Unchained Instinct ( Complete)

Chapter 7


A long boring day at school with nothing to do but wait to graduate lead into an emotionally exhaustive session with Cassie. Kurt’s mind and body reacted now with lethargy from the long hour of talking about Mystique. Yet, he also felt better for having gotten out some of his feelings, ambiguous as they were concerning his mother.

As always, Cassie was understanding and supportive, but also more curious than usual, her interest piqued beyond just Kurt’s nonexistent relationship with Mystique. Then there had been the questions about Hank. Cassie seemed fascinated by Hank McCoy, her expression animated when she spoke of him.

Did Cassie have a crush on Hank?

Kurt grinned at the thought and trudged up the stairs towards his room, too tired even to teleport. He heard the telephone ring, dueling tones from both the top of the stairs and bottom. The sound of running feet told of the usual battle to answer the phone and he heard Bobby at the top of the stairs saying a breathless hello then a disappointed, “just a minute. KURT!”

Kurt pushed to the top of the stairs. “For me? Who is it?”

Bobby offered him a disgruntled expression. “I don’t know. A girl. All I do know is that it’s not for me.” He dropped the receiver on the hallway table and walked away.

“A girl?” Kurt called after. “Not my mother?”

Bobby stuck his hands in his pockets and turned, continuing to walk backwards. “If it was your mom I would have said so. It’s some girl. You do still talk to girls, don’t you, Kurt?” Bobby grinned to soften his remark. “Sorry, I was expecting a call.”

Kurt shrugged and picked up the receiver. “Don’t take it out on me,” he muttered. He took a deep breath and let it out. “Hullo. This is Kurt.”

“Kurt. Hi!” a familiar female voice said. “You know who this is, don’t you?”

Kurt’s stomach fluttered, his already tired mind reeling from the unexpected voice on the line. “Amanda?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” she said, her tone sounding nervous. “How are you?”

“I...I’m okay. How are you?” Kurt’s mind tripped backwards in time to before all hell had broken loose in his life, before Sabertooth and Trask, before Apocalypse...before Amanda’s parents had sent her far away to get her away from him.

“I’m fine,” Amanda replied. “I can’t tell you how good it is to hear your voice. I’ve missed you, Kurt.”

“I...I’ve missed you too. Uh...where are you? Still in Europe?”

“No. Right here in Bayville. I graduated from that school in Switzerland. My parent’s moved to New York City...but I think you knew that. I’m here visiting friends.”

“Do your parents know you’re here?”

“I won’t tell them if you don’t.”

“Amanda.”

“What? I’m eighteen. They gave me a car for graduation and I took a little road trip to visit my friends. Nothing wrong with that.”

“I suppose not.”

“Kurt, I want to see you. And I thought maybe you’d want to see me.”

Kurt let out a sigh, confusion and emotions muddling his thoughts. “I do...want to see you. There are some things...I need to tell you.”

“Now? Can we get together now?” She sounded so anxious. A wave of guilt washed over him and Kurt didn’t understand where it came from or why he felt it.

“I...I need to talk to someone right now. Um. Maybe dinner? We could get together and talk.”

“Sure, that would be wonderful.”

Oh Logan. Please don’t be upset. “Maybe six? Where are you? I’ll come pick you up.”

“I’m staying with Megan Brown. You know her.”

“Yes.” Megan had been neutral towards him, never giving him a hard time about being a mutant, mostly for Amanda’s sake, but not really befriending him either. “Are you sure your friends won’t shun you for going to dinner with a mutant?”

“Kurt. They know that doesn’t matter to me. You, of all people should know that.”

“Of course. I’m sorry. It’s been a difficult year. Uh, your friends haven’t said anything about me to you?”

“I haven’t had much time to talk to anyone. I just got in last night and Megan’s been busy getting ready for graduation. What do you mean?”

“Nothing. I’ll...talk to you tonight. If there’s any problems about coming I’ll call you back. Give me your number.” Kurt jotted her number on a notepad by the phone and glanced at his watch, determining how much time he had to talk Logan into not being angry if he went to have dinner with an old girlfriend.

“I’m really looking forward to seeing you, Kurt.”

“I’m...looking forward to seeing you too, Amanda. Bye.”

Kurt hung up the receiver and stared down the hall, his mind running in circles around itself.

Too many things were happening at the same time, his parents arrival, graduation...and the fear of Mystique getting to his parents before he could tell them about him and Logan. Now here was Amanda, his old girlfriend, one that he hadn’t broken up with nor she he...just concerned parents driving them apart.

He searched his heart and found he still cared for her...but not like he cared for Logan. When he thought of Amanda, he felt soft inside, remembering her hand in his and her sweet lips against his own. They’d never done more than kiss and grope, had never had a chance to see if something more developed beyond teenage attraction.

Now, it was too late. He’d changed. His world had changed and his view of it.

And Logan now filled up his world, an overwhelming presence that Kurt craved and loved and needed. That was his life now and no matter what had...or might have happened between him and Amanda, there was no going back to those innocent days that seemed a lifetime ago.

Okay. Next problem. Logan.

Kurt teleported to the garage, Logan’s usual hideout when Cassie was around and hadn’t wrangled him into a session. Logan looked up from kneeling position beside his classic Norton motorcycle, it’s fender shining from Logan’s polishing.

“Hey elf,” Logan said, standing and drawing Kurt into his arms for a kiss. “How’d the session go?”

Kurt slid his arms around Logan, hugging him close. “Oh, okay. Talking about Mystique wears me out though. She gives me a headache.”

“Gives us all a headache, sweetheart.” Logan went back to polishing the fender, the last of the wax disappearing into the cloth.

“The bike looks great,” Kurt said, trying to think of a way to broach the subject of Amanda. “We should go riding again soon.”

Logan’s hand moved down Kurt’s back to his buttocks and gave one cheek a squeeze. “We’ll do that...after your parents go back to Germany.”

“That might be sooner than you think,” Kurt replied, his tone edging towards despondent.

“Hey,” Logan said, pulling Kurt into strong arms again. “I know this is gonna be tough tellin’ your parents about us, but there’s no sense worryin’ ‘bout it now. They’ll be here tomorrow. Enjoy spendin’ some time with them before graduation and the party. You can worry about their reaction to us come Friday mornin’.”

“I still don’t know how I’m going to tell them. I can’t think of what to say or how to say it.”

A hand brushed over Kurt’s hair and gentle fingers stroked the strands away from his eyes. “You sure ya don’t want me there with you?”

“I have to do this myself, Logan. I owe that to my parents.”

Logan’s gaze searched Kurt’s for doubt then Logan nodded. “Okay. I’ll be close when you need me.”

“Uh...there’s something I need to tell you...and ask you. Please don’t get upset.” Kurt pulled away, strolled around to the other side of the bike and turned to face Logan.

An eyebrow shot up and Logan fixed him with a dubious expression. “Are ya practicing your technique on me before using it on your parents?”

Kurt let out a sigh. “No...I...I got a call a little while ago. From Amanda.” Kurt waited, watching Logan’s face for reaction.

“Huh. She in town?” Logan’s tone was neutral, no sign of emotion and his gaze returned to the bike, absently rubbing the metal with the polish cloth.

“Yes,” Kurt said cautiously. “She wants to see me.”

Logan didn’t look up, but Kurt sensed tension in Logan’s body language. “How ya feel about that, elf? Ya wanna see her too?”

“Yes, I do. I want to talk to her. Tell her in person about you and me.”

“And maybe see if there’s any fire still burnin’ between you two?”

“No,” Kurt replied in a calm confident tone. He needed to exude confidence with no room for Logan to doubt his love. “But I do still care for her.”

Logan’s gaze shot up and his eyes grew darker, emotion starting to flicker.

Kurt stepped around the bike and reached out a hand to Logan, stroking the hard set of jaw and cheek, already rough with the need to shave. “I care for her as a friend...as someone who didn’t shun me even knowing what I looked like. Amanda was good for me, Logan. But what was between us is over. I love you and there’s no one else I want but you. Please believe me. I want to see Amanda so I can tell her how much I love you. I just don’t want her to hear about us from her friends who’ll make it sound sordid and dirty.”

Logan’s features softened and he reached up and drew a hand across Kurt’s hair again with a tender touch that belied possessiveness. Kurt sensed the desire to hold onto him and not let him go, but Logan just nodded once more.

“Okay, elf. If you need to do this, do it. I don’t have the right to stand in your way.”

“I won’t go if you don’t want me to, Logan. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Nah, I’ve got more confidence in what we have than that. Some little squirt of a girl can’t keep us apart and if she can...then what we have ain’t real anyway.”

Winding his fingers into Logan’s hair, Kurt pulled Logan close, lips meeting in a sweet kiss that deepened to something more passionate.

“Geeeeez!” A male voice said behind Kurt. “Get a hotel room, willya?”

Kurt and Logan broke apart and there stood Bobby and Sam both staring at them with looks of disgust though each worked hard to keep their expressions from turning into grins.

Kurt felt his cheeks flushing with heat. It seemed they were always getting caught kissing in the garage.

Logan let out a growl. “What do you two want?”

“Just checking out the new four wheelers,” Sam stated. “We were hopin’ you’d run through the new features with us, Logan...but if you’re too busy licking Kurt’s tonsils....”

“Yer really askin’ for it, kid.” Logan’s growl had little humor in it. He started forward, but Kurt caught his arm.

“Logan. Be nice.”

“Nice? I’ll show them nice.”

“Logan.”

“All right,” Logan replied grudgingly and turned his attention back to Kurt. “When ya goin’...to see her?”

Kurt glanced at his watch. “I’m suppose to meet her at six. I’d better get going.” He leaned in and gave Logan a searing kiss in spite of Bobby’s and Sam’s presence. “I won’t be late. If you need me I’ll have my cell phone on.”

“Take yer time, baby,” Logan murmured. “I’ll see ya later.”

“Hey, Kurt. Who you going to see?” Bobby asked before Kurt could make the door.

Kurt turned and gave Logan a wink. “The girl on the phone was Amanda, my old girlfriend. We’re having dinner. See ya guys.”

He was out the door before he broke into a laugh over the looks on Bobby’s and Sam’s faces.

With a sudden burst of nervous energy, Kurt teleported to his room, grabbing his hairbrush, toothbrush and paste and headed for the bathroom. He hurried through cleaning up and set his image inducer for a decent outfit, grabbed his keys and teleported to his SUV still parked out in front of the mansion.

Popping a disc into the player, Kurt wheeled out through the gate and headed towards Megan Brown’s house. The wind blew his hair back from his face and Kurt’s heart pounded in a anxious beat.

Had Amanda changed as much as he had? No. Probably not for she had not been put through the horrors he’d had inflicted on him. Would she understand his love for Logan? He had no answer for that. Either she would or she wouldn’t and Kurt would simply have to wait to find out. Maybe this was practice for later when he had to tell his mom and dad.

Turning down a quiet suburban street, Kurt followed his memory to Megan’s house and pulled up out front. He saw curtains rustle and as he got out of his Honda, the door opened and a girl came out, running down the sidewalk.

He met Amanda there and she flung herself at him, arms wrapping around him. Kurt hugged her in return, smelled fragrant shampoo in her long dark hair. Her hands stroked over his arms and up into his hair. Then she was kissing him and Kurt felt panic rise, fear that he might enjoy it too much bashing at his conscience.

“Amanda,” he said, pulling back and gazing at her from arms length. “You...look wonderful...so beautiful.”

A shy, pleased expression swept Amanda’s features. “You think so?” she replied. “And look at you. You’ve grown, what? A half a foot?”

“Not quite,” Kurt said with a chuckle. “Just a couple of inches. I doubt I’ll grow anymore.”

“But look at how you’ve filled out,” she said, running her hands over his chest.

A blush set Kurt’s cheeks on fire and he caught her wrists in a gentle grip. “Uh, yes, well I am nineteen.”

Amanda gazed into his eyes and with a wicked smile she said, “I can’t wait to see what you look like without the holo on.”

Kurt smiled back, the edges of an anxiety attack working at his nerves. “Uh, let’s go get some dinner, okay?”

Escorting Amanda to the SUV, Kurt opened the passenger door and held it for her. “Wow!” she said. “Is this yours?”

“All mine, a gift from the Professor.”

“Must be nice,” she said when he’d climbed in on the driver’s side. “All I got from my professors was a hard time. They wouldn’t let me make calls or use the internet. I felt like I was in prison.”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt replied. “It’s my fault you ended up being sent away.”

“No.” Amanda’s pretty face went hard. “I wanted to be with you, Kurt. My parents just didn’t understand.”

“They still don’t, right?”

She stared out the windshield and gave a shrug. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not a child anymore.”

Kurt started the engine and pulled away from the curb. “But it does still matter, Amanda. You’re still dependent on your parents for college...and they do love you. They did give you a car for graduation.”

She let out a sigh. “I know they love me and the car was a nice present...I think it’s a guilt present though to make up for sending me away.”

“You’re probably right.” Kurt’s own parents and their love and concern for him flashed through his mind. The things he was saying to Amanda might be just as apropos to his situation. Luckily, he had the Professor on his side...and the scholarship. Kurt didn’t have to depend on his parents financially any longer, but he still didn’t want to loss their love and support.

“Are you okay, Kurt?” Amanda asked, her hand touching his wrist. She stroked his arm as if she were petting her cat.

“I’m...okay. My parents are arriving tomorrow and before they leave, I need to tell them some things that are going to strain our relationship.”

He saw out of the corner of his eye, Amanda tilt her head and look at him with thoughtful scrutiny. “The same things you want to tell me?” she asked.

Kurt pulled up in front of an Italian restaurant named Montoni’s. Turning off the engine he turned to Amanda. “Did Megan say something to you about me?” he asked in a breathless tone.

Amanda glanced down at her lap. “She told me a rumor that’s been going around about you. Kurt? Do you have any idea the things that are being said about you?”

Kurt looked away then back again at this girl he’d cared for only a short year ago. “I know. So much has happened in the last year, Amanda. They don’t understand. They have no way of understanding what my life has been like since last September.”

“You know you can talk to me, don’t you, Kurt? That’s what I liked about us...that we could tell each other how we felt.”

“That was always good between us, Amanda. But you may not like some of it and I don’t know how much I’ll be willing to tell you. Some of it is horrible and painful and not fit for dinner conversation.”

“Then let’s have dinner and talk about good things. And if you want to tell me more we can go someplace quiet and talk.”

“In spite of the rumors, you still want to have dinner with me?”

Amanda shook her head in apparent disgust. “Do you think so little of me, Kurt Wagner?” She touched his face, running fingers over his cheek and chin. “No matter what happens or where we go in life, Kurt. We will always be friends. That’s more important to me than anything else, that you consider me your lifelong friend.”

He considered her words for a moment then said with a wave of his hand, “is this good?”

“Very good...I love Italian.” Amanda’s tone sounded forcefully bright. “I’m starving.”

“Good. So am I.”

A table for two in a quiet corner was easy to find on a Monday evening and Kurt glanced around after they had ordered colas and waited for their waiter to return.

“I wish we could order wine and celebrate seeing each other again like the Europeans do,” Amanda said.

“I know,” Kurt replied. “Americans and their Puritanical attitude towards alcohol.”

The waiter returned with their drinks and took their dinner orders, leaving in place a basket of bread and fresh butter. Amanda went for it with relish.

“So tell me, is it true you have a boyfriend?” she asked, taking a bite of bread.

Kurt almost spit his cola across the room. “You don’t hold anything back, do you?” he said, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“That’s the major rumor, Kurt,” Amanda said, matter-of-factly. “That you’re dating an older man.”

Kurt raised his gaze to hers and forced himself not to look away. “Okay. Yes, I’m dating a man. I’m in love with him and he’s in love with me.”

She sat back with a stunned look on her face. “What brought this on? I...I thought you liked girls? I thought we were attracted to each other, not just me attracted to you.”

“It’s a long story. I’m not sure what to tell you. I fell in love with Logan last fall.”

“Logan?” Amanda sat forward again. “Isn’t he an instructor at the Institute?”

“Yes,” Kurt said with a sigh. “Amanda, we were kidnapped, he and I. We...were tortured and experiments were done on us.”

“Oh my god, Kurt.” Amanda reached out and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. “That’s horrible. Who did this? What did they do to you?”

“You remember those Sentinel robots?”

“Yes. You and the others were attacked by one of those things and that’s when the whole world found out about your mutations.”

“Right. The man who created them, Bolivar Trask. He hates mutants. He had me and Logan kidnapped. He had this...place and it was authorized by some in the government. It was a terrible place, Amanda. It’s sole purpose was for experimentation on mutants.” He couldn’t look at her any longer, his mind reeling at the memories of what had been done to him in that place in the name of science.

“He hurt you. I can see it on your face...the pain...the fear.” Amanda squeezed his hand again and Kurt finally looked up and nodded.

“I thought I knew the cruelty of men, but I knew nothing until then...until I’d been beaten and shocked and almost drowned...and other things I can’t....” Kurt put a hand to his face, pushing against his eyes with his fingers. “I’m sorry. I thought I’d do better than this. It’s still painful to think about.”

“Then don’t think about it anymore,” Amanda stated. “Tell me about Logan,. In there, in that place, is that where you fell in love with him?”

Kurt lifted his gaze and tried to still the anxiety inside him. “Not exactly, but soon after. We went through a lot together and...I...I don’t know. I can’t explain it, Amanda. I wish I could, but my attraction to Logan is so overwhelming. He’s my life now. I hope you understand. I never want to hurt you, but I couldn’t contact you.”

“I know. That wasn’t your fault. We’ve both grown up. Things change in a year. I don’t blame you. I’m glad for you.”

Kurt let out a sigh of relief. “You’re so sweet. All I’ve gotten from most people is ridicule, name calling and a few near physical confrontations. I guess that shows I’m still able to talk my way out of those situations though.” He offered her a grin.

“You were pretty good at that when it was necessary.” Amanda looked up at the waiter as he placed their salads before them, offering grated cheese and ground pepper. Once the man had left, Amanda stabbed some lettuce onto her fork and gave Kurt a wicked grin. “So, your not attracted to girls anymore?”

Kurt’s face flushed warm at the sudden change in the conversation’s direction. “Um...I still feel attraction. I’m not dead...just in love.”

“How about to me?”

“You’re being evil now, Amanda,” Kurt said with a mock scowl. “Yes, you still attract me, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything about it.”

Her grin widened. “Just checking. Now tell me all about Logan? I remember meeting him once and thought he was kinda scary.”

“He can be scary...particularly if you don’t know him, but he’s strong and intelligent and very passionate.”

“Oohh, passionate. Have you...uh..you know...done it?”

Kurt remembered a conversation like this once with Kitty. He’d been completely taken aback by her candid questions and now he wondered if all girls were like this?

He leaned forward and looked around to see if anyone was listening. She leaned forward too with eager anticipation of getting the scoop.

“It’s none of your business,” he whispered. Then leaned back and took a bite of bread.

“Oh! Kurt you are rotten to the core.” But she laughed when she said it. “How do you two work that out, him being a teacher and all?”

“Well, it could cause trouble, that’s been the biggest problem. But we’ve managed so far. Now that I’m graduating from high school things should be okay.”

At least, he hoped so...if Mystique didn’t make trouble for them.

“As I recall he did have a nice body,” she said, trying again to turn the conversation to more intimate information. “All muscle and he wore such tight jeans.”

Kurt finally gave in. “Nice is an understatement.”

“So, come on, Kurt.” Amanda pointed her fork at him menacingly. “Is he good in bed or what?”

“You nosey women.” Kurt found he was enjoying teasing Amanda. “You’re worse than men any day.”

“You have done it,” Amanda stated, trying a new tactic. “I can tell by your avoidance of a straight answer.”

Kurt laughed. He couldn’t help himself, relief from how Amanda had taken the news driving away his anxiety and fear of rejection. They were friends. Lifelong friends she had said and that’s what Kurt wanted from Amanda.

“Okay, yes. Logan and I have made love many times. Happy now? Or do you want to know how many positions we’ve tried?”

Amanda’s brown eyes widened and she put her hands to her mouth to keep a squealing scream in check. “Oh my god!” she squeaked. “I can’t believe you told me that.”

“To tell you the truth...I can’t either.”

Their entrees came and each settled down, trying not to smirk and giggle. Kurt’s heart was far lighter than it had been before this dinner date and maybe Amanda showing up out of nowhere was a good sign of things to come.

They reminisced and talked of the future, remembered good times and looked forward to college and life ahead of them, not together, but always friends.

Kurt glanced at his watch as they walked out to the SUV. 7:38. He hoped Logan was doing okay...that he wasn’t brooding.

“Let’s go up to the overlook and watch the sunset, Kurt. We can talk some more if you want.”

Kurt hesitated. Did he want to talk? But then wasn’t that what he’d come to do?

Amanda took his arm and turned Kurt towards her. “I really want to understand, Kurt. Please talk to me. There are other rumors I’m concerned about...things that are being said about you.”

With a sigh, Kurt nodded and opened the car door for Amanda. They rode up to the point in silence, music filling the void. He pulled up and parked with the sun just starting to edge beyond the horizon.

Kurt stared ahead, memories cascading through his mind, mentally he flinched and the anxiety tried to rise up and choke him.

“Kurt,” Amanda said, her hand on his arm again. “Megan told me you were out of school for almost the whole month of January.”

Kurt nodded without looking at her, but offered nothing more in return.

“Kurt,” she said again with a hint of desperation in her voice. “She said the rumor was that you were sick...that you have....” She turned away, her hand slipping off his arm.

“AIDS. They say I have AIDS. I know what they say.”

“Surely, it’s not true,” Amanda countered. “You look healthy enough.”

Finally, Kurt turned to meet Amanda’s gaze and he saw fear in those soft brown eyes, fear for him, not for herself.

“How would you know? I’m wearing a disguise,” he said. Kurt heard the emptiness in his voice for if he let the fear in, it would eat him up alive. “I don’t know if I’m HIV positive. I’m being tested every month for it...and other diseases. So far they’ve all come back negative, but...I won’t know for certain for a few more months...and all the tests come back negative.”

“Oh Kurt. How? Not Logan.”

He shook his head. “No. This is so difficult, Amanda. I don’t know how to tell you what has happened to me. I don’t even know if I should. My fellow house mates all know. But my parents don’t.”

“I’m your friend, Kurt,” Amanda said, her hand returning to take one of his, holding on gently in a comforting gesture. “I’d never tell anyone anything you tell me in confidence. I’d never hurt you. Please believe that.”

“I believe you, ‘Manda.” Kurt looked away again and the pain in his chest got a grip on his heart, squeezing till he thought he might die of it. “I...I was kidnapped again just before Christmas.”

“Oh my god. The same man?”

Kurt nodded, his breath laboring in his lungs, trying to choke him. “He employed a mutant to do it, to kidnap me...and...and....” Kurt put a hand to his face, fighting back tears.

Why was this so hard? He’d spilled it all to Cassie. He’d thought it might get easier, but the telling never got easier...never got better.

“Kurt...please. Oh my god. You were raped...weren’t you? Is that what happened?”

A sob escaped him and Kurt gritted his teeth against the urge to burst into tears. He sniffed and got his emotions under control. A deep breath, let out slowly, calmed the rising anxiety.

Sniffing again, Kurt blew out a breath. “Yes. That’s what happened. I was tortured again and assaulted. Raped over and over again. I don’t even know how many times. This man Trask...he wanted to break me...make me into a pet.” Kurt turned his gaze on Amanda. “Can you imagine in this day and age, people acting this way? He called me a demon, a devil, Satan’s spawn. I’m as human as anyone else. I can’t help that I was born a mutant. But that doesn’t matter to people like Trask. He thought of me as a lab rat with no more feelings than that.”

“You are human, Kurt,” Amanda said with a tender touch on his cheek. “More human than that man or the one that put you into his hands. But how did they keep you from disappearing? How did they keep you from getting away from them?”

That was always the question, wasn’t it?

“There were these metal collars that kept me...and Logan that first time, from using our abilities. When I tried to teleport, it would let off an agonizing shock. We found a way to escape, but not before Trask and his people hurt us. Both times I was knocked unconscious and woke to find the collar around my neck. The second time, Trask also used drugs. He didn’t want to take any chances that I’d find a way out of the collar like the first time.”

“Why did he let that man rape you?” Amanda asked, glancing away with discomfort in her gaze. “I can’t imagine what purpose such a terrible thing would have.”

“It was a part of breaking me, I think. And...to lure Logan to try to rescue me. They wanted Logan more than they wanted me. I was just bait to play with and torture.”

“Oh Kurt, I’m so sorry.”

“So you see, Amanda, the rumors are not so far from the truth. The ones who spread them just don’t know the details and I don’t want them to know. It was bad enough being the gay mutant at school all year then that last semester, being the gay mutant with AIDS. Talk about a pariah. That was me all the way...except for my fellow mutants.”

“And still you’re graduating Magna Cum Laude,” Amanda said with a smile. “You’re amazing, Kurt. I’ve always thought you were, but now I know you are. You’re the most amazing guy I’ve ever known.”

“I don’t know how you can say that,” Kurt said with a frown.

Amanda turned in her seat and faced Kurt, her hands going to his shoulders. “You survived a terrible ordeal and still you’ve thrived. That’s amazing. Almost anyone else would have curled up into a ball and gone catatonic.”

“There were times I wanted to....” Kurt admitted, his gaze straying from Amanda’s with memories again pushing and shoving inside his mind. “But Logan helped me through it...and Rogue and Kitty and the rest of my family at the Institute.”

“I wish I would have been here to help you. I should have been here for you, Kurt.”

Kurt reached out and put a hand on top of Amanda’s. “Thank you, Amanda...for not judging me. For not rejecting me. You have given me courage when I had none. There were times you had more resolve than I had and it meant the world to me. Your friendship means the world to me.”

Gently, Amanda reached around Kurt, hugging him to her. Kurt gave in and let his old girlfriend comfort him. When she let go, Amanda’s smile was bittersweet and more lovely than the sunset flashing now in one last burst of pinks and purples, blues and golds.

“Now. Turn off that holo thing you wear. I want to see the real you.”

Kurt grinned and pushed the button. Amanda seemed to drink him in and Kurt felt that old discomfort rise again, too used to this close a scrutiny leading to condemnation and harsh judgement.

“Just as I remember you, except cuter in a grown up way.” She reached up and touched his face, her fingers tracing from temple to chin. With trembling fingers she pushed strands of hair behind his ear. “I always loved your pointed ears.” Amanda’s gaze met Kurt’s and her smile brightened. “Your eyes. They’re so golden they shine like the sun.”

“You’re embarrassing me, Amanda.”

She let out a little laugh that sounded like bells chiming. “And your fur is so soft. I forgot how soft it was. Did you remember my favorite color is blue?”

Kurt swallowed hard. “I remember.” He took her hand in his and drew it away from his face. “Amanda. I have to go. I promised Logan I wouldn’t be late.”

Amanda’s eyes twinkled and filled with tears. “Oh Kurt, I wish things could have been different. I wish my parents hadn’t sent me away and that those awful people had never done those terrible things to you. Then maybe we could have been together forever.” Amanda wrapped her arms around Kurt’s neck, sobs rolling out of her.

Kurt patted Amanda’s back and held her close. “I know, ‘Manda. I wish things had been different too.”

Pushing back, Amanda looked at him, tears staining her face, still running from her eyes like a stream. “Are you sure this...is the way you want it, Kurt? Are you sure there’s nothing left for us but friendship?”

Kurt reached and wiped the tears from beneath Amanda’s eyes, fingers trailing down her cheek. “I love Logan, Amanda. I want to be with him. I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry. Please don’t hate me.”

“Silly boy,” she said, pulling back and wiping at her face. “I never could. I just had to ask one more time just to be certain.”

“Then be certain,” Kurt replied. “Logan is my lover. He’s my life. He is all I want.”

Amanda nodded and patted his hand. “We’d better get you home. I don’t want your boyfriend out looking for us. I’m obviously no match for him.”

“Amanda.”

But when Kurt looked over at her, she smiled again and Kurt knew all was well between them.