, Remy slowly made his way toward the still naked Canadian. He moved as if he had all the time in the world. Logan continued to watch, the craving inside him screaming for satisfaction. The need to hunt was slowly overpowering him. It knew there was prey, the Wolverine always knew. It smelled meat and spice, heard the rush of blood that travelled steadily with a heartbeat. This one would be a good chase.
"Don' t'ink so Wolverine. Remy not be yo' prey t'night."
In the back of Logan's mind the Wolverine growled in displeasure, the prey was challenging them. Logan shook his head, trying to ignore the animal. Remy stood not more than a few feet away, watching the feral man with unblinking eyes. Logan cleared his throat.
"W-what're y-ya doin'-"
"Remy don' come here t' talk."
The other man nearly flinched at the sound of the hard edge in the Acadian's tone. The Wolverine was not happy and was quickly becoming rabid for blood. The prey was trying to intimidate them and needed to be shown ascendancy. Logan struggled against the harsh impulse to attack Remy but in his state, he wasn't sure how much longer his control would hold out. The adamantium blades in his forearms were beginning to force their way to the surface. He could feel them sliding over the muscles and tendons in his hands and strain against the thick skin that housed them from the outside world.
"Rem, y-ya need t-t-o leave."
The younger man seemed almost oblivious to Logan's internal struggle. With his eyes still on his twitching teammate, he flicked the butt of his extinguished cigarette onto the floor. It was only now that Logan noticed the bandages on his hands as well as the slight limp in his cool gait as Remy took a few more steps.
"Yer s-still hurt."
Logan attempted to reach out his hand to stop Remy's advancement and was caught completely off guard by the swift right hook that slammed into his nose. There was a loud crunch and both men knew that the nose was broken. The uncharacteristic action prompted a moment of clarity for the feral man and shook the Wolverine back into holding. Logan was given no time to recover from his shock as he was forcefully shoved back against the bed. His knees buckled and sent him flat on his back. Remy was over him in an instant, pinning Logan's shoulders down with his weight. The older man could feel the warm blood trickling from his already healing nose. Remy noticed too and brought his hand up to wipe away the dark liquid.
The action confused Logan but he couldn't bring it into question as Remy dipped his head and pressed a hard kiss to Logan's lips. A wave of heat engulfed Logan's body, heat that had nothing to do with his sickness and everything to do with the man above him. Logan raised his hands to sink them into Remy's hair but the other man quickly caught them in mid-air and pulled them up higher until they were stretched over his head. The theif broke the kiss and whispered softly.
"Y' don' get t' touch."
Logan let out a shakey breath. There was a sudden dark moment as his animal raged at the idea of submission. The Wolverine bowed to no one. Logan fought back hard and buried the panicked surge of the beast. He knew Remy wasn't just anyone. Whatever the kid had planned, good or bad, Logan wasn't going to refuse him.
I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I dont belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
I'm right on the wrong side of it all

Tremors still wracked Logan as he warred with his body to lay still beneath Remy's exploring fingers. The Acadian mummered quietly while running his hands up and down the other man's thighs in an attempt to soothe his lover. He brought his head down and planted soft kisses across the wide chest, coming to a stop above the man's pounding heart before trailing downward. Logan squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to think about the way the boy's mouth felt on his skin. He was going to need every ounce of control he could muster, so as not to simply take the other man as he saw fit. He still didn't know why Remy had come to him tonight, after what he had done, but right now he wasn't going to question a blessing.
The endless shaking began to lessen as Remy continued his ministrations. Deep caresses and gentle nuzzles rained down all over Logan's tired form, nearly hypnotic in their comfort. The touches became less erotic and instead took on a form of repose. Restful thoughts swarmed lazily through his mind and pushed back the thrumming red haze. Logan could feel the heaviness creeping up on him and gladly let it sink in. Slowly, he lowered his arms from above his head and laid them at his sides.
Remy brought his face next to Logan's and idly slid his mouth across the stubbled jaw and chin. Logan sighed and tilted his head so his lips brushed lightly against Remy's. The kid turned away from the touch and began focusing his attention on Logan's neck. Those nimble fingers skimmed over his arms before drifting up and immersing themselves in the wild mess of his hair. Logan groaned softly and gripped the sheets in an effort to keep his hands away from the other man. He felt Remy smile against his throat and the fingers twined in his hair began to rhythmically massage his scalp. His eyes slid closed and with a shuddered breath, Logan gave up the fight to stay awake.
Remy felt the moment Logan had conceded to slumber and graced the feral with one last tender kiss on the lips. The bittersweet mixture of sweat and skin brought a stinging sensation to the theif's eyes. He was quick to pull away before any of the moisture fell and made contact with Logan. No need to wake him and make this harder than it had to be.

"Adieu, Logan. Je m'ennuierai de vous. Veuillez, etre heureux."

With the last words he would ever speak to the man sleeping before him finally out, Remy slipped quietly from the bed. Just as silently as he had come Remy Lebeau stole through the door and into the empty hallway. The faint blue glow of pre-dawn washed everything in its meloncholy hue and the Cajun boy found his heart duelly painted as well. He leaned back against the closed door and whispered mutely as a single tear fell from his flaming eyes.

"Je t'aime."

Remy stood there for a few seconds before a gentle presence was felt standing nearby.

"Remy, are you ready?"

With a deep sigh he turned his head to catch the gaze of Ororo who smiled faintly. He bent down and scooped up the duffel bag he had abandoned by the door earlier. Swiping at the wetness on his face he hoisted the bag onto his shoulder and nodded his head.

"Yeah, Stormy. Let's go."
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The first thing Logan noticed was the brightness. The second was that he was in bed, and he was alone. He had to wonder if last night had been real or just some crazy hallucination. He hoped to God it wasn't the latter. He knew he had no right to expect forgiveness so quickly but maybe Remy would be willing to at least listen. It was a fool's dream but it was all Logan had.
A sudden deep rumbling from the vicinity of his abdomen brought the gruff man's attentions back to the present. As much as he wanted to resolve this thing with Remy, he knew that an empty stomach wouldn't be a good start. The covers were flung aside and Logan gingerly raised himself to a seated position on the bed. No unbearable headache but his mind still felt fuzzy. Last night nust have been pretty rough for him to feel this out of it. He felt a wave of shame and guilt for being so weak.
With what little energy he still posessed, Logan stood and made his way to his dresser. As he pulled some clean clothes from the drawers, he caught his reflection in the glass of a picture frame. What he saw staring back made him grimace. He looked like a lifetime of hell that had been crammed into one foolish night. Which is exactly how he should look, since it described how he had gotten here in the first place. He slammed his drawer shut and started to get dressed. As he was pulling his shirt over his head he heard a gentle knock on his door. He hastily forced it the rest of the way down and hurried over to the door, praying that it was Remy on the other side.
The door was jerked open and Logan looked right into a pair of gentle blue eyes. Hank stood behind Charles with his paws resting on the handles of the Professor's chair. Logan sighed disappointedly and slumped against the doorframe.

"Good morning Logan. I hope we are not intruding." Charled said warmly.

Logan rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. "No, I just woke up not too long ago. What can I do fer ya Chuck?"

He heard the Professor sigh and noticed the slight nervous movements of Beast. Logan narrowed his eyes and pushed away from the door. Charles straightened in his chair.

"We need to talk."

I cant face myself when I wake up
and look inside a mirror
I'm so ashamed of that thing
I suppose I'll let it go
til I have something more to say for me
I'm so afraid of defeat
and I'm outta reasons to believe in me
I'm outta trying to define

Logan listened to Xavier explain Remy's departure from the mansion earlier that morning, feeling his heart sink to the floor. Charles paused after he was finished and placed a sympathetic hand on Logan's arm.
"I'm very sorry."
He could hear no more. With his eyes misted in angry tears, Logan shoved away the comforting hand and ran from the room. Henry called after him but he was already to the staircase and without hesitation, he leapt over the railing. He pushed past anyone that stood in his way in his rush to the garage. Scott was there, working on one of the many cars when Logan stormed in. He stood when he heard the heavy booted steps cross the cement to Logan's covered motorcycle.
The feral kick started the bike and revved the engine mercilessly. Scott ran out in front of the bike's path. Logan didn't even seem to notice the man as he gunned the engine and peeled out. Scott dodged out of the way at the last moment. Logan neither slowed nor stopped to check on him as he tore down the driveway and out the double gates.
Logan's grip on the handlebars was so tight it made his knuckles turn white. He had the vehicle maxed out on speed, even as he whipped around corners. His only thoughts were of trying to track down Remy and what he would do once he got his hands on the boy. As mile after mile raced by, his plans grew more and more muddled. Until finally, Logan brought the bike to a halt on the side of the road. He climbed off, leaving the engine idling. He took a few steps before falling to his knees. There was no regard for the light drizzle of rain that fell around him as he lifted his head to the weeping skies and let loose an anguished cry. All around him, nature seemed to share in his sorrow. The grey skies blocked the mid-day sun, turning day to near night as the wolverine wept for his mate.

Remy was jolted awake with a cry. Beside him, Ororo stirred and reached out a hand to still her brother. She was about to ask what matter was when suddenly her eyes went white and she felt a deep ache in her heart. Nature was in pain, thrown into sorrow for one of its children. Something wasn't right. Tears began to fall unbidden from her eyes as she shared in the grief of heaven and earth.
Remy shuddered as the last of the shock began to fade. A single word was spoken in the quiet Louisiana night.
"Logan..."

Night would find a broken man back in the slums of New York City. Standing in front of a decaying wooden door in the same rotted out apartment building he was in just twenty-four hours ago. Quietly, the door opened and Logan was welcomed inside with open arms.

Hold me now I need to feel complete
like I matter to the one I need

Translations: Good bye Logan. I will miss you. Please, be happy. I love you.