A Bottle Can't Hold You

AN: This is probably the last chapter before things really heat up. It went more in an angsty direction than I originally expected, but the next chapter will be more driven by what you’re most likely here to read.



Chapter 8: Freak



The sunlight streaming in through the window was welcome for once; Kurt gave a little smile at the warmth it provided, keeping his eyes shut and wiggling a bit closer to his new bedfellow. She gave a sleepy but appreciative moan and rolled over to face him, hands settling on his chest, where they began to stroke through the fur slowly, perhaps unconsciously. His tail began stroking up and down her leg out of reflex, and soon she was squirming under his ministrations. With an impish grin he expanded his efforts, tail reaching down to wrap around her ankle and squeeze gently before traveling back up and running just under the line of her panties.



An even louder moan came from Tabby, and Kurt opened his eyes, glad to find hers still closed. The morning light bathed her in a sort of halo, and Kurt hid a smile. The suggestion that the girl was anything even close to angelic would surely have brought a protest from her, yet here he was, lying with her in a moment so perfect that he would have sworn upon anything that she had come straight from heaven.



She pressed closer to him, and Kurt became aware of something new: at some point in the night, her shirt had come off, and now her bare chest was rubbing up against his. Gott, her skin was so incredibly soft. Kurt tried desperately not to let his eyes wander downward, but the effort was futile. Instead, he resigned himself to hoping she would keep her eyes closed as he stared at creamy white skin that he so desperately wanted to worship with his hands and mouth, skin that he knew would never be his to touch. He brought his tail back to his hand as he reminded himself of reality.



This was all a fluke, a mix-up, a mistake that she would soon regret and he would try to forget for the sake of their friendship. There was no possible way she could look at him in the light of day and still want to be with him. Only one person had ever wanted him that way… and now not even she did.



And so he touched her with his eyes, praying that she would keep her eyes closed so that they could stay together in this moment.



But he knew she would open her eyes soon.



Kurt braced himself for the inevitable, be it the shudder of revulsion, the scream of fright, or perhaps just the realization forming in her eyes that she had made a terrible mistake. He had seen all of them growing up in Germany.



The whole of Europe had been intrigued and enticed by the mystery surrounding the circus’ star acrobat, and some girls had even been curious enough to enjoy a post-show performance in his wagon. All had screamed his name in ecstasy, but not one had returned. It was simple fact, and Kurt had resigned himself to the understanding that no girl would ever come back again.



Much to his shock at the time, Amanda had, but now she was gone, and having tasted that brief joy only deepened Kurt’s conviction that no other would ever stay for the morning. Tabby would be no exception.



When she opened her eyes, she would take with her what little hope he still maintained, leaving what might have been lying in the imprint she left in his sheets. He pondered, with the deliberate idleness of someone trying to shrug off genuine hurt, just what her excuse for getting out of the room would be.



Her eyes fluttered, and Kurt found himself holding his breath, tensed and waiting for the peace to shatter.



Three heartbeats later, Tabby opened her eyes.



He gazed into blue, scanning her irises for fear, embarrassment, revulsion. He found none. And then a little smile crossed her lips.



“Morning, Blue,” she said. “How ya feeling?”



Kurt Wagner, ever ready with a witty comeback even in the face of impending doom, was speechless. A few inarticulate sounds came out of his mouth, and he was glad to hear them cut off by Tabby’s giggle.



“You’re a real morning person, aren’t ya, cutie?” She yawned and stretched, unaware or perhaps simply not caring that this brought her breasts directly in front of Kurt’s face. Fortunately for his composure, he was still trying to process her lack of reaction to waking up with a blue-furred monster, and so he didn’t react nearly as much as he might have otherwise. As it was, he managed to be somewhat discreet about moaning as the soft skin brushed against his cheek.



“Mmm… someone likes that, I think.”



Apparently he hadn’t been discreet enough.



Tabby began rubbing her body up and down against his, giving him more contact with female flesh in a few seconds than he’d had for weeks. Touching of any sort was his greatest weakness; he experienced so little of the casual contact a normal teenager received, and this in turn made him want to touch and be touched all the more. It felt so good to feel her torso moving against his, savor the feeling of his fur being pushed back and forth, lose himself in the simple joy of being wanted.



But this was all wrong. No one wanted him. He had to stop this.



“Tabitha.” It took an incredible amount of effort just to pronounce her name. Sensing his tone, she stilled for a moment. “This is a mistake, Tabitha. You’re confused or something; I don’t know. But you’ll regret this, and I don’t want you to—”



Her hand was over his mouth before he could finish. “Blue, I know exactly what I’m doing. Now let me do what I want… and what you want.”



She began stroking through the fur on his chest, and his back arched in response to her touch, trying to bring his body closer to her. Her lips found his neck, and his eyes closed in pleasure, only to spring open again as her tongue traced its way up to his ear.



Wrong.



He left Tabitha with hands full of smoke as he reappeared on the other side of the room in a defensive crouch.



“Nein!” he snapped at her. “You don’t really want me! No one wants a demon!”



Tabby stared at him, concerned but not understanding.



“Was willst du mit mir, einem Dämon?”



“Slow down, Blue,” she said, sitting up and reaching toward him with her palm down in a calming gesture. “You’re not making any sense.”



Kurt shook his head wildly, eyes darting around. His thoughts were so jumbled, so off. He fought to organize them into what he was trying to say.



“I’m a freak. No one could ever want me. No one.” The words came out too hard, too cold, too much like truth. It was as though they cut his lips and tongue as they left his mouth.



Tabby stared at him as if he had slapped her and spat in her face. Hurt and compassion and Gott knew what else welled up behind her eyes, and when she spoke again, her voice trembled.



“Oh Kurt… how could you say that?”



He gave a bitter, derisive snort. “I have very little problem telling the truth.”



There was nothing to say to that, and Kurt knew it. And worst of all, he took a sort of perverse pleasure in watching her try.



“Believe me, Kurt, I know how you feel right now—”



“Do you really?” he asked, voice wavering between rage and despair, a half-shout and a whisper.



She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off by standing up and presenting himself for appraisal. He managed to hide his wince at the protests of his bruised torso.



“You see these hands?” he asked her, holding them out. “I can’t play piano, can’t write without it turning into scribbles, can’t type on a normal keyboard. You know why I leave my shirts unbuttoned? Because these verdammten fingers can’t even handle normal buttons! When I needed to wear a tuxedo to the school dance, I tore three shirts before I gave up and asked the Professor to help me. Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to depend on others for something as simple as that?”



Before she could respond, he moved a step closer and continued. “You see this fur? It covers my body completely, all but one place. I don’t even use soap; just shampoo. When I was little, I took my Opa’s straight razor and tried to shave it off. When that didn’t work, I used bottles and bottles of hair removal cream. It burned so much, but I was too excited to see my fur coming off to care… I thought I’d finally be normal.” He looked down and gave a little chuckle. “Turns out I’m just as blue underneath. Mutti caught me pouring all of the bleach I could find into our bathtub. Have you ever tried to burn yourself so that you could feel just a little bit more normal?”



Tears streamed down Tabby’s face, finding no makeup to ruin this time. Kurt stepped closer, determined to press on despite his voice threatening to give way to a sob at any moment.



“You see these ears, these fangs, these eyes, this tail? Since the day I was born, people have been trying to kill me because of them. My own mother threw me over a waterfall. When I made my first teleport, it was because I was being burned at the stake. Every single day of my life, I have had to hide, whether it’s hiding away from people altogether or hiding behind a hologram so they can’t see the real me. Even in the mansion, people avoid me as if they think being blue and furry is contagious.” He looked down at his hands, voice quavering. “The high-fives I used to get from Scott after our training sessions… I lived for those. Because no one else touches me on purpose. And now not even he does.”



“And Amanda?” she whispered.



Kurt let out a laugh, a terrible and hollow sound that echoed around the room and sounded wrong even to his own ears. He saw Tabby’s eyes filling with fear. Good; better fear than pity.



“She’s made it very clear she’s glad not to be dating a circus freak anymore. I think her exact words were, ‘Oh god, I forgot how good real skin feels. Fuck me harder, more, yes, oh god, yes.’” The words came out in a monotone that made them all the more disturbing.



Tabby began reaching out to him again, but he stepped away.



“Look at me, damn it! I’m…” Searching for a word, he cast his eyes over to his mirror and realized just how pathetic a sight he was. He stood naked, tail thrashing around behind him, testament to his freakish nature. His hair was disheveled and in desperate need of cutting, and worst of all, the fur on his stomach was matted and crusty with evidence of his weakness. A tear finally escaped his eye, and he crouched down with his head in his hands, growling and sobbing as he tried to regain control of himself.



You pathetic, miserable little demon! You’re embarrassing yourself! Get it together or—



Two arms looped around his chest, and he felt warmth pressing against his back.



“I have been looking at you, Blue. And I like what I see. You’re different, sure. No denying it. But that’s not bad.” She ran her fingers through the fur on his chest, around to his arms, up and down his back. “I like this. Your fur’s so soft and nice. I loved curling up with you this morning… and you made me feel safe, protected. You’re so amazing, Kurt, and anyone who can’t see that deserves a boot in the ass and a life full of people as boring and closed-minded as they are.”



Kurt’s tears subsided as she spoke, and after a while he brought his head up. Tabby pulled up on his arms, signaling for him to stand. With some effort and a slight groan, he managed to get up without too much pain. Tabitha wrapped her arms around him from behind again. Glancing in the mirror, he saw her holding him, head resting on his back, a look of peace on her face despite the salty trails on her cheeks. Her pale skin against his dark blue fur made for a striking contrast, but it was oddly beautiful.



“See, Blue? It’s gonna be okay.”



And for once, he believed it.





Glossary

Verdammten: Damned.

Was willst du mit mir, ein Teufel?: What do you want with me, a demon?



If anyone who speaks German finds an error in this, please let me know. I’m going off of an insanely rudimentary knowledge of the language.