Unchained Instinct ( Complete)

Ah, Dina, my sweet Hungarian. Thanks for reviewing so often. I know you're busy, but e-mail when you get a chance, darlin'!

Another round of bad weather in my area of Indiana and Kentucky this week. Three more tornados tried to wipe out a couple of more towns. For once, I'm glad to see the weather turn cold. I'd rather deal with a blizzard than a fucking tornado.

A few more chapters. I'm starting to catch up with myself so I'd better get writing!! Enjoy!


Chapter 60


Cassie drew a brush through her hair and looked herself over in the bathroom mirror. She made a face at what she saw, her arm still in a cast, her face still displaying angry bruises slowly fading. She’d always bruised easily and they seemed to take forever to disappear.

Smoothing her hand over jeans and t-shirt that Rogue had been kind enough to pick up for her from her house, she gave a sigh and a nod and turned from her reflection.

Hank was no where in sight and that was okay. Cassie was grateful for his attention and care, but she needed to pull herself together and get out of this infirmary even if he didn’t think she was ready.

Her body still ached and complained, but she forced herself to take the stairway down to the first floor, slowly making her way to the kitchen.

Kurt sat at the table, the television droning away above. But Kurt wasn’t watching. He leaned his forehead on his hand and stared into the depths of his coffee mug.

She watched him for a moment, seeing fatigue in the slump of his shoulders. It seemed Logan’s rescue hadn’t cured the trauma of his captivity and she wondered how Logan was. If Kurt’s posture was any indication, Logan wasn’t doing all that well.

“Good morning, Kurt,” Cassie said, pushing on through the door with a hint of a smile.

Kurt started and jerked up. Eyes closing, he sighed. “Morning, Cassie.” He sniffed and ran a hand back through his hair, bright eyes opening again. A smile came to his mouth that didn’t reach any higher. “How are you feeling?” He pushed out of his seat and came forward, reaching for a mug. “Coffee? It’s fresh.”

“Coffee sounds wonderful. Thank you.”

“Sit down. I’ll get it for you. Would you like some toast? A bagel? Cereal?” he babbled on while pouring. “I’m not the best cook, but I might manage some scrabbled eggs.” He placed the mug before her and waved a hand over the table. “Sugar and cream?”

“I’m fine, Kurt,” Cassie replied, trying to keep her smile easy. “Coffee is just what I need right now. Sit down. Relax.” She reached for the cream and poured, searching for simple words of friendship, not counselor’s advice.

He sat, staring again into his mug. Wrapping long fingers around the cup, Kurt closed his eyes and drew in a long breath of coffee aroma.

“When I was younger,” Cassie said. “I thought coffee smelled better than it tasted.”

Kurt glanced up.

“Now,” she continued. “I realize that the aroma and the taste go hand in hand. Don’t you think?”

He nodded. “I didn’t start drinking coffee until I came here. My parents said it was for adults.” Kurt smiled wistfully. “We drank wine with dinner and beer anytime, but coffee was for adults.” He gave a little laugh.

“Parents often don’t make sense,” Cassie said with a light laugh of her own. “Mine want to know when I’m going to find a nice doctor or lawyer, settle down and have a family.”

One eyebrow went up and Kurt’s mouth quirked into a grin. “They don’t understand do they? They have our best interest at heart, but their dreams are not ours.”

“Exactly.” Cassie sipped her coffee and gazed at Kurt over the rim. “How is Logan?”

Kurt’s expression turned troubled. “I’m...not sure. Physically, he’s healed fine.”

“But....”

Kurt let out a sigh. “But he’s not himself, Cassie. And he won’t talk to me about what Mystique did to him. He’s full of rage. He’s humiliated to the point that he doesn’t want to see anyone. He’s talked with the Professor, but no one else. I don’t know what to do to help him.”

“He said the same thing to me about you not so long ago.”

“That was different.”

“How?” she asked. “How is it different, Kurt?”

He shrugged. “Logan is strong...and I’m...I’m just me.”

Cassie leaned forward and touched Kurt’s hand. “You’re strong too, Kurt. I know that and you know that. Don’t doubt yourself. Logan needs you. Don’t let him tell you different either. Cause I can hear him saying that in that rough gravelly voice of his.”

That got a smile out of Kurt. “Yes, he doesn’t take help well. And one minute he’s pushing me away, the next he’s holding on as if he’s scared to death I’ll disappear forever.”

“Logan has suffered a great blow to his ego, Kurt. He’s the one used to doing the rescuing...right?”

Kurt nodded. “I see what you’re saying, Cassie. But this seems more than just that. He seems...wounded...inside. Something dark has a hold of him. He’s fighting it, but I see it in his eyes...in his hold on me, sometimes. As if there’s another...um...personality trying to break through and take over.”

“Considering Mystique’s ability, she may have used her shape changing to inflict mental and emotional abuse on Logan.”

Again, Kurt nodded. “I’m sure she did. I try not to think about it though. About what my mother is capable of doing. I mean, look what she did to you. I’m so sorry she hurt you, Cassie. I’ll never forgive her for that.”

This time Cassie looked away. Nightmares had plagued her dreams of darkness and falling, of rough stone walls with water dripping closing in around her to crush the life from her.

“What Mystique did is not your fault, Kurt. You need to accept that.” Cassie met Kurt’s gaze, stealing herself to her own trauma. “Darkness has all but consumed Mystique. I don’t know what made her what she is, but it wasn’t you...and it wasn’t Logan. Her thought processes are warped. She twists reality to make it fit her desires.”

“I know.” Kurt glanced up at the television, staring at it, but Cassie doubted the program had anything to do with what was going on in Kurt’s mind. Finally, he glanced back to her and offered her a forced smile. “I should fix you something to eat and I’ll not take no for an answer.” Kurt rose and headed for the refrigerator. “Scrambled eggs?”

“All right. I give in. Scrambled eggs and toast, but I fix the toast, okay?”

This time, Kurt’s grin was genuine. “It’s a deal.”

Cassie put bread in the toaster and pulled butter and jam from the refrigerator. She watched Kurt with a skeptical eye as he cracked eggs and didn’t try very hard to not make a mess. He grinned at her and seemed to enjoy the distraction of making breakfast.

She poured them more coffee and sat. Kurt presented her with a plate of eggs, far more than she was likely to eat.

“There,” he said. “Hope they’re edible.”

“Looks wonderful, Kurt.”

They ate in silence for a while then Cassie looked up and met Kurt’s gaze. “Where’s Logan this morning?”

Kurt made a face, his chin raising to indicate the ceiling. “Up in our room, I suppose. Other than the bathroom and the Danger room, I haven’t been able to get him to come out.”

Cassie glanced down again at her plate and ran her fork around through the eggs. “Do you think he’d talk to me?”

She heard Kurt let out a breath and looked up.

“I don’t know, Cassie. He won’t talk to me. You know how he is. Just multiple that by one hundred and you’ll understand what he’s like right now.”

“Would you mind if I try? I helped you...I even helped Logan. I can help now perhaps.”

“He’s not ready,” Kurt replied, all pretense at finishing breakfast abandoned. “He’s... he’s like a wild animal some times. The way he stares at me. Sometimes I’m not sure if he wants to fuck me or eat me for dinner.”

Cassie’s eyebrows went up, taken aback by Kurt’s strong language.

A sheepish expression crossed Kurt’s face. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. That was rude of me.”

“No...it wasn’t. I appreciate your honesty. I get lied to, too often by my clients. You’re being refreshingly honest.”

Kurt let out a sigh. “I didn’t mean for breakfast to become a therapy session. You’re still recovering from your injuries. I should leave you alone to enjoy your meal in peace.”

He started to rise, but Cassie reached over and gripped his hand. “Don’t go, Kurt. I enjoy your company very much. I started it by asking about Logan.” She offered him her own sheepish expression. “I guess, once a therapist, always a therapist. Or perhaps I’m hoping, helping someone else will help me deal with my own bit of trauma of late.”

Kurt slid back into his seat and shook his head. “I don’t know, Cassie. I don’t want Logan biting your head off. And I do mean that figuratively.”

Cassie grinned at that and Kurt grinned back. “Or maybe not?” she countered.

Putting up his hands, Kurt replied. “It’s up to you. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“All right, I’ve been duly warned.” Cassie rose from her seat, taking one last swig of coffee. “Now, if you’ll just give me some time with him.”

Kurt offered a nod then a shake of the head. “Good luck.”

Cassie paced the hallway and stairs with a strange mixture of exhilaration and dread rolling around inside her stomach.

Nothing to be afraid of, silly woman. You’ve talked with Logan a hundred times now...or so it seems. He’s just a man. Actually, a mutant with long deadly sharp claws. And a temper.

Cassie hadn’t thought of Logan that way in months. Not since the first few sessions with him when he’d exuded an air of menace, deliberately intimidating. Yet, Cassie had seen beyond the gruff exterior to the man behind the mask of anger. She’d become fond of him in spite of his best efforts to make her feel otherwise. Logan was a man full of contradiction, loving of Kurt, caring of his students, yet his deadliness couldn’t be denied. His enemies had a reason to fear him.

But, somehow one of his enemies had found a way around Logan’s rock hard defenses, perhaps breaking down the barriers he maintained to keep the “beast” at bay.

Had the beast been loosed? Was that what Kurt was seeing in Logan’s eyes and feeling in Logan’s touch?

She hesitated outside Logan’s and Kurt’s bedroom door, trying to get her breath under control. With a quick gulp of air, Cassie knocked.

Nothing. No sound.

She knocked again.

“Go away,” Logan snarled from far inside the room.

Cassie gathered her courage and knocked again. “Logan? It’s me, Cassie. Please let me in. I’d like to talk to you.”

“I don’t wanna talk to nobody!” came the replied.

“Logan, please,” she called through the door. “Your friends want to help you. Let us help you.”

“I don’t want nobody’s help!”

Without thinking, Cassie made a fist and banged on the door. “Open this door, Logan! I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

For a moment, silence reigned then a loud bang shattered the quiet and stomping footsteps headed towards the door. Cassie forced herself to stand her ground when the door swung back and Logan stood before her, eyes on the verge of feral, unshaven and hair wildly tufted and uncombed.

“You just don’t know how ta take no for an answer, do ya, sister?” Logan growled in Cassie’s face.

With a lift of her chin, Cassie replied, “you’re right about that, brother. Now, you going to let me in for a talk or are we going to talk in the hall?”

Logan’s lip curled back into a sneer then he surprised her with a huff of a humorless laugh and a shake of the head. “You got balls for such a little pipsqueak, Cassie Martin.”

Relief washed over Cassie and she gave him a smug smile she didn’t feel. “I’ll take that as a compliment coming from you, Logan.”

He stepped back and let her into the room, closing the door behind her with a bang.

She jumped and let out an “eep!”

Logan strode on into the room as if she hadn’t said a word. She followed, brought up short by him turning and crossing his arms against his chest, already blocking her out.

Cassie let out a held breath and met Logan’s gaze, eyes as hard as she’d ever seen them. He tried to stare her down, but again he surprised her when his gaze softened and he unwound, reaching out to gently touch her face.

“She did a number on ya, that’s for sure,” Logan said, his voice a soft growl. His fingers traced her cheek and down to her lip. “God dammit, Cassie. I never dreamed she’d turn her evil mind your way. I’m sorry.” His hand dropped away and he turned, arms raising to rake his hair back from his face with his fingers.

“I know you’re sorry, Logan. But you’re no more at fault than Kurt and I’m really growing weary of saying it.”

“Well then, I guess we’ve got that outta the way. What else do ya wanna say?”

Cassie hesitated then reached out to touch his arm. He flinched from her and strode to a chair near the window and dropped into it.

Letting out a held breath, Cassie crossed the room and pulled up a chair across from Logan. Leaning in, she said, “you know we all care about you, don’t you, Logan? That we’re concerned for you? You do know that...don’t you?”

Logan looked out the window, refusing to meet her gaze...or perhaps simply staring off into some other realm, searching for an escape from whatever tortures he’d suffered at Mystique’s hands.

“I know,” he finally said. “So I must be one ungrateful bastard...just like Cyke said. Otherwise, I’d be tryin’ harder, huh? I’d be out shakin’ hands and actin’ like I actually cared that the kids went outta their way to track me down and rescue me.”

Cassie frowned, imagining the conversation that must have transpired that ended with such an unflattering accusation. “I don’t think you’re being ungrateful, Logan. I think something very bad happened to you and you aren’t yet ready to deal with it...or face those you’re beholden to.”

He turned back to her, dark eyes narrowing. “You’re a pretty smart lady. You learn that in one of your psychology books?” His voice held a taunting note.

“I don’t need a psychology degree to come to that conclusion.” Cassie scooted a little closer to the edge of her seat. “I’m not trying to force you into talking before you’re ready, Logan. I just want to let you know, to remind you that I’m here. I helped Kurt through his ordeal. I can help you through yours.”

“Yeah. Right,” Logan replied, leaning towards her, those narrowed eyes hard again. “And as I recall I told you I don’t take well ta bein’ analyzed. So back off, sister.”

Cassie sat back, but didn’t release his gaze. “You do realize that Kurt is extremely concerned, don’t you?”

Logan stood abruptly, almost knocking his chair over. “Of course he’s concerned,” Logan snarled. “His boyfriend is actin’ like some wild animal half the time and like a snivelin’ coward the rest of the time. He probably thinks I’m losin’ my freakin’ mind! And ya know what? Maybe I am!”

Cassie stared up at Logan, unsure what to say or do. She should know instinctively, but she’d never faced anyone quite like Logan before and now she found words inadequate to ease his mental anguish.

“Oh, Logan. I...I didn’t mean to... to...upset you,” Cassie stammered, pushing up to stand. “Please. All I want is to help.”

Logan’s clenched teeth ground together and his eyes squeezed shut. “Just go, Cassie. You can’t help me with this. Nobody can help me with this. I gotta face myself before I can face the rest of ya.”

“Logan! Please don’t push us away!”

The strain of restraint flickered across Logan’s face. “I haven’t pushed yet,” he hissed through his teeth. “Just leave me alone, girl. I don’t wanna hurt ya or anybody else, but somethin’s boilin’ inside of me and it’s got no place to go.”

Cassie took a step back, away from the deadliness of Logan’s tone.

Kurt was right. Logan wasn’t ready...not even to accept that his friends cared for him and wanted to help.

She gave a nod and backed away. “You know where to find me when you are ready, Logan. When you’re ready to face what Mystique did to you...to all of us, just let me know and I’ll be there to help.”

He nodded in return and turned away from her, his back muscles a mass of tension and restraint. His fingers flexed and the claws shot out as if he couldn’t hold them back and a roar of anguished pain sent the chill of death through her.

Cassie found the handle without looking and fumbled her way out of the door.