The Rogue, The Rat, The Demon, and The Cat

Chapter Five Vol. 2: “Sail Away”

Okay, the heat was becoming truly ridiculous. The air was growing thick and would only continue to rise. Not being able to stand the feeling of damp cotton pressed uncomfortably against sweaty clumps of fur any longer, Kurt finally relented and stripped off his “Vote for Pedro” shirt, draping it over his tail like a clothes’ line. Being the one holding the compass, Kitty walked ahead of everyone else so she was not aware of her friend’s state of shirtless-ness. At least, not until Rogue said, “Y’all hold up.”

She had noticed the slower pace the four of them had begun since the hot afternoon settled over them. They all sighed in relief as they sat down on the ground and wiped the sweat from their faces. Of course, not everyone was suffering in the June heat. When her subjects sat down, Matilda took this opportunity to set up her beach lounge chair, change into a pair of yellow, cotton short-shorts, a cotton white halter top, her white cat-eye sunglasses, her white sandals, pulled her short hair back into a small ponytail, and helped herself to that nice, cool glass of pink lemonade that she had been saving. Reclining back on her dramatically oversized chair, taking a sip of lemonade from her pink swirly straw, and switching on her battery-operated, handheld fan, she paid no heed to the four youths desperately fanning themselves with their hands. To the girls she said, “Aren’t you glad you didn’t wear any makeup today?”

“I’m so glad I didn’t wear any makeup today.” Kitty said, wiping both her hands over her red face. “It would have been running down to my knees by now.”

“Would any o’ y’ be remotely offended if Remy chucked his pants off and walked de rest o’ de way naked?”

Kurt immediately replied, “Ja, ve vould.” Noticeably, neither Rogue nor Kitty gave any answer.

As Rogue pulled off her Doc Martins and socks, she said, “Ah want to go the rest of the way barefoot but Ah think mah feet might plan to kill meh in mah sleep if Ah did.”

“You know what I would do if it were this hot back at the Institute?” Kitty said, after following Rogue’s example and wiggling her bare toes to get some air between them. “I would just spread out on the floor directly beneath a ceiling fan.”

“I vould raid the freezer and eat all the popsicles and ice cream.”

“Always one t’ think o’ your stomach first, eh Kurt? Personally, Remy would go stand in de library where de A.C. is so strong comin’ out o’ dat one vent.”

“And that is the only time Remy LeBeau will be seen in a library. Right about now, Ah would be going for mah afternoon lap around the pool.”

Rogue’s other three compatriots groaned in pleasure. “Rogue, don’t say ‘pool’. God, a swim would feel so good right now.” Kitty said, brushing the little curls out of her face. She had tied her hair into a bun since they had been walking; a few wisps of hair that hung around her face had managed to escape. Kurt had never known that when coated with moisture Kitty’s hair would curl. Small ringlets close to her hairline stood up to resemble a halo of ringlets. He wondered if the rest of her hair was wavy as well. He (quite sadly) admitted to himself that he would never find out because of her insistence on keeping her hair back at all times.

“I don’t get what they’re complaining about. I’m comfortable.” Said Matilda, as she aimed her little fan at her short neck. Taking a quick glance at the small whirring device, she conceded, “Of course, I suppose I do have a bit of an unfair advantage.” Taking another sip of lemonade, she barely turned her head to look around. “It probably wouldn’t hurt to let them have a cool down. Okay, about another few minutes should give them ample time to lower their body temperatures.” Settling back into her chair once more, Matilda pulled out the latest Gail Carson Levine novel, and began to read. A slight cool breeze barely brushing the skin on the back of her neck caught her attention, though. “Hmm... that’s strange.” Twisting her body towards the direction of the breeze, Matilda narrowed her eyes to make out what was beyond the trees behind her. Something was there. Something... blue?

Matilda hopped off her chair for closer investigation of the source of the coolness. Dodging under a few branches, she finally came upon a lake. A very pretty lake. Well, a “pretty lake” was a description that really did not do this particular body of water justice. It was so picturesque: the trees that lined the lake looked thick and lush; the water was clean and just the right shade of blue; the gravel and dirt that rose out of the lake was saturated from the constant beating of the slight waves and did not quite meet the grass in the forest for a few feet so it almost resembled a very tan beach. Matilda was angry at herself for not discovering this place sooner.

“It’s too perfect, though.” Matilda said, shaking her head. She looked down at what she was standing on; it was a small cliff of rock that stood at a safe height over the lake. “This would be perfect for taking a dive into the water... but the water is probably too shallow.” Looking around to be sure no one was watching, Matilda turned in a circle and was changed into a gold one-piece bathing suit and her short hair was braided into thin cornrows. “Gentlemen and ladies of the wood, I have an announcement to make: CANNONBALL!!!” And she jumped into the water below her.

The water around the rock was not too shallow. In fact, its depth was simply perfect for jumping into. “Okay, so that checks out. And the water temperature is nice... but I bet it’s just crawling with leeches.” Doggy paddling on the surface of the water, Matilda pulled out her Skinny Dipper 3000 and stretched the antenna out to its full length. Holding it in front of her flat chest, she flipped a little switch to turn it on and said, “Perimeter leech check.” Viewing the readout it produced, Matilda’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “None in the area?! You’re kidding.” Reappearing fully dry on the rock where she started, Matilda looked out at the lake with an awe-stricken look on her face. “This place is almost too perfect! But should I lead them here? I mean, they were just talking about how nice it would be to go for a swim just now, but it’s not like they have some swimsuits handy and I highly doubt that they’d be willing to have their clothes be soaked twice in one day. So if they can’t go swimming in their clothes and they don’t have any bathing suits, then the only way they could go swimming in that lake is if they weren’t-” Matilda stopped herself when her train of thought led her to a very promising conclusion. Her eyebrows raised and her eyes alit, she said, “All I really need to do is some basic arithmetic: Four sexy teens. One sexy hot summer day. One sexy secluded forest. And one incredibly sexy leech free pond...” She trailed off as a slow, mischievous grin stretched across her features. “I do believe that it’s time to get naked.”

XXX

Rogue was wondering that if she were to lick the sweat off of her arm if it would aid towards hydrating her throat when she felt something against the back of her neck. It was nothing unpleasant; actually, it was a cool breeze that felt rather nice against her overheated skin. Turning her head back she saw a clearing that was beyond the trees. What was within that clearing was not visible. “Do y’all feel that?”

“Yeah, it’s cooler back there for some reason.” Kitty said, looking in the same direction that Rogue was facing.

“Let’s investigate, oui?” Remy said, forcing a grin over his sweat coated face.

“Vait, shouldn’t ve stay...” By the time that Kurt had opened his mouth, Remy and the girls were already walking in the opposite direction. “Close to the trail?” He finished before porting to catch up with them.

Kitty looked back at Kurt briefly when he joined them in a puff of smoke. Because of this she was not looking forward when Remy stopped walking abruptly, causing Rogue to crush her front right against his back, which in turn caused her to be sandwiched between Remy and Kitty, who, in turn, felt Kurt crash flat into her back.

“Remy, what are-”

“Remy, vhat’s the big-”

“Remy, what do you think you are doin’-”

All three of them halted their questions when they saw what had taken a hold of Remy. They stepped out from behind the Cajun, the expression of awe matching on all four of their faces.

“Oh mah God.” Rogue sighed, looking out over at the lake before them.

“This is so pretty!” Kitty squealed.

“And the vater looks so nice too.” Kurt agreed.

“An’ here we were just talking’ ‘bout how nice it would be t’ go fo’ a swim.” Remy said, taking a step towards the water, but Rogue’s gloved hand reached out and stopped him from going any further by pressing itself firmly against his chest.

“Y’all wait a second. Ah know that this looks amazing but we ain’t got time for this right now.”

“Aww. But why?” Kurt and Kitty echoed.

“We need to cover as much distance as we can while we still got the sun.”

“Oui, and Remy fully agrees wit’ dat.” Kitty and Kurt both looked at Remy clearly surprised that he had changed his tune so quickly. “Though, if we keep dat idea in mind, how much good
will we be gettin’ from de day if we be stoppin’ every five minutes t’ keep from gettin’ heat stroke?”
Rogue had a really good response... somewhere in her brain to that comment, but she just could not think of it at that moment in time.
Remy grinned at her silence and began to step towards the lake once again, with Kitty and Kurt eagerly following him. A new thought came to Rogue and she stepped out in front of Remy to stop him once again.

“Do y’all want to get your clothes wet twice in one day? Think of how long it took us to get them dry this morning. Do you really want to go through that again?”

Not even Remy could really deny his own desire to keep his clothes dry. Leave it to Matilda to provide Remy with a proper solution.

“You know that you don’t need clothes to go swimming...”

Rogue had not anticipated the return of Remy’s signature mysterious yet oh-so-naughty grin. Oh God, what’s he thinkin’ now?

“Now, Remy never said a word ‘bout needin’ clothes t’ go swimmin’.” Rogue face stretched in shock as her cheeks began to redden in modesty. Kurt was somewhere between laughing and feeling scandalized.

“Well duh, Remy. We need bathing suits more than we need clothes, but we obviously don’t have those right now-” Kitty quickly caught on after the incredulous look that Rogue shot her.
“Oh.” And she began to blush.

“Absolutely not, LeBeau.”

“Oh, come on, Roguey. We all be friends here. ‘Sides, Remy did just see y’ in y’r very lovely undergarments dis mornin’. It wouldn’t be much more t’ see de whole she-bang.”

“First of all, Gumbo, you are not even close to being ready for the whole she-bang.” Remy’s eyebrows raised a bit. “Second of all, Ah seem to recall a certain someone just sayin’ this morning that underwear covers all the necessary parts anyway. But now you’re sayin’ that you’ve practically seen meh naked? Make up you mind, please.”

“Hey that’s it!” Kitty happily shouted clapping her hands together.

“What’s it?” Her three compatriots asked.

“We can just go swimming in our underwear! It’s like Remy said, it all covers the same areas that a normal bathing suit would cover and-”

“Kitty,” Rogue interrupted, “Ah think the only thing worse than soggy clothes are soggy underwear. Can you imagine how uncomfortable they would be to walk around in all day?”
Kitty’s face fell a little (Kurt had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from coming over there and kissing that sad expression right off her face) and she said, “Oh yeah. I hadn’t thought of that.”

Rogue sighed. “Ah wanna beat this heat as much as y’all do, but Ah just don’t think that going for a swim naked is the way to do it.”

“Rogue, it is really hot.” Kitty said, in her sympathetic, whiny voice that almost always won over Kurt.

“Kitty, Ah can’t believe you’re actually consenting to be naked in front of two boys, when you were freaking out about your bra and panties earlier.”

“And in front of Remy no less.” Kurt added, looking surprised at his best friend.

“See? The heat is already getting to me!” Kitty exclaimed, motioning towards the sun.

“Oh mah God.” Rogue said, disgruntled, annoyed, exasperated, and admittedly very hot.

“What’s wrong wit’ de naked form anyway? It’s how we all entered dis world, how God had intended us to be, de most natural state of-”

“Remy, stop with the pro-nudity speech.” Rogue said, holding her hands up at him.

“Yes, thank you.” Kitty said, shaking her head at him.

“That’s really quite enough.” Kurt added.

“Please.” Matilda said, rolling her eyes.

“Look, if y’ want, Ah’ll turn ‘round, like so.” Remy said, turning his back to Rogue. “Dat way de filles can get undressed an’ jump in an’ still keep de modesty dat dey covet.”

Rogue had wished that Remy had not phrased it in such a way that made her feel like a nun. Shrugging it off, she looked at Kitty, who did look like she might overheat if they did not do
something soon. Kitty looked back at Rogue smiling pleadingly. Her white-striped friend sighed defeated as she said, “Fine. But you better keep your back turned.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Rogue could not see the half-smile that Remy hid from her view.

Kitty could not hold back her giggle even if she had tried. She looked entreatingly at Rogue and smiled. Rogue rolled her eyes and said, “Ah said okay, didn’t Ah?” She whirled sharply to Remy, who had turned back around and was smirking infuriatingly at her. “But you had better not even try to sneak a peek at meh. And don’t try anything else that you know Ah will not like.”

“Remy really don’t know what y’ talkin’ ‘bout.” Remy replied, looking up at the sky, coyly and innocently.

“Oh, Ah’m sure you don’t.” Rogue deadpanned. “Ah’m bein’ serious here, Remy. Ah’m lettin’ you know right now that if you try any sort of funny business-”

“Funny business? Moi?’ Remy said, pressing a hand to his own heart.

“Yes, you.”

“No idea what kind o’ funny business y’ could be talkin’ ‘bout.”

“Uh-huh. Ah know that you haven’t any idea what ‘touchy-feely’ funny business Ah could be referrin’ to.” Rogue shook her head. “But if you do think about it and/or try something... well, you know what will happen to you.” Remy was not looking in her eyes when she said this, but instead glanced down at the brief stretch of skin from her shoulder to her wrist that was left exposed by the tank top and gloves she wore. Before she could say anything about the direction of his eyes, he looked back to her face and lazily smiled.

“Y’ be clear as crystal, mon cherie.”

Rogue wanted to say something else, but allowed the feeling to pass. Both she and Remy jumped when they heard Kitty’s voice. “Um, hey guys, are we going to do this or what?”

“Or do you both just vant to spend the rest of the day talking about vhat you don’t vant each other to do?” Kurt said, in a rather snarky tone that did not suit him.

“Right. You two...” Rogue twirled her index finger in a circle at the two boys, who both turned their backs to the two girls.

Even though they knew that neither Kurt nor Remy could see anything, both Rogue and Kitty turned away from them as well. Rogue’s finger had just reached the button at the tops of her jeans when she felt a strong pair of hands trace down the curved length of her waist. Her eyes bugged out of her head when she felt a breathy whisper in her ear, “Y’ will never know if y’ don’t like somethin’ if y’ never try it.” The warmth of his breath spread over the strands of hair that covered her ear and caused her to shudder a bit. Before she could even say anything, he and his hands were gone and his back was turned to her once more. Rogue shook off the feeling of his hands on her and resumed unbuttoning her pants.

Kitty had begun by un-tying her shoes and removing her socks. After undoing her jacket from around her waist, she glanced over her shoulder at Kurt and Remy; their backs were still to them and neither of them were making any attempts to look back. With that knowledge encouraging her, she quickly divested herself of her shirt and then slid her pants down her small hips and over her toned legs.

Rogue had set her Doc Martins and socks aside and took a breath. Like ripping off a band-aid, she chanted in her head. She breathed in and before she breathed out, she had pulled her tank top off. Putting some space between herself and Kitty, she pushed her jeans down her curved hips and shapely legs. She looked backwards real quickly before reaching for the hook of her bra.

Kitty felt very strange after tossing her bra on top of the pile of her clothes. Some people called it liberating to be nude in such an open area, but she still felt as though she was being watched. Doing her best to ignore that feeling, she hooked her fingers around the straps of her thong and quickly pulled it off.

Rogue felt the weight of her breasts press closer to her body after being freed of her bra. So that she would not even have to acknowledge how exposed she was, she made quick work of her boy-shorts. Placing her undergarments on her own messy pile of clothes, she looked at Kitty, who nodded at her. Both of them turned back one last time at their two male companions. Remy was shifting his weight back and forth from his heels to his toes and Kurt was shifting from one foot to the other while his tail swished violently from his right side to his left. All that mattered was that both boys still had their backs turned.

When the girls turned back to face the body of water, Kitty instinctively reached for Rogue’s bare hand. Fortunately, Rogue recoiled from Kitty about four feet away. Remembering exactly who her best friend was, Kitty gave her an apologetic grimace and the two looked down to see how far the drop was to the water.

“What if it’s really, really cold?” Rogue offered.

“Den get out o’ de water.” Replied Remy, still not facing the two nude girls.

“Ah wasn’t talkin’ to you, Cajun.” Rogue said through pursed lips.

“Can ve turn around now?”

“No, no, not now!” Kitty said to Kurt hastily.

“Vell, not to rush either of you or anything, but these trees are becoming a bit too familiar and a change of scenery vould be nice.”

“All right, all right.” Rogue and her friend focused on the lake once more. “On three?”

“No, not on three.” Kitty shook her head as Rogue looked at her just a little surprised. “Just in case the water is cold, I want to be screaming. So yeah, I won’t be able to count.”

Rogue nodded and said, “Ah like that better.” Making sure that there was a safe distance between the two of them so there would be little-to-no risk of accidental skin contact, Rogue and Kitty shared one final mutual nod before they both screamed at the top of their lungs and dropped into the water below them.

Thankfully the water was lukewarm, but cool enough to stave off the heat. Rogue had to admit that this felt better than swimming at home. The feeling of weightlessness encompassing her bare skin; she hoped that this is what being touched felt like. Both girls surfaced, breathing in the clean air. Kitty flipped her saturated hair backwards, accidentally splattering Rogue’s face. As she wiped off the excessive water, she combed her hair back with her fingers and noticed something slightly disturbing. From kicking and moving her arms and legs, she was at risk at touching Kitty.

“Kitty, Ah think there needs to be a bit more space between us. Swim out a bit, will you?” After rolling her eyes, Kitty paddled a few feet away. “Um... maybe just a little bit more.”
Kitty did as her friend said and swam until she was about twelve feet from Rogue. “How’s this?” She hollered.

“Are you two ready yet?” Kurt’s voice echoed over the ledge.

“Not yet!” Both Kitty and Rogue yelled.

“Um... maybe just a little bit more!”

“Fine!” Kitty exclaimed, swimming further towards the center of the lake. She did not quit swimming, telling herself that this was just her workout for the day.

“How ‘bout now?” Remy’s voice bellowed.

“Now’s good!” Rogue called back. She did not expect Remy’s accusing face to peek over the edge of where he and Kurt stood. After quickly submerging herself down to her collarbone, Rogue
looked Remy square in the eye and asked, “What do you think you’re doin’, LeBeau?”

“Makin’ sure dat our privacy was bein’ respected.”

Rogue had to laugh. “And here Ah was thinkin’ that you had no modesty.”

“Oh, de Cajun does not. But dat don’t mean dat he shouldn’t expect de same courtesy he so graciously gave t’ y’all.”

“You have got to be kidding. Ah can’t even see half of your head! Besides...” Rogue hesitated by nibbling on her lower lip before saying what came after “besides;” dare she be so bold?

“Besides?” Remy encouraged.

“...It ain’t like you got anything Ah haven’t seen before... personally.”

Oh mon dieu, I can’t believe she actually had the guts (no, wait, the balls) to bring that up again, Remy thought with a grin.

Of course, there was one person within close proximity of them who refused to tolerate their flirting. “For mein own very-much-existent modesty, vould you both care to turn around?” Kurt called down to the two young women.

“Kitty’s pretty much out of earshot and she’s still swimming.” Rogue replied, her eyes finding Kitty already halfway across the lake. Not too enthused about the idea of seeing her brother naked, Rogue conceded and turned her back to the two boys.

Kurt and Remy eyed one another discreetly in a non-homoerotic way. Matilda sighed in appreciation at the sight of Remy and Kurt’s bare chests and backs as both boys challenged each other to get undressed first. Remy’s upper torso was broad compared to Kurt’s more narrow shoulders and streamlined chest. That broadness tapered into Remy’s smooth abdomen and cut hips. Kurt’s lower half was proportional with the rest of his body: narrow yet defined. Neither young man were lacking in the muscle department. Remy’s chest, arms, back, and abs were ripped in a manner similar to a Greek statue. His tan Creole skin-tone covered his flesh exotically with a light sprinkling to hair covering his chest and under his bellybutton where the treasure trail disappeared into his pants. While Kurt was leaner in size when compared to Remy, every inch of his body was ripped and rock hard. “You know, I bet strength wise, Kurt would be able to hold his own with Remy. Remy’s bigger but Kurt there has the rare but highly coveted gymnast’s strength,” Matilda was dressed in a red, white, blue star spangled leotard when she performed half of a handstand. “The ability to lift, carry, and bend one’s own body as a sign of physical perfection.” Matilda breathed in deeply, focusing every ounce of energy that she possessed in her non-corporeal body into... the rather pathetic cartwheel that she performed. Why she was proud of it... well, she’s Matilda. “Whoo-wee! How’s that for a slice of fried gold?”
Meanwhile, Remy looked at Kurt; Kurt looked at Remy. Both glanced at the water where they knew two wet, naked, attractive females frolicked.

“I can’t believe they’re torn between horniness and modesty. If this doesn’t work, I’m pushing them in.” Matilda stepped forward and looked between the boys. “Do you really want him to think that you’re shy? Or worse, that you’re ashamed of what you’re packing *ahem* down there?”

There we go. Remy promptly began to kick off his shoes and socks as Kurt used his fingers and tail to unbutton his pants. When Kurt had been freed of his pants and was down to his boxer-briefs, Remy had his jeans around his knees. Kurt swished and flexed his tail to stall removing his underwear until Remy had stripped himself of his pants and was also down to his undergarments. Remy glanced at Kurt out of the corner of his eye. Matilda was comparing their legs as both boys pulled off their boxers. She had just concluded that both of them had very muscular legs and that the differences they had were that Kurt’s legs were thinner, his feet were highly arched, and, oh yeah, he was covered in blue fur, when she was suddenly distracted by two gorgeous man rears.

“Heelllooo booty!” Matilda really could not help the lecherous little grin that appeared on her lips. It seemed Kurt really was blue and furry all over, with the base of his tail resting just above the crease of where his tight derriere began. Remy’s buttocks was quite muscular, to the point where Matilda extended her arms (not a long reach) and made a squeezing motion with her tiny hands and making her mouth bite the empty air a few times. Remy’s tan line left a very white butt. For some reason, it only made him more attractive. “Yow. I’d love to squeeze those things like a sand-filled stress cushion.” Cocking her head to the left, Matilda giggled. “God bless the U.S.A.... and Germany.”

Both young males (and Matilda) took a quick peek at the other’s genitals. Remy smirked a little upon seeing that he was the bigger one, while Kurt shuffled his feet and looked down at the ground.

“Hmm... Kitty exaggerated a bit when she said that Kurt was huge. I mean, he’s certainly not tiny, nor is he average, but he’s not massive. But neither is Remy. He’s definitely bigger than big, but not to the point of being ridiculous. And would you look at that...” Matilda raised both of her eyebrows. “Neither of them were circumcised.”

“Vell, are ve going to do this or vhat?” Kurt finally said.

“Are y’all done yet? Can Ah turn around now?” Rogue called from down below.

“Not yet!” They both yelled back.

“Shall we?” Remy motioned with his hand, preparing himself to jump into the water.

Kurt was also poised to go when he noticed Kitty swimming across the lake. “On second thought, you go ahead. I think I’m going to-” *BAMF*

Remy coughed out the brimstone and readied himself for his jump once more. “Un fo’ de money, deux fo’ de show, trois t’ get ready-”

“Will you just jump already?!” Both Rogue and Matilda shouted at the Cajun.

“Fine.” Remy muttered sharply. Not waiting a second longer, he stepped off the ledge and allowed his body to drop into the water with a loud splash.

Unfortunately, Remy’s drop caused the water to make a small wave splash over Rogue’s head, soaking her face once more. She breathed in sharply and turned around ready to give that infuriating Cajun a piece of her mind, but all that looked back at her was empty space. The water had calmed somewhat from Remy’s dive, and was almost still, save for the light ripples that Rogue created as she softly paddled to keep above the water. But Remy was nowhere to be seen.

“Hey Cajun, you better not make meh look for you! Ah’ll have to hurt you if it comes to that. And before you say it (pervert), this ain’t going to be the good kind of hurt!” Rogue looked around when she received no response. “This isn’t funny, Swamp Rat! You better quit it right now!” Still nothing. “Remy?”

... was just fine. In fact, he would have been laughing his ass off if he was not presently swimming far beneath the surface of the water and looking up at the swimming girl above him.
Since the sun was directing light right above him, all he could see of Rogue was a dark, but oh-so curvaceous silhouette. He stared at her gracefully floating in the water for as long as his held breath would allow. Just before the pressure became unbearable, he began swimming upward. Before he broke the surface of the pond, he gave a gentle tug to Rogue’s hair. He was pleased with himself when she let out a shocked shriek.

Free from the water, he could openly laugh at her. In retrospect, that was not a very good idea, considering how very easy it was to anger her. Quickly recovering from her start, Rogue turned around ready to slap him silly. Water slows people down, or, at least, it’s supposed to. So how is it that Remy LeBeau was still faster than she was? He effortlessly dodged her with a smile not moving from his face. Oh well, if I can’t wound him, I’ll have to settle for the next best thing, she thought.

She raised her arm up high behind her, and brought it forward, quick and strong, through the surface of the water. It was Rogue’s turn to laugh at Remy’s re-drenched face. His eyes were shut instinctively and he was opening and closing his mouth, not ready to speak. His eyes opened slowly and his lips tightened into a thin line. Rogue contained her laughter behind a closed-lip smile, but her shoulders shook with a few bouts that nearly escaped her. Their eyes remained linked to each other, as they both anticipated the other’s next move.

And then it began. Where the water had once been calm, it became a torrent of white foam. What were these two doing? Having the ultimate splash fight, that’s what.
Rogue could not have noticed through all the splashing water in their faces, focusing on staying above the water, and the laughter they shared, how close Remy and she were becoming. And not only as friends; neither noticed how physically near he was to her very naked skin.

When they both felt a need to catch their breaths, they became silent and relatively still but their smiles remained. It was in this of calm where, for a brief instance, Remy stopped breathing. He simply could not focus on something so trivial like allowing air to enter his lungs when he was looking at Rogue wet. The concentrations of water that clung to her skin shimmered like diamonds in the sun. Her hair was shinier, her eyes were brighter, and her lips were pinker, fuller, and softer.

Rogue found herself quite entranced by him as well. His cinnamon colored hair clung to his forehead, and she wondered how he could resist the temptation to swipe it out of his face. She had never pondered his skin before, but now she found herself thinking about how soft his face looked saturated in water. Her nipples grew hard when she saw how his red and black eyes were devouring her appearance.

Her finger reached forward to touch the roots of his hair that lined his face. Gently, she pushed the small locks of his wet hair away from his face. He stared at her intently and did not tell her how much he wished that her hands would move lower to touch his face.

Admittedly, Remy wondered why Rogue touched him so freely, yet still so carefully. For once, there were absolutely no barriers between the two of them; nothing to protect her from him. He could easily reach out and touch her and she implied nothing about her not wanting him to do so. Why, he had to ask. It dawned on Remy all at once. I’ve made her forget, he thought with an overwhelming amount of awe and pride. I’ve actually made her forget for a while.

Remy should have reminded her that their close proximity could be potentially dangerous, possibly fatal even. He should have immediately put some distance between their bodies, both of which were already a hair’s breath away from contact. But Remy also should have never taken up smoking and drinking. He never did have a good track record of taking advice about how to protect his health. Why start obeying what he should do now?

Remy raised his body slightly so that his collarbone and part of his chest were exposed. Rogue’s eyes lowered for a brief second, long enough to see that his own nipples had tightened into hard points as well. The water that he had just been wading in now formed tiny rivers that ran over the ripples of his arms and pectorals. He was towering above her, so she had to look up to see his eyes. Her lips parted softly when his face began to move closer to her. Both their eyes remained open as she began to move up towards his mouth. They both closed their eyes just when Remy was close enough to see the drops of water that clung to her eyelashes.

XXX

I cannot believe how flippin’ paranoid that girl can, Kitty thought furiously as she swam further and further. Does she honestly think that I would be reckless enough to touch her?
Kitty was fairly enthralled, which would make a fine excuse later for when she was asked why she didn’t smell brimstone when Kurt ported a few feet behind her. She definitely heard his splash when he dropped into the water and did not resurface immediately. Kitty turned, flipping her wet hair, and looked around. She could see Remy and Rogue in the distance but they were barely visible through a cloud of white foam. Looking around, though, there was absolutely no sign of Kurt. Oh no, thought Kitty, that does not spell good things.

“Kurt?”

When there was no response, she turned around again. This is weird, she thought, I could have sworn-

Something grabbed her by the ankle and pulled her down until the water was just above her collarbone. Just as she began to scream, whatever it was that grabbed her, released her. Kitty raised herself above the surface just in time to see Kurt emerge alongside her, laughing his ass off.

Fury very quickly replaced fear, and Kitty’s primary motivation became wounding Kurt. She managed to swat his bicep and shoulder a couple of times before he tired of being struck and grabbed her waist and pressed her tightly against him. Kitty squirmed against his fur, still trying to lay a few punches on him.

“You jerk! Why do you keep scaring me when you know that I’m already on edge!”

“Kätzchen, vhat are you talking about?” Kurt asked, looking confused but still amused nonetheless. “I have been a good little elf and have refrained from pulling any tricks on you up until now.”

“Oh, don’t play that ‘innocent little elf’ game with me. You did it just last night when you came into my tent and-” Kitty stopped talking abruptly when she remembered the entirety of that incident.

“Vas? Keey, I didn’t come into your tent last night.”

“Yeah, I know you didn’t.” Kitty replied, her blush starting to form.

“Then vhy did you say that I did?”

“Um... stupid me, I was confusing you with someone else.”

“Oh, so there are other dashing blue elves who make night visits to mein Kätzchen. I knew it all along.”

Kitty giggled slightly and ducked her head into the crook of his shoulder so that he would not see how pink her face was becoming. When she subconsciously pressed her body closer to his, she remembered something very important: that both of them were currently very naked. Kitty only then realized that her bare breasts were pressed firmly against his chest and that his thigh was sandwiched right in between her legs. Her tiny hands clutched his muscular back as a new wave of embarrassment washed over her. She was suddenly so attuned to the parts of his body that were touching the parts of her body. His three-fingered hands were placed strategically on her back; one between her shoulder blades, the other soundly resting on the small of her back. His tail had wound itself soundly around her waist. Kitty was almost positive that her entire body had been set on fire when her nipples began to harden. Oh God, please don’t let him have noticed that!

“Keety? Are you all right?” Kurt asked, his amused tone replaced with concern.

Kitty did not answer and tried to push her chest back slightly and turned her head to look away from him.

Kurt cocked his head to the side before he realized that since his tail was around her waist, that he administered some degree of control. How interesting.

Kitty almost began to panic when she felt herself moving around to face Kurt. How...? Oh my God, that sneaky little elf! Kitty thought as she looked down and saw Kurt’s tail pulling her around to his front. Politely, he kept her submerged to just below her collarbone; the problem Kitty was having was not with her breasts (for once) but with her face.

“Kätzchen?” Kurt asked, dipping his head slightly, bringing his face unavoidably close to Kitty’s.

Kitty focused her eyes downward; it was not enough that she already felt naked whenever he looked at her, it had to be that she was literally nude right then to make her feel as though his eyes were peeling away her skin, muscle, blood, organs, bones and staring straight at her soul. She had not realized how close he had come to her until she felt his forehead press against hers and the bridges of their noses bumped against one another.

“Keety.” Kurt said, somehow softly yet firmly at the same time.

Kitty regretted almost instantly meeting his eyes. There was no hiding from the look he leveled her with. She could feel his breath brushing her mouth and the bow of both their upper lips just barely grazing together. They were so close to each other that she almost missed him grinning before he pulled her body closer by way of his tail.

Kitty had to make a small squeak in her mouth when she felt very bare breasts brush so lightly against Kurt’s furry, yet hard chest. She felt that she should have been pushing him away but somehow her slender, toned legs found themselves wound around his waist. He drew in a breath quickly when his brain connected exactly what part of her was right above a certain part of him. If her hips moved just a little bit lower...

Kitty wrapped her arms around the back of Kurt’s neck and hid her face in the crook of his neck. There, now he can’t see my face (and I don’t have to look him in the eye). She chose to ignore the fact that their naked bodies were one step away from sex and be embarrassed about it later. She felt his furry, thick fingers trail down and up again in the stretch of delicate skin between her shoulders before his hand reached up and began to smooth her water saturated hair away from her face. It was when his fingers lingered longer than he had intended to test the softness of a strand that framed her face that she removed herself from his shoulder and looked at him.

The tips of their noses were touching. Kitty had to smile when she saw how unkempt Kurt’s hair had become after being immersed in the lake. Using one of her hands, she smoothed some of the clinging locks of hair that stuck to his forehead and temples. The subtle movement of Kitty barely shifting her face to look at the upper half of Kurt’s face caused their noses to part and her lower lip to press lightly against the skin right above his upper lip. He shifted his eyes upward to look at her. Kitty curiously returned his gaze.

She drew in a breath sharply when she saw the way that he was looking at her. The unapologetic awe. The adoring worship. The raw temptation. It was too much for Kitty to handle. She wanted to look away; hell, she wanted to run back to her room and hide under her bed but that was most certainly not in the cards. Their breaths mingled together as his mouth began to draw closer to hers. A quick glimpse at his parted lips caused her eyes to become lidded as she drew her own full lips down to meet him...

XXX

Back on dry land, Matilda was trying to pay attention to what was occurring in the scenario she had so skillfully constructed but that was proving to be more difficult than usual because she was suddenly confronted with her only exploitive weakness: discarded clothes messily strewn across the ground.

Matilda would not describe herself as a quirky girl. Eccentric? Sure. Different? Definitely. Unique? Aren’t we all? But quirky? Most certainly not. That is not to say that she is not without quirks. One in particular that drives her crazy, but try as she might, she cannot deny the urge to neatly fold every discarded piece of laundry that she may come across.

“Ignore it, Matilda. Your couples are frolicking naked in a pond, the sexual tension is thicker than J-ello instant pudding, you are two steps away from wrapping up this case, don’t blow it all because you feel a compulsion to carefully fold each piece of clothing you find messily strewn across the floor. I don’t need the laundry!” Matilda shouted, raising her fist to the sky. She laid flat on her stomach and watched her foursome; Remy and Rogue were engaging in a fun looking splash fight while far into the middle of the lake, Kitty was held impossibly close by Kurt.
Matilda should have squealing as though she were just told that her Christmas bonus of that year would be Lord Byron reading to her his poetry while giving her constant shoulder massages. But she just could not bring herself to squeal. The laundry... its siren song called to her.

“Heeding the call!” Matilda, shouting to no one in particular, shot up and sprinted over towards the kids’ discarded clothes. With a dizzying swiftness, she scooped up Remy’s shirt, Rogue’s bra, Kitty’s socks, Kurt’s boxers, the girls’ thongs, the boys’ pants, and every other garment she could hold in her little arms. Remy’s trench coat and Kurt’s duster remained where they were on the ground because they made her load heavier than what her strength tolerated. Spying a large rock at the edge of the woods, she figured it was a place where she could still see the pond but could at least sit comfortably.

She plopped down and with a practiced efficiency, she began to carefully fold each article of clothing. “Foldin’, foldin’, foldin’... foldin’, foldin’, foldin’...” She sang to the tune of “Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin’” as she folded. So consumed was she in her folding that she didn’t even notice her couples about to kiss. So consumed in each other’s eyes, her couples didn’t even notice a tree which stood at the opposite end of the lake begin to tip over. Everyone present noticed the tree, though, when it crashed into the lake with a loud splash, roots and leaves intact.
The kids’ attention was immediately diverted to the tree that just re-coated them with water. Matilda gave a startled screech and clutched her pile of laundry to her chest defensively. A few unnecessary breaths later and Matilda had collected herself enough to actually analyze what had just happened.

“I don’t believe this. A tree fell down in the middle of a forest... and people were around to hear it... so it actually fell. What are the odds of that happening?”

“Slim to none.” A deep, sexy voice replied from behind her.

Matilda shrieked, dropped her laundry, and turned fast. Her startled demeanor faded immediately

“Puck? Oh my God, don’t do that! I’m used to being alone in here!” Matilda said, bending down to pick up the clothes she dropped.

“My apologies, oh fair love spirit.” Puck replied with a bow. Matilda allowed a rare blush to stain her cheeks and a not-so-rare girlish giggle to escape her mouth. It was hard to stay mad when a six-foot mountain of total gorgeous man was standing before her. Puck had a face and body so chiseled that it could potentially shame Adonis. Even though his physical appearance was beyond that of a normal person, he appeared human, save for the dark amber colored skin that covered his muscles, his all black eyes, and shoulder-length wavy hair that was so dark a green it would have resembled black except when the sun revealed the green highlights. He was naked except for a strategically placed loincloth composed of moss, grasses, vines, and leaves.

“Eh, you’re forgiven, oh-so-gorgeous forest spirit.” Matilda still held her laundry as she stepped closer to Puck. “So... this a business... or pleasure matter?”

Puck’s face turned into a frown. “I’m afraid that there is no time to indulge in the pleasures that the earth and body have to offer, lovely Matilda. This forest is no longer safe for the living creatures that dwell here. I am in the process of moving them to safer ground.”

“Hirane, right?” Matilda said, quite glumly.

“The council is aware of his presence and yet they do nothing?” Puck asked a bit hotly.

“They sent me, Puck.” When she saw Puck’s non-believing face, she laughed. “Please, no need to hide your disappointment on my behalf.”

“Oh, forgive me, kind spirit of love. I was only of the mind that you did not involve yourself in matters of darkness.” Puck replied, kneeling so that he could look Matilda in the eye.

“Yeah, normally you’d be right. See, I got this assignment involving these four kids-”

“Four? I always believed soul mates ran in twos.”

“They do. I just happen to be dealing with two pairs of soul mates, who happen to be X-Men and- oh no!” Still clutching the clothes close to her, Matilda ran back to the pond just in time to see Rogue, Remy, Kurt, and Kitty swimming towards each other to meet halfway. “Oh my God... did they kiss or not? Oh, probably not. A tree falling would kind of interrupt the mood. Grr... if only I’d been paying attention.”

“Do not blame yourself, wise bringer of love. You are not the only one upset by this turn of events.” With that said, Puck held up one of his hands and put it close to Matilda’s face. Her tiny features lit up in a sad smile when she saw the bird nest that he held, complete with a mother sparrow and three newborn babies.

“Aww, was that tree your home?”

“It was home to many. It was also a fine, tall, old tree with deep roots and many memories. Now, it lies alone with only death to look forward to.”

“Did the tree just get knocked down accidentally during the evacuation efforts?”

At this, Puck scoffed. “Of course not. We managed to catch the real culprit. A pathetic, hideous beast who even I will admit seemed a bit whiny-”

“Wait a minute- pathetic, hideous, and whiny? Did this beast happen to be wearing a tacky yellow argyle sweater?”

“Matilda, how did you know that? Have you developed a new gift of premonition?”

“No, but I did just crack open a fresh case of whup-ass. I need to see this guy of yours immediately. May I?”

“Absolutely. I shall lead the way.” As Puck led, Matilda remained behind him. It turns out that there was no back-piece on Puck’s loincloth to cover his extremely well developed backside.

“God, three gorgeous man asses in one day... is this a record for me? Oh no, wait.... I forgot about that one time in Greece.” One reminiscent giggle later, Matilda and Puck stepped into a clearing where a herd of squirrels, skunks, chipmunks, and chinchillas had spread eagled a tall, lanky, ugly fellow who was wearing a familiar looking yellow argyle sweater.

“Doug! What are you doing?! I distinctly remember telling you last night to get lost.” Matilda shouted. She was standing over him, her feet planted on either side of his torso. Her hands were placed threateningly on her hips as she leaned in close to his face, her tiny nostrils flaring.

“Um... well, I... I did do what you told me to do... at first.” Doug winced when Matilda growled her response.

“At first?” Through gritted teeth she said.

“You see, the minute I got back to the company, the one who commissioned this assignment told me to head right back down.”

“How convenient.” Matilda said, rolling her eyes.

“It’s the truth! The paperwork is all in place back at the office.”

“A whole lot of good that does me. Private commissions are guarded by the Gladys and Abner act. You know perfectly well that myself or any other spirit is not allowed to view such documents.”

“Wow, you weren’t just bragging when you told me that you had all of our bi-laws memorized.”

“Puh-leeze. I’m the one who wrote up and proposed that bill. I’d be shaming myself if I didn’t know it, back to front.” Regardless of the fact that he was pinned to the ground by a small girl and several tiny woodland creatures, Doug gazed at Matilda awe-struck with a glazed smile on his face. “Oh, and Doug?”

“Yes, Matilda?”

“Tell your tiny soldier to be at ease because I will always turned off in your presence.”

Doug glanced down at his groin; either a squirrel had crawled into his pants or he had an incredibly, extremely, supremely tiny erection. “Whoops. Sorry Matilda. Like I said on our first date-”

“I know what you said on our only date: that you are most aroused by our company bible and me. So when I start talking about the bi-laws-”

“It is the hottest thing ever.”

“Yeah-huh. Well, if you recall correctly, I am most aroused gorgeous men and neck massages. You offer neither, so quit with your pathetic attempts at innuendo. You’ve got a lot to answer for, because today you broke more than a few laws.”

“What are you going to do to me?” Doug asked, sounding scared at first. A tick later and he raised his eyebrows and smiled suggestively. “What are you going to do to me?”

“Eew.” Matilda shuddered with a grimace. “Sorry to disappoint you and your pervy self, but your main offense today was the murder of a tree. That does not fall under my jurisdiction; it belongs to the real man who stands behind me.” With a jerk of her thumb over her left shoulder, Doug noticed Puck for the first time.

Puck stepped forward and motioned East with his arm outstretched. The furry little animals began moving to the East, ignoring Doug’s protests as they dragged him along. Matilda and Puck watched them until they blended in with the distant soil on the ground.

“We will try him and his punishment will be dire. When he has served his sentence, I will send what is left of him to you for your own judgment.”

“Always the gentleman, Puck.” Matilda replied, casting a sideways glance over at the god-like spirit. Grinning quite sensuously, she said, “How about we put that chivalry to more productive uses, eh?”

Just as the Love Spirit was about to rub her hands up his perfect chest, the handsome Forest Sprit took a reluctant step away from her. “Oh, gracious, lustful spirit of love, you will never know how much force it requires for me to be able to resist you. Before I can indulge in pleasures of the flesh, I must be sure that no lives are lost. Their needs must come before my own wants.”

Matilda sighed and relented. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Greater good and all that jazz.”

“Seems such a shame really. This would be an opportune time to be lecherous, since I discovered that this wood has sprouted a bush of sinful delight.” Puck said, looking glumly at a small, rich green bush that was growing behind him.

“Oh, really? What is its harvest?” Matilda said, glancing at the bush curiously. Her eyes practically bugged out of her skull when she saw the bush’s red and brown blossoms.

“It seems that this bush has grown an assortment of chocolate covered strawberries.” Puck said, not nearly as enthralled with the bush as Matilda was. “It’s a shame to allow anything that grows from the earth to go to waste.”

“Yes, yes, a real tragedy that.” Matilda muttered, feeling the moisture within her mouth increasing dramatically.

Realizing that her attention had been entirely diverted away from him, Puck chuckled and wrapped an arm around her teeny, tiny shoulders. “You astound me, remarkable love spirit. You have won the respect of all the elementals, and yet your heart is still that of a child’s. I think the world would be a darker place if you were not here to give it light. Farewell.”

“Bye Puck. Hey to the other elementals.” Matilda said, returning his half hug. Puck stood and walked off into the wood with a few birds following behind him; he did not realize that he was giving Matilda a fantastic view of his glorious buttocks. After Puck had vanished from her view, Matilda began to turn back to the lake to return to her kids, but... the bush was still there. She could not ignore the glistening red of the strawberries and the rich chocolate that coated each and every piece of delectable perfection. Matilda quickly slapped herself; sadly, she was still wondering what each piece of fruit would feel like as the ripe flesh of one of those strawberries would be pierced by her teeth, and how the creamy chocolate would melt within her mouth and coat each and every inch with its sweet taste. Slapping herself usually worked when she needed to not be thinking of bird watching, the stock market, leave-in conditioner, classic muscle cars, and country music... but it could never, ever work when she was confronted with the irresistible allure of chocolate covered strawberry goodness.

Shrewdly, Matilda darted her eyes to her left and right. “They... they’ve been on their own for a good ten or fifteen minutes... they should be fine for one strawberry.” Giddily, Matilda bounced over to the bush and carefully picked a strawberry off the top. Smiling contently and gazing lovingly at the little morsel of fruit, Matilda closed her lips around the confection of strawberry and chocolate. Her eyes rolled back in ecstasy as she said, “Oh my God. It’s like there’s an orgy of cupcakes and butterflies going on in my mouth.” Even after chewing and swallowing slowly, the heavenly taste of the piece of ambrosia passed. Matilda looked around to be sure that she was alone. “That one was so small, that it was like a half of a whole one. I can just eat one more and it’ll be okay.” She grabbed a fatter one and chewed it down. She contemplated all the other lonely strawberries still left on the bush. One moment of indecision later, and Matilda began gobbling each strawberry down with one final thought about her subjects: “They’ll be fine for a few minutes.”

XXX

A tree falling down in the lake that you happen to be swimming in always will be a total mood killer. Rogue and Remy parted and looked at each other with an expression of shock and frustration. They had, after all, only been an inch away from a kiss. Kitty, however, had shrieked and jumped a little. Because she had all her limbs wrapped around Kurt at the time, jumping (even just a little) caused her to raise her body a bit. She only realized a second later that she had raised her perky virgin bosom right out of the all concealing water and flat straight into Kurt’s face.

Kurt’s eyes went wide when he felt the soft flesh surround his head. Since he found himself unable to move his body (save for the mechanical kicking of his legs to keep them both afloat), he had to draw the assumption that his face was buried right in between the space between her breasts; he dared not move his head a centimeter to see if he was right.

Kitty had never felt this humiliated in all of her sixteen years of living. Neither of them could see it, but both Kitty and Kurt had their eyes opened so wide that they were about to pop out of their skulls and bob on the watery surface. Kitty’s face turned bright, bright, bright, bright, bright red at the prospect that Kurt has seen her breasts. What she didn’t know was that Kurt was pressed so close to her skin that his vision was limited to what was right in front of him; all he could make out in front of him was a blurry beige-peach mass.

Kitty slowly lowered herself down into the water and disentangled her limbs from his; Kurt kept his eyes trained forward until Kitty had the water guarding her modest bits once more. They shared a nervous, awkward smile before Kurt nodded his head in the general direction of Rogue and Remy. “You vant to-”

“Yeah, yeah.” Kitty agreed quickly. Separately they paddled back towards their friends.

Remy and Rogue both looked off in the distance where the tree had fallen. Simultaneously they sought each other’s gaze out of the corners of their eyes.

“That was weird.”

“Oui.” Remy agreed, not fully positive what it was exactly she was referring to.

Remy pushed the hair off his forehead until it was slicked back off his face. Rogue really tried her best to not stare, but no one can really blame her for doing so; Remy LeBeau looked so beautiful wet that he probably shamed most men on their best day. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. Why could she not experience this man herself? Had she not paid for her sins already? Was there more for her to atone for? Did she not deserve to have what she wanted? She had worked herself to tears; refusing to show them to Remy, she tightened her mouth and swallowed a few times. The tears stilled in her eyes.

When Remy looked at her again, he thought that he might have seen her eyes shining. He was about to ask her whether she was crying, but he was overwhelmed by an insistent urge for her not to be mad at him again. He told himself that the sun was reflecting in her eyes, making them shimmer. He was almost able to let it go.

Kitty and Kurt had finally reached Rogue and Remy after Remy had just removed a leaf that had become caught in Rogue’s hair.

“Are y’all gettin’ pruney yet or is that just meh?”

“I take it you want to get out, Rogue?” Kitty said, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, as eager as y’ may be t’ get a move on, Remy don’t think gravity b’ on our side.”

The four teens looked up at the rock that they had jumped off of not so long ago. The small cliff loomed over them casting its shadow over their faces.

“Okay, how about Kurt ports up to get our clothes? Kitty and Ah can go change, and then y’all can get dressed.”
“And then we’ll be on our way.” Kitty said excitedly.

“Vell, that cannot vait.” Kurt said before porting to the top of the rock. He peaked back over his shoulder to be sure that none of them were getting an eyeful of his bare bum. When he was satisfied that none of his friends could see him, Kurt readied himself to collect their clothes.

What… was all Kurt could really manage to coherently think when he saw his duster and Remy’s trench coat lying strewn across the ground… with none of their other clothes in sight. All that was left was their coats and shoes, but no socks. How… who…? Kurt just couldn’t wrap his mind around this conundrum; at least, alone he couldn’t. He promptly ported back into the water, surprising the other three.

“Kurt? Ah thought you were going to-”

“Um… ve may have a problem on our hands.”

“Y’ mean, a problem besides bein’ lost in a forest, miles away from civilization, and no way to alert anyone dat we even lost? A problem besides all dat?”

“… Jawhol, another problem.”

“What kind of problem, Kurt?” Kitty asked, concerned like everyone else was with whatever else could go wrong that day.

“I… I really am not sure how to explain this. But… vell, um…” With a frustrated shake of his head accompanied by a growl, he ported again, leaving his friends looking very confused. He returned just as quickly, holding his and Remy’s coats high above his head with his tail.

“Kurt, what are y’ doin’ wit’-”

Sensing that Remy was verging on an all-out panic attack at seeing his precious coat in danger of getting soaked, Rogue asked, “What are you doin’ with those coats, Kurt?”

“In addition to your shoes, these… vell, these are all that vere up there.”

His friends looked at him blankly for a moment. Kurt chewed his lip nervously under their stare. It was Kitty who finally spoke.

“You’re… you’re joking, right? Tell me you’re kidding.”

“Yeah, Kurt, that really is not funny.” Rogue said, shaking her head at her brother.

“I’m not kidding.” Kurt said, motioning for the three of them to move forward. Remy and Rogue took hold of one of the coats that Kurt held high above his head, while Kitty placed her hand on his blue, furry shoulder. Kurt focused and teleported the four of them to the top of the rock. The group was confronted with the conundrum that their clothes (save their shoes) were, indeed, not there.

“Okay, Kurt, where did y’ put our clothes?” Remy asked, after grabbing the only article of clothing available to him. He took the first his fingers came into contact with; turns out, the first thing his fingers came into contact with was Kurt’s black coat, which he placed strategically in front of his manly bits before either girl could catch a glimpse.

“I didn’t take them!” Kurt defended, wrapping his tail around his own blue genitals modestly. “Vhen vould I have had the chance to take them? Keety, you can verify that I vas vith you the entire time ve vere in the vater and I vas only up here for a second. If I had really hidden your clothes, I vould have needed more time.” Kurt then looked down at himself as though he was noticing something for the first time. “Plus, I’m naked too!”

“Yeah, we can see that, Kurt!” Rogue said harshly. You would be angry too if you had only a trench coat to cover you and your best friend.

“Don’t yell at me, Rogue! Do you think I vanted possibly the vorst thing that could happen to us to actually happen?”

“You’re right, Kurt. Being stranded in the middle of the wilderness is nothing more than a fart in a hurricane when compared to being stranded in the wilderness buck-ass naked!”

“Rogue, this is the worst possible thing that could happen!” Kitty interrupted the sibling banter.

“Vhat? Vhy?”

“Kurt, don’t you see… the compass and the map were in our clothes!”

“W’re… y’ mean, we’re really… fuck, we’re really lost now, ain’t w’?” Remy stammered out.

“Understatement, LeBeau. As usual.” Kurt said, gazing ahead at the space in front of him, allowing his shock to set in.

“All right, panicking and self despair is not going to help us get home. The map had us going a steady northwest, so I think that’s probably our best bet.” Kitty said, trying to be productive.

“Oh mah God, this is the part in The Blair Witch Project when things got really, really sucky.”

“Hey, ve agreed last night to keep that kind of talk to a minimum, ja?” Kurt said, looking worriedly at Kitty.

“Fine.” Rogue said dryly to her brother. “So we get even more lost when we start walking northwest; it still doesn’t explain how every article of clothing that we had on our backs suddenly vanished.”

“Guys… clothes do not just get up and walk away. If they’re not here, then where are they?” Kitty posed, doing her best to keep a reasonable distance from Rogue’s skin while hiding their nude forms underneath Remy’s coat.

“Maybe some kids came along and stole them.” Remy offered.

“Or maybe some crazy little invisible spirit who has been following us around has an obsession vith folding laundry and took them avay.” Kurt said, rolling his eyes. “Remy, ve are in the middle of a forest; vhere vould there be kids?”

“Well, whenever Remy’s clothes got stole when he go skinny dippin’ before, it always was some group o’ annoyin’ kids. He just speakin’ from experience.”

“Nice.” Rogue glared. “Ah told y’all that this was a bad idea.”

“Well, I guess it’s too late to tell you, ‘Don’t say, I told you so.’” Kitty replied dryly.

“Okay, we just wastin’ time now.” Remy said, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“Funny, you’re the one sayin’ that-” Rogue was interrupted by a Remy who was being as serious as he could manage while being naked.

“Yes, Rogue, Ah screwed up. Dis whole thing was mah idea, it’s mah fault dat we’re all still naked, and Ah fully shoulder de blame.” Remy looked at Rogue challengingly. “Now, dere be more
important issues at hand den whose fault it is… seem t’ recall a certain fille’ makin’ dat exact same point earlier t’day.”

Everyone was struck at how serious Remy was being. Rogue was even more struck by how Remy had managed to throw her own words right back into her face. For a moment, they all forgot the fact that they were standing a quarter of the way from naked in the middle of the woods and their clothes were missing while they still had a ways to walk before they reached camp. They remembered quickly enough when a breeze from the lake reminded them by tightening their nipples.

“Okay, so… what do we do?” Kitty asked, looking at each of her friends briefly.

“Well, Remy and Kurt both said they wouldn’t mind walkin’ back the rest of the way naked.” Rogue said, voicing the irony aloud.

“’Cept now w’ don’t really got much choice in de matter, huh.”

“Vhat?! Ve can’t just show up at camp completely naked.”

“Kurt, what choice do we have? We can’t waste time looking for our clothes. An animal could have picked them up and used them for a nest, for all we know.” Rogue said, gazing upward.

“Plus, it’s not like we’ll be showing up totally naked.” Kitty said, motioning downwards at the coats that covered their otherwise bare forms.

“That reminds me…” Kurt said, trailing off as he turned towards Remy. Before the Cajun could inquire about what was on his blue compatriot’s mind, Kurt reached out and snatched his black coat away from Remy’s genitals.

Fortunately, Remy managed to place both his hands (and he most definitely needed both) in front of his private bits before anyone got a good look. “What de hell was dat?!”

“You vere putting mein coat on top of your groin!”

“Well, would y’ rather b’ faced wit’ de full monty?!”

“Hey! Y’all remember ‘no fighting?’” Rogue admonished.

“Yeah, why can’t you just share the coat?” Kitty suggested.

“Nuh-uh!” Both Remy and Kurt proclaimed, looking insulted (and stubborn).

“Look, we’ve got two coats and four people to divide them between. Kurt, can’t you just give Remy a sleeve or something?” Rogue asked.

“I am not going to be anyvhere near him vhile naked.”

“Plus, Remy gonna need a lot more den a sleeve t’ cover him up.” Everyone rolled their eyes at Remy’s insufferable smirk.

“Okay, fine. Maybe Remy and I can share the trench coat and Rogue and Kurt can-”

“NO!!!” Rogue and Kurt both protested loudly.

“But why-”

“If I cannot be naked vithin the same coat as Remy, vhat makes you think I vould villingly be in the same coat naked vith mein sister?”

“Oh yeah. Well… I guess there’s only one solution left then.” Kitty looked at her friends knowingly.

No one needed to say it aloud.

“Okay… Kitty, you go get in there with Kurt and Remy, you come over here.”

“Shouldn’t you turn around?” Kitty said, looking at Kurt pleadingly.

“Dat goes fo’ y’ too chere.”

“Feelin’ shy, Remy?” Rogue replied, raising an eyebrow.

“Non, thought y’d like de benefit o’ not turnin’ dat pretty shade o’ red, but if y’ really don’t mind-”

“Fine. Ah’m turnin’ around.” Rogue said as she turned to hide that shade of red that Remy was just referring to. I can’t believe he noticed the color I turn when I’m embarrassed, she thought.
I really can’t believe that he likes the color I turn when I’m embarrassed.

Kitty looked meaningfully at Kurt and then Remy. “I think maybe I should go first.” Remy backed up behind Rogue and Kitty so that they could not see him and politely turned so he could not see them. Kitty looked at Kurt’s back and some of his legs, which was all that was visible to her. He had his coat loosely wrapped around his hips, but his tail was free. She could barely see the top of where his buttocks began to vanish into the black of the coat that covered him. Ignoring the burning sensation coursing across her face, Kitty phased through the trench coat that covered she and Rogue and walked quickly over to Kurt. She phased through the wool and found her front pressed tightly against his back. Both youths stiffened (in all meanings of the word) and Kitty tried her best to place some distance between the areas where their skin touched. It proved to be somewhat of a vain attempt since the space within his coat only allowed so much movement. They managed to keep exactly one inch apart but the coat was stretched to its limits with a lone button in the front being all that protected Kurt’s manly area from total exposure and even that single button felt strained.

“Okay, your turn.” Kitty called over to Remy.

Still covering his private parts with his hands, Remy walked up behind Rogue and momentarily paused to study his coat hanging loosely over her form. Her pale shoulders were visible from where the trench coat was too large to remain in place. He realized that this would be the first time he had ever seen her bare shoulders. He also realized just how close he was about to be with her naked body. Suddenly, keeping his genitals covered with only his hands was proving to be a challenge.

Breathing in and thinking disgusting thoughts, Remy lifted up the edge of his coat and prepared to join Rogue within its confines. Predictably, Remy received an unforgivable view of Rogue’s naked bottom. Not even thoughts of the Blob naked could hold back his arousal. Quickly shoving those thoughts aside, Remy pulled his end of the coat up and over his head until he was able to share the neck of the garment with Rogue. Given the ample yet limited space that they had within the frock, Remy was able to maintain a safe distance from Rogue’s deadly skin.

All of them situated in the clothes to the best of their ability, Rogue managed to vocalize every feeling coursing through their adolescent, hormone abundant bodies. “This is so freakin’ awkward.”

“Amen to that. But at the moment, ve are not able to come up vith something better.” At Kurt’s statement they all nodded their agreement, and began to walk quite awkwardly, as they now had to be mindful of four legs each, instead of two.

“We are never going to hear the end of this when we show up back at camp.” Kitty stated, looking at all of her friends in the eye as far as she could crane her neck.

“Ah can’t say Ah’m looking forward to that.” Rogue replied.

“Remy think he always gonna wonder…” He paused as he looked around as though the answer would fall down right in front of him. “What de hell coulda happened t’ our clothes?”

XXX

Sometime Later…

If she were a smoker, Matilda would have definitely named this an occasion that called for a cigarette; she truly was that satisfied. She was leaning against the bush of sinful delight (now completely devoid of chocolate covered strawberries) smiling pleasurably as she ran her hands lightly over her now slightly rounded (but still quite tiny) tummy. Releasing a contented sigh, she spoke. “That was awesome. Probably one of the highlights of this mission for me.” Matilda sighed once more, a little sadly this time as her responsibilities beckoned to her. “Well, I guess it’s time to get back to work.” Waddling a bit as she rose to her feet, she noticed her pile of the kids’ folded clothes.

“Oh yeah. I forgot I was folding those. Crap, I hope those four haven’t noticed their clothes are missing.” Gathering up the clothes as fast as her little arms could manage, she teleported back to the pond where she had last left her subjects. She was somewhat startled to see that said subjects were nowhere in sight.

“Now where could they have gone?” She furrowed her brow in annoyance as she pulled out her pocket watch. “This is ridiculous. I couldn’t have been gone that long- HOLY CRAP!!!” Matilda’s eyes bugged out at the time reading on her watch as she shouted. “I just spent the past three and a half hours eating those things!” Matilda began to feel a twinge of guilt for what she had done, but that feeling was swiftly eroded when she recalled the sweet sensation of chocolate and strawberry melting in her mouth. Her face hardened to a resolve when she raised her fist to the sky. “And I regret nothing!” She declared. Her resolved look melted into a panicked one when she realized how far ahead her subjects had become. “But still… I really need to hurry if I want to catch up!” And with that, she was off like a stampede.

XXX

“Ow!” Kurt yelped.

“Sorry! I really don’t mean to keep giving you all these flat tires!” Kitty winced.

“I know, Kätzchen. It’s just mein odd yet very unprotected feet don’t stand much of a chance against your Converse, it seems.”

Since their shoes had been left behind by the clothing thief, the three who could wear footwear (poor Kurt) were all about protecting their feet from the harsh forest floor, regardless of how difficult it proved to be to actually put on their shoes while maintaining their modesty within the confines of two shared coats. And yes, they realized how comical they looked wearing nothing but coats and shoes.

“Perhaps ve could svitch places for avhile, ja?” Kurt posed with a hopeful smile.

“I would, oh Fuzzy One, but your coat is kind of low-cut in the front, and that really wouldn’t work with me, if you catch my meaning.”

Oh, I catch it, Kitty, Kurt thought. I can’t say I’m opposed to it, though. “Ja, ja.” He said, dismissing the issue.

“Remy LeBeau, quit dancin’ with death!” Rogue shouted suddenly at her coat buddy.

“Didn’t even lay a fingertip on y’!” Remy shouted back.

“Ah felt something!”

“Could’ve been a leg hair!”

“It felt longer than a leg hair!” Rogue shot back over her right shoulder.

“Oh.” Remy said meekly. Smiling nervously as his face turned red, he added, “Den it probably was anudder kind o’ hair.”

There was no denying the fact that Rogue looked positively horrified and disgusted. “Eew! More space!”

“Hey, de coat’s already at its limits! Don’t push it!”

“Well then, let’s just bust a button-” Rogue said so calmly that it was actually quite shocking that Remy would reply with such a loud, despairing wail.

“Nooooo!!!!!” As Rogue checked to be sure that he had not popped her eardrums, both Kitty and Kurt looked at Remy rather strangely. Feeling sheepish (well, sheepish for Remy) he
embarrassedly said, “Ah’ve had dis coat since Ah was five.” The further perplexed looks he received encouraged him to offer more. “Had t’ grow int’ it some.”

“Some, Ah’m sure.” Rogue said dryly as Kitty noticed the odd, sporadic, jerking motion that seemed to encompass Remy’s entire body.

“Remy, why are you twitching?”

“What? Remy not twitching?” Remy tried to smile as his body twitched again.

“Uh… yes, you are.”

“Yeah, you are. And it’s jerkin’ the coat, thus annoyin’ the crap outta meh.” Rogue said, glaring unabashedly at Remy.

“So why are you twitching?”

Kurt smiled knowingly and looked back at Remy. “Vhen vas the last time you had a cigarette?”

Both Rogue and Kitty said “Oh” as they smiled at Remy.

Remy, in turn, shut his eyes in shame as he answered, “Not since last night.”

“Wow, I’m surprised the nicotine withdrawal took this long to kick in.” Kitty said, laughing a little as she spoke.

“Hey, Ah can quit whenever Ah want!” Remy said a little too loudly to be believed. “Remy just don’t want to.”

“Uh huh. Well then, just think of this as a great opportunity for you to quit. ‘Cause you’re obviously not gonna find any packs of death sticks out here.” Rogue said, glancing back at Remy.

“Yeah, you’re not getting any sympathy from me in that department. Those things are gross.”

“And you get no sympathy from me.” Kurt thought about it a moment longer. “At all.”

Remy smiled sardonically at his traveling companions. “Dat’s nice. Always good t’ know y’ can rely on y’r friends t’ help y’ through an addiction.”

“Oh, don’t start, Remy.”

“Hey Rogue, think an arm hair might be touchin’ de small o’ your back.”

“Keep this up, LeBeau, and Ah will flush every pack of cigarettes you got at home, including that little baggie of weed that you don’t want the Professor to know about. Oh, and by the way?
You are very lucky that Logan wasn’t home last week because even Ah could smell it on you.”

Kitty and Kurt looked at one another when they grew bored of watching the two others banter. “Are you thinking vhat I am thinking?”

She nodded. “This is going to be a long trip.”

“That vas vhat I vas thinking.”

XXX

“Okay,” Matilda panted as she charged through a bustle of bushes, “If my calculations are correct (and they’re never wrong), then the Unpredictable, the Rodent, the Devil, and the Feline should be right about-” Matilda cut herself off as she took in the sight before her. She rubbed her eyes; she could have sworn that she just saw a four headed tan and black creature. When she opened her eyes again she was greeted by the vision of two heads sticking out of only one black mass. Matilda squinted her eyes at the pair of two headed blobs and uttered the only word that was running through her mind. “Jabberwocky?”

“Kurt!” Head # 1.2 said to Head # 1.1. “Watch where you put that thing!”

“Sorry Keety, but mein tail vill become cramped if I do not stretch it out sometimes. Vhere it goes is not entirely up to me.”

Matilda’s small shoulders sagged in sweet relief. “Oh, thank God. It’s just my four subjects sharing two coats. For a second there, I thought that I had finally cracked under the pressure.” Further observation reminded her of the reason why her four subjects were sharing two coats. Matilda looked down sheepishly at the neatly folded clothes that she held in her short arms. “Damn. There’s no easy way out of this one, is there? I mean, if I just step out and hand them their clothes, they will be questioning why their laundry is floating in mid-air. I guess it’s not hurting them to walk back naked. Of course, that might prove to be distracting and awkward for all parties involved.” Matilda sighed as she looked to the tree covered sky as though the answer will drop down in front of her. “Well… I guess there’s only one thing I can do: Climb up a tree, drop their stuff down in front of them, and hope for the best.”
And so Matilda climbed up onto the strategically best located branch and laid out flat on he stomach. She grimaced in anticipation of the fallout and winced her eyes shut as she allowed the bundle of clothes to drop to the ground below her.

Both Kurt and Kitty were startled by the descent of an object dropped right in the middle of their path. The two of them stopped too quickly to give an adequate warning to Rogue and Remy, who both plowed into the collective backs of Kurt and Kitty. Fortunately, Remy was able to veer to the left a bit so that he would not make direct contact with Rogue’s naked backside. As he did this, he questioned why he always had to make the smart choice when it came to Rogue instead of the choice that he really wanted to do.

“Okay, Ah think it would probably be a good idea if we didn’t make a habit out of that.” Rogue grumbled.

“Guys… vhat vould you say vould be the most crazy, most unexpected, most unlikely thing ever?” Kurt posed.

“Boy bands making a comeback?” Kitty replied.

Kurt did not reply with words; he simply moved a bit to the side so that his other three compatriots could see what he saw. Rogue and Remy leaned to the left to peer around Kurt, while Kitty chose to simply phase the top third of her upper body through her blue friend’s chest.

A mask of perplexity enshrouded all four of them as they beheld their missing clothes, neatly folded and lying on the ground in front of them. As if they had choreographed it, the foursome slowly turned their heads to look at one another, just to be sure they all were on the same page. Barely tilting their heads, all of them turned their eyes upward. Once assured that there was nothing above them, their attention returned to the ground. It was Rogue who finally spoke.

“Does anyone else have the Twilight Zone theme song playing in their head?”

“Oh yeah.” Kitty agreed, her eyes darting around, searching for predators.

“How in the vorld did-”

Kurt was interrupted by Remy, who said, “Y’ know what? Let’s not question it; let’s just take it as a blessin’ an’ move on.”

“But-” Rogue stopped herself when she realized that she had nothing to follow the “but.” She shook her head, and said with finality in her voice, “You’re right. Let’s just get dressed and get goin’.”

“Right.” Kitty nodded and began to phase through the back of Kurt’s coat. She stopped suddenly when she remembered that Remy was standing behind her. “Will you two turn around, please?”

Both the Cajun and the German rolled their eyes as Remy carefully stepped out under his coat and Kurt ported some distance way from his female compatriots, muttering under his breath, “Here ve go again.”

XXX

Meanwhile, a certain Love Spirit was hugging an extremely fluffy pillow labeled “Matilda’s Huggy Pillow- Use only when faced with situations of extremely high stress.” She continued hugging her pillow for a good five minutes before releasing it and replacing it within her pocket of air. Leaning back against the base of the tree, she breathed deeply and stared at the sky.
“I really didn’t think it was possible to have a string of mini-heart attacks in under a minute. But, lo-and-behold, it is.” Matilda peered over the side of her branch at her four subjects redressing as fast as they were capable of. “Well, I guess everything worked out okay. I mean, besides the fact that they just had to spend the past three and a half hours walking about half-naked in the open wilderness. Other than that, they’re fine.” Matilda’s eyebrows then furrowed as a thought occurred to her. “A thought just occurred to me. Three and a half hours is a long time. I mean, it’s not a hundred years ‘long time’ long time, but it’s still pretty long. So it makes me wonder… what have Logan and those kids been up to?”

Matilda searched the sky for the sun and saw it begin its descent into the horizon. “The sun will be setting soon. I’m sure they would have reached the summit by now; not even Logan lacking limbs (hee, alliteration) would stop him when he’s determined. But if he comes back to camp before nightfall, he still has some daylight to come looking for the kids. If I can just give them one more day ahead of him, the chances of the awesome foursome being found too soon are slim-to-none. This means only one thing: I have got to put Logan out of commission for the rest of the night.” With a solemn look on her face, Matilda took a small vile filled with a mysterious yellow liquid out of her great, big pocket of everything. “I had hoped that I would never have to use this. But only the most horrible force in the universe can stop the Wolverine.” Narrowing her eyes and swooping the skirt of her dress around like it was a cape, Matilda, the mighty Spirit of Love, said, “Let’s get dangerous.”

XXX

At last! Logan was very tempted to shout at the top of his lungs. He had been walking since the early morning, had endured the complaints and whining of several annoying teens and pre-teens, survived two bizarre attacks from the animal kingdom, was tired, aching, bee-stung, itching, and covered with fire-ant bites, but none of that mattered; they had finally reached the summit and all was right in the world.

It could have just been the long anticipated relief that flooded his adamantium-laced body, but he swore that the summit was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen. Even without Logan’s somewhat exaggerated feelings towards the place, the summit was lovely. The trees surrounded the flat plane on the side of the mountain and the setting sun painted the sky pink, red, and orange as it disappeared behind an adjoining hilltop. Below the summit, one could actually see the trees that coated the mountain. In fact, they had not been there that long before the students were looking over the ledge of the summit at the sudden dip in the mountain that created the deep valley below them.

“Dang, Ah’d hate to take a spill down there.” Sam said, peering over the edge of the summit.

“No kidding. I wouldn’t- Jamie, get off of my leg.” Rahne deadpanned.

“No! Gravity has never been kind to me!”

“What?” Both Rahne and Sam asked at once.

“If I let go, somehow I’m going to trip and fall to my bloody and gruesome death. Impalement by sharp rocks? No thank you!” Jamie declared wrapping his whole body tighter around the full length of Rahne’s petite leg.

“Jamie, come on! What are the odds of that really happening?” Sam said, assisting Rahne in plying Jamie off of her limb.

“Probably as much as the chances are of a beehive falling on Mr. Logan’s head!”

“All right, that’s enough of that.” Logan growled, pulling Jamie up by the back collar of his sweatshirt and t-shirt. “Let’s not be reminded of bad luck and other like unpleasantness.” Logan waited until the throng of young persons had given him their full attention, with his back to the edge of the summit, the setting sun bathing him and his sore form in varying shades of gray.
“Alright, listen up! Now that we’re up here, training can finally begin. We start with one hundred squat thrusts, and then we move into a swim upward stream and-”

“Wait a second-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa-”

“Hold up just a cotton-pickin’ minute-”

“What?” Logan asked with innocence painted on his face.

“Didn’t we just spend the whole day hiking up a mountain? Now you want us to do more physical activity? Tabitha asked incredulously.

“Yes.” Replied Logan simply and without any shame.

“Um… What about the unbelievably long hike up the mountain?” Ray asked, raising his hand.

Logan smiled maliciously. “A warm-up.”

Almost every student’s mouth dropped open. All of them were so flabbergasted that no one noticed the little girl sporting a heavily padded protective suit fitted to her measurements appear within a cluster of trees that lined the summit’s peak. Raising the protective mesh screen that guarded her face, Matilda studied the small vile, which contained the mysterious yellow liquid. Her lips tightening into a grim line and her facial expression most solemn, she said, “God help us all.” Taking out a spray bottle, she poured the contents of the vile into this new bottle and sealed the spray function top. She looked at the bottle for a moment before turning her resolute eyes to Logan. With a deep sigh, she said, “Engage.”

“Mr. Logan, it is not natural for fifteen and sixteen year olds to suffer from cardiac arrest!” Roberto whined, clutching his hand to his fast pounding heart.

“I don’t see any of you runts keeling over, so I don’t see any reason why you can’t engage in some low intensity basic training.”

“Low intensity?!” Jubilee squealed.

“Mr. Logan, with all due respect, you’ve had a taxing day and I’m sure being forced to endure the complaints of such lowly and weak adolescents has not improved your current state of being much either.” Amara drawled most diplomatically, blatantly ignoring the glares of her peers about being referred to as “lowly and weak adolescents” and focusing entirely on a somewhat flattered Logan. “Do you not think that by forcing yourself to endure even more physical challenges that you are inadvertently rendering yourself into an irreversible state of exhaustion?
Personally, I think that we could all be rid of our fleshy coils if we were to allow ourselves a period of rest for the night, which could be easily accomplished by returning to camp and-”

“Whoa, go back to camp? I ain’t hurt that bad.”

“Mr. Logan, not even the beestings have gone down.” Bobby reiterated.

“Yeah, well, I think I may have been allergic to bees anyway before my mutation kicked in, but I don’t feel anything going numb so I’m not too worried.”

Everyone was so busy either complaining or (in Logan’s case) getting pissed that no one noticed a certain Love Spirit (you-know-who) circle around Logan a few times, continuously spraying him with the yellow contents of her bottle. Shaking her head with amazement at the level of her own audacity, Matilda backed away from Logan slowly after the bottle was emptied of the liquid.

“Mr. Logan, I just know that I’m getting a cramp in my leg. It tends to happen when my lungs are deprived of oxygen and that’s when I-”

“Jamie, shut up.” X-23 shushed, clapping her hand over the little one’s mouth. “Rahne, Logan, you smell that?”

“Yeah.” Rahne looked confused after testing the air. “There’s a female in heat really, really close by.”

“And it’s coming from…” Logan, Rahne, and X-23 sniffed around the air in their immediate space until both Rahne and X-23 looked curiously at Mr. Logan, who too looked curiously at himself.
“Me?”

“Gee Mr. Logan, you smell just like a-”

“Anyone know why the ground is shaking?” Bobby interrupted Rahne, looking at his vibrating feet. It was then that they all noticed that the ground was, indeed, shaking. Logan smelled the air once more. That’s weird, he thought once he realized that another foreign smell was originating from the thick cluster of trees that lay before them. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that smelled like a bunch of-

Logan’s visage went from contemplative to terrified when he realized exactly what it was coming their way. Matilda leaned over closely to Logan’s ear and said, “You might want to get these kids to higher ground.”

“Mr. Logan, what’s going-” Jamie asked, tugging on Logan’s arm.

“Everyone. The trees. Now.” Logan said firmly, his claws popping.

“Wait, I don’t understand-” Alex asked, stepping forward.

“Get up into the trees now!” Logan shouted suddenly. The students were startled and thus froze in place. “Go!” Logan shouted to remove them from their stupor.

When the Wolverine says “jump,” the only question asked of him should be “how high?” When Logan brandished his claws in a battle stance, every student there ran back towards the trees where they promptly pulled themselves in among the wooden limbs. After lifting Jamie into a tree, Rahne turned in an attempt to return to help Logan; Sam stopped this when he roughly lifted her by the waist into the tree that held Jamie, before joining them both himself. Only X-23 remained unmoved by Logan’s side. “You too, X.” He growled from the side of his mouth at her.

“But I’m more than ready for-”

“Trust me, kid. You ain’t ready for this.” He nodded towards the trees where the other students had taken refuge. “Go!”

X-23 looked disappointed as she joined her fellow classmates in the sanctuary of the treetops. Logan snarled and braced himself for the inevitable.

“God, what’s coming?” Jamie whimpered to his two other companions. Sam had wrapped his arms protectively around Jamie and Rahne.

“Ah dunno, but it must be pretty bad if it’s got Logan freakin’ out. Rahne?” Sam looked at the Scottish girl expectantly. “What is it?”

“Only the most horrible, powerful, and terrifying force to roam the land.” Rahne replied, bracing herself against the tree and Sam.

As soon as the words left Rahne’s lips, the rumbling in the ground increased and the rustling in the trees and bushes announced their arrival. Carefully, each one of the students peeked down to catch a glimpse of the terrifying horde that was presently charging straight towards Logan.

“Oh…” Jubilee gasped.

“Mah…” Sam whimpered.

“God…” Roberto proclaimed.

“It’s horrible…” Tabitha whispered.

“It’s ghastly…” Rahne exclaimed.

“It’s…” Ray trailed off.

“BEAVERS!!!” Jamie wailed, just as the swarm of beavers burst from the trees and encroached on Logan.

The Wolverine was more than ready with his claws to slice and dice some beaver ass when Matilda stepped down from a tree branch and appeared sitting atop one of Logan’s hulking shoulders.
“Come, come, Logan. Is it really necessary to slaughter all of your woodland brethren just because they’re a horde of ravenous beavers?” Logan’s eyes darted about with uncertainty as he stared at the charging woodland animals. “You’re not so different from them, you know. They too are hairy all over and have an appetite for severing limbs from a central core with sharp, pointy protrusions of their bodies.” Just when they were almost upon Logan, he bit his lower lip and retracted his claws. And then they were upon him.
From the perspective of the students, it looked like a giant, moving beaver ball. The only way that they could tell it was Logan underneath that sea of beavers was by his strong, hairy hands that had managed to poke through the vicious little creatures and wave about as madly as they could manage with several dozens of beavers attacking him. That, and his distinctive high-pitched squeal.

“Should we… do something or… something?” Rahne pondered, as she looked on at Logan with terror evident on her face.

“Are you kiddin’? Ah had a neighbor who owned a dog that only had three legs because of a beaver! No way am Ah messin’ with one.” Sam replied, passionately.

“What’s happening?!” Jamie wailed. Rahne and Sam had both placed one hand over each of the boy’s eyes.

When Logan gave a particularly painful sounding yelp, Rahne and Sam winced a “nothing” to Jamie.

Meanwhile, Matilda watched Logan repetitively run from one end of the summit to the other, covered from head to foot in a flurry of beavers with a pained grimace on her face. Even she had to question just how much his healing ability could endure. “I’m pretty sure his eyeballs have had to grow back at least twice by now.” She reached into her great big pocket of everything and readied something in both of her small hands. “Better be ready for the recoil.” Matilda angled her body a bit and then pulled out Logan’s savior. “Yoo-hoo! Boys!” Matilda called to the beavers, holding up high a two-foot tall and three-feet wide chunk of tree trunk. The swarm of beavers paused in their attack on Logan to notice the oh-so-enticing piece of tree. When she was positive that she had the beavers licked, with all of her might Matilda threw the chunk of tree trunk far, far back into the woods.

One by one, the beavers jumped off of Logan and followed the scrumptious-looking tree trunk into the forest. The students, who had seen no chunk of tree trunk, looked on astonished as the small woodland animals ceased their attack on Logan.

“I don’t believe it.” Bobby uttered.

“What made them stop like that?” Jubilee asked to no one in particular.

“What if this is just like The Birds? What if this is just the first in a series of apocalyptic attacks by a swarm of beavers?” Ray asked, almost fearfully.

“Oh my God.” X-23 breathed, sounding horrified. The other kids looked up at what she was gaping at, only to gasp with terror themselves. Enough beavers had leaped off of Logan so that most of him was revealed to the eyes of the students. Though the most gruesome of his wounds were healed, Logan was covered from head to foot in bee stings, fire ant bites, and now beaver tooth marks. His eyes were wide and his mouth gaped open in shock. Were there any more torments that could possibly befall on him?

Just one more. The final beaver (who happened to be somewhat on the small side) to flee from Logan’s form was perched atop of his head. In order to leverage his little squirrel-self properly, he had to scurry halfway down Logan’s forehead before pushing off with his hind-legs and bounding across the ground into the trees. Unfortunately, this little push caused Logan’s balance, which was already precariously off-kilter, to lose footing entirely. He wobbled backwards, and before he could properly center himself, he dropped back first off of the ledge of the summit.
The first sound to enter the students’ ears was, of course, the beginning of Mr. Logan’s descending wail. That sound, though, was briefly interrupted by the pronounced *RIIIIP* that came when Logan’s jeans got caught on an unfortunately placed branch and were ripped clean off of his body. The scream that he had unleashed lasted only as long as the time it took for his skull to connect with a rock that jutted out some from the mountain. After a grunt of pain (and the synchronized wince of the students), Logan resumed both falling and screaming. That was, until, his back connected with another large stone protrusion of the mountain when he let out a piteous groan. The kids’ faces were set in a permanent grimace as Logan quit falling and began tumbling down the declining curve of the formation; the students were still clinging to their safe haven in the trees, so all they could hear of their teacher’s plight was a continuous series of grunts, groans, wails, and moans as he rolled and tumbled down the remaining mountainside. The shared agony of all parties involved finally came to an end when something soft-sounding broke Logan’s fall with a not-so-soft sounding thud.

Silence enclosed on the summit. The students just barely stretched their necks to full-length to see if it were possible to peer over the ledge where Logan had just fallen. It was another thirty-two counts of doing this before any of them realized that they should probably move. Piotr was on the ground first and aided Tabitha and Jubilee in getting down from their respective tree, just as Roberto and Alex hopped down themselves. Warren flew to the ground with an arm wrapped around Amara’s waist, followed by X-23 dropping smoothly to her feet. It was a good thing that X-23 had reached the ground when she did, since she caught both Ray and Bobby when they both unceremoniously fell out of their tree. After Sam touched down and lifted Jamie from the limbs of their tree, he reached up and helped Rahne get down by placing both of his large hands at her waist and lifting her the rest of the way down. Rahne steadied her hands on Sam’s shoulders as she was lowered from the tree. With all the students planted firmly at their various centers of gravity, they all shared a grave glance; it was a unanimous, unspoken thought that was dominating the air. Every boy, girl, and child there knew… they just knew that they would have to take a look.

It was X-23 and Piotr who both began to inch forward toward the ledge. Since the others matched their hesitant pace, it took a good minute and twenty-four seconds to finally reach the ledge just enough to peer over. Readying themselves with winces on their faces already in place, carefully, slowly, and all together, they looked down.

“Ooooh.” All of them moaned in sympathy upon seeing the state of Mr. Logan. He was lying spread-eagled flat on his back in a patch of something green at the bottom of the gorge… and he was completely, totally, unforgivably stark naked.

The kids were so overwhelmed with wonder and terror and sympathy that they forgot to shield little Jamie’s eyes from the sight before them. His little blue eyes were stretched to their maximum capabilities in astonishment. “Whoa…” He breathed, before his face contorted into a joyous, excited, wide grin. “Is that what I’m going to look like when I finally become a man?!”

For the first time in the previous five or so minutes, the students thought about something other than a naked Logan lying spread-eagled at the bottom of a gorge. Though Jamie was looking about at each of his companions excitedly, their gazes remained steadfast on the boy with a combination of disgust and awe. Sam was the one who finally found his voice. “Focus, Jamie!”

“Yeah! Mr. Logan has just been mauled by beavers, tumbled down a rocky cliff, had his trousers ripped clean from his body, and he’s fallen flat on his naked back into a- oh my Lord.” Rahne gasped suddenly in the middle of her tirade. “X-23!” She whispered harshly to her left. “He’s fallen flat on his naked back into a patch of poison ivy, hasn’t he?”

“Yep.” X-23 replied simply giving the others time to marvel at the idea that one person could be subjected to so many torments during the course of a single day. As they contemplated whether even the normally unflappable Wolverine could survive such an ordeal, Jamie leaned over the ledge just a ways, used his little hand to magnify his voice, and began to holler, “Mr. Logan-” but he was cut off when Sam suddenly yanked him away from the edge by the boy’s shoulder.

“Jamie, whatever the hell you do-”

“Sam…”

“Ah’m sorry for cursing in front of Jamie, Rahne. But whatever you do, Jamie, do not ask Mr. Logan if he’s okay.”

“But why not-”

“Because…” Sam stated slowly through grit teeth. “… we already know the answer to that question, obviously.”

Jamie opened his mouth as realization dawned on him. “Oh…” Jamie drawled out slowly. “Right, I get you. Because he’s so clearly not okay, it’d be a little redundant to even bother asking him if he is okay- right.” As Jamie rambled on, Sam rolled his eyes, tossed his hands up, and looked to Rahne, who merely shrugged in response. Meanwhile, something else caught Jamie’s attention, causing his eyes to light up and a new smile to adorn his features. Reaching down, grabbing this item, and holding it as high as his arms and height were capable of, he shouted down towards where Logan lay, “Mr. Logan, great news! We found your pants, and now instead of being a mere pair of trousers, they’re a great big giant piece of fabric!” Jamie was so excited as he held the gigantic piece of denim as high above his head as his young arms could manage that he did not even notice the multiple palms connecting with the various foreheads of the collective students.

“Why do we even let him speak?” Roberto asked everyone as his eyes shut in embarrassment.

“Kids.” A deep, broken voice groaned from beneath their feet.

Jubilee winced as she leaned a little further over the ledge as she replied, “Yeah, Mr. Logan?”

There was a pause as Logan gathered what little strength he had left to speak some more. “I think that’s enough training for today.” Logan paused to hack up some blood. “We can head back to camp now.”

Every student there was wise enough to bite back the replies that sat at the tip of each of their tongues. Instead, they tightened their lips and nodded slowly at the broken Canadian lying below their feet.

Rahne smiled weakly and said, “Good thinking, Mr. Logan.”

“An excellent choice, sir.” Amara called down.

“Guys…” Bobby posed to everyone and no one. “How are we going to get him back up here?”

All of the children looked at one another with a shrug before slowly turning their attention towards Piotr’s direction. The Russian looked into the faces of each of his fellow classmen before turning to see if there was anyone behind him. Realizing that there was no one, he turned back to the others and said with a roll of his eyes and a helpless sigh, “Why is it always me?”
Not so far away, a sympathetic little girl was looking down towards the Canuck rather glumly. “I want you to know, Logan,” Matilda called down using her small hand to project her voice, “that I took absolutely no pleasure in doing that to you. I have no problems with you or your character, but sometimes I get pushed into a corner where I have to do things that I absolutely hate doing.” Matilda moved away from the ledge and tutted with her mouth as she shook her head. “ I really, truly, supremely did not enjoy that.” She looked back at the children mobilizing to help their teacher and sighed one last time. “I think I probably shouldn’t mess with them anymore tonight. They’re definitely not going to be thinking about the subjects anytime soon after the day that they’ve had. Speaking of, I should probably check in on them one last time before night falls; I need to make sure that they have rest and shelter before they face Hirane tomorrow.” Just before she vanished into the wind, Matilda said amazedly, “Just goes to show ya that you really never know when the occasion will call for female beaver urine.”

XXX

Kitty was humming. When forced to walk for extended periods of time, it was only natural for someone to create a little rhythm to bounce to. What she did not notice was that her little ditty was infectious to her three other compatriots.

“East bound and down, load it up and truckin’…”

“Is this the real life or is this just fantasy…”

“Life is a highway, I’m goin’ my way…”

“That, that don’t kill me, will only make me stronger…”

The four of them paused briefly in their paces to look at each other. They all granted one another a small, embarrassed chuckle upon realizing what they were doing.

“Do you guys feel like we need a soundtrack too?” Kitty asked as they resumed walking.

“This situation does seem just as crazy as one of those Romantic/Adventure/Comedies.” Rogue replied.

“Does anyone else have songs in their heads vhen ve are forced to fight?”

“Oh, yeah. When we were fightin’ the Acolytes for the first time,” Rogue looked at the back of Remy’s head. “Ah had ‘Bodies’ by Drowing Pool playin’ in mah head.”

“Vhen it vas us against the sentinel, I had Tantric’s ‘Breakdown’ playing on a loop in mein mind.”

“I totally had Bang Gang’s ‘Move It’ in the back of my head for the sentinel too.”

“Alvays vith the dance music, Kätzchen.” Kurt sighed with a melodramatic roll of his eyes that earned him an unconvincing glare from Kitty, considering that she was pursing her lips in order to keep back a smile.

“Ah guess you’re not quite as musically inclined, huh Remy?”

Remy darted his eyes downward to hide the momentary discomfort that flickered across them at hearing Rogue’s comment. Though Remy’s silence lasted only a brief moment, it seemed too long to Rogue for him not to answer such a trivial question. When he looked back at her at last, his face was masked with a nonchalant grin. “Kid Rock’s a good one t’ listen t’ while pullin’ a job.”

Rogue rolled her eyes as she chuckled, “Figures.”

“Hey, y’ try not t’ feel like a total badass when y’ burst through a window wit’ ‘Cowboy’ goin’ through y’r head.”

Rogue was about to be snarky, but a sudden clash of thunder impeded her attempt at snark.

Four extremely different pairs of eyes connected in panic. Kitty managed to fit in a pained pout before the next beat when they all began yet another mad dash through the trees.
It had become considerably darker since they had to find shelter from the rain earlier that morning, making a place to keep dry a bit more difficult to locate this time around. When they felt one drop of water, then three, then seven hit their heads, they made their efforts just a bit more earnest. Rogue was the one who spotted a makeshift arch made out of large overgrown earth and two or three strategically located trees. She looked behind her to be sure that Kitty was still close by (they had had a few close calls with losing Kitty that day, after all); upon seeing that her friend was near, Rogue’s grabbed Kitty’s wrist and pulled them both beneath their temporary safe-haven.

When both girls were seated on the ground under their cover is when the rain began to come down by the bucketful… it’s also when Kitty noticed that neither Kurt nor Remy were anywhere to be seen.

“Rogue, where are the guys?!” Kitty turned to Rogue, looking scared.

Rogue felt stupid for being so fixated on keeping track of Kitty and not even noticing that they had lost track of the boys. She abruptly stood and was about to walk back out into the pouring rain when Kitty grabbed the back of Rogue’s jacket and shirt and roughly yanked her back before she could get any further.

“Rogue, we just made a mad dash to keep from getting wet again!”

“But the boys-”

“Right. Kurt!” Kitty called, using her hands to magnify her voice. “Kurt!”

Following Kitty’s lead, Rogue began to holler as well, neither girl stepping back into the cold shower coating the earth. “Remy!”

Both of the young women yelled for the two young men at the peak of their vocal capabilities, but it was proving to be difficult to make their voices carry over the sound of the rain.

Five minutes of calling for Remy and Kurt went by with no response from either male. Both girls were about ready to run out into the rain to look for their friends when the smell of smoke and brimstone suddenly wafted through their nostrils from behind them.

Both Rogue and Kitty were ready to run full pelt into their boys when they turned towards the direction of the smell, but they managed to restrain themselves when they saw the sight that greeted them.

“Kurt, I was so worried-”

“Remy, where did you-”

Both girls stopped speaking when they got a good look at the boys. Plus, they were interrupted by an endless tirade of very angry sounding German. The German speech, of course, coming from Kurt, who was interjected only by Remy periodically saying, “Remy said he was sorry.”

The girls could make a fair guess about what Remy was apologizing for. Both he and Kurt were coated head to foot in a thick layer of fresh mud. Kitty was struck speechless at the sight of her muddy friend verbally abusing the Cajun in a manner that employed every part of his body. Rogue, meanwhile, carefully turned Remy to face her, somehow managing not to get one bit of mud on her.

“Remy, what… how… what…”

Remy got the gist of what Rogue was trying to phrase. He looked uncomfortable and embarrassed as he post-poned answering her. “Remy, he… well, Remy slipped.”

“Yeah, Ah… uh, Ah figured that out mahself. But, um, how did…” Rogue trailed off as she motioned towards Kurt, who was still ranting and raving in German at Remy while Kitty was doing her utmost to calm her furry, muddy, blue pal down.

Remy looked at the ground behind Rogue as he tried to formulate a response. “Well, y’ know it’s a natural instinct in human bein’s t’ reach out an’ grab somethin’ when dey’re fallin’?”

“Yeah…” Rogue replied slowly.

Again, Remy hesitated before replying, clearly uncomfortable with this situation. “Well, it just so happens dat Bleau was right in front of him when he slip.”

When Remy paused, Rogue waited for him to continue. She was surprised when he did not offer anything more.

“So…” She prompted.

“So… Remy follow human instinct an’… an’ he reach out an’ grab de first thing he see in front o’ him.”

Rogue narrowed her eyes at him as she tried to comprehend exactly what it was he was telling her. So he reached out and grabbed whatever was in front of him, she thought, but Kurt was in front of him, so that means- ohmygod.

Rogue looked pained as she looked at Remy. Remy looked pained as he looked back at Rogue. “Remy, tell meh you didn’t.”

Remy winced as he replied, “He did.”

Kitty spun around to look at Rogue and Remy. “You yanked Kurt’s tail?! Oh my God, he absolutely hates that!”

Remy looked Kitty in the eye as he replied promptly, “Merci, Chaton. Remy think he noticed dat by now.”

Kitty rolled her eyes with a “whatever” at Remy’s sarcasm and returned her attention to Kurt, who was still going strong with his German tirade directed at the Cajun in question. Her eyes became sad when she saw Kurt’s beautiful blue fur clumped and marred with the wet earth.

Kurt did not notice Kitty’s facial expression as he made a feeble attempt to advance on Remy, which was put to rest by his friend simply pressing both of her palms lightly against his chest. With only her gentle touch, Kurt stopped speaking and looked down at the blue-eyed beauty.

“Kurt.” Kitty said softly, sounding beautifully close to a dove cooing. “Did Remy yank your tail?” Kurt looked uncomfortable before he nodded slowly. “Hard?” Again, he nodded with his lower lip protruding out slightly. “So hard that he brought you both down into the mud, and your fur is now all clumpy along with your sore tail?” He nodded once more, with his eyes looking at her pathetically.

Kitty smiled gently and kindly at her friend and held out her hands, palms up, towards Kurt. Shifting his eyes uncomfortably, he slowly brought his wounded tail forward and laid it across Kitty’s open palms. She examined the appendage with scrutiny and felt saddened upon seeing the dark purple bruise visible under the sparse clumps of mud that clung to the fur of his tail.

Kitty gently cradled the spade of his tail in one hand and used the thumb on her other hand to gingerly wipe away the mud on the bruise before she raised the wounded spot on his tail to her mouth and pressed her full, soft lips to the bruise.

Kurt’s entire body went numb at the feeling of her kiss. He would have felt worried about that if he had not felt completely light-headed at that moment. Kitty smiled that signature impossibly bright, impossibly sweet smile of hers as she released his tail from her hands.
“Better?” She asked. He managed to bring himself to nod once more. “You should probably test him out to be safe. Just to make sure that he still functions properly and all.”
Kurt nodded in agreement and took a step closer to her. He swished his tail around behind her and used the spaded end to flick her right earlobe and then her left. As Kitty giggled madly while covering both of her ears, Kurt used his tail to attain his true goal. With Kitty distracted, Kurt’s tail fiddled with the knot her hair was tied in. Just as she noticed what he was doing, he had managed to loosen the knot so that her hair was released. Kurt was almost positive that his heart was about to stop. From where it had been twisted into a knot all day, her hair tumbled down to her shoulders and beyond in a cascade of shimmering brown waves that looked soft to the touch.

“Kurt!” Kitty scolded as she reached up to pull her hair back once more.

The moment her fingers touched her hair, Kurt remembered how to use his voice and reached out his hand to touch one of her wrists. “Don’t.” He said. Kitty looked confused which prompted him to clarify… quickly. “It’s… um… it’s cold out tonight and if you kept your hair down, you’ll be varmer.” Kitty looked at him skeptically but lowered her hands nonetheless. They smiled at each other then, unaware of everything other than the other.

Rogue had a small smile on her lips as she watched Remy watching the exchange between her brother and her roommate. She marveled at his face but at its handsomeness. Remy usually remained stoic, choosing to hide his emotions behind a select few cocky facial expressions. But when he thought that no one was looking… Rogue was allowed entrance to see a vast wealth of emotions flow across Remy’s face as seamlessly as water flows across pebbles in a stream. From a small shift in his eyes to a subtle curve in his lips, Rogue saw Remy look on at Kitty and Kurt with amusement, sadness, and just a hint of envy present always. It was not until Kurt had Kitty giggling with her ticklish ears that both Rogue and Remy felt like trespasser to an act as intimate as lovemaking. It was something that they both knew they would never share with one another or anyone at all. Shifting their feet and looking away in discomfort, Rogue finally noticed that Remy was covered in mud. Really covered in mud.

Where it was caked on the most was on the front of his coat, shirt, and pants. The rest of him was smudged somewhat where he had most likely rolled onto his back. But Rogue could not take her eyes off of Remy’s face. Even with smudges of mud marring his features, his attractiveness managed to be shown through, quite miraculously. He actually looked kind of adorable, like a little boy who had been playing in the mud all afternoon only to be called in for supper by his mother. She briefly wondered if this appearance was anything like Remy when he was a child.
Rogue could not restrain her smile and could barely contain the fit of girlish giggles.

“What is so funny?” Remy asked, clearly offended.

“Nothing.” Rogue managed to choke out. “Nothing, Ah swear.”

Remy was obviously not convinced, but was preoccupied with noting the damage done to his trench coat, carefully fingering the muddy lapels. Rogue felt a pang of sympathy, knowing the care Remy doted upon his coat. Deciding that fun at the Cajun’s expense could wait, she stepped into his personal space and pushed her glove covered hands into either side of the inside of his coat and began to slowly, gently, and carefully ease her hands up towards his broad shoulders.

Remy was suddenly hindered from any extraneous movement upon feeling the warmth radiating from Rogue’s hands permeate his chilled body. His eyes became fixated on her glove-covered hands, which began to trail upwards from his chest, over his collarbone, to skim lightly across his shoulders. It was at his shoulders where she began to push gently at the fabric of his coat with the back of her hands until the shoulders of the overcoat rose off of his body. Very gently, she slowly peeled the trench coat from Remy’s mud-coated form; he helped her some when it came to the sleeves, pulling out one arm and then the other. With the coat entirely from Remy’s body, Rogue turned away from and roughly shook his coat to loosen as many clumps of mud as she could manage. Satisfied that she had done an above adequate job of cleaning Remy’s coat as she was capable of doing with the given circumstances, Rogue began to turn towards the master Cajun thief once more.

“Ah think that’s most of it. You’ll have to get it dry-cleaned when we get back home- oh.” Rogue stopped talking, thinking, breathing, when she saw a very shirtless Remy giving his shirt a treatment similar to the one she gave his coat only moments prior. Had she been able to focus on anything other than the stunningly beautiful Cajun man, she would have seen Kitty holding Kurt’s coat and cargo pants, as well as her blue brother stripped to his blue box-briefs as he roughly shook his “Vote for Pedro” free of mud. She also missed Kitty musing to herself that with such form-fitting, blue undergarments, Kurt looked something like a giant blue Ken doll (if Ken was adorable and fuzzy and had a tail, of course).

Rogue’s distractions increased ten-fold when Remy undid his belt and began to step free of his blue jeans. She almost missed what he was asking her to do. “What?”

“Turn around an’ hold dese for a minute.”

Rogue did turn around but she looked most perplexed as she did so. “Hold what?”

Remy was behind her and had an arm extended right beside her face before he answered her. “Dese.”

Rogue was still confused as she turned her head slightly to see what he was talking about. “Oh mah God.” She exclaimed, as her face turned a rosy shade of red. Not two inches from her face was the pair of boxer-briefs that had been hugging Remy’s tight bottom only moments ago. “You are a sick, sick man, LeBeau.”

“Remy not askin’ y’ t’ stick ‘em up y’ nose an’ sniff ‘em. Just hold ‘em for a minute.” Rogue begrudgingly reached up and (with a highly disgusted look on her face) gingerly took a hold of the underwear. “Merci. Now… pardon moi.”

Rogue did not dare turn around to see what he was doing. Instead she looked to Kitty, who was also blushing deeply and holding the majority of Kurt’s clothes. “What is he doing?” Rogue asked.

“I’m not looking!” Indeed, Kitty was not looking anywhere else other than the spot of ground that was directly in front of her.

“Just gettin’ a little refreshed.” Remy called back to the girls; he sounded as though he had moved a few feet away from them. That was when Rogue realized exactly what he was doing.

“Y’all are bathin’ off in the rain?!”

“How else am I supposed to get mud out of fur?” Kurt called back.

“Both of y’all are going to be freezing to death tonight, you know that, right?”

“Aw, cherie, can’t you spare some body for poor little Remy?” The Cajun dared to laugh.

“Ah swear to God, Cajun, if Ah looked at you right now, the glare Ah’d have could bring down a mountain!”

“In the past three days, I have seen more naked males than I have collectively seen in my brief lifetime.” Kitty declared, shaking her head.

“Perhaps fate is making up for lost time, eh Kätzchen?”

“Ha. Ha. Ha.” Kitty said in a dry tone that sounded unnatural coming from her. “Didn’t think you’d stoop to that kind of humor, Kurt. I’d expect it from Remy, but definitely not from you.”

“Hey, have y’ forgotten dat whole thing where mah ears work and Ah can hear y’?”

“Would y’all at least hurry up? We need to get a move-on!”

“Move-on where?” Remy asked; Rogue jumped, not realizing how close he was to her back until he had snatched his undergarments from her hand. She still did not turn to face him. “Dis rain ain’t goin’ nowhere for a long while.”

It was another moment before Rogue responded but it was not to the question he had posed. Instead she quietly asked, “You decent?”

It was another moment before Remy answered. “Oui.”

Then Rogue turned to see a boxer-clad Remy arranging his clothes neatly on the ground. “Because as soon as the rain lets up, we have to move as fast as we can to the base of the mountain so that-”

“Whoa, Rogue, dere ain’t no way we can go any further tonight.”

“Yeah! It’s dark, it’s raining, it’s thundering, it’s lightning,-”

“It’s dangerous.” Kurt summed up as he too laid out his clothes (save his boxers) to dry.

“Exactly.” Kitty nodded.

“But-” Rogue started but was interrupted by (surprise, surprise) Remy.

“Look, we’re tired, Rogue. An’ it don’t matter if y’ admit it t’ y’rself or not, but y’r tired too. We got a good shelter here dat will keep us relatively safe until we can roll out at first light.” Rogue looked back out at the murky night with determination and some desperation in her eyes. “Dere ain’t nobody alive who is of any use to anyone exhausted and runnin’ aroun’ in de dark in de woods like a chicken wit’ its head cut off.” Rogue still looked doubtful. “De mountain and de camp will still be dere tomorrow when we wake up. Even if de mountain’s somehow gone in de mornin’, dat’s one less mountain we gotta climb.” Rogue and Remy both laughed a little and Remy wiped a strand of Rogue’s hair away from her forehead that had become damp with the humidity that surrounded them. “We all need de rest, Rogue. Before y’ know it, we’ll be back at camp by tomorrow afternoon where de worst of our troubles will be figurin’ out how t’ deal wit’ dose whiny punk-asses. Dat’ll make t’day seem like notin’ more den a walk in a very large park.” Remy waited until smiled (well, a very small smile) and then gently titled her chin up with his sleeve-covered wrist until she was looking him in the eye. “Okay?”

Rogue sighed, but she was glad to relinquish. “Okay.”

Kurt was smiling as he allowed himself a gymnast’s full-body stretch. “Güt. Now, it’s time for mein favorite time of the day.” With that, he laid down on the ground with a yawn. At that chosen moment, a very chilly breeze chose that exact instance to move across the quartet. Kurt felt a violent shiver sweep across his body, prompting him to rise up suddenly and wrap both of his arms around his legs until he was mostly curled in a ball.

“Ah told you you’d be cold tonight.” Rogue said, as she, Kitty, and Remy sat down themselves.

Kurt was too busy glaring at his sister to notice that Kitty was shaking her head but smiling at him. Without giving him any notice, Kitty scooted to be within a centimeter’s proximity to Kurt and wrapped both her arms around his torso and rested her head on the back of his shoulder. Kurt stiffened at the contact before relaxing just as suddenly into Kitty’s embrace. She did not say anything; she simply shut her eyes and smiled a little. Wanting to see her, he rolled over while remaining in her arms, wrapping his own arms around her as well. Kurt tucked a lock of her hair behind an ear before resting his head to lie atop of hers and attempted to sleep.

Rogue looked at her sleeping brother and best friend. And then she looked at Remy, who was shivering very exaggeratedly. When he spied Rogue looking at him, he smiled a big, toothy, pathetic, and very sympathy-inducing smile at her. Rogue made a point to roll her eyes (very much directed at him) before scooting closer to him with a reluctant, “Fine.”

The moment she was within arms’ reach, Remy immediately wrapped his arms around her and pressed his wet face right in between her shoulder blades. Remy did not even notice (much) that his arms had wrapped around her stomach and around her chest (just above her rapidly rising breasts). Rogue had since replaced her denim jacket, so she was not worried as much about the odd chance of accidental skin-to-skin contact occurring. But that did not stop her from shuddering at the warm/cold he brought her skin.

It was a moment (maybe two) before Remy realized how uncomfortable it was to sleep in the position both young people were presently in. Without giving Rogue a proper warning (or any warning, for that matter), Remy tugged them both down to lie flat on the ground; Rogue lying flat atop of Remy’s chest. Her head was tucked snuggly underneath his chin, his arms were wrapped tightly around her tummy, her legs were situated within the space between his legs, and her posterior was pressing delightfully, horribly right against his groin.

Rogue went stiff until she could bring herself to say, “What are you-”

“Remy’s cold. Be his blanket tonight.”

Rogue meant to say something smart, or at least a meek “okay,” but her breath caught in her throat and refused to escape. She looked over at her two other compatriots; they appeared to be sleeping peacefully, without taking any notice of her present predicament. She almost laughed at how Kurt’s nose was tucked right against Kitty’s hair, so that every time he inhaled, he received a whiff of the scent of her rich brunette strands. With a sigh, Rogue relaxed against Remy before noticing her open jacket. She tugged her jacket ends loose from the confines of Remy’s arms and then proceeded to button up the length of her coat all the way to the very top button just below her neck. She breathed in deeply and exhaled through her nose; then she settled herself in Remy’s arms as best as she could and shut her eyes in a vain attempt at sleep.

The air around them was ripe with moisture from the rain and the electricity that they were creating. It was quiet for several long moments. Rogue was glad that Remy could not see her face; there was no possible way she could hide from him her rose tinted face. Remy, however, was the picture of warring distraught and frustration at his idea; there was no possible way for him to hide his furious erection upon receiving just a scant whiff of the fragrance of her hair. It took every fiber of his self-control to keep his hands from running up the length of her arms to her shoulders. On the bright side, he was beginning to feel warm again as the heat radiating from her form permeated his body. His nose tucked in between a few locks of her hair atop of her head, his arms locked around her waist, and her legs snuggled tight in between his legs, he closed his eyes to attempt sleep.

Kurt Wagner may have managed to close his eyes but he felt utterly foolish for believing that he would be able to sleep. Who could rest when Kitty Pryde’s breasts were pressed tight against your chest and her legs were intertwined with yours? Kurt prayed that she could not feel how hard his heart was beating against his chest. He was secretly envious of the young woman, as she had managed to fall asleep without taking any note of his predicament, if the regular pattern of her breathing was any indication.

Rogue had almost managed to reach sleep… but Remy’s insistent voice (“Rogue? Rogue, y’ asleep yet?”) lulled her back to the world of the awake once more. “Rogue?”

“Yes, Ah’m awake… now.” She replied, keeping her eyes closed to see if sleep would claim her once more.

“Remy can’t sleep-”

“An ailment that seems to be spreading.”

“-an’ he want t’ know if y’ know any lullabies.”

Rogue’s eyes popped open when he said that. Her surprise faded into amusement. “Give you a blanket, sing you a lullaby… Remy LeBeau, you need a mother.” She was surprised at his silence; she realized after a moment that he was not going to dispute her statement. Feeling guilty, she said, “Ah only know one and you can’t laugh at mah singing voice or the fact that it’s from Fraggle Rock.”

She felt his mouth curl up into a smile. “Deal.” He stated.

Rogue hesitated a moment before clearing her throat. “Cold moon lonely as can be, sailing where the starlight fades to blue. Don’t you sometimes feel like me, wish the friends you dream about were true?”

Remy was not expecting her to actually do it. His eyes snapped open at her soft yet soothing and gazed at the sparse patches of night sky somewhat visible through the trees. An absurd thought crossed through his mind then: even if he had experienced a mother, he doubted that her voice would have provided as much comfort and peace as Rogue was able to accomplish with only a few verses of a children’s song.

“And they would sail away with you, sail away with you…”

Rogue felt Remy’s breath against her hair become steady and deep.
“Someday you may tumble down, sad because your light is nearly through. Moon, stay, I will search around, climb until your light is bright as new.”

Very gently, she placed her hands over his as they remained around her waist. She smiled somewhat and settled herself against his chest. She closed her eyes and finished the song.
“And then I’ll sail away with you, sail away with you. Sail away with you, sail away with you, sail away with you, sail away with you, sail away with you.”

They would both sleep well that night.

“Okay, everyone all together, say it with me: daaawww!” Matilda exclaimed as she gazed downward at her four subjects. She was sitting on top of the crosshairs that the tree branches of the canopy that she had constructed (with the aid of one or two possums). Happily kicking her legs as they dangled from the tree, she leaned over towards the family of quail she shared the branch with and said, “You’d have to be a really soulless bastard to not think that this is the cutest thing ever. I swear, this is so sweet that I need a shot of insulin!” Allowing a few crickets to hop on top of her hands, she sighed, “What a day. My, my, my, what a day.” Matilda looked a bit sad as she looked at the four sleeping young people and then up at the mountain looming over them. “I’m glad that they had such a good day today, because tomorrow is going to absolutely suck.” She set the crickets down on the branch. “Keep them sleeping comfortably with your song, guys.” Matilda looked solemnly at the mountain in the distance. “I’ll do what I can to help them, but they’re going to need all of their strength and wits about them if they have any hope of taking down Hirane tomorrow.” As soon as she had finished speaking, the small love spirit had vanished.

XXX

“Mister Green in the conservatory with the rope.”

Hank McCoy reached forward and opened the envelope. With a sigh of defeat, he dropped his blue game piece back on the board. “Ororo wins again.”

Charles Xavier growled in frustration as he dropped his plum game piece sloppily down next to his cards. “Why did we agree to play this foolish game in the first place?”

“Because it’s one of the few where telepathy won’t tell you what the cards say.” Ororo said as she studied the cards victoriously.

“Why, I would never use my telepathy to cheat at-”

“Now, what did we wager that time?” Ororo directed at Hank, presently ignoring an outraged Charles.

“Lawn duties.” Hank stated glumly.

“Oh fantastic! I guess I am exempt from cleaning out the gutters until the next quarter. That brings my winnings up to…” Ororo quickly jotted down a few words on a piece of paper, “four months of someone other than me on dish washing duty, six free passes from cooking dinner, and one coupon valid for receiving a massage from Logan, my choice of body part.” Quite smugly, Ororo tucked the piece of paper into a pocket. “A most productive day, indeed.”

Hank sighed and looked at his Get Smart wristwatch. “8:30, and I have managed to lose myself to slave labor in a period of two hours and fourteen minutes.”

Ororo smiled evilly as she picked up another box. “Anyone up for Scrabble? I’d love not to have to do the laundry until next spring.”

“Ororo, could we maybe take a break? I need to stretch my legs… or maybe get a shot of whiskey.” Hank stated, rising from the hastily assembled lawn chair.

“Foolish, childish game. It does not even require any real sort of intellect anyway.” Charles mumbled, his arms folded across his chest as he slumped angrily in his wheelchair.
Hank stepped just outside of the small canopy that had been assembled yesterday to provide cover to the portable card table where he and his two companions had just spent their evening. From the large cooler bucket filled with cold water and melting ice, he grabbed a chilled bottle of water that had been floating on the surface. His large, blue, fur covered hand completely covered the length of the bottle as he took one or two deep swigs. He was partaking in a third drink when he took note of how dark the night had become. “You know, it would be well-past dinner time by now. I wonder how they fared with… uh… Logan’s home-cooking.”

“Oh, a little game for supper never hurt anyone.” Ororo said, stowing the board games underneath the card table.

“I have to wonder, though, why Logan did not even try to contact me to make us aware of his change in plans.” Charles pondered, pushing his chair a few feet to stand beside Hank through the recently dampened soil.

“Charles, it’s Logan we’re talking about. He has a tendency to change his plans from time to time.” Hank said, dryly.

“Well, I certainly won’t disagree with you there. But when the children are involved, he does assume some amount of responsibility.”

“Maybe that shower half an hour ago held them up?” Ororo suggested.

“Perhaps. But I’ve sensed something else at hand here. It’s as though there is a presence in this forest that is placing distant minds just out of my psychic reach. I have to wonder…” Charles trailed off.

“God, it’s getting dark.” Ororo stated, standing beside Hank with a bottle of water of her own.

“Nighttime is funny like that.” Hank replied all smarmy-like, receiving a grudging nudge from Ororo, who still managed a smile.

She grew serious when she said, “Still, Charles is right. It’s not like Logan to keep the children out this late. I do hope nothing serious has happened.”

“Feh, with this motley bunch?” Hank said skeptically. “If we’re lucky, those endangered owls that live here won’t be all but extinct by the time these mountains have undergone the experience that is our kids.” He exhaustedly rubbed the bridge of his nose in anticipation of the kids’ inclement arrival. “I just pray that no one has endured any serious injuries. For once, I’d love to go on a trip that doesn’t end with me spending hours administering first aid-”

“FIRST AID!!!” A voice bellowed from out of the darkness.

“Oh, sweet Mary mother of-” Hank said exasperatedly.

“Who do you think it is?” Charles asked, wheeling up beside Ororo.

“My money’s on either Jamie or Alex. They’re both bleeders.” She answered.

“Really?” Charles shifted his eyes back and forth. “Would you like to wager one coupon valid for receiving a massage from Logan, your choice of body part?”

“Nice try, Baldy.”

“Dr. McCoy, come quick!” A Scottish voice obviously belonging to Rahne called out.
All three teachers rolled their eyes in tandem before walking closer to the woods where they knew the students would emerge from momentarily. “Dear God, I hope X-23 didn’t give Roberto ‘a warning cut’ again.” Hank said, clearly psyching himself up for whatever horrors he was about to face. “I’m not in any way prepared to handle missing limbs tonight.”

“I just hope Tabitha didn’t pull a ‘cherry bomb maneuver’ on Jubilee and Ray; the law suit is still pending from last time.”

“I think we should all just pray that Rahne and Sam didn’t play another round of ‘pig in the pokey.’” Ororo said, as all three of them shared a unanimous shudder.

“Hurry, bring him up to the front!” They heard Warren shout.

“Kids, how bad is it?” Hank called to the children, hastening his pace.

“Really bad!” A voice they recognized as Bobby replied.

“How bad is ‘really bad?’” Ororo asked.

“Really, really, really, really, really, really bad!” A voice they knew belonged to Jubilee answered.

“Oh dear. Charles, what should we be expecting?” Ororo queried.

“Hmm.” Charles extended his thoughts to reach out to the nearby students. What he discovered was not in any way remotely what he expected. In fact, his discovery was so astonishing that it caused him to stop his wheelchair right in its tracks with a stunned look on his face. “Good Lord.” He uttered.

“Charles? What-” Hank stopped speaking when the children finally came bounding out of the trees. It was the sight that first greeted the usually calm and collected teachers that caused them to become as petrified as stone. The students, however, seemed to understand the shock that overcame their mentors and allowed them the time required to let said-shock set in. It was Ms. Munroe who finally vocalized their collective thoughts.

“Good God, Logan, what on Earth happened to you?!”

Leading the way for the pack of youngsters was Piotr carrying Logan, bridal style. At first, the teachers found it curious that Piotr was maintaining his metallic form. The questions forming in their minds (well, a few of them) stopped when they got a closer glimpse of the man they used to call the unstoppable Wolverine. Logan was covered from scalp to toes in angry protruding bee-stings, furious red fire-ant bites, and a very itchy looking rash. He was loosely wrapped in the remains of what they could guess were once Logan’s jeans; they were situated strategically to protect his modesty as well as protect Piotr from the rash. Logan’s neck was so limp that he could only manage to gaze upward with a hazed look in his eyes, and his mouth hanging open, allowing a string of drool to hang out of one corner. As soon as Hank was close enough, he began snapping his fingers in front of Logan’s eyes to establish consciousness. “Logan! Logan, can you hear me? Speak to me!”

“Logan, say something!” Ororo begged. “What happened?” Logan began to quietly mutter something that they could not quite make out. “What did you say? I can’t hear you!” His speech was just a decimal louder, but still he remained incoherent. “Logan, speak up!”

“-Now that it’s raining more than ever, know that we’ll still have each other. You can stand under my umbrella, you can stand under my umbrella, -ella¬, -ella.” Hank and Ororo looked at each other.

“Well, I’m not prepared to rule out a concussion.” Hank stated.

Ororo pulled Jamie in front of her, and looking him dead in the eye, asked, “Jamie, can you tell me what happened to Logan? Is he all right?”

“Yeah, of course!” The boy quickly replied with much enthusiasm.

Jamie actually stopped to think for a second when he heard Mr. Logan sing, “It’s raining, ooh baby it’s raining.”

Then Jamie added, “Well… maybe.”

“What happened to him, Jamie?” Hank asked impatiently, as he checked Logan’s pupil response with a small flashlight.

“Well, after a beehive fell on his head and he sat pants-less on top of a fire-ant hill, he was mauled by a pack of amorous beavers and fell off of a mountain top only to land naked in a patch of poison ivy.” Jamie then shrugged breezily. “Other than that, he’s fine.”

Hank, Ororo, and Charles looked at one another with eyes wide as Logan sang, “When the sun shines, we’ll shine together, told you I’ll be here forever. Said I’ll always be your friend, took an oath, I’ll stick it out to the end.”

Then Hank smiled and clapped his large furry hands together. “Okay, kids,” he said, “which one of you lucky ducks wants to learn the proper way to apply calamine lotion?” Hank still retained his hopeful grin as the kids looked at one another before shaking their heads, muttering as they went towards their respective tents for the night. Hank’s face fell and he looked back at Ororo and Charles with a sigh. “Piotr, can you carry him over to the tent for me?”

The large Russian looked to the heavens and sighed, “Always me.” But he followed the three adults obediently nonetheless.

“You can run into my arms, it’s okay, don’t be alarmed. Come into me, there’s no distance in between our love.”

Ororo looked at Logan pityingly as he continued to serenade them in a concussion-induced daze. “Hank, will he be all right?”

Hank looked questioningly at their usually unflappable comrade, who was presently well flapped. “He got worked over pretty hard today. I’ll patch him up as best as I can tonight and then let his healing powers take care of the rest. He should at least be feeling better in the morning.”

Ororo shook her head as Hank set up a makeshift stretcher out of two extra car tables. “It’s almost impossible to believe that so many misfortunes could befall Logan during the period of one day. I mean, talk about your bad luck!” Ororo briefly left Charles’ side to help Hank and Piotr with Logan.

The telepathic headmaster looked out at the forest where the students had earlier emerged. With his eyes narrowed, he asked no one in particular, “Yes… but would you call it bad luck… or something else entirely?”

“So go on and let the rain pour, I’ll be all you need and more…”

Charles rolled his eyes and then rolled towards the tent. “Coming Logan!”

XXX

Amara had already situated herself inside of her tent. Rahne was taking her time saying goodnight to Sam and Jamie. After making sure that Jamie was tucked safely into his tent, Sam offered to walk Rahne back to her own lodgings. The petite redhead could not miss the thoughtful appearance that masked Sam’s face. “Something on your mind, country boy?”

“Hmm?” Sam was clearly surprised to be pulled from his thoughts so suddenly. “Oh, Ah was just thinkin’ ‘bout…” Choosing not to even bother finishing his sentence, Sam nodded back towards where Logan was situated.

“Oh yeah.” Rahne nodded. “Crazy day, huh?”

“Yeah, that’s one way of puttin’ it.” Sam chuckled tiredly. “Ah was just thinkin’ ‘bout how Mr. Logan has gone up against Sabretooth and come out on top. Not to mention the Punisher. He even survived a fight with the Hulk!” The Kentucky native shook his head with amazement and awe in his eyes. “But when it comes down to the Wolverine versus Mother Nature… there is but one victor.”

“Wow.” Rahne said in a monotone. She smiled at him with a giggle in her eyes. “That’s deep, Sam.”

Sam grinned widely at the cute Scottish girl as he loosely slung his arm around her petite shoulders. “Ah have mah moments.”

They both were laughing as Rahne opened the flap to the tent she shared with Amara and kissed Sam on the cheek goodnight before zipping herself up inside. Neither teen noticed their audience consisting of Jubilee and Tabitha who both stood in front of their own tent.

“Ugh, teen romance. It’s running amok today.” Tabitha said, sticking out her stud pierced tongue as she mock-gagged herself with her index finger.

“Careful, Tabitha. That sort of thing is contagious.” Jubilee replied, looking at the next tent over. “I bet Rogue and Kitty had an easy day today.”

“I know, right? Hanging out at camp all day with Remy and Kurt and not forced to watch Mr. Logan have his ass handed to him by a horde of woodland animals? I’d have ‘gotten lost’ too.” Tabitha used her fingers to put quotes around her words.

“Yeah.” Jubilee looked at the tent belonging to Rogue and Kitty. It was dark inside, sealed up tight, and completely still. “God, they’ve probably been asleep for hours. Lazy cunts.”

“Okay, now you’re just pissed because Rogue will always be Remy’s first pick!” Tabitha laughed as she stepped into their tent.

Jubilee shook her head as she followed Tabitha inside. “Does she even know what a blowjob is?”

“Ssh. She’s right next to us. She’ll hear you.”

XXX

Piotr very drowsily (and quite clumsily) opened the flap to his tent. Not at all gracefully he fell on top of his sleeping bag, not even bothering to tuck himself in. “Will these children ever learn to be… useful?” He asked hopelessly.

He rolled onto his back with a deep groan. It was when he was working out the kinks in his neck that he noticed… he was alone. However, he was not all that surprised. “There’s no telling what that Cajun has gotten himself into now.” With a sigh, he closed his eyes, unable to fight the overwhelming exhaustion that overcame his body. “I just hope he can handle her.”

XXX

Jamie had just finished changing into his footie-pajamas and was tucking himself into his sleeping bag when he noticed something: Kurt was not there.

“Hmm. Peculiar. Maybe I should go tell a grown-up.” He said aloud.

“Oh, come on. He’s probably off getting mushy with a girl or having a slumber party… you’re not invited to, clearly.” His double that he had accidentally created upon sitting down said.
Jamie (the real Jamie) conceded with a nod. “You’re probably right. He didn’t tell me last night that he was going out; I guess he didn’t feel a need to tell me tonight either.”

The other Jamie nodded in agreement. “Just go to bed. He’ll be back in the morning.”

“You’re right.” The original Jamie replied as he lied down to sleep. He smiled happily as he said, “Just wait until I tell him about the day that we’ve had!”

The other Jamie also lit up brightly. “I know! I can’t wait to see his face when he hears that he missed out on all of the fun, adventure, and excitement that we had!”

Real Jamie shut his eyes to sleep but still smiled as he said, “Yeah, there’s no way anything he did today was nearly as cool, exciting, and dangerous as our day!”

XXX
Hmm. I’m not dead… but I don’t feel much alive either. But I’m not craving brains, so does that rule out zombie? Well, either way: I’m baaaaccckk! I’ll keep this short since everyone who has finished reading this probably has a brain as fried as mine right now. This latter half of chapter five is ninety-one pages, double-spaced on Word (no, you didn’t read that wrong; I did say ‘ninety-one’). Combined with the first seventy-five pages that made up vol. one of chapter five, and collectively this chapter in its entirety is one-hundred-and-sixty-six pages. If I’m not mistaken, I believe that’s a Harry Potter book. Hell, I’m pretty sure that after this whole thing is finished that it might surpass the entire Harry Potter saga in terms of length.

Wait. Did she just say she wants to finish this “whole thing?”

Yes, I did say that. When a lot of you choose to review (which I strongly encourage everyone who reads this and has something to say to do), your reviews consist of things like this: “Where’s the next update?” “Update now!” “Please update” “Update or die!” “Are you ever going to update?” “Have you quit updating this story?” Though I love that y’all have such enthusiasm for my little story, constantly being reminded that I take freakin’-forever to post chapters. This is something that I know all too well, but please give me a break. Each chapter is more or less the size of a novella, and those take a while to write. However, a lot of you have responded saying that you like the really-really-really long lengthy chapters. I like them too, so I don’t want to stop writing them this way. So to all those readers who are very, very tempted to hit that review button and type “_______ update _______” or something along those lines, I have this to say: DON’T!!! If for some unknown reason I decide to quit writing this story (medical lobotomy, fingers cut off in a bizarre hacksaw accident, I’m suddenly stranded in the icy tundra without my journal or computer), I will let you all know. Really, I will. I let you know when I was having problems with my computer a while back, didn’t I? As long as that never happens, assume that I’m working on the next phase of this story as best as my life permits. Seeing as how I’m now graduated from college and I have completed one of two surgical procedures, I have some free time to write and I will not even allow myself a break from writing between this chapter and the next. Speaking of the next… the following three chapters are going to take place rather sequentially together. So, since I wrote this chapter Kill Bill style (release one half, and then finish the second half later), I’m going to write the next three chapters Lord of the Rings style. As in, I’m going to finish all three of them before I post anything. Now before anyone suggests that I might die from old age before I finish three chapters before posting, let me say this: the next three are not planned to be that long. Really, I imagine that all three of them combined will be about the length of one of the shorter earlier chapters (definitely not Prologue short, though). This way, when I’m finally ready to publish all three of them, I can hold the next one hostage until every reader has given in to my demand for lots and lots of reviews, muahahaha. Anyway, I’m about to close here (this wasn’t short, was it?), so before I get into my little preview for the next chapter, I’d like to take a moment and acknowledge some particularly awesome readers (not that all of you aren’t awesome; these guys are just extra, super-duper, awesome). I am speaking, of course , of the readers who have enjoyed this story enough to actually want to immortalize some of its more memorable moments in illustration. That’s right, this story now has illustrations. And I am completely loving seeing their takes on scenes that I have only seen in my head. If I may encourage all of you to check out the gallery of eyez409 at http://eyez409.deviantart.com/; she’s an amazing artist and just a cool person all around and presently she has done two illustrations for RRDC, though she says that there might be a third on the way. She’s also an awesome reviewer, though on here she also goes under the name keyko101. There are also a few more readers who have emailed me asking me for permission to do some pieces for this story (like they had to ask me!). They know who they are and I am eagerly awaiting to see their finished work. But if anyone else gets a creative buzz to illustrate scenes, characters, or any other hoopla from this story, I most certainly encourage you to act on it (and send me the results!). Now about the next three or so chapters, I have to warn all of you that they will tonally be dramatically different to what has come before: think darker, scarier, less laughy… well, maybe some laughy. It’s unnatural to write Matilda without laughy. Just to give you an idea of what that entails, here’s a little (and I put emphasis on little) taste:

“You cannot win this battle. I am destined to be immortal.”
XXX
“Oh mah God. Y’all, where’s Kitty?”
XXX
“No. Guess at de end o’ de day no one really needs a hero.”
“Yeah… but Ah imagine a hero sure would be nice to have sometimes.”

Happy reading. See you all… someday.