In Fear of Three Little Words

Okay, last chapter, finale`, fini...end. Well, until I get enough of the sequel done to start posting it.


I have absolutely loved posting this story to this site. The response has been gratifiying. I love these characters and simply can't walk away right now when there are still so many interesting angles to explore. Can anyone say Mystique? I have so many very evil ideas I'm already salivating over just thinking about. Yes, I do know that I have a dark place inside my soul. Aren't you glad? heehee.

I felt this was the right place to end this story. It took a while for me to come to that conclusion, but it just kept screaming at me and I finally listened.

Thank you all for reading. And I will be back. Promise. Now...

Chapter 62

The morning ride back to the Institute proved uneventful, the night’s storm long gone and the roads dry by the time they left the cottage.

Kurt grinned into the wind, the motorcycle humming beneath him and Logan holding on to his waist behind. He revved the engine and pushed the speed up to seventy on the highway.

His heart was light this morning, his body a little achy but in a way Kurt had once enjoyed and was learning to enjoy once again.

He had let Logan take him once again. More to convince himself that the one time wasn’t a fluke and he had indeed taken back part of himself and his honor. Then this morning he had taken Logan and the giddiness of phenomenal sex bubbled up and out of Kurt like a well spring of delight. Not a single nightmare had invaded his dreams and he couldn’t quite recall when he had slept better without drugs.

The sky seemed bluer today, the air clean and crisp. And Logan’s touch seemed all the more necessary to his life, like breathing or eating.

Logan tapped his hip and pointed to their exit heading them up the interstate. Kurt slowed the bike and took the ramp at a reasonable speed then let the engine roar back out to seventy again in light Easter morning traffic.

They raced along making good time and by early afternoon they were stopping at the gate to the Institute. It opened with his command and Kurt cruised up the long driveway and into the garage with pride in his accomplishment.

“Good job, elf,” Logan said, climbing off and pulling off his helmet. “Okay, I’ll say it. You’re as good as Rogue.”

Kurt yanked off his helmet and stared at Logan. “Really? You think so?”

“Yeah, but don’t tell her I said so or she’ll think she’s got somethin’ to prove.”

“Just between you and me,” Kurt replied and reached out to tug Logan to him. Logan’s fingers slid up into Kurt’s hair and their mouth’s came together, the heat of their lovemaking still as close as skin and fur.

Someone cleared his throat and Logan pulled back. Kurt whirled and found Scott leaning on his car, arms crossed. Then a grin stole across Scott’s mouth and he shook his head.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt,” Scott stated.

“Well ya are, slim,” Logan shot back. “Ya got a problem with it?”

Scott put up his hands. “Nope. Not my business.”

“About time ya realized that.”

“Logan,” Kurt injected. “Scott has a right to be in the garage.”

Logan took a breath and blew it out. “Yeah, right. Sorry, Cyke. Got my hackles up for no reason. Has the Doc heard anything yet?”

Scott shook his head. “Not yet. We’re all on pins and needles expecting the call anytime. Fury better not try to capture Sabertooth without us. He’ll find out he’s got more trouble than he counted on.”

Kurt glanced away at the mention of Sabertooth. His fellow teammates knowledge of what Sabertooth had done to him still humiliated Kurt, a discomfort he could have done without.

“Sorry, Kurt,” Scott said, sounding genuinely apologetic. “That name must give you the creeps, huh?”

Logan’s hand slid over Kurt’s hair and the back of his hand caressed Kurt’s cheek.

Kurt turned back and met Scott’s hidden gaze. “Yeah, the creeps. I’m fine...really.”

Scott nodded. “I saw you drive up and wondered if you might want to see the new radar system Hank, Bobby and I installed in the Blackbird while you two were taking the weekend off.”

“Yeah! Cool!” Kurt flung a questioning glance over to Logan.

“Go on,” Logan said. “I need to wipe down the bike anyway. And I’ll bring in the bags.”

“Thanks,” Kurt said and leaned over to kiss Logan. “Love you.”

“Love you too, elf. Now get out of here.”

“He’s really crazy about you,” Scott offered as they walked out of Logan’s earshot. “I never thought I’d see the day Logan said he loved anything other than that motorcycle of his.”

Kurt felt Scott’s gaze on him and thought he ought to feel uncomfortable, but instead a swell of pride rose up and washed over Kurt.

“I thperhperhaps I’ve surpassed the bike in his affections,” Kurt said with a grin.

“Of yeah. I think we can be sure about that.”

“And it doesn’t bother you anymore?”

Scott stopped in the hallway and glanced up and down making sure no one else was around.

Kurt frowned, not at all certain he was going to like Scott’s answer.

“Bother me? No. Do I think your relationship with Logan could still cause the Institute problems? Yeah. But I see how much Logan loves you and how much you love Logan. After everything that’s happened, I can’t hardly begrudge you that, Kurt.” Scott looked away then back again. “I can’t say I understand...considering what happened with you two that first time----”

“Everyone knows, don’t they?” Kurt injected. “What happened. What Trask did to us...what he made Logan do to me.”

Scott didn’t flinch from Kurt question. “Not everybody. Not the younger kids. But Rogue and Kitty know...not because they were told but because they’re both smart and figured it out. Jean told me when you were kidnapped that second time. I badgered her when she was weak and overwhelmed so don’t blame her. And like I said, I don’t really understand how you fell in love with him after what he did to you.”

“It wasn’t Logan’s fault,” Kurt said, weary of having to defend Logan against people who should understand by now.

Scott put up a hand. “I know he was drugged and I know you two were put through it all again and worked it out between you, but...I don’t know. You’re more forgiving than I could have been even if what happened wasn’t Logan’s fault. Logan’s not the easiest person to like, let alone love. Yet, you seemed to have found the way to his heart and that makes you a very special person.”

Kurt cocked his head in shocked surprise. “Uh...thanks, Scott. I...don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Scott replied, putting a hand on Kurt’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze of affection. “But I need to apologize to you for the way I acted. I was way out of line.”

“You were concerned for the Institute.”

“That’s not a good enough reason for interfering in your personal life. I set a bad example to the rest of the students...and I let my personal prejudices get in the way of my role as team leader. More than once I was hard on you. The others saw it, but I blinded myself thinking my concern was the students and the Institute’s reputation when it was my own discomfort with a same sex relationship.”

“Oh,” Kurt said.

Scott grinned. “Yeah, me. Mr Straightlaced had a problem. What a huge surprise.”

Kurt grinned back. “But you’re better now?”

Scott put an arm over Kurt’s shoulder and set them walking again. “Let’s just say I’ve come to terms with myself on the issue. Who wants to be on Logan’s bad side indefinitely anyway?”

“Good point.”

‘Everyone. Please gather in the Community room at once.’

Kurt took a startled step backwards when the Professor’s voice sounded in his mind. The Professor’s tone sounded urgent and he wondered what had the Professor so agitated.

A thought came to him, a flash of Sabertooth and Kurt’s heart lurched and his mind recoiled from the image.

“You okay?” Scott said, hand on his shoulder.

Kurt fought the urge to flinch away and nodded.

Over four months had passed since his abduction and assault. Four months of looking over his shoulder, of the fur on the back of his neck rising when anyone came too close to him. And Kurt realized until Sabertooth was caught and put away someplace, he’d never feel safe. He’d never feel whole or completely healed no matter how much therapy he received nor how successful his and Logan’s love life became.

“We need to get upstairs, Kurt,” Scott’s voice sounded as if from a great distance. “This might be what we’ve been waiting for.”

Again, Kurt nodded, but a strange paralysis weighted his limbs and the desire to dig a hole and pull it in after him almost overwhelmed him.

“Come on,” Scott urged with a hand under his elbow and Kurt let Scott guide him to the elevator.

A few of the others had already arrived when he and Scott made the Community room, but what caught his attention was the Professor and Logan in tense conversation.

Kurt took a deep breath and let it out, controlling risirising anxiety and followed Scott over to the Professor. Logan turned to him as they approached.

“What is it? What’s going on?” Kurt asked.

Logan’s hands balled into fists and with effort, Logan forced himself to relax. “Sabertooth. SHIELD’s found him.”

Kurt drew in another sharp breath.

“Do they have him in custody?” Scott asked, anxious in a completely different way from Kurt’s panic-laced anxiety.

“No,” Logan stated with a sneer. “They chased him into a cave. He’s hold up pretty tight. I’d just as soon seal it up and make it his grave, but the Doc here won’t hear of it. He wants this done as non-violently as possible.”

Kurt gave a snort of derision. “Sabertooth gets far more consideration than he or Trask gave to me.”

“Yeah,” Logan replied with sarcasm dripping. “That’s because we’re the good guys.”

Kurt offered Logan a dubious expression and Logan put an arm around Kurt’s waist. Nobody seemed to care these days. Not even Scott now.

“People,” the Professor said when everyone had gathered. “We have a grave mission before us. SHIELD has located Sabertooth.”

“About time,” Rogue drawled while a murmur of voices rose around them.

“Indeed,” the Professor agreed. “They have asked for our assistance. Agent Fury does not wish to risk losing Sabertooth again.”

“We’ll get suited up right away,” Scott said. “Uh...is everyone going?”

“Everyone who wishes to,” the Professor replied.

Kurt suddenly realized all eyes had turned to him. He felt Logan’s hand tighten on his waist.

“I....” He swallowed hard.

“You don’t have to do this, elf,” Logan said. “Everybody knows what Sabertooth put you through. Nobody will think less of you if you don’t want to go.”

Kurt said nothing and everyone waited. A hush fell over the room, giving Kurt a moment to consider.

He had known this day would come, sooner or later and he had thought often of what would be expected of him. Nothing, came the answer. No one expected anything of him.

No one, but himself.

“I will go.”

“Kurt, you don’t have to prove nothin’ to nobody,” Logan said, his voice tense.

Kurt met Logan’s gaze. “Yes, I do. To myself, I do.”

Logan hesitated, on the verge of further protest, then he nodded in understanding.

“Then let’s do it,” Scott said with enthusiasm. “Let’s go get that son-of-a-bitch.”

*********************

Kurt’s breath labored in his lungs, his anxiety rising the closer the jet got to the Canadian border and the place where Sabertooth was holed up. He thought about taking one of his Ativans, but didn’t want the drug to interfere with his thinking. But then again he didn’t think all that well while having an anxiety attack either.

riedried to imagine facing the man who had so brutally raped him and had enjoyed doing so with such sadistic pleasure. In every scenario, Kurt found himself wanting.

Logan sat beside him, an arm across the back of Kurt’s seat. Ever so often, Logan’s fingers brush across his hair and Kurt wondered who benefitted most from the touch, he or Logan.

A hand touched his elbow and Kurt turned enough to find Scott there. With a pat on the arm, Scott gave him a thumbs up and Kurt couldn’t help but smile. He and Scott had been at such odds before this ordeal. Yet since then, Scott had been as supportive as any friend could hope for. And Scott’s sincere apology and confession touched Kurt in a way that made him all the more grateful to have such good friends. Kurt returned the thumbs up with a nod.

They came in for a landing, hovering gently until Storm settle the plane onto the ground. Signs of SHIELD were everywhere, vehicles of all kinds. People in uniform hurried here and there on obviously important missions.

They disembarked and were met by Nick Fury himself. Kurt caught a pleased expression from the agent and perhaps a look of grudging respect. Fury nodded to him and Kurt returned the bare greeting.

“Creed’s holed up pretty tight and unwilling to surrender at this point,” Fury said, focusing his attention on the Professor. “We could wait him out, but we don’t know if there are any other ways in or out of that cave. I’ve got peoplebingbing the area checking, but we could use some help.”

The Professor nodded. “Storm. Jean. Beast. Please aid Agent Fury’s people in searching for other avenues of escape.”

They each murmured their ascent and Kurt watched Storm and Jean fly off to the cliffs above them, Hank climbing up the rock face with little effort.

“So what is it you want from us, Fury,” Logan asked. “You must have a plan in mind or you wouldn’t have bothered with us. Not for this.” Logan waved a hand at the three teammates’ receeding backs.

“Logan, as cynical as ever,” Fury replied with a grim smile. “Yeah, I’ve got an idea. I’ve even got the means to control Creed. I just need somebody to execute the maneuver and that seemed like a job for a mutant.”

“Control?” the Professor said.

“Yeah. We can use Trask’s own technology to take down Creed.”

The Professor shook his head. “I thought the collar didn’t work that way.”

“Unless you use manual override,” Logan countered. “It works. I know. I’ve had it used on me like that.”

“Ah, of course,” the Professor replied. “The restraints from your first stay with Trask.”

“We’d still use the collar technique cause it’ll be easier than getting shackles around his wrists,” Fury continued.

“And how do you intend to get it around his neck?” Logan asked. “He’s not gonna invite us in for a cup of tea, ya know.”

“That’s true, but there is talent among you that can get the job done.” Fury met Kurt’s gaze and Kurt gazed back without flinching.

“Forget it, Fury!” Logan said, putting a proprietary hand on Kurt’s shoulder.

Fury’s gaze never left Kurt’s. “Don’t you think that’s up to Nightcrawler?”

“He’s not ready to face Sabertooth,” Logan snarled, his hand clamping hard, fingers digging into Kurt’s collar bone. “It’s too soon.”

Kurt hardly felt the pain, his mind following this new scenario, one that he had not played out before and wondered how it might end.

Agent Fury’s eyes bore into Kurt’s, testing him and offering him something Logan didn’t yet understand.

“Logan,” the Professor said in a calm voice. “Let Kurt decide if he’s ready. If he’s not then we’ll find another way. Kurt?”

“I can go in after Sabertooth,” Logan injected. “Or Rogue...we could get her close enough to touch him----”


“Logan.” The Professor’s calm voice grew stern.

“What if he freezes up? What if----” Logan seemed almost frantic.

“I will do it,” Kurt said, surprised at the sound of his own voice.

“NO!” Logan turned Kurt, both hands now planted on his shoulders. Logan’s dark eyes shown with fear. “You can’t do this, elf!”

“Yes, Logan. I can.”

“What if you can’t get the collar around his neck? What if he grabs you?”

“Then I will “pop” him out here and you can deal with him as you wish.” Logan’s fingers still dug into Kurt’s shoulders and he finally flinched from the pain. “Logan, please, le. Y. You’re hurting me.”

Logan recoiled as if Kurt had struck him. “I’m...sorry, elf. I didn’t realize.”

“I know,” Kurt said soothingly, his hand going out to pull Logan back to him. “It’s okay.”

Kurt felt his teammates watching him, perhaps wondering if he had lost his mind. But the anxiety he had felt on the plane had disappeared. This was his chance to redeem a portion of his tarnished honor, his chance to regain a part of himself that had felt lost these last long months. A part of him still ached inside, too deep to reach and this was his chance to cleanse away the dark stain still haunting him.

“Please, sweetheart, don’t do this,” Logan pleaded through gritted teeth. “I’ve never begged anybody for anything...except you.”

Logan’s desperation pierced Kurt’s heart. “Logan, I need you to understand. Please. I’m begging you in return to understand. Don’t deny me this chance to regain my honor.”

Logan stared into Kurt’s eyes and desperation slowly gave way to defeat then turned to understanding. Finally, Logan nodded then leaned his forehead against Kurt’s.

“Thank you,” Kurt whispered and stroked a finger down Logan’s cheek.

“Why do you have to be so damned brave?” Logan’s voice was husky, filled with restrained emotion. His hands cupped each side of Kurt’s face, fingers running back through Kurt’s hair.

“Brave...yes. I remember what you told me about being brave. I remember the scared witless part,” Kurt said with a forced smile. “Now, let me do what needs to be done before I wimp out. I know you’ll be close by. I will be safe enough.”

Logan pulled Kurt close and kissed him, and Kurt didn’t care who watched...or who approved.

Kurt licked his lips and gently freed himself from Logan’s embrace.

“This way,” Fury said and Kurt followed. Behind him the others came, seeming to understand Kurt’s need to face his abuser, to face his own fear. Yet, Kurt was just as glad to have them at his back, ready to aid him if anything went wrong with the plan.

They moved to the mouth of a cave set into a high wall of rock. A brilliant spot light illuminated the darkness, light spilling into the cave.

Kurt focused and a shadow appeared, darting from behind a rock and ducking behind another. He had to get a visual of the inside so he’d know where he was going. He let his gaze wander the darkness just beyond the beam, picking out ledges and outcroppings, calculating depth and width and height.

“Well,” boomed a familiar voice from out of the darkness. “I didn’t expect to see you, little bitch. Where’s your boyfriend, Logan? I’m surprised he let you out of his bed let alone let you come near me.” Sabertooth’s tone was taunting, seeking to strike that cord of terror he had so easily manipulated in Kurt before. “But then maybe you missed me. Huh, baby blue? Did you miss my loving embrace?”

Kurt swallowed hard and fought the niggling fear biting at his nerves, teasing his neck fur. He felt Logan beside him and the others gathered as well, offering moral support. Yet a shudder washed over him, memories trying to overwhelm and consume his courage.

“Don’t let him get to ya, Kurt,” Rogue said. “He’s just a big pussy, anyway. I’ve taken him down before. I know you can do it.”

“So there you are, Logan, hiding behind you little blue babe,” Sabertooth continued. “He’s a sweet piece of ass. But you know that, don’t you, Logan?”

“I’m a kia kill him, if somebody don’t shut him up,” Logan snarled.

“Give me the collar,” Kurt said, turning to Fury. He hid his intent from Sabertooth’s view, not wanting to give the big man any advantage. “I can’t see him very well, so I’ll have to “port” in as close as possible then once I’m inside, I should be able to get close enough to clamp it on him. Be ready if he gets a hold of me and I have to “port” us out here. Okay?”

“We’ll be ready,” Scott said. “He won’t get by us if it happens that way.”

Kurt gave a nod. “Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need luck, Kurt,” Kitty stated, patting his arm and reaching up to give him a kiss on the cheek. “You have skill on your side.”

Her words brought a smile to Kurt’s lips. He took a deep breath and let it out then teleported into the cave.

His eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness, but the glare from the spot light nearly blinded him. Kurt closed his eyes and listened, knowing he was nearly invisible. Yet he also knew Sabertooth had a keen sense of smell and would soon detect his presence.

A low growl came from just below and to his right. Kurt felt the air move when a large clawed hand made a swipe in his direction. He leapt and clung to the wall, the collar tucked inside his uniform’s belt.

“What do you think you’re gonna do, little slut? You think you’re gonna talk me out of this cave?”

“Perhaps?” Kurt said, trying not to allow the slur to stir the memories the word invoked. He leapt to the opposite wall, the air once again moving with another swipe from Sabertooth’s hand. “It would be much easier on everyone if you did...particularly you.”

He leapt again, landing on a ledge, making sure he was out of Sabertooth’s reach.

Sabertooth let out a barking laugh. “Right. Easier on me. When I get my hands on you, I’m gonna fuck your pretty ass while I rip your little throat right out with my teeth.”

“You think so?” Kurt tried to pretend nonchalance, but his hackles were up with dread anticipation and his nerves quivered with that niggling fear. Sabertooth’s nearness sent a wave of nausea through his stomach and his instincts screamed at him to run. Run fast...run far.

“Yeah, I do. What’s with you anyway? You got a death wish or somethin’? Maybe Trask and me pushed you over the edge after all. Huh, that it?”

“Perhaps you did,” Kurt offered, hoping to distract Sabertooth from his true intent. Yet Kurt wondere Sab Sabertooth’s words were closer to the truth than Kurt wanted to believe. Memories again tried to overwhelm him, playing on the helplessness he had felt and the despair that had taken hold of his heart each time Sabertooth had come to his cell and raped him. He swallowed hard and let his voice quaver. “Perhaps I don’t care anymore. Perhaps I wish to die and don’t want Logan to know.”

“Then you’ve come to the right place!”

Sabertooth made a grab for him, big hands reaching, claws scraping down Kurt’s back, cutting through his uniform. He ignore the pain and made a leap, rebounding off the wall and landing on Sabertooth’s shoulders. A rush of adrenalin swept tgh Kgh Kurt’s veins, the memories of what this man had done to him boiling up inside. Seething anger burned his soul and lit a fire under his will to live and live well in spite of the tortures and terrors he’d suffered at Trask’s and Sabertooth’s hands.

“Welcome to my world, you son-of-a-bitch,” Kurt hissed into Sabertooth’s ear and clamped the collar around Sabertooth’s neck

Sabertooth let out a roar. Reaching behind, the big man got a hold of Kurt and flung him backwards. Kurt’s back slammed into the cave wall, knocking the breath out of him. He looked up with blurry vision just in time to see Sabertooth reaching for him again.

Kurt flinched, but Sabertooth’s claws sank into his shoulder, clamping on. Kurt let out a cry and teleported. He landed on his back outside the cave with Sabertooth on top of him, still digging claws into his shoulder. Kurt heard a snarl of rage and Logan slammed into them, knocking Sabertooth off of him.

Kitty and Rogue ran to Kurt and helped him to his feet.

“You’re hurt,” Kitty said, touching his clawed back with a gentle hand. But Kurt wasn’t really listening, nor hardly felt her touch, his attention solely on Logan and Sabertooth snarling and slashing at each other.

Kurt whirled on Fury. “Why don’t you use that collar?”

Fury turned a grim smile on him. “I thought Logan might want to take out some of his frustration on Creed before we put him down.”

Logan slashed out, drawing blood, but Sabertooth hardly noticed, his big hands grabbing hold of Logan, trying to tear Logan’s head off.

“Stop this now!” Kurt demanded.

Fury gave him an unreadable expression, a man not used to having demands issued to him by someone with no rank. He waited for Logan and Sabertooth to separate then pushed the button.

Sabertooth’s roar went from savage anger to cry of agony. He writhed where he stood, trying to break the collar. It held and Sabertooth fell to the ground, seeking to escape the torment, a torment Kurt knew so well. Memories swelled over him and Kurt cringed and shuddered, his mind rebelling against that remembered agony.

He looked up to see Sabertooth dragging himself along the ground towards him, the man’s eyes full of agony and rage.

“I’ll---get---you----” Sabertooth howled, the sound sending the chill of death down Kurt’s spine.

Fury’s people closed in on Sabertooth, guns aimed.

Logan came to Kurt, arm sliding around his waist, pulling him close. He turned his face to Logan’s neck, unable to watch even his enemy suffer so terribly...even with threats issued.

“Oh my god,” Kitty gasped. She gripped Kurt’s arm, holding on tight. “That collar. It’s horrible.”

“It’s what he deserves,” Rogue stated. “Pay backs are hell. I’d just have liked to have seen Trask suffer like that.”

But Kurt wasn’t certain anyone deserved the agony of that collar...not even Sabertooth...or Trask.

When Sabertooth finally lay unconscious, Fury’s people ran in, securing Sabertooth’s wrists behind him, the same technology to be used on the shackles as well.

Kurt watched with another shudder running through him. He looked up and saw Jean, Storm and Beast returning from their mission, one that luckily turned out to be unnecessary.

“Good work, Kurt,” the Professor stated, rolling up next to them, the rest of the team gathering as well. “You showed true courage and skill.”

Kurt shrugged. “Thank you, Professor.”

“Awesome job, dude,” Sam stated, Bobby and Ray and Roberto all chiming in.

Scott gave him another thumbs up and a nod of approval.

“Is that what happened to you and Logan?” Amara asked, a look of horror on her face. “That collar?”

Kurt glanced over to Logan angethgether they nodded. She looked stricken and Jean put an arm around the girl, comforting her.

Fury left his team to finish securing Sabertooth and strolled over. His gaze ran over all of them then landed on Kurt.

“You all are quite a team, aren’t you?”

“Yes, we are, Agent Fury,” Kurt stated. “We’re the X-men.”

Fury nodded. “Thanks for your help. It would have gone a lot tougher without you.”

“Damned straight it would have,” Logan growled. “Remember that, Fury.”

Fury’s mouth twitched into a grim smile. “Yeah, I will.” Fury turned then and stalked away.

The Professor gave a sigh. “I think it’s time we headed home.” He rolled away and the others followed.

But Kurt hesitated, wanting to watch Fury’s people load Sabertooth into a secured vehicle, the door shutting with a ring of finality. It’s engine started up and Kurt watched it roll away.

Nothing had really changed inside of him. Not yet anyway. He needed time to process his feelings, come to terms with this final outcome. At least now perhaps he could really heal and find a way to get on with his life, for he had much to live for.

Logan’s hand stroked his arm and ran up to smooth his hair. “Let’s go, elf. It’s over.”

Kurt looked up and met Logan’s dark gaze, burning bright with triumph. Yet he saw the same strange melancholy in Logan’s eyes that he felt inside himself. A melancholy born of an ordeal that should never have happened. Finally, Kurt nodded and let Logan lead him back to the Blackbird.


The End