The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER (NC-17)
Disclaimers Apply


A/N Goddess Foxfeather, Queen of Mad Plotbunnies, I think Ted's about half potted... He and Joaquin and Billy have been drowning his sorrows and Dodo tells me Joris found a rather rude surprise in the closet this morning... InterNutter, TC and Maxwell Pink are wonderful people. Go to their sites and worship them properly. Readers/Reviewers: Just to assuage the panic I got after the last chapter from a few of y'all, no I didn't jump the fence to Kuranda. I just needed conflict...



Kitty had never felt so empty in her entire life. Every thud of her heart in her chest hurt like being punched in the gut; her tears were even against her, scalding her cheeks as they fell. Part of her mind begged for her to be reasonable, to take it as it was offered. _Kurt told me I had nothing to be jealous about. And to be fair, I missed their conversation... Maybe he was speaking in the hypothetical sense. Like when someone says what would so and so do if...hell, no one says stuff like that. _ Kitty bit down on a corner of her pillow to keep from crying too loudly, the smell of her drying sweat bothering her remotely, along with the feel of her hair drying in stiff strands where it escaped from her ponytail. _This is refuckingdiculous... I'm missing something here. Okay, Kitty. Think straight. Kurt would never hurt you...you love him, he loves you... Fact one, though-You're jealous of Amanda. Do you think there's something there? That he wants her? I mean, just because you want someone doesn't mean you love them... God knows if that were true, most of the actors in Hollywood would be in trouble! _ Kitty could hear raised voices in the hall and sighed, the thought crossing her mind that Amara was going to kill whoever woke her up early on a Saturday. _Well, at least it isn't me... _ Taking a deep, shaking breath, Kitty forced herself to her feet. She was too confused to decide which emotion was driving her-hurt, anger or love-but she forced herself into the half-bath in her room and stripped her clothes off, for once not looking at her reflection, damning her body and her heart in one for not being enough for Kur_Get_Get a grip, Kitty...you don't even know his side of things, yet. Hell, you don't know Amanda's side of things, either. Not that I want to... _ The water was as needles on her skin, reddening her and sluicing down the slope of her back, burning the tender skin on the back of her knees. The pain from the hot water was enough to make her mind blur for a few minutes as she washed the sweat from her workout with Remy from her body, forgoing using the soap she knew Kurt liked for one that smelled cloying even to her, without sensitive olfactory passages. The mirror was fogged when she got out and Kitty only saw herself as a ghost-like blur, dark and pink at once in the whitened surface. _That's me...just a specter hovering around the edges... _ She threw her towel at the mirror in a fit of self-pity and twisted her hair from her face, savagely jabbing a decorative stick1 through the wet strands.
Her bedroom was cold compared to the steamy heat of the bathroom and she found her robe to be inadequate against the chill. She put on the first thing she found-an ancient sweat suit that was too tight in most places and not quite long enough in others-and flung herself down on the bed. The voices-she could pick out Scott, Kurt and Remy over all others-were louder now, closer to her door, and she wished they would go away. She needed time to sort out her thoughts, to decide how to approach this whole mess. Someone knocked on her door but did not call out. "Go the Hell away!" she cried sharply, reminding herself of a crow with the harshness of her voice.
"Kitty, let me in," Kurt said just loud enough to be heard. It sounded as if his mouth were pressed against the crack between door and frame, a mental picture that made her want to chuckle. He rattled the doorknob and it occurred to Kitty that his next step would be to port into the room. By now, she thought, everyone's heard what's going on... "Katzchen..."
Kitty could not bring herself to tell him no again. She looked about frantically and her eyes lit on her one surefire means of escape, especially since she wanted to avoid everyone in the mansion. _God grant me balance...or at least a quick death... _ She silently cursed as she realized her coat was downstairs and it was well below freezing that morning. Kurt knocked again, louder this time, and she heard Remy telling him to back down. _Fuck all...here goes nothing... _ Clad only in her old sweat suit and a pair of thick socks, Kitty pried her window open, knocking loose a layer of ice and crusted snow. The bite of the early February air made her suck in a startled breath but she braced herself, taking one last look at the door. "Okay...I can do this. It's not that far down if I can make it to the drainpipe..."

"Just leave her alone for a while, Kurt," Scott said softly, mindful of the crowd in the hallway. Remy was breathing down his neck, making him nervous, but Scott shook Kurt's arm again anyway. "She's probably a little freaked out..."
"She didn't hear anything to make her freak out," Kurt growled, "just part of the truth!" Kurt raised his fist to knock again when Remy's hand clamped over it to stop the progress.
"Homme, let it go, eh? Let 'er tink on it..." He was still glowering but felt a vague pang of sympathy for the younger mutant. "She don' know what she hear an' mebbe she need to breathe a sec, huh?"
Jean cut in, sidling up to Scott and Kurt. "Come on...let's go downstairs and give her some room to breathe."
Kurt sighed painfully. "How the Hell am I going to fix this? She won't even talk to me! How can I tell her the truth if she won't talk to me!"
Jean gave Scott a meaningful glance, the entire tale revealed to her through her mind's eye, and said softly to Kurt, wrapping one arm around his shoulders to lead him away from the spectators, "Kurt, Kitty is a very emotional person. Give her a little bit and she'll talk to you. Her worst fears were confirmed, at least in her mind, but after some time to think, she'll realize that she has no idea what the entire situation was, that maybe it was a mistake and then she'll forgive you." _I hope... _
"You... you really think so?" He sniffed, on the verge of tears already and not wanting to cry in front of his friends.
"Sure," she said brightly, smiling in an almost convincing manner. Remy and Scott nodded, taking up the chorus of encouragement. Kurt let Jean lead him down the stairs, the patter of bare feet and some tennis shoes following them, expecting a continuation of the show begun upstairs. "Look, you haven't eaten breakfast yet...why don't you have some waffles or something, get food in your stomach. It'll all look better then."
Scott took Jean's elbow and held her back as Remy took up the lead, virtually shoving Kurt ahead of him into the kitchen and blocking the door with his body to the would-be audience. "Jean, I didn't know she was there!"
"I know, sweetie..." Jean pressed her fingers over her eyes, feeling the start of a long, dull headache. "But I'm a little surprised that you're naïve enough to think Kitty would take it well in any case..."
"Why shouldn't she?" he demanded. "She's smart and she trusts Kurt...well, she did..." He sighed at Jean's expression. "Kitty isn't the type to go off half cocked."
"Scott, she was already having feelings of self-doubt and jealousy...she sees Amanda as Kurt's first love, some ideal woman that she can never be..."
"How do you figure that? Kurt's been crazy about Kitty since day one...Amanda was just...there. They didn't have the same spark as he does with Kitty."
"That's not the point! Jealousy isn't a logical thing! For some reason, Kitty thinks she isn't enough for Kurt and that Amanda is better than her..." Jean sighed and leaned against Scott in tired frustration. "I'm going back to bed." She did not move, however, just leaned more heavily against him, letting him take her weight into his embrace. "Come with me..."
Scott walked closely with Jean up the stairs and let her lead him into her room, only being vaguely disappointed when she say in the desk chair rather than on the bed. "This is just too weird," Scott said finally, taking a seat on the bed himself. "I mean, Kurt and Amanda kissing, Kitty flying off the handle..."
Jean made a murmuring noise of agreement. "We just can't have a normal month here, can we?"
"It's more normal than last month so far..." Scott lay back on the bed and stared at the scattering of glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, their faint shapes barely discernable through his ruby lenses. "So what do we do now? Should I go talk to Kitty for Kurt? I mean, maybe she'd be more willing to talk to someone other than him, you know..."
"No. Don't even think of it!" Jean stood up and leaned over his prone form to glare. "It'll only make things worse. Look, they had to fight sometime! They can't be the world's perfect couple! Let it run its course. If it's meant to be, it'll be. If this is the end of it for them, then..." she sighed heavily, sitting next to him on the bed, "then it's over."
"Do you think it's over?" Scott asked after a moment. "I mean, I can't picture them not together now..." His hand on the small of her back made Jean sigh softly and lay back with him, staring at the same plastic constellation he was seeing. "Kurt and Kitty belong together."
"You're racing ahead here, Scott. They haven't broken up. Kitty's just...sulking. And Kurt's freaking out. Don't try to help or anything, just let them handle it for now. If either one of them wants help, they'll ask for it!"
"Would you?"
Jean decided to be honest. "No, probably not. I wouldn't want my friends to know that I was jealous...Would you ask?"
Scott ted.ted. "Who do I have to be jealous of? Matthews? You'd never go back to him!"
"Oh?" Jean leaned on her elbow to peer down at him again. "You sure about that?"
"Jean!" Scott frowned at her bland countenance. "That's not even funny!"
"Who said I was being funny? What if I accidentally kissed Duncan the way Kurt accidentally kissed Amanda? You wouldn't be a little mad?"
"Don't be stupid!" Scott had the audacity to laugh. Ignoring Jean's suddenly intense glare, he sat halfway up to bring their faces closer together and said low in her ear, "Why would you do that when you have me?"
"You cocky bastard!" Jean cried, leaping to her feet. "You think I don't look at other guys the way you ogle the cheerleaders? You think you're the end all-be all? I have news for you, mister! You've got plenty of reason to be jealous! Guys are after me all the time!"
"Jean, calm down!" _What the Hell is it with the women here? Damn, I've gotta quit drinking the water...maybe it's contagious. _
"Go." The door flew open seemingly of it's own accord and Jean pointed a commanding finger towards the opening. "I can't talk to you right now!"
Scott rose slowly and held his hands out in apology. "Jean, you're tired and stressed..."
"Don't tell me what I feel! Go!"
The door slammed shut behind him and Scott let his head it hit with a dull thud. _That's it...Maybe Bobby and St John have the right idea. No women, no problems... _

Tabby was not very sure, but she thought she heard a knock on the door as she hunched over the toilet, her morning sickness right on schedule. Thanks, kid...remind me to feed you Brussels sprouts when you're able to eat solid foods. Heaving emptily one last time, she rose on shaky legs and flushed the mess away, wiping her mouth with a wet washcloth. Damn it, that was a knock...can't be rent. Kitty paid for a year...maybe it's that weird old lady next door who keeps knitting me crap...Straightening her askew robe over a ratty nightshirt, Tabby gave the thermostat a nudge to make it cooler on the way to the door. "This had better be good..." she mumbled to herself, passing a hand through her messy blonde hair. Wiping her hand one last time across her lips, just in case, Tabby flung the door open. "What do you...oh!"
Kitty's eyes were red with unshed tears. "Tabby, I need your help..."

1 Oh, you know what I mean...they look like chopsticks w/those dangling thingies on the end... I have 'em but just call 'em stick thingies... I'm sure they have a real name.