Lullaby

(It has been years since I wrote this story. I will endeavor to finish it in honor of the readers who enjoyed it.)


Jean leaned back in her chair, lips pressed into a thin line. Her eyes were downcast, fixated on something invisible on the tiled carpet. Her mind, however, was concentrated in the present, listening to every miserable detail.

Cyclops' elbows laid on the debriefing table, his hands cupped over his mouth. His glasses effectively hid any emotion and thoughts. Logan couldn't tell if he was looking at him or someone else. all he could hear was Scott's breathing, which was more than annerving. Say something, you maggot.

"...So there you have it." He finished in an almost jovial, detached sort of way. It was more of a way of breaking the cold silence, since he had finished his more detailed verbal report over a minute ago.

Scott inhaled, digesting the story and weighing its truth. What was there to weigh, though? Logan has never lied before, and likely wouldn't lie about something as scandelous and disgusting as this. Perhaps he was looking for evidence of a falsehood so that he could choose to not beleive it. That would be easier for everyone involved, wouldn't it? To say, 'No, that didn't happen,' and move on? He could choose to disbeleive. He really could. He wanted to badly enough. But then, he wasn't a leader because he chose the easiest way out of difficult situations.

"I'm glad you came forward. That took a lot of courage. I wouldn't have blamed either of you for keeping it secret." His words sounded alien in his ears, cold and uncaring. He had always imagined himself flying off the handle on a bloody rampage when he thought of the possibility of an X-woman being raped. The threat was always present. Luckily it hadn't happened until now. And now he found himself in an odd role of being so calm that in bordered nonchalance.

He wanted to let Logan know he felt for him, that he regretted what happened. After all, didn't he tell Logan to investigate the murders, and give permission to bring Jubilee with him as a form of field training? Wasn't this his fault, if not partially, too? But even then, what was he supposed to say to this? 'Sorry?'

"So you're saying that due to .. your treatment... in the prison, you withheld information - that's understandable - and that's cause for Jubilee's failing grades and willingness to ignore the commands of her superior officers, reject counseling, and why she's not present now." He flinched inwardly. Now he sounded too cold. Superior Officers? Had he really said that? Christ, he sounded like a god damned General.

Logan shifted uncomfortably in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. his hands rested on his arms. How was he going to put this delicately? Jubilee wasn't just put into harm's way at your orders, beaten, starved, forced into child labor and brutally violated by yours truly twice, but she's also knocked up and probably persued right now by Yvanka's henchmen. Did you enjoy your date with Jean, by the way, Scott? "Well, no, there's another explanation for her behavior."

"And what's that." Scott wondered how much worse this story could get. A part of him thought that nothing could be worse than what he had just heard from Logan's lips, and another part warned him that it could always get worse, life was an unforgiveable, heartless bitch that way.

"Well, Beast insisted on, uh, examining her. For... health purposes." Way to beat around the bush, Canucklehead, he mentally chastized himself. He saw Scott's eyebrow rise in query. Logan, quite alarmingly, suddenly felt like laughing at his leader's confusion. He bit the inside of his cheek and buried the inappropriate need to break into hysterics. It was funny how trauma behaved like that. One moment you were sweating nervous bullets and the next you were laughing your ass off at nothing in particular.

Jean leaned forward, groaning quietly, then buried her head in her hands. Her red hair spilled over her shoulders, making an effective mask of any expressions that may not have been covered by her hands. She understood what he meant. Scott didn't.

"Health?" Now Scott was entertaining the concept that maybe Jubilee had caught some veneral disease from him, but what kind of disease could strike Logan that his healing factor wouldn't eradicate on the spot? Syphilis? Definately not. Hepititus? Doubtful. AIDS? Unlikely. Clearly, he was missing something. Damn it, Logan, spit it out already.

Logan inhaled deeply. "There wasn't very many," He licked his upper lip, then scraped his bottom teeth on it as he thought of the best word to use, "contraceptive options available. At the time. The prison was fresh out."

Scott's expression was completely blank. Either he was still confused, or his mind was completely unwilling to accept that little horror.

"Are you gonna congratulate me?"

If his final words caught Scott by surprise, he didn't show it. Logan had attempted it as a jab; an accusation of poor manners and slow wit, to rile him up and rattle his cage. It wasn't pesonal, but he would have rather Scott fling the table to its side and threaten his life - then they could get into a duel, get down with business, and be done with it.

Instead, Scott inhaled deeply, laid his hand down on the debreifing desk, held his breath, then leaned back. "Congratulations." It was a dry, humorless word.


---


"Well I cannot ascertain its gender, but it's at a healthy size and weight with no visible deformities. Your blood work had returned relatively normal. I would say you're alarmingly healthy for someone who's been through a great deal of stress in such a short time." Beast handed her a small strip of paper.

"What's that?"

"I would prefer you take prenatal vitamins from now on, and a folic acid supplement."

Jubilee's expression went sour. "But they taste like something peeled off the bottom of a garbage can."

"Such sacrifices we make, for the ones we love." Beast replied, and turned off the monitor. "Any pain or cramping?"

"No, only, um." She thought better of it, then shut her mouth.

"Only?" He could see a faint, telltale blush rise up the sides of her neck. She hunched her shoulders in defensiveness.

"Only a couple days after I was drugged."

"Well, that's not something I'd be concerned about." He began fumbling through a small bookshelf. He slipped on his glasses and read the cover. "The complete encycopedia of Mushrooms, Fungi, Lichen, and their medicinal properties." He handed her the book. "Can you tell me which of these diagrams most closely resemble your mystery lichen?"

"I don't know."

He took off his glasses and blinked at her.

"Rooter knows," She explained. "He never told us where it grew, he was trying to make sure word didn't spread about where his edible mushrooms grew. But he could probably recognize it if he saw it." she tried to blink away happy tears. Beast seemed to be a calm in the storm of her life as of late. He was so absorbed in being friendly, and professional, that it felt for a moment that there was nothing wrong at all. He always had such a great bedside manner. She smiled inwardly.

"Ah, then I will call on him post-haste." He caught movement in the corner of his eye. Jubilee was scratching at her chest absent-mindedly.

"And how are those lovely scars healing?"

She glanced down, suddenly realizing she had indeed been clawing at it, as red and white streaks across her skin showed. "Um, they itch."

He chuckled. "A good sign if I ever heard one." He pulled out a salve from a tall shelf, unscrewed the cap, and spread the lotiony substance over a gauze bandage. He rubbed it over her riven flesh. She felt the scars tingle, then numb.

"So, have you picked out any names for your bébé accidentel?"


---


"Logan, please." Jean grabbed his shoulder. Her turned to look at her, and she startled. He looked exhausted - as though he hadn't slept in days. She supposed that cleaning out closets - as Logan had described to Scott before he began his report - took a lot out of a man.

"Jeannie... I'm done talkin about it. It ain't gonna change anythin. And I'm tired of hurtin over it. I'd like for the past to bury itself now." He turned to leave, but her hand still held a firm grip around his arm.

"I know. And I want to be here for you and maybe, help bury that past with you. I just have to know, first." She looked into his eyes, searching for understanding. Did he understand what she was asking?

"Know what?"

"Why you're so ashamed. What you didn't say in the report. I need to hear it. If you want to heal, you need to say everything. Not most, all of it."

His eyes narrowed for a moment. the corner of his mouth twitched. "What I didn't say."

"Yes."

"I enjoyed it."

She swallowed. Well, she got her answer. Somehow, she didn't feel much better, either. And yet there it was - the raw truth. He enjoyed it. She hadn't realized she had released his arm until she heard his voice down the hallway.

"Jeannie?"

She locked eyes with his.

"I puked afterwards."


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