The Rogue, The Rat, The Demon, and The Cat

Chapter Five: Why Can’t I? (Vol. 1)

“Now where do I begin?” Matilda asked herself, sounding puzzled. She had chosen the tallest tree in the area and was sitting in one of the higher branches, looking down as the four young people collected themselves and looked around. “I’ve been focusing so hard on getting them alone that I’ve lost track of getting them together. I feel like a kid that’s been given a whole Toys R’ Us to play in… he’s riding high, but he needs to figure out where to begin!” Matilda slumped slightly, with her elbow propped on her knee and her chin resting in her palm. She furrowed her brow and frowned as she pondered and pondered… until her ponderer was sore.
“Well…” She finally said. “I guess the only thing to do is to let them make the first move. After all, they won’t be standing around down there forever. After they decide what they want to do, I’ll just go with their flow.”
At that exact moment, a tawny brown squirrel came scurrying along Matilda’s branch and paused in front of her to enjoy an acorn. Matilda smiled at the animal and tipped her imaginary hat at it. “Good day my little squirrelly friend. This wouldn’t be your tree, would it?” The squirrel made some animated motions that Matilda was nodding earnestly at, seeming to understand fully what was being said. “So what’s the word around the forest, huh? Give me the skinny.”
The little squirrel began to brush its tail back towards the direction of the waterfall. “Your cousin is expecting, there’s been a lack of the tall, pink, intruders since the last round moon, and… your aunt said that there’s a tall hairy creature that’s not a bear but he brings with him several smaller pink creatures going up the north mountain… oh, that must be Logan and the other kids. I had almost forgotten about them with all of the excitement.”
Matilda chewed on the inside of her cheek and arched one of her eyebrows. “The kids may be a good distance away from the Hairy Man and Wiley, but if he starts to worry, then what’s to stop him from coming to look for my four subjects?” Matilda stroked her chin with her thumb and forefinger in thought. “Hmm… this is quite a predicament. If I keep his mind off of Rogue, Remy, Kurt, and Kitty for at least the remainder of the day that ought to put enough distance between them so that even if Logan were to try and look for them, he would come up dry. I guess that my first order of business for today should be to distract Logan from the whole picture.” Matilda pressed two fingers to her puckered lips and then the tips of those digits to the top of the squirrel’s head. “My thanks go out to you, my little woodland comrade. Hey to the wife and kids!” And before the leaves could sway in the wind, Matilda was gone from her spot.
XXX

“Grr…” Logan growled, with his eye slightly twitching. They were still a ways from the summit, but it seemed like thousands of miles to Logan. See, there was this annoying little bug that kept buzzing around him making these obnoxious sounds.
“The Worst Case Scenario Woodland Survival Guide says that it’s a bad idea to play dead if a bear is about to attack. Do you think that there are bears in this park? Do you think one of them is named Yogi? And if so, do you think he would steal our food? Ooh, could we have a picnic later? Oh wait, that would just attract ants. Oh, that was a good movie! I think I preferred A Bug’s Life. But the best Pixar movie was The Incredibles by far. Do you think that that movie was inspired by mutants? A lot of movies are inspired by real life. They always put ‘based on a true story’ to boost ticket sales, but I would rather see a movie that has no basis in reality. Like Jumangi. You know, you don’t see Robin Williams in anything much anymore and that’s a shame, because he’s great actor. You know who else you don’t see? John Lithgow. He’s an incredible actor! I mean, he can do drama and comedy brilliantly. If I got a job in Hollywood, I would give him his career back. Also, I would make a live action Jonny Quest movie. I love Jonny Quest. Cartoon Network is missing a huge opportunity in not coming up with a new Jonny Quest series. I always liked the dog the best. Do you think the professor would let me own a dog? I’ve always wanted a dog. I guess Rahne can count as a pet, but technically she’s a wolf. Aren’t wolves cool? I loved that movie, Balto. Hey, that was also based on a true story! Isn’t that funny that we were just talking about movies based on true stories and I don’t even intend to bring one up! Isn’t that weird? Mr. Logan? Mr. Logan, did you know that your eye is twitching?”
“Death, death, death, death, death, death, death, death.” Logan kept muttering under his breath as his right eye twitched with every second syllable that came out of Jamie’s mouth. He was never a good babysitter. His mind was blocking out Jamie’s words with another concern he had. Every instinct in his body was telling him that those two boys had somehow screwed up, and that he should go looking for the four of them.
“Oh, that’s not good. Their trail’s not cold enough yet.” Matilda said, as she hopped down beside Logan and looked around the mountain trail that they were still trekking. She then stepped back a ways and took a running start and leapt up, sticking her tiny fingers into Logan’s temples. “Oh crap! He’s wondering where Remy and Kurt are with the girls! He’s tempted to forget the summit, turn around, and look for them! Despite the fact that I took all necessary precautions, I need him to be totally focused on staying with these little hyperactive pieces of oddness and reach that summit. But how do I…”
Matilda looked around and her eyes fell upon something that sat threateningly innocent in a tree. “Perfect. I really hate to deprive them of a home, but I can’t pass up an opportunity like this.” Her plan was to toss a rock into the bushes to draw Logan’s attention, but he saved her a whole heap of trouble by pausing in his pace and stepping over to the side of the trail, conveniently right under the spot where she wanted him. He looked back down the trail with a thoughtful expression on his face. “Logan, don’t worry about your kids. They can handle themselves just fine! Besides, you have much more important things to be concerned about…” On that note, Matilda pulled out a handmade slingshot, placed a small rock in the pouch, and pulled back and aimed high above her as she stuck out her little pink tongue as she concentrated. She released the band and watched the rock snap up towards the thin little twig that she was aiming at. Said twig broke against the pressure of the rock and what that tiny little twig was holding came tumbling down directly towards Logan’s cranium. Logan gave an uncharacteristically feminine scream as Matilda said, “…like that beehive that just fell on your head.”
Every kid’s head immediately turned at the sound of the scream. What they saw was something that they had never believed they would ever witness… but it was something they would never, ever forget: Mr. Logan, the wolverine, and his hairy self was flailing his arms about, running around the trail with a beehive completely lodged over his head. On instinct, they all took a giant step back away from Mr. Logan.
“Drop and roll Mr. Logan! Drop and roll!” Jamie called, using his hands to magnify his voice.
“You idiot! He’s not on fire!” Amara said, shoving Jamie to the side.
“Duck!” X-23 said as she saw Mr. Logan’s six pointy friends pop out and joined his hands in flailing about blindly. All the kids dropped to the dirt for fear of their lives.
“What do we do?” Alex asked the group, looking helplessly at the endangered Canuck.
“Is Mr. Logan allergic to bees?” Ray asked.
“Moron. His healing power keeps him from being allergic to anything.” Roberto replied harshly. Logan let out a very painful sounding screech as he began slamming his head against a rock.
“Right now… he looks very allergic to pain.” Warren said looking at the poor ruffian with wide eyes; everyone nodded solemnly.
“Ideas people?” Jubilee asked looking at all her compatriots.
“I got nothing” was the general response. Leave it to Tabitha to say, “Couldn’t we just leave him like this?” All the incredulous stares didn’t phase her… much. “What? His healing factor can handle a couple of beestings and we can take the rest of the day off and head back down the mountain.” It is almost shameful to say that the kids were considering this as a viable option.
“Wait… if we leave him like this now, think of what he would do to us once he gets that beehive off… and knowing that we abandoned him like that?” Sam said, looking at his friends. All of them inadvertently shuddered.
“We can’t just leave him like this anyway. But how the hell are we supposed to get rid of the bees without getting too close to them?” Rahne asked.
“Bobby…” Piotr said firmly commanding the attention of every young person there. “Freeze the bees.” He said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“Oh right!” Bobby said, shooting up and reaching out an arm towards Logan who was now thrashing about wildly on the ground. A stream of cold white air emitted from his hand towards the beehive, which was quickly becoming surrounded by a thick layer of ice. The buzzing from the hive had stopped and Mr. Logan was completely still. If it had not been for the steady rise and fall of his chest, the kids would have guessed he was dead. The students moved and clustered around the fallen man, whose limbs were outstretched like a spread eagle.
“Back away.” Piotr commanded. All the students made a clear path for the mountain of a Russian to walk through. He kneeled behind the spot where Logan’s scalp was supposed to be, changed just his right arm into metal, and brought down his fist to where the Canadian’s forehead was supposed to be. From where the metal fist was, hairline cracks in the ice began to form before the ice block suddenly divided into two halves (hive included) and Logan’s very bee-stung face was visible for all to see… it was not a pretty sight.
“Oooooh.” All the kids said unanimously with a wince. The furiously red shaded bumps raised from Logan’s face all looked painful. He could not even open his eyes, as his lids were stung as well. So for just a few moments, all the students were still just watching him with his mouth hanging open until the stings began to go down and he was finally able to open his eyes.
Logan blinked a couple of times to clear his vision; he saw a bunch of concerned, young faces staring down at him. “Mr. Logan? Mr. Logan, are you all right?”
“What kind of question is that Rahne? A freakin’ beehive just dropped on his head and the first question you ask is if he’s ‘all right’? Of course he’s not all right, he’s-”
“Hey, if I recall correctly Tabitha, it was your idea to just leave him here with the beehive on his skull! Now-“
“Shut. Up.” Logan growled. All the students let out a small “eep” and stepped out of Logan’s path as he stood and leant against a tree, rubbing the bridge of his nose between two fingers.
“Um… Mr. Logan, sir? Don’t you think it would be a good idea to head back to the camp, considering what just happened to you-“
“No, Jamie. We are not going back to camp. We are going to keep going and we are going to reach the summit before noon.” Logan growled.
“Are you sure you’re up for that-“ Jubilee did not even have time to finish her question when Logan rounded on all the students with his teeth bared in a snarl.
“I AM DEFINITELY UP FOR IT!!!!! You see my face?! It is the perfect picture of ‘up for it’!!! If anyone asks if I’m okay again, I am going to strangle you with your intestines!!! We are going to reach that summit without any further interruptions!!!! UNDERSTOOD???!!!” Upon Logan’s very loud speech, some birds flew from their trees with a fair number of caws.
Ignoring the fact that Logan’s face was presently covered with many little red spots where the poison of the bees had infected, all the students nodded enthusiastically with an exuberant “Yes sir!”
“GOOD! MOVE OUT!” All the students hastened up the trail, with much more enthusiasm than they had before. None of them saw a little girl giggling madly from her perch in a tree branch.
“Oh my God, that completed my life!” She sighed and wiped a tear from her eye. “I think it’s fair to say that I’ve distracted him for the time being. I’ll check on them again later… and maybe dole out a little more Logan funness. But right now, I better check up on the rogue and the rat and the cat and the demon.” Before another bird could sound, Matilda was gone.
XXX

“What did you see Kurt?” Rogue asked her brother expectantly. The four of them were standing close to the calm stream that they had just crawled out of, shivering slightly with each gentle breeze, as they all were still quite wet from said river.
“Ve are about a mile avay from the vaterfall.” Kurt said, after reappearing in a puff of smoke.
The other tree looked at him with wide eyes. “It really carried us that far?” Kitty asked, sounding both astonished and horrified.
“That’s not good. If this little stream brought us that far away from the waterfall, think of how far the river took us from the mountain?” Rogue said, shaking her head dazedly.
The four of them stared at the ground as a very sickening thought passed through their minds and its shadow spread over them and remained like a sticky, disgusting phlegm. “We are like, so incredibly lost, aren’t we?”
The others nodded ominously. Remy shook his head slowly and said, “Well dis is quite a fine mess dat w’ gone an’ got ourselves int’, Ah’d say.”
“Ve?” Kurt said, raising an eyebrow at Remy. “Ve? Nein, ‘ve’ haven’t done anything. You, however, are the one who got us into this mess in the first place!”
Remy breathed in and his face tightened in frustration. “If y’ accusin’ Remy of anythin’, bleu boy, please come over here and say it.” He said, challengingly.
Kurt stalked over to stand right in front of Remy and jabbed one of his thick fingers into Remy’s chest. “Vhat in the hell vere you thinking in jumping off of a cliff?! Vhat vere you hoping to accomplish, you stupid-“
“Hey, hey, if y’ have a better suggestion ‘bout how t’ get away from a bear, by all means, let’s hear it! If y’ don’t, den Ah suggest y’ get de hell out o’ m’ face, unless y’ want t’ see dis through t’ de-“ Remy slightly pushed Kurt away, but Kurt pushed right back a little harder.
“Vhy do you not just accept the blame?! Or are you too arrogant to even think that once you could be wrong-“
“Hey, if y’ wanna talk ‘bout blame, why don’t w’ take a look at y’? If y’ hadn’t upset Chaton dere in de first place, w’ would never even have ended up hangin’ off de edge o’ a cliff-“
“Guys, stop it!” Kitty suddenly screeched at the two boys, who promptly turned their attention to the girl. Her long hair was still wet and was presently swept away from her face. She had her arms clutched around herself protectively and possessed a mournful look in her eyes. “Please don’t fight. If there’s anyone who’s responsible for all this, it’s me.” Her three compatriots looked at her inquiringly and she continued. “If I hadn’t run off, we never would have-“
Her friends cut her off when they began to speak at once. “No, Kitty…” Rogue said gently, shaking her head.
“Keety, you did nothing…”
“Oui, none o’ dis was y’r fault. After all, if little boy blue over dere hadn’t made y’ so sad at all, y’ wouldn’t have-“
“Vas?! How dare you try to make this whole thing mein fault?” Kurt yelled, turning his attention in full back to Remy.
“Ah told y’ when y’ first brought it up dat Chaton wouldn’t say somethin’ like dat ‘bout y’! If y’ had just heard de girl out before reachin’ y’ own conclusion, den-“
“Oh, oh this is rich. You are lecturing me on not hearing Keety out, and yet you vent and did the exact same thing to Rogue! Who are you to talk about vhat to do vhen-“
With each anger filled remark that the two boys made, their pushes had turned into gradually more aggressive shoves. The exchange finally reached a climax when:
“Ah really hope y’ realize where y’ bringin’ dis little boy.” Remy said, with his eyes narrowed. Considering Remy’s eye color, this normally made mere human men soil their pants, but Kurt’s response was instead to rush Remy and tackle him to the ground. Remy managed to roll the two of them over so he would be on top where he delivered a sharp punch across Kurt’s face.
“What the hell are y’all doing?!” Rogue screeched. “We don’t have time for this!”
“This is all my fault…” Kitty said miserably, hugging herself tightly.
“No, this is two boys OD’d on testosterone having fightin’ over whose balls are bigger!” Rogue said angrily, with both her hands on her hips. Somehow the two boys had both wound up on the ground and were both trying to gain the upper hand on the other. “What the fuck is wrong with you two?! Now is not the time for this!”
Neither boy paid any heed to Rogue at the time, but in their defense, it is very difficult to pay attention to anyone after you have been punched across the jaw (as Remy had just done to Kurt) or kneed in the gut (like what Kurt proceeded to do to Remy). Rogue dug her fingers into the damp hair on her scalp in frustration and growled. “Why are they doing this?! They need to stop and-“
“Rogue.” Kitty stated, suddenly gripping Rogue’s arm. “What do you do when two dogs are fighting?”
“What? What does that have to do with-“
“Think. When two dogs are fighting, how do you get them to stop?” Kitty asked again, the clarified light in her eyes evident.
“You… you spray them with water.” Rogue suddenly understood what Kitty was implying when her eyes fell on the calm but very cold river that the four of them had just crawled out of. The Southern girl nodded once at her friend and looked back at her brother and her friend, who were still fighting viciously. This time, the girls’ reason for watching the fight was not in shock, but for determining their opportune moment. “Wait…” Rogue said to Kitty, watching the boys’ feet like a hawk. The two young men were trying to push the other to the ground, locked in a vicious embrace, trying to make the other lose their footing. “Wait…” The southern beauty said again, getting a look in her eyes that was reminiscent of a lioness about to pounce on an antelope. Both of the boys were standing and pushing at the other’s shoulders when Rogue shouted suddenly, “Now!”
Without a second thought, the two girls charged forward. With all the strength they had in their bodies they elbowed the two boys in their sides (Rogue to Remy, and Kitty to Kurt) hard enough that it disengaged their violent lock with each other and caused both boys to lose their balance. Both young men fell back first into the cold waters that they had crawled out of not fifteen minutes prior. After the initial shock to their systems had faded (neither were expecting to come back into contact with the chilled water again so soon), both were able to regain their footing and brought themselves to stand in the shallow waters. Remy and Kurt gasped as they broke the surface and both were about to ask quite angrily what that was for, but before they could one word out, Rogue had grasped them both by the cartilage of their ears and dragged them out of the water before throwing them both roughly to the ground.
“If y’all are going to act like stupid little boys, then you should expect to be treated like them too!” Rogue angrily put her hands on her hips as she looked down at the two young men who looked up at the southern girl utterly shocked. “Ah don’t know what your problem is! We are lost out in the middle of the forest, Kitty almost died just a few minutes ago, there’s a maniac on the loose, and y’all decide that this is a good time to have a damn pissing contest?! What is wrong with you?!”
Both boys looked down at the ground ashamedly when a small voice piped in from behind Rogue. “Rogue… don’t… don’t get mad at them. This really is all my fault and I accept the blame. If I hadn’t run off like I did-“
“If you hadn’t run off. If Ah hadn’t gotten us lost. If Remy and Kurt had heard us out. If you hadn’t fallen off a cliff. If we hadn’t got pebbles in our shoes. If a freakin’ bear hadn’t knocked Remy and Ah off a mountain. If, if, if! If a lot of things hadn’t happened, you’re right, we probably wouldn’t be in this mess right now! But we are, and it’s nobody’s fault! It was a series of unfortunate events, one piling on top of the other! This is a blameless situation! If you really want to point fingers at somebody, blame the damn Chaos Theory! But we are getting absolutely nothing accomplished by trying to figure out who’s at fault here!” Rogue rounded on the two boys again. “Now Ah am only going to say this once so you sure as hell better listen now! You two are not going to speak to each other unless it’s civil or it pertains to getting us out of here! No more fighting, no more being smartasses to each other, no more testosterone! If you two ever try to fight again, Ah swear to God that Ah will drain you both, teleport meh and Kitty back to the camp, and leave your sorry asses to fend for yourselves! Do you both understand???!!!”
Both boys nodded very meekly at Rogue’s bared teeth. It would take a blind, deaf, and dumb person to not notice that this girl was very dangerous right now. Rogue stood up straight with a nod and a huff, and looked. “Now the first thing we need to do is figure out where we are in relation to the camp. Kitty, do you… Kitty?” Rogue looked around the general area when she realized that Kitty was not there. “Kitty! Oh God, where has she gone off to now? Kitty!” Rogue began to walk up along the path of the river calling Kitty’s name, but for the moment neither boy moved; they just stared dazedly at the space that Rogue had been occupying a moment earlier. Both were only able to comprehend one reasonable thought.
“Damn.” Remy said, sounding thoroughly amazed.
“Double damn.” Kurt said, in a tone matching Remy’s.

XXX

Kitty had just gone a little ways away from Rogue and the boys. She just needed a minute. She was walking along the river, twiddling a leaf she had found on the ground between her fingers. She saw a large rock facing the calm river and sat down upon the edge of it, with her feet propped on the rock and one arm draped over her legs and the other dangling over the water. She looked down into the calm waters at her own reflection. She looked the same, although a slightly more wet version. A person would never know that she had almost died just a matter of minutes ago. Did her skin look more pale than usual? She let the leaf slip from her fingers into the water. She watched the little green leaf make ripples in the once calm water. One ring becoming larger and larger than its brothers. Her blue eyes gazed upon her friend’s distorted reflection appearing in the rings of water.
“Hey.” Rogue said, as she dropped down beside Kitty, wrapping her arms around her knees. Kitty glanced in her direction to acknowledge her arrival somewhat. Rogue thought about saying something, but the only things she could think of all sounded stupid so she chose to stay quiet. She glanced sideways at Kitty and saw her friend’s heart-stopping blue eyes look up and out at the scene surrounding them.
“It is pretty out here, isn’t it?” Rogue nodded slightly as she herself took in all the lush, moist looking shades of greens and browns and blues. “It’s kind of hard to believe that… that this place almost killed me a few minutes ago.”
Rogue sighed realizing exactly what was on Kitty’s mind. “Kitty, Ah’m sorry if Ah seemed insensitive about what happened to you when Ah was yelling at them, but Ah needed to get their attention.”
“No need to apologize. It’s like you said, it’s nobody’s fault.” Kitty smiled slightly at Rogue, but then went back to being neutral as she gazed across the river. “I just… I just can’t believe how close it came for me today.”
“You scared us pretty good. Ah’m not sure what we would have done if we had lost you. Ah thought that if anything had happened to you, Kurt was posing to drown himself.” Rogue said, chuckling a bit, trying to make Kitty smile; no such luck.
“Kurt… if he hadn’t been there today… I would have died for sure… two times.” Kitty shook her head. “He saved my life twice in one day… that’s got to be a record.”
“We’d all do the same thing Kitty. You know that.”
“I know… you guys have done that for me. More than once. Every time I’ve gotten into trouble. Every time I’ve…” Kitty didn’t finish her sentence on account of she was choking back a sob. Rogue looked at her friend with her full attention now realizing just how upset Kitty really was. “Every time I’ve gotten my sorry ass into trouble, I can always count on the X-Men to come save me.” She said this so miserably that it suddenly occurred to Rogue that Kitty had been thinking about this for some time now.
“Kitty?”
“Why am I so weak Rogue?” She asked her looking her in the eye. Rogue was astonished by the amount of tears that had collected in Kitty’s eyes so quickly and by the rivers that they formed running down her face. “Why do I rely on everybody else to save me? Why can’t I just save myself for once?”
“You have saved yourself Kitty. You just-“
“Today, Kurt saved me from death twice. During the whole thing with Apocalypse, I get knocked out, and a fucking member of the Brotherhood comes to my rescue! Why am I not strong? Why can’t I save myself just one time? When can I prove that this team needs me?”
“Kitty, the team does need you. You’ve helped out more than once. You’re the smartest person at the Institute. You’re just strong in different ways Kitty. You-“
“Yeah, right.” Kitty in a whisper, though the bitterness was very evident. “You wouldn’t understand. You’ve always been strong. You’ve saved the world even… just by being who you are.” Kitty looked back out toward the water and a torrent flood of tears gushed from her eyes and down her cheeks so greatly that she was barely able to speak. “What happens when I get into trouble and… and nobody’s there? Am I going to be able to save myself… or is that the day I’m really going to die?” That’s when Kitty lost it and hid her face in her hands and dropped her upper body into her lap. Her body was wracked with each frequent sob.
Rogue looked sympathetically at her friend. What could she say to her? Really… she could do nothing at all, other than let her get it all out. Rogue’s lips parted slightly but she closed them quickly as she pondered whether it would be wise to at least pat her on the back. She did not have a chance to think about it further, as she felt the presence of someone watching them both. Rogue turned her head and saw Kurt and Remy standing a distance away watching the two girls. Rogue locked eyes with both boys; Remy was also looking sympathetically at Kitty, but Kurt looked downright agonized. Kitty’s voice brought Rogue’s attention. “I’m wasting time, aren’t I?”
“Don’t talk like that. We have all the time in the world.” Rogue smiled slightly at Kitty, and was relieved when Kitty allowed her own slight smile to grace her lips briefly.
“I’m so embarrassed.” She whispered, as she looked at the bottom of the rock and hastily wiped the tears from her face.
“Hey, Ah would be acting the same way if Ah had almost drowned.”
Kitty snuffled and turned her head on her lap to look at Rogue. Her eyes made a motion behind them. “Are they both there?”
So she could feel them too. Rogue nodded and looked at the boys again. She jerked her head to the side and Remy began to walk towards them but Kurt ported to be right at Kitty’s side. She turned her head, which still rested on its side on her own lap with her arms wrapped tightly around her legs, to look at him. He smiled slightly at her and reached forward to clasp her chin between his thumb and forefinger. Gently he raised her face until she was sitting up straight once more and looking him in the eye. She snuffled as he began to wipe away the streaks of tears that had stained her face with his thumb. She shut her eyes and subconsciously raised her hands and gently placed them both around the wrist that connected to his hand that was touching her face.
Remy had sat down at Rogue’s other side and watched her watch the scene that was taking place between her brother and her best friend. Her wet hair was swept back away from her face; the contrast between the white and the brown even more stark now that there was water in it making it reflect the light of the sun even more. Her pale skin was dewy from the water that was had not yet evaporated. The water from the river was reflecting the rays of the sun into her green eyes and made them look all the vibrant. She was beautiful.
Kurt broke the heavy silence that had encompassed all four of them by saying to Kitty, “You’re shaking like a leaf, Kätzchen.” He looked at her concernedly as he took in her small, trembling form.
Kitty looked a little defensive and then said, “Well so are you!”
Kurt looked down at himself, and discovered (looking quite surprised) that he was, indeed, shivering as well. Upon inspection of her own and Remy’s body, Rogue was surprised to discover that both of them were trembling. “Why…” She began to ask.
“’M not surprised. Dat water was freezin’.” Remy said, rubbing his arms involuntarily.
“Oh scheiße!” Kurt declared, standing up suddenly and walking off the rock, removing his black duster as he walked. His three compatriots looked at him curiously as he pulled his “Vote for Pedro” shirt off over his head, tossed it to the ground, and began to work at the belt holding up his khaki cargo pants. Kurt looked at the three young ones still sitting on the rock with slightly wider eyes (hey, you would be surprised as well if a blue furry elf was suddenly standing shirtless in front of you). “Vell, vhat are you vaiting for? Strip!”
None of them said anything. What could you say after a blue, furry, shirtless elf tells you to take off your clothes? Remy was the first one to recover. “… Um… why?”
Kurt rolled his eyes, and let out an exasperated sigh. “Ve have to take off our clothes and dry off or else ve are going to freeze to death.” Kurt let his cargo pants drop to the ground and was standing in nothing but his tight, navy blue boxer briefs. “Do you vant to catch hypothermia?”
“… Non.” Remy replied, as he stepped off the rock himself and slipped his trench coat off his arms and pulled off his black shirt as he toed off his Doc Martin shoes and socks. He was in the process of unbuckling his own belt when he noticed that neither girl had moved from their spot and were watching the two boys, looking extremely anxious. “Enjoyin’ de show? Y’ two need t’ get undressed y’rselves.”
“Um… can Ah just… choose death?” Rogue said, darting her eyes around to look at everything except the two boys.
Kurt dropped his arms to his sides and looked frustrated. “Now is not the time to be modest.” He said, trying his best to look serious, which was more difficult than usual, on account of he was standing in nothing but his underwear.
“Oui, don’t make m’ come over dere and rip y’r clothes m’self.” Remy said, without actually giving much thought to what he was saying. After thinking about it for a second Remy realized that, Hell… I’d probably enjoy that. He grinned mysteriously, but nobody asked what for.
“It’s not about modesty!” Rogue replied defensively, but then she gave some actual thought to the situation. “Okay, it’s a lot about modesty.”
Pulling off his jeans, left in nothing but his tight black boxer-briefs, Remy said, “It’s not like y’re gettin’ naked. Y’ can just stay in y’r underwear. It covers just about as much as a bikini dat y’ wear at de beach.”
“Sadly, it’s the underwear that’s the problem.” Kitty audibly mumbled looking at her feet.
Remy and Kurt both looked at the girls curiously. Kurt put his three fingered hands on his narrow hips, raised a blue eyebrow, and asked, “Okay, vhat is it?”
Both girls were standing on the rock, Rogue was rubbing her neck uncomfortably and Kitty was twirling a lock of her hair nervously around her index finger, and both of them were looking everywhere else except the line of the sight where the boys were standing. At about the same time they both mumbled, “Mph mmmnnng n nnmmh.”
“Quoi?”
“Vas?”
Before leaving the rock, both girls turned their heads and looked around suspiciously. Then the walked down to the soil covered ground and stood in front of their respective boys before saying sharply through gritted teeth, “Mmm neeeringg na nong.”
“What?” Remy asked, looking genuinely confused.
“Vhat?” Kurt asked, in a similar vein.
Rogue closed her eyes in frustration, but Kitty’s got wider in disbelief that Kurt was not catching on. It was the last straw for both of the girls. So loudly that more than a few birds abandoned their nests, they shouted, “I’M WEARING A THONG!!!”
Needless to say, both boys looked a little shocked at this news. Remy’s eyes grew substantially wider and the apples of Kurt’s cheeks darkened substantially. “Oh.” Remy said, about to shove his hands into his pockets. Then he remembered his state of “no pockets” and just rubbed his hand through the short hairs on his neck. “Um… y’ know… it’s not like y’r showin’ de most risqué of de body parts. An’… it wouldn’t be like dat y’r showin’ us anythin’ w’ haven’t seen before. Right Bleu? Bleu?” Remy turned and look at Kurt, whose whole face had turned an impressive shade of purple. His golden eyes were planted, staring at nothing but his feet. Obviously, he was having a difficult time thinking beyond the blush. Kitty was not fairing much better, as she had her own eyes fixed on her feet, and was constantly re-tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
Realizing that they would be receiving no input from those two, Rogue turned back to Remy and said, “Anyway, the water didn’t seem that cold to meh, anyway.” At this point, Rogue involuntarily shuddered. Remy looked at her with a skeptical eyebrow and she tried to chuckle nonchalantly. He did not bite.
“Rogue, we just survived bein’ mauled by a bear, jumpin’ off a cliff, goin’ down a rapid river, bein’ hurled down a waterfall, an’ Chaton dere nearly drowned. Now, y’re goin’ t’ let a little thing like showin’ y’r ass t’ a couple o’ boys kill y’?”
Rogue glared at Remy for his unmerciful logic. Kitty whimpered slightly. Rogue continued to glare. Without another word, Rogue harshly pulled off her soaked denim jacket and threw it across the ground. She then quickly pulled off her black tank top and tossed it at Remy’s head where it covered his face before he could say otherwise. With a miserable sigh heaving from her chest, Kitty unzipped her hoodie and pulled it from her arms. After pulling off her white shirt, she shook out her wet brown hair and began to work on her jeans.
Remy pulled the wet shirt from his face and wiped off the moisture off his face just in time to see a shirtless Rogue bent over untying the laces of her own Doc Martins. With the removal of her boots and socks, Rogue began to work on the button of her jeans. Kitty toed off her shoes as she wriggled out of her wet jeans. Just as Rogue had tossed her jeans off in the direction of her jacket, Kitty was standing in nothing but her undergarments. Then girls both looked at one another to confirm that they were indeed as scantily clad as the other. “There. That wasn’t so bad.” Kitty said, unconsciously folding her hands in front of her exposed stomach.
“Like… ripping off a band-aid. Get it done quick.” Rogue agreed, holding her hands behind her back.
For a minute (exactly) the four neither said nor did anything. They looked at each other expressionlessly. Kitty shifted from one leg to the other; Kurt’s tail swished back and forth anxiously; Rogue chewed the inside of her cheek; Remy scratched the back of his head. Kitty looked at each of her compatriots without turning her head before she said, “We’re- we’re all standing half-naked in a forest together, aren’t we?”
“Yeah.”
“Ja.”
“Oui.”
“That’s what I thought.” Kitty said, discreetly covering her bottom with her hands.
Rogue sighed and looked around at the forestry before saying, “We should probably try and get our clothes dry quick, wouldn’t y’all say?” The agreement was unanimous, and so the four teens began to collect their various articles of clothing. None of them noticed someone appear suddenly among the cluster of trees that surrounded them.
“Well as much fun as that was, I really have to get back on track with getting these kids to jump each others’ bones-“ Matilda stopped short as she turned and was greeted by the sight of four well-toned, underwear-clad butts. She blinked once… twice… three times. About a million different thoughts were going through Matilda’s tiny little head in all directions, but she could only vocalize one at the moment. “The things I miss.” She huffed, put her hands on her hips, and a bemused smile began to play at her lips. “How dare they have a lingerie party and not invite me? Oh well, that can easily be fixed.” With a quick turn, Matilda was clad in a purple, lacy bra, panty, garter belt, and stocking set, complete with purple, furry, heeled shoes. Of course, the bra was fitted to her flat chest and the panties covered all of her tush and the shoes were mostly flat. She looked down at herself and giggled a little before walking over to be closer to the four young people, singing “Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada” as she went.
Rogue and Kitty were standing next to the river, wringing out their jackets. Remy and Kurt stood on either side of them, Remy shaking out his coat and Kurt wringing his coat into a tight coil. Both young men were having a time ignoring the fact that they were standing in the presence of two incredibly attractive girls who were presently in nothing but their revealing undergarments. The blue one managed to occupy his thoughts with the memory of the freezing cold water of the river, which pretty much took care of his arousal. But Remy… well, Remy was a special case.
Don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down, just once. Shrewdly, Remy cast his eyes down and to the side, and quickly memorized everything he saw. Rogue technically was not wearing a thong; she had on a pair of black, lace boy-shorts that did reveal some definite cheekage to Remy’s greedy eyes. Her bum was perfectly round, pert, toned, and she definitely had “back”. Her legs were long, her thighs were round, and her skin was devoid of flaws. The pale expanses of her skin looked gorgeous in contrast to the black lace underwear. Her back was softly toned and looked like it would be so soft to touch. Her stomach did not look muscular, but soft and smooth and toned with a cute inward bellybutton that he desperately wanted to dip his tongue into. Remy had to quickly look away when his eyes stumbled upon her bosom; he knew that if he looked at that sight for longer than a second, he would never be able to look away. Rogue’s breasts were encased in a black lace bra that obviously came from Victoria’s Secret. The straps sat perfectly atop her shoulders, and led down to the curves of the cups that covered her chest. The cups curved suggestively over the soft flesh of her breasts. The bra pushed both her breasts together in a way that created a deep cavern of cleavage that seemed endless. Right in the center of the bra where the two cups were joined, were a few small, pearl-like beads that shaped a small flower. God help him, he wanted to rip her bra off where that little pearl flower was, bury his face between her breasts, and fall asleep there.
“You gonna be able to clean your tongue off the ground Cajun?” Rogue’s sexy little drawl stretched over the empty air, shocking Remy to lock eyes with her.
“Quoi?”
“You got a little somethin’ right here.” Rogue replied, making a motion of wiping her chin with her hand.
Remy quickly rubbed the palm of his hand over his chin effectively cleaning away the drool that he did not realize had been collecting there. He gave a nervous chuckle and grin before distracting himself with shaking his jeans out of any moisture they may have possessed. He allowed himself one more shrewd glance in her direction with an eyebrow raised before he said, “Remy got t’ ask, why in de hell did y’ decide to wear such… uncomfortable undergarments when y’ knew dat y’d b’ spendin’ a while in de middle o’ de woods?”
“It’s not like Ah wanted to wear this… garb.” Rogue said defensively, casting a quick look down at her figure. “Someone broke into our tent while we weren’t in there and stole most of our stuff. These were the only pairs of underwear that were left.”
Remy looked confused as he furrowed his brow and cast his eyes down to his feet and looked back up at Rogue, still appearing confused. “But who would do somethin’ like dat?”
Nearby, Matilda whistled innocently and made an effort not to look at the massive laundry bag that was much taller than she that stood next to her.
Kurt, in the meantime, was imagining the many things that took him to the place furthest from beautiful, thong clad, ballerinas. Jesus Christ nailed to a cross… Tolanksky having intimate relations with the Blob… Scott yanking my tail- Kurt’s thoughts stopped quite suddenly when he felt something soft and silk-like brush against the downy fur of his arm, followed by a flash of something pale pink that he viewed from the corner of his eye. Reflexively, he turned his head to follow his line of sight. His thoughts were first filled with regret for reacting such, but then he lost the capability to think.
Kitty had accidentally brushed up against Kurt’s hard left bicep when she had stepped forward to wring out her shirt; Kurt had unintentionally, but not unwillingly caught a glimpse of how she appeared to look. She was a little too slender for her body, and could stand to gain a few pounds, but other than that…
Kurt once had a dream that he was falling through clouds from the starry night sky. He was clad in nothing more than bandages wrapped tightly yet loosely around his legs, which were covered by nothing more than a pair of pale blue short pants, that had once been long but had been torn repeatedly by his suffering. He was lacking cover over his torso, so his demon like appearance was naked to the Heavens. He knew what was happening to him; he was falling from Grace straight into the depths of Hell. He felt that he should cry, but could not find the strength within himself to do even that. Just when he believed that he would always be falling, night faded into day, something appeared in front of him, and shadowed the light of the sun in his eyes. He squinted his eyes as the shadow came closer to his falling blue form (It was massive enough to blot out the sun from his sight). Kurt scrutinized the shape of the figure, and thought for a moment that it was human… until he noticed the two great limbs coming from the figure’s back. When he blinked the figure was in front of him, with the light of the sun reflecting behind her.
It was Kitty, but it could not have been… this creature in front of him… she was an angel… literally. Wrapped in sashes of white satin to cover only her more intimate attributes, they billowed behind her by the air rushing past them. The two great limbs on her back were a pair of gorgeous, white, feathered wings and atop her head was a halo of pale gold yellow. The expression on her face was so warm, serene, and calming. She was smiling at him as her hand reached for his. “It’ll all be worth it…” She said to him; her voice was like the melody of church bells. “It’ll be worth it in the end.”
Kurt had never been more reminded of that dream than he had in this moment. There were no wings or halos of course, and scraps of strategically placed, white lace had replaced the sashes of satin. But still… he forgot that she was a mere mortal for a moment and truly believed she was an angel. Her hair was loose and tumbled down her shoulders and shimmered even more with the aid of the water and the sunlight. Her porcelain skin was glistening in the glow of daytime with the damp lace clinging suggestively to her petite form. Kitty was on the short side as far as height goes but somehow her legs looked long and svelte. Her thighs had a gentle round curve to them that gave her such a graceful shape. Her hips curved beautifully into the hourglass of her waist. Her abdomen was tight from all her years of dancing and her shoulders and back were straight with her good posture. Her arms were slender and long and led to her perfect tiny hands. Kurt honestly tried to avoid Kitty’s more womanly parts, but his curiosity was won over by the allure of her lithe silhouette.
Kitty’s precious, pert, porcelain mounds were covered by a flimsy white lace bra that clung most suggestively to her breasts by the moisture of the river water. Kurt’s blush went from bright violet to royal purple when he noticed the two little points standing sharply out of the white lace. He could just barely make out the rosy pink areoles through the damp white. He averted his eyes downward, which may not have been the wisest choice, as his eyes met her smooth stomach, her tiny bellybutton, and the white lacy cup that joined her legs. Kurt just about had a heart attack when Kitty turned slightly without warning, and his eyes met a part of Kitty that he had never seen before.
Kurt had never known the privilege of viewing Kitty naked, and he knew that right then would probably be his only chance. He had spent his life thanking God for many things, but this was the only time he would recall thanking God for the invention of thong underwear. Her bottom was pert, tight, and meant to be seen at all times. He noticed Kitty begin to turn to look at him, and he (most reluctantly) averted his eyes away from her lovely form.
“Kurt?” She said in a gentle, sweet, angel voice that could only come from her mouth. “Everything okay?”
“Ja. Just a little nippley- nippy out here. Gives mein fur a chill.”
Kitty nodded, deciding to ignore his slip of the tongue, and looked towards the sky, her eyes seeking the sun. “I feel like it should be the mid-afternoon, but it’s still really early out, huh?’
“We did get an early start after all.” Rogue agreed. Glancing at her clothes that she had draped over her arms, she surveyed the area. “We need to find a sunny spot for these to dry all the way.”
“Hmm…” Remy said, looking around. “Dat branch right dere looks as good a place as any.” He motioned with a jerk of his head towards a thick tree branch that had grown relatively close to the ground.
Without much ritual, the four of them began to haphazardly place apart their various articles of clothing all over the chosen branch and part of the tree trunk. With their clothes evenly spread apart, the four of them stood in a row, contemplating the branch.
“So…” Kitty began. “Now what?”
None of them were able to come up with a good answer. After tapping her bare foot for a few moments, Rogue leant backwards against the closest tree and folded her arms across her chest. Remy ran his hand through his hair and shifted back and forth on his feet from his toes to his heels. Kurt had positioned himself on the tree and was clinging to it like a gargoyle. Kitty spotted a rock, dusted it off, repeatedly looking over her shoulder at the seat of the rock. Rogue raised an eyebrow at Kitty’s meticulous paranoia before asking, “Kit, what are you doing?”
“Checking for ticks, leeches, and venomous spiders.” Kitty replied, wincing as her bare bottom came into contact with the rocky surface.
“…” Was the general response.
Kitty looked at each of her friends’ vacant faces before saying, “What? I don’t know about you but I’d rather not die like that.” Her companions still remained expressionless. “Oh please. You think I want my tombstone to read, ‘Here lies Kitty Pryde, she died when a black widow bit her on the ass’?”
The party of four were silent for a moment. Kitty still had that defensive look on her face and her comrades were all three blank. At least, they were until Kurt began to draw his lips in tightly. Then he shut his eyes tightly as a snort like sound came from his nose.
Kitty, Rogue, and Remy all looked at him curiously. It was not until his shoulders began to shake as his body convulsed with the chuckles that he tried to contain in his throat that they realized what he was doing.
“Kurt, this really isn’t funny.” Rogue scolded her brother.
Kurt tried desperately to nod, but all that accomplished was allow the laughter he had been trying to imprison out into the open. Kitty looked at her blue furry friend disbelievingly until she herself smiled slightly with a few chuckles of her own. When she and Kurt locked eyes with one another, their chuckles became loud guffaws.
Rogue looked incredulously from her brother to her best friend before looking at Remy. He too had begun to laugh slightly before his laughter matched Kitty and Kurt’s. Rogue felt more than a little left out, since she could not figure out what the hell was so funny. So this is what it must feel like to be Scott, she thought.
“Y’all, this really isn’t funny. Ah mean, we’re stuck out her in the middle of the wilderness, no one knows we’re even missing, there’s a maniac on the loose, and to top it all off, we’re standing here in nothing but our underwear waiting for our clothes to dry…” That’s when Rogue took a step outside of her body to fully take in the picture that they created: they were four wet people standing around in the forest in their soggy undergarments.
…
And that’s when Rogue began to laugh as well.
“Dis… really… idn’t… funny.” Remy struggled to get out.
“Ah… know.” Rogue said through her laughter as she wiped a tear from her eye.
“Oh… my… God… wouldn’t we be…” Kitty interrupted herself with another bout of giggles. “Wouldn’t this be the perfect Calvin Klein ad?”
Kurt immediately jumped on that bandwagon. He ported from his perch on the tree, struck a dramatic, model-esque pose, and said in a sultry voice, “Be surgically altered or be skinny. Just be.”
This only resulted in a fresh wave of laughter. Remy leaned on the tree for support, Rogue clutched at her sides which were beginning to ache, and Kitty fell off her rock. Still (surprise, surprise) laughing, Kurt allowed his body to drop next to Kitty.
“Oh my God.” Kitty breathed as their laughter finally died down. She turned her head to be able to look at her friend. Somehow, her head had ended up resting on Kurt’s well-toned arm. After allowing the silence to linger in the air for a few moments, she asked him, “So how much time do you think that killed?”
Kurt shook his head, furrowed his brow in thought before saying, “Twenty… maybe thirty… seconds at most.” Kitty nodded, coming into a stage of acceptance.
“And shockingly our clothes are not yet dry.” Rogue added, as she sat down on the ground after feeling the leg of her jeans.
Remy smiled, took a seat close to Rogue and said, “So… who’s up for charades?”

XXX

Forty-five minutes later…

“But why the ice, Kitty?”
“It seemed like the choice with less audacity.” Kitty shrugged in reply.
“Okay, okay, I’ve got one.” Kurt said, raising one thick finger. He had moved his head to be resting on Kitty’s lap. “Vould you rather spend the day vatching Le Divorce over and over…” He allowed a moment for his companions to grimace. “… or vould you rather spend the day vith Scott?”
There was silence as they all contemplated which was the lesser of the two evils. It was Remy who spoke first. “Y’ be forgettin’ de third choice, Bleu.”
“Third choice? Vhat’s the third choice?”
“Ritual suicide.”

XXX

Thirty-two minutes later…

“Ah really was thinking that you’d say Inara, Remy.”
“Y’d think dat, wouldn’t y’? While she was de hottest character, she didn’t have de best lines. Now Jayne, however, was de man.”
“Ugh, Jayne annoyed meh.”
“The best lines were from Mal anyway.” Kitty chimed in.
“Oh by far.” Kurt agreed.
“Okay, I have a question.” Kitty sad. “Who is your favorite character on Family Guy, and it can’t be anyone in the Griffen family, because everyone says Stewie.”
“Remy knows his answer! It’s got t’ be Ollie Williams, even includin’ de Griffens.”
“Ollie is all right, but I think mein favorite character is Mayor Adam Vest.” Kurt narrowed his eyes and said in a husky voice, “I love this job more than I love taffy. And I’m a man who enjoys his taffy.” He then proceeded to impersonate some creepy chewing sounds.
Kitty giggled and said, “My fav, I think, is the guy with the fat donkey.”
“Who?” Her friends echoed.
“You know, ‘he’s my only means of conveyance, but I guess I do spoil him.” Kitty said with a lisp.
“Yeah, he’s pretty good, but Ah think mah favorite, favorite, favorite character is Herbert the Old Pedophile.”
“Oh my God, that guy is so nasty!” Kitty stated, giggling a little.
“He’s hilarious though! ‘Hey, muscley-arm paperboy, why the long face?’”

XXX

Forty-three minutes later…

The four had drifted into a comfortable silence. Kitty was massaging Kurt’s head, which still rested on her lap. Rogue and Remy had begun a game in which the two of them were silently pulling a leaf back and forth from their own sides. Rogue finally managed to pull the leaf around to her opposite hip. “HA! It’s on mah side now!”
That’s when Remy suddenly reached over Rogue in a playful attempt to grab the leaf. Unfortunately (or fortunately), Remy miscalculated the amount of force his body possessed and in response Rogue fell onto her back, with Remy propped up on his arms leaning directly over her, his face not two inches from her face.
“Get a room!” Kitty yelled playfully.
Rogue glared at her friend and brother from under Remy’s torso. After taking in Kitty stroking Kurt’s hair, with his head still resting in her lap. “Same to y’all!”
Suddenly, all four of them were quickly reminded of their present state of undress… and of the lack of space between them. The silence had quickly gone from comfortable to thick. Kitty had become all too aware of the closeness of Kurt’s face to her feminine parts. Kurt realized this as well when he turned his head and received an eyeful of Kitty’s lace covered heat. Remy and Rogue were realizing their relative closeness when they both looked down in between the two of them. Miraculously, neither of them were making direct skin-to-skin contact. Remy could feel Rogue’s gentle breath just barely brushing his neck. Remy looked back into Rogue’s eyes and decided that he very much like her in this position. Her own gaze did not waver from his even though she could feel the color rising in her cheeks; she could not say that she hated this position either.
Rogue cleared her throat audibly; that seemed to break the spell that the four of them had been put under. Kurt raised himself off of Kitty’s lap. Rogue carefully scooted herself out from under Remy. As he raised himself back into a sitting position, Remy noted that his hands had been gripping the ground into his fists and that he had not even noticed.
“Hey y’all, our clothes are dry.” Rogue declared, once more feeling the leg of her jeans.
The four made their way back to the tree where they began to claim and collect their various articles of clothing.
Kurt pulled his “Vote For Pedro” shirt over his head, and then began to test his khaki cargo pants for dryness. He furrowed his brow when he became slightly perplexed upon feeling something in one of the pockets of said pants. Slipping one of his fingers inside said pocket, he felt something smooth and plastic like. His gold-yellow eyes became wider when he saw what was in his hand when he pulled it out of his pocket.
“Mein Gott. Oh mein Gott, oh mein Gott, oh mein Gott, oh mein Gott-“
“Kurt, what is it?” Kitty asked, while fastening her pants.
“The map! The map! I’ve got the map!”
“Map?!” Kitty exclaimed, rushing to Kurt’s side.
“Map? Y’all have a map?”
“Oh, dat’s right! De badger gave us one ‘cause he no trust our sense o’ direction.”
“Well, that’s an unfair accusation.” Rogue said, rolling her eyes.
“Where does the map lead?” Kitty asked Kurt.
“Vell it doesn’t lead to buried treasure Kätzchen, but it leads to something else just as good.” Kurt said, grinning like a Cat Bus at the map. “He’s even marked vhere our campsite is in the valley.”
“Great. All we need to figure out now is which way is North.”
“Believe Remy can help wit’ dat Chaton.” He said, reaching into one of his several trench coat pockets and pulling out a palm sized, gold colored compass.
“Great. Thanks Remy.” Kitty said, taking the compass and looking at the map over Kurt’s shoulder. Rogue, however, was preoccupied with giving Remy the most shocked expression that any human being was capable of achieving.
“What?” Remy asked, looking confused under her gaze.
“You leave your bo-staff back at the camp, but you remember to bring a compass?”
Remy sighed and said in a matter-of-fact tone, “Y’ go int’ de woods, which do y’ think will be mo’ useful: a bo-staff or a compass?”
“Humph. Touché LeBeau.”
“Guys, we know where we are now!” Kitty and Kurt had placed the map on the ground and were sitting around it, holding the compass close to it.
With all the excitement regarding the map, it would not surprise many to hear that they were drawing attention to themselves. There were no other people around the immediate area, of course, but there was a certain Love Spirit who was quite familiar with this particular foursome. Matilda had at first given their conversation rapt attention. Then she was quickly reminded how mundane teenage conversation could be. When they began to speak of who their favorite Final Fantasy VII females were (Tifa, miraculously, won over Aerith), Matilda began to practice her yo-yo tricks. She did that for about as long as she could tolerate the accidental self-inflicted whacks to her head (about five minutes) before giving up and just playing Tetris on her Gameboy.
“Yeah… yeah, that’s it… yeah, who’s the bitch now, huh?” She muttered to the little falling blocks. “Ooh yeah… I am awesome… I am the grand master of the universe-“
“Guys, we know where we are now!” She heard Kitty’s voice shout. Those words caused Matilda to instantly perk up. Her eyebrows raised and her eyes grew substantially larger.
“When did they figure that out?” Matilda transported down to where they had crowded around the map. She kept a safe distance from the four and repeatedly chewed on her lower lip.
“Okay, here we are, about a mile from the waterfall, next to the river…” Kitty said, pointing to a spot on the map next to a small blue line.
“And there is the valley vhere our camp is.” Kurt said, placing his finger on the small red “X” that Logan had marked.
“So dat right dere is de mountain we were on earlier.” Remy said, pointing at the only mountain surrounding the valley that was located next to a river.
“All right, so that means that we are…” Rogue traced the river (which was much longer in length than the way it feels when you are going down it physically), over the waterfall and stopped when she met Kitty’s finger at their current location.
The excitement they had all felt earlier faded when they realized just how far away from camp, their friends, and civilization they really were. Somehow, they had wound up at the farthest end of the valley that was behind the mountain at the southern most point of their valley.
They were silent for a moment, allowing the information they had just learned to really, truly sink in.
“So… Ah guess we gotta go through a whole forest, up, over, and down a mountain, and through yet another forest before we’re back at camp?” Rogue said, posing the option.
“No way. There’s no way. Absolutely no possible way we can do that.” Kitty said, sounding as though she was about to hyperventilate.
“Okay, ve are much farther from the camp than ve vould like to be. So… vhat are our options?” Kurt shrugged.
“Mr. Logan says that if you ever get lost in a remote location, you are to stay put until help comes to you.” Rogue recited.
“Remy also recall him tellin’ us dat if w’ can’t rejoin de group, dat w’ just find our own way back t’ de camp.”
“What are you sayin’ Rem?” Rogue asked, raising both her eyebrows.
“Remy just sayin’ he ain’t too eager t’ sit ‘round here waitin’ for de human bloodhound t’ come get us while de mor’ carnivorous animals take dere fill o’ us.”
“Predators won’t be a problem…” Kitty said rather confidently, but then she look to Rogue and said in a meek voice, “Will they?”
Rogue look reluctant to answer her friend’s question, but she answered, “The larger animals do tend to go where there’s water, Kit.”
Just as Kitty was beginning to look frightened, Kurt chimed in, “Then ve’ll move avay from the river and remain in a spot more inland. I am vith Keety on this one; it vould be foolish to get back to camp. I say ve stay in one spot and vait for Logan to find us.”
“Y’all be puttin’ a lot o’ hope on de Wolverine t’ come t’ our rescue.” Remy said skeptically, crossing his arms across his chest.
“Well duh. He can like track a flea on a dog if he really wanted to. He can find us, no problem.” Kitty said, putting her hands on her hips.
“Um… actually-“ Kurt began, looking a little uneasy.
“Actually what Kurt?” Rogue asked, looking wearily at her brother.
“Actually… I think Logan may have some trouble tracking us this time.” He said, drawing his words out slowly, his eyes averting all three of his companions.
“What do you mean?” Kitty asked taking a step closer to Kurt.
“Vell… I noticed that all four of us vent a little off trail from the main path. Logan vould loose our trail all together vhen ve fell in the river.”
“Okay, so we didn’t leave a physical trail to trace. Logan can just smell us out to find us.” Rogue shrugged.
“Um… that’s kind of the other thing.” Kurt began, suddenly quite fascinated with his feet.
“What other thing?” Rogue asked, her eyes growing rounder.
“There’s another thing?” Kitty asked, sounding more than a little worried.
“Um… ve don’t exactly smell like ourselves at the moment.”
“What do you mean? Water doesn’t smell.” Rogue said knowingly.
“Vell vater does not, but a river does. Right ve smell more like mud and fish.”
“I smell like a fish?!” Kitty gasped, before grabbing the neck of her own shirt, bringing it up to her nostrils and inhaling.
“Okay, so Logan finding us is unlikely. But he’s not our only hope. There’s… there’s the Professor!” Rogue said hopefully.
“I thought of that already.” Kitty said, looking disappointed. “I’ve been shouting to him mentally but for some reason, he’s not responding.”
“That’s not possible; he has a range of fifty miles without Cerebro. He should be able to pick up on us no problem.” Rogue said, shaking her head.
“Maybe if ve all tried at once.” They all were silent as they mentally reached out to the professor. After forty-one seconds of being alone in their thoughts, they looked at each other confusedly.
“It’s like he took the phone off the hook or something.” Kitty said, shaking her head.
“Or something’s blocking us from him.” Kurt said, bringing his finger to his mouth in thought.
“Either way, Ah don’t think the Professor will be the one to find us.” Rogue said sadly.
“Dere be another problem we ain’t even considerin’.” Remy said, looking out over the river. Rogue looked at him meaningfully and he answered. “Logan told us dat if w’ can’t make it t’ de summit dat we are t’ find our way back t’ camp. So if Remy were Logan, he would assume dat since we ain’t at de summit, we must be at de camp.”
“Oh my God… Logan’s not even going to realize we’re missing until-“ Kitty began but Remy answered.
“Until he gets back t’ camp much later t’day and realizes dat we ain’t dere.”
“But the Professor-“ Kurt began.
“It’ll be the same thing, Kurt. The Professor, Ms. Munroe, and Mr. McCoy all think that we’re still hiking up the mountain with everybody else. They won’t figure out we’re gone until Logan comes back at the end of the day.” Rogue finished.
“So it’ll be a whole day before they even start looking for us.” Kitty said despairingly.
“If y’ ask m’, dat’s a long time for us t’ be doin’ somethin’ a bit mor’ productive den sittin’ ‘round waitin’ fo’ de grand rescue.”
“Remy, going back on foot is not an option.” Rogue said sternly. “There’s got to be another way.”
“What about the rangers? Don’t they do a regular patrol of the forest?” Kitty said, looking towards the sky.
“Ja, they do, but I’m not sure they’ll be patrolling this part of the forest.” Kurt said, drawing attention to the map again. “Look a little closer at vhere ve are.”
The four of them studied the map once more: the river, the forest they were presently lost in, and the mountain they had yet to climb all had a thick red line surrounding them. In the map key at the bottom right of the map, the caption next to the small example of the red line read “RESTRICTED TO ALL INCLUDING PARK PERSONNEL.”
“…Merde.” Remy said, after a moment.
“Ve are right vhere people have been disappearing.” Kurt said, taking a look over his shoulder at the edge of the trees. Suddenly this forest surrounding the river was not quite as pretty as it was when they first stumbled here. They all noticed for the first time how dark the trees made this place. How each sway of the wind sounded like a footstep taken towards them. They were unable to even see the sun from this place.
“Okay, all the more reason we shouldn’t go into the woods anymore than we have to.” Kitty said reasonably.
“All de more reason we shouldn’t be sittin’ here waitin’ for some… whatever t’ come along an’ make us one o’ dose ‘disappeared’.”
“All right, listen.” Rogue said firmly. “We’re not gettin’ rescued today, we may as well accept that. But if we try and find our way back ourselves, we could get even more lost or even separated. But we don’t have supplies or shelter to where we could last out here more than a couple of days. So the only logical thing for us to do right now would be to start the largest signal fire possible and wait it out until someone finds us.”
“A fire in a national park? Is that legal?” Kitty asked.
“Ah think these are really exceptional circumstances Kitty.” Rogue replied dryly.
“Actually, I think that is a really good plan at this point.” Kurt said, raising a finger.
“Yeah, it sounds good to me.” Kitty said, nodding enthusiastically, clearly happy at the idea of not going into the woods.
“Remy?” Rogue said, looking at him. “This all right with you?” She asked, not really as a question, more as a confirmation.
The three of them looked at Remy expectantly and he looked back at each of them appraisingly. He shrugged and said, “At least it’s a plan.”
Rogue nodded and jerked her head towards the forest. “We better get movin’. We need to find as much dry wood as possible.”
The four of them collected themselves and began to walk around the immediate area, searching for suitable wood for a fire, not noticing the seething Love Spirit standing not too far from them.
“Great Caesar’s Ghost, this sucks! How could I have not foreseen this?! Of course they would build a signal fire! It’s only the most obvious thing to do in a situation like this, and it just so happens to be the one thing I didn’t prepare for! They can’t be rescued quite yet! I haven’t had the chance to get them all romantical and stuff! Not to mention, they’re nowhere near Hirane! How could I have been so-“ Matilda was about to call herself “mundanely, hopelessly, blindly, clueless,” but she never got the chance to vocalize such a self-directed insult when she heard a familiar, but (in this scenario) welcome noise. Both her eyebrows raised when she heard the thunder begin to clap above her. Looking up, she noticed that the once slightly cloudy sky had become substantially darker.
The four in question began to notice the change in weather as well. They were not two feet in the forest when Kitty felt something damp fall on her forehead. She instinctively touched her palm to her brow and studied the moisture that was suddenly apparent in the center of her hand.
Rogue turned slowly to face Kitty. “Was that a raindrop Ah just felt?” Kitty nodded as her lower lip began to protrude into a pout. “Aw Hell.”
Another drop fell onto the top of Rogue’s head. And then another. And then four more. When the rain began to fall into a pattern-less staccato is also when our four mutants looked at one another with a quick glance before bolting into the forest.
Not too far along, Kurt motioned them towards some overgrowth that was joined with a tree. The four of them slid under the overgrown patch of ground just as the random pattern of rain became thick drops falling constantly, saturating the earth. Huddled close (but not too close), the kids looked out into the forest with short of pure misery on their faces.
There was another being in the forest who was not quite as miserable about the rain. Matilda stared up at the sky through the raindrops falling on her head. Her mouth was open and her eyes were wide with a distinct shocked awe.
“Great googally moogally… that… could not… have worked out better if I had planned it!!!” She excitedly exclaimed. With a gleeful smile she turned and was changed into a small pink raincoat, matching pink rain-boots, and a floppy pink rain hat, complete with an open purple flowered umbrella. She spun around in a circle, twirled her umbrella, and sang, “I’m singin’ in the rain, just singin’ in the rain, what a glorious feeling, I’m happy again…”
There were others, though, who were not so enthused. Rogue and Kitty were both sandwiched between Remy and Kurt, with the two boys on total opposite ends of one another. Kitty subconsciously moved closer to Kurt while Remy gently wrapped his arms around Rogue’s shoulders. Kitty’s eyes peered upward at the sky as she said, “Maybe it’ll pass over in a minute.”
Thirty minutes went by, and the heavy rain remained constant in its weight. By then, the ground was completely saturated; all soil, fauna, and wood were completely soaked through.
The mood was glum to say the least. Kurt looked over at Kitty and noticed how her full lower lip was protruding in a pout once more. God help him, but that was all he could focus on. He was so pre-occupied with fighting the urge to kiss her that he almost missed Rogue asking him a question.
“Kurt?”
“Ja?”
“Do you still have the map?”
“Ja.” He replied, patting the pocket that held the map.
“Okay. Kitty?”
“Yes?”
“Do you still have Remy’s compass?”
“Yes.” She confirmed, unfolding the fist that gripped the small gold compass.
“Good.” Rogue studied the unrelenting rainfall for a moment, resolve flickering in her eyes. “As soon as the rain lets up… we’ll need both of those for when we start to walk back.”
“Y’ sure dat’s what y’ want t’ do cherie?”
“I don’t think we have much of a choice at this point… do we?” Kitty said, resting her chin on her knees.
“Hey… ve’ve been in tighter spots before. It’ll be like… cake.” Kurt said, comfortingly rubbing his thumb over the back of Kitty’s neck.
Kitty smiled a little and felt her eyes drift shut under her friend’s gentle touches.
“Y’ tired Chaton?” Remy said, sounding amused.
“Hey, we woke up at four this morning. I have every right to be sleepy.” Kitty said, becoming more comfortable next to Kurt.
“It’s not a terrible idea…” Rogue said, not bothering to contain a yawn. “…to get a little rest.”
Kurt had leant back against the wall of the embankment; unconsciously, both he and Kitty’s heads were tilted towards each other until they were both resting against one another. Kurt’s tail flicked around the two of them until it protectively wrapped around Kitty’s small waist and draped itself over her lap.
Remy, in the meantime, took advantage of Rogue’s present lax state and wrapped both his arms tighter around her torso until her head was resting soundly on his shoulder. Placing the right side of his face gently on top of her scalp, he smiled contentedly and closed his eyes, the pattern of the rain lulling him into sleep.
Had they stayed awake a moment longer, they might have been able to hear a small, gentle, child’s sigh… or they could have mistaken it for the wind, seeing as how said sigh had no visible source. Matilda was smiling sweetly at the four and had her tiny hands clasped over her heart. “I wish I had a camera… just so I could immortalize the cuteness!” She squealed.
Walking closer to them, Matilda turned Rogue’s head slightly so she would be looking Remy square in the eye when she awoke. Then she moved over to the demon and the cat and pressed them together until Kitty was practically lying on top of Kurt.
After placing his hand on top of hers, Matilda took a step back and said, “Well now they look even more cozy.” After smiling at them for a bit, she cocked her head in thought. “I think I’ll leave them like this for a few; after the morning they’ve had, they deserve a good rest.”
After nodding to herself slightly, Matilda noticed once more the rain falling around her. “Man, I so lucked out with this rain. Otherwise, I would have been S.O.L.” Her brow furrowed when she said, “Hmm… I wonder if the rain has affected all of the forest. Like Lo-“ Matilda stopped mid-sentence with a revelation. “Wait a tick… if it’s raining all over then it may have slowed down Logan and his kids. Oh my God… they may be tempted to start heading back to camp!” She shook her head quickly and exclaimed, “Can’t have that…. Not yet, anyway. I have to ensure that Logan does not pick up their trail.” She glanced over at the four resting companions. “They won’t be going anywhere for awhile.” She narrowed her eyes, looked around the forest cautiously and whispered, “It’s time to be bad.”

XXX
This really was just one of those days for Logan. They were still a few hours hike from the summit, his face was hurting like a mother from that bee attack, and it had begun to rain. Not to mention there were still all these damn pests buzzing around.
“Let the rain fall down, let it wash away my sanity, ‘cause I want to feel the thunder, I want to scream, let the rain fall down, I’m coming-“
“Tabby, if you sing that damn song one more time-“
“Tabby, shut up-“
“I’m going to be seeing fucking Nazi Hillary Duffs coming at me in my sleep now!”
“Hey! Don’t curse in front of Jamie!”
“Don’t get mad at me! It’s not my fault Jamie plays that CD on repeat all the time!”
“I don’t own a Hillary Duff CD, I found it in Bobby’s room!”
“I don’t- I... uh... Sam’s a virgin!”
“You son of a bitch!”
“Hey, I take offense to that word!”
“Sorry Rahne.”
“Okay Sam. So... you’re untouched, eh?’
“I could be watching Blazing Saddles right now.”
“Does anyone have any gum?”
“If you’re hungry, eat some kudzu.”
“Eew, no way am I eating a vine!”
“Hey, the Chinese have been drinking it as a tea for centuries; it does wonders for your health.”
“Jubilee, since when are you a health nut?”
“It’s a miracle for treating hangovers.”
“Ah.”
“My back’s hurting.”
“I have to pee again.”
“I’m hungry.”
“These bugs keep biting me.”
“Mr. Logan, my head itches.”
“Mr. Logan, my boobs are getting sweaty on the underside.”
“Mr. Logan, I’m chafing.”
“Mr. Logan-“
“Mr. Logan-“
“Mr. Logan-“
“SHUT UP!!! Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!!!” Logan yelled, his eyes almost popping out of his sockets, his hands practically ripping his hair from his roots, his face turning a shade of red that almost made the multiple bee-stings blend with his skin.
“Eeep.” Went almost every young person present.
Logan took a moment to settle down and regulate his breathing. He had not noticed that almost every person there had sat down atop their hands and were staring at the teacher with a wide-eyed, fearful expression. When he managed to make the ringing in his ears stop, he looked down the row of seated, scared children and felt his face soften. Rolling his eyes, he said, “Okay, listen... I am going to go take a piss.” He ignored the disgusted look of all the awkward teenagers. “During that time, you can do whatever you need to do to make yourselves more rested. Rahne, X, take it upon yourselves to find these whiners something to eat.”
“Yes sir!” Rahne said, proudly giving Logan a salute.
“Should be easy to find something with the rain.” X-23 nodded.
“How do you figure that, X?” Alex asked.
“Rain makes everything smell stronger; it’s like a massive shower for the earth.” Rahne said, morphing halfway into her lupine form.
Logan smiled a little; he liked having others who had enhanced senses around. It made him feel slightly less strange.
“No squirrels, please Rahne.” Jamie asked, in his sickeningly sweet pre-pubescent boy voice.
“No worries Jamie. I find bunnies much more tender.”
Shaking his head, Logan went a little ways further into the shrouded woods. He made an educated guess (after sensing the moisture in the air) that the rain had another twenty-to-thirty minutes before it let up.
In all actuality, the rain was exactly what Logan needed. Even his legendary healing factor was not enough to fully subside the recurring headache that refused to release his adamantium-laced skull. Annoying pre-teens just had that effect on him. Sniffing out a tree that had not been marked recently by another male, he unzipped his jeans to relieve himself. After dropping his pants just below his hairy buttocks, his mind drifted to four other miscreants who were presently M.I.A. It made him feel uneasy that neither Kurt nor Remy had made their way up the mountain with Kitty and Rogue in tow. It made him feel even less comfortable that Charles had not yet contacted him to inform him if they had returned to camp. The cool water that the rain brought somewhat soothed his headache, made the numerous bee-stings smart a little less, but did nothing to banish his lingering anxiety about his four missing students. Little Half-Pint and Stripes are out there in the rain, he thought to himself, his inner daddy instincts coming out to play. And those two piss-ants are with them, probably just standing by and doing nothing while those two poor girls get soaked... their clothes are going to be clinging to them in inappropriate places and all Cajun and Elf will do is stand back and watch and--
Logan stopped himself mid-thought when a surge of white-hot fury raged through him suddenly. Oh my God, how could I have been so stupid, he thought. I just let two teenage boys go off alone in the woods with two pretty teenage girls without any adult supervision. What was I thinking?! Elf and Cajun aren’t the types to keep their hands to themselves; Elf maybe would, but definitely not the Cajun! I need to go find them right now!
“Crap!” Matilda said from behind the tree that Logan was presently urinating on. “This is what happens when I leave him alone for too long. I need a bit more time for their trail to become completely cold. But what could I...”
Matilda looked around the area that she and Logan occupied for something, anything useful for her to use. She finally spotted exactly what she needed a few feet behind Logan. “Oh switch.” She grinned.
Matilda reached into her great big pocket of everything and pulled out what resembled a simple white Asian fan, except this one was labeled in big brown letters “The Great North Wind Fan.”
“Logan, you really shouldn’t bother with Kurt, Kitty, Rogue, and Remy. There really are more important things you should be concerning yourself with.” Placing herself in position behind the tree and firmly planting her feet on the ground, she began to flap the fan in Logan’s direction. At first, it was not even a light breeze. But after only a few seconds, that not-even-a-light-breeze became a light breeze. And then that light breeze became a steady wind. It was when that steady wind became a strong gust of wind that Logan unexpectedly flew backwards a few feet, his bottom landing precisely on Matilda’s target. “Like that fire-ant hill you just sat in.”
Logan screamed in a shockingly girlish manner as a swarm of fire ants began attacking his body: his chest, his legs, his arms, his ass, his... genitals, everywhere really. He was thrashing violently on the ground as he continued to scream, using his hands to scratch whatever areas they could find first.
Of course Logan’s screaming drew a good amount of attention to the Canadian’s plight. Almost all of the students were running towards the writhing Canuck, with Rahne leading the pack in full wolf form. Upon reaching Logan, she quickly changed back into her human skin. “Logan, what happened-“ Seeing his three-fourths naked form, she blushed until her face was the same color as her hair and quickly turned around covering her eyes. “By highlands, Mr. Logan, why are your pants down?!”
“What-“ Said Sam, coming to stand beside Rahne. His eyes grew to occupy half his face when he saw their teacher flipping like a fish out of water on the ground in front of their once innocent eyes. “Oh mah God!”
“Geez!”
“Holy crap!”
“Sweet mother of fuck!”
“Don’t curse in front of Jamie!”
“What’s all the hubbub about?” A sweet little boy voice panted behind them, obviously having a more difficult time keeping up.
Rahne looked panicked when Jamie tried to make his way to the front of the crowd of adolescents. She quickly wrapped her arms around his tiny shoulders, pressed his back to her front, and shielded his much-too-innocent eyes from... the horror.
“Rahne, what are you-?”
“Don’t look, boy! Don’t look!”
“Oh my God, what’s all over him?” Roberto asked, his mouth now permanently open.
“They’re obviously fire-ants, you idiot.” Warren said, rolling his eyes.
“Why are his pants not up all the way?” X-23 said with a grimace.
“He said that he needed to use the bathroom.” Said Amara, raising a finger.
“Poor guy didn’t even get a chance to pull his pants up.” Alex said, shaking his head.
“It’s so gruesome, and yet... I just can’t look away.” Jubilee said, cocking her head with a deer-in-the-headlights face.
“I think somebody needs to do something.” Ray said, looking around at all those gathered.
“Oh yeah, you think?” Roberto said, earning a glare from Ray.
“Bobby.” Went Piotr. “Freeze the ants.”
“Oh yeah!” Bobby exclaimed, sounding surprised that he had not thought of that earlier. He jumped forward and let forth a burst of cold from his hand. This time, though, that particular plan did not work since the ants covered almost all of Logan’s body, instead of just his head. Since there was no beehive to protect his skin (ironic, is it not?), Logan received a full-dose of cold. While the ants were indeed all dead, Logan’s chattering teeth indicated a whole new problem.
“Oops.” Said Bobby, bringing his hand to his mouth sheepishly.
“Nice move Red Fraggle.” Sam said dryly.
“I don’t know who’s the bigger geek: you for making that reference or me for getting it?” Said Warren.
“Well, at least all the ants are dead.” Rahne said, always the optimist.
“Yeah, but now Logan has a bad case of hypothermia.” X-23 said, looking sympathetically at so pathetic Logan.
Tabitha was leaning over Logan’s shivering form looking at him curiously when she said, “There really is just hair all over him, isn’t there?”
“Well, I suppose there is only one thing to do now.” Piotr said, as he stripped off his shirt.
“Whoa, this ain’t that kind of bar, sailor.” Alex said, holding his hands in front of him defensively.
Piotr rolled his eyes as he lowered his exposed torso across Logan’s chest. “We have to give Comrade Logan our body heat in order to warm him properly.”
Knowing that the Russian was right in this matter, all the students were looking at their teacher most apprehensively.
“I’m not giving the badger my body heat, you sicko.” Tabitha said, crossing her arms across her chest..
“Gosh Tabby, I’d have thought you’d have more experience than anyone else here about exchanging body heat with older men.” Jubilee said cattily, ignoring Tabby’s glare.
“Think of it this way: imagine what Logan will do to you if you do not help him after all the times he has saved us.” Piotr said, making himself more comfortable in his position.
“That’s a good point.” Sam said, not wanting to imagine what sorts of things Logan could do to them if pushed far enough.
“Okay, but can someone pull his pants up first? There are some things that Jamie is just not ready to see.” Rahne said, her hands still soundly placed over the youngling’s eyes.
Obviously, there were not immediate volunteers. Looking across all the young faces, Piotr sighed, “Fine. I’ll do it.” Carefully, he tugged Logan’s jeans back over his hips and re-did the zipper. Making meaningful eyes at the others, he urged to hurry up and get a move-on.
Grumbling to themselves, all the students stepped forward. The boys shed their shirts on the ground and looked hopeful that the girls would follow suit; not in a million years. Each student draped him or herself over a different part of Logan.
Even Jamie had stripped off his own shirt; he was skinny, had no semblance of muscle tone, but he was quite proud of himself nonetheless. He managed to hug almost his entire self around Logan’s head.
It was when little Jamie said, “Don’t worry Mr. Logan, we’ll have you all fixed up in no time,” that Logan rolled his eyes and sincerely wished that he was covered in fire ants again.
Meanwhile, a certain Love Spirit was failing miserably in an attempt to contain herself on the forest ground by beating it with her little fists. “Oh my God, my kingdom for a camera!” She gasped. Finally collecting herself long enough to stand (though she still suffered a giggle or two), she wiped a tear from her eye and said, “But enough of this tom-foolery!” Looking dignified, she said, “It’s time to get back to work!” And with that uttered, she was gone.

XXX
Rogue’s eyes slowly drifted open and looked round at her surroundings. The rain had quit falling but the entire earth around them was soaked. A dense fog had settled over the woods and covered the once open space with a sparse white. The green in the forest, from the bushes to the leaves on the trees, were a lush vibrant hue from the dew that had coated them. The soil and grass and pine needles that made up the forest floor were all soft, almost like sand that had been touched by the morning tide.
Rogue turned her head slightly to look at her friends. Kitty was still asleep, but curled in a fetal position with her thumb in her mouth. Kurt was not far from Kitty, curled in a ball like a cat. Though they both looked just a little silly, Rogue could not deny that they both look pretty darn cute. Giggling quietly, she looked to her left to see what he was doing. Imagine her surprise when she looked over her left shoulder and saw nothing.
What? She thought. Now where could that Cajun have gone off-to?
Rogue rose to her feet and brushed the earth from her clothes. Careful not to disturb Kitty and Kurt, she stepped out from under the overgrowth. She peered around the forest; the soft brook that they had crawled out of was not far away. Something compelled her to believe that it was by the river where Rogue would find him.
Rogue had not even realized that she was walking until she noticed that the trees were moving backwards (or was it she who was moving forward?). She could not really say; she certainly could feel her feet moving. But somehow she found herself once again facing the river.
An eerie, but somehow beautiful, fog now hovered over the once clear stream. The clouds, still gray from the rain, gave this small area a blue light that seemed to permeate all other colors. What had once been a perfect scene of nature now possessed a supernatural pulchritude that Rogue could not deny made her feel right at home.
A quick movement among the trees caught Rogue’s eye. Turning her back to the river, she searched with only her eyes for the source of the disturbance. The woods surrounding her were still, but there was a tension in the woodwork that was beginning to permeate Rogue’s once calm exterior. She had not noticed the much larger shadow encompassing her own from behind her until it was too late.
Someone with rough but graceful hands grabbed her shoulders from behind. Rogue made a squeaking noise in her throat when she felt a hard, masculine body press full-length against her entire back half. Nothing could have prepared her for the groan she released when that someone began to nibble and suckle on the exposed white column that was her neck.
“Oh mah God.” Was all Rogue could bring herself to say as a pair of strong arms encircled her hourglass waist. She involuntarily allowed her head to fall backwards as she relaxed into his embrace. She felt she should be afraid, but something in her mind told her that... she should be scared? So why the hell was she not scared?
The figure behind Rogue turned her around suddenly to face him so that he could begin to work on her neck from a front angle. She saw a familiar pair of ruby-on-onyx eyes made complete with an all-too-handsome face. Oh, she thought, that’s why.
He was already at work at pushing her denim jacket off her shoulders and tossing it a few feet away from them. Rogue noted that he had already rid himself of his shirt; she took advantage of this by beginning to explore his strong shoulders, his toned back, his shockingly perfect chest. She barely noticed him unbuttoning her jeans until they were already pooled around her ankles.
He dropped to his knees; she half expected to feel his mouth between her legs next, but found herself surprised when all he was doing was unlacing her shoes and removing her pants and socks.
Free of the confines of her lower clothes, he rose to his feet and resumed his attentions to her neck, chest, and collarbone. Rogue wrapped her arms around his shoulders, winding her hands into his hair, and holding him close to her. She felt no shyness when she ground her panty-covered heat against his denim-guarded groin. It was his turn to moan against her skin as he moved his hands down her waist to cover her firm backside. Without warning, he lifted her until her legs were locked securely around his waist.
Rogue buried her face in the crook of his neck and began kissing, sucking, biting at his honey-like skin. Her response to him pushing aside the thin piece of fabric covering her feminine mound was nothing more than a smile and a gasp. The gasp was the reaction that followed him slipping two fingers into her tight, wet, hot opening. She bit hard into his shoulder, eliciting a deep, raspy groan from him.
Not able to wait any longer, he thrust hard and fast into her without any warning. Rogue’s nails dug deep into his shoulders and raked them down the length of his back as opened her mouth in a silent scream. Her ankles arched into his lower back as she thrust forward to meet his hips.
“Oh God...” Rogue panted. “Harder... harder... oh fuck, faster, faster, faster, oh fuck, yes.” It was not that long before Rogue felt the beginnings of her climax. She began to meet his hips at a much more rapid pace. Just as she felt the knot that had wound itself so tightly within her begin to come undone, she panted as her orgasmic warmth began to spread down through her legs and up into her belly.
Rogue had just reached her pleasurable peak when she opened her eyes and looked over his shoulder. He carried on thrusting himself into her even though her attention had moved to something else entirely.
There was a figure, not standing very far away, watching them. Rogue was shocked that she had not noticed him sooner. She could see him clearly; there were no shadows clouding his face, no trees guarding him from view, she could see him as clearly as the day. Her satisfied and pleasured expression quickly switched to one of shock and disbelief as her mind registered his tall, muscular build, his cinnamon colored hair, and most prominently his eyes. His all-too-handsome face mirrored her expression of shock and disbelief as his own red-on-black eyes locked with her own, neither one acknowledging that he was still thrusting into her body.
The world shattered when Rogue whispered the voyeur’s name.
“Remy?”

XXX

Rogue jerked awake with a gasp within the same second that Remy awoke just as suddenly. He blinked a few times before turning his curious and confused eyes down to look at Rogue’s equally confused (and slightly out of breath) face. Their eyes would not waver from being locked together, neither speaking, neither moving.
“Mmm... hey, did the rain stop?” Kurt yawned as he stretched his arms over his head. Rogue and Remy disengaged from each other, both turning their attention to their two other companions. Kurt was rolling his neck but Kitty was still dozing.
“Um... yeah, looks like the rain’s finally let up.” Rogue said, looking out into the forest.
“Vell then, ve should probably get moving, ja? Ve need to make the best of our daylight hours.” Said Kurt, as he looked over at Kitty, who had begun to stir and sleepily open one eye to look at her friends.
“Is it time to go already?” She groaned.
“Yeah Kitty. C’mon, shake a leg. We got a long trip ahead of us.” Rogue said, as she crawled out from under the overgrown earth and then treated herself to a nice full body stretch. Each of the other three joined her and did their form of removing the kinks from their catnap (Kurt did so by performing a back somersault).
“So where t’ from here, Chaton?” Said Remy, looking around.
Kitty pulled out the compass and Kurt brought forth the map once more. After positioning the compass and studying the map for a few minutes, Kitty finally pointed in a direction northwest of where they stood. “That way.”
Kitty and Kurt, being the navigators, led the way. Remy was about to follow when he stopped, turned, and looked at Rogue. She looked at him inquiringly and he opened his mouth, as though he wanted very badly to say something. But just as fast as his mouth opened did it close with a nonchalant shake of his head, and motioned with his hand for her to follow him. They both walked not far behind Kitty and Kurt, neither of them saying a word.

XXX

“God, the ground’s so soft, isn’t it?” Kitty said, testing the soil beneath her feet.
Rogue shuddered as she had a brief flashback to her dream, but shook it off as quickly as it had come. She looked forward at Remy’s back and desperately wanted to say something, but the words stilled in her mouth.
“And... they’re on the move!” Matilda said, tossing down the pair of army issue binoculars that she had been making use of. “Now so am I!” Sporting a baby pink velvet tracksuit with a matching pair of pink Converse (all petite size, of course), Matilda took off across the intertwining branches of the trees.
They had been walking in silence for what Matilda deemed “forever” (in reality, only six minutes and twenty two seconds) when the pint-sized Love Spirit decided that it was time to shake things up again. “But what to do, what to do...” She was walking so fast that she almost stepped on her solution. “Hello, hello, hello my pretty little eight legged friend.” She said to the large spider nestled comfortably upon its web. “I know you must be busy but I was wondering if you might be willing to lend me a hand or however many you’d be willing to spare?” Holding her small hand out to the spider, it only hesitated a moment before stepping into her hand. She smiled at the spider before taking a few steps on the branches to be directly over Remy’s line of walking. Raising the spider to be eye level with her, Matilda said, “I promise you that you will not be harmed.” Shifting her eyes about mischievously, she finished, “Now here’s what we’re going to do...”

XXX

Rogue was ready to make a comment about the weather, if only to get conversation moving once again. She had just opened her mouth again when she noticed some movement atop Remy’s head. She furrowed her brow, narrowing her eyes to try to distinguish what was in his hair. It was when the little eight-legged monstrosity had crawled down low enough to contrast with the skin of the back of his neck could she tell what it was.
Rogue was about to inform Remy of the small visitor of the small visitor on his neck when she noticed the arachnid horror was about to crawl down the back collar of his shirt. There was no time to warn him of such a horrible little thing, so she did the only logical thing she could think to do:
*WHACK*
“Owww!!!”
Very quickly and very hard, she slapped the back of his neck; not even the added layer that her gloves provided did anything to cushion the intensity of the blow. Unfortunately, the spider had swiftly traveled up its web before her hand could properly kill it, so Remy’s skin received the full force of her slap. Rogue grimaced sympathetically and looked impossibly apologetic. At least now she had Remy’s full attention as he whirled on her, looking angry and tenderly rubbing the back of his neck.
“What de hell was dat for?!”
“Ah am so sorry! There was a spider, Ah swear!”
“What? Where?” He asked, nervously feeling around his head and shoulders for anything creepy and crawly.
“It’s gone now.” They both paused for a moment to allow Remy a shudder just in case something else had crawled up his sleeves. “Ah am really sorry. Ah was just trying to-“
“Remy knows, he knows. It’s okay, really. Don’t worry ‘bout it none.” Said Remy, waving it off with his hand.
“Thanks Rem.” Rogue replied, faintly smiling. He nodded once before they both resumed walking. Neither suspected that above them there was a knee high Love Spirit giggling madly with a jovial spider.
“Great work Charlotte!” Matilda said, catching a fly for her new friend’s web. “That worked so well that I think we should do it again. What do you say?” The spider seemed enthused at the idea. “Awesome. Let’s do it!”
Back on the ground, Rogue was feeling more than a little embarrassed at slapping at an imaginary spider and hurting Remy. Even though he had accepted her apology, she still cringed at the memory of-
Oh no. Another spider (or was it the same one?) was once more crawling on Remy’s neck, in the exact same spot as the last time. What to do, what to do? Just tell Remy or try to kill the spider again? It was poised ready to crawl down his shirt again; there really was only one thing to do.
*WHACK*
“Oww!”
Rogue grimaced again, not only because of the hurt she had just administered but also because the spider had vanished again.
“Rogue, what de hell-“
“Ah’m sorry. The spider came back.”
“De spider came back?” He asked, incredulously.
“The spider came back.” Rogue replied weakly. She gave him a meaningful apologetic look and he turned forward once more, not before he gave a questioning skeptical look in return. He and Rogue both resumed walking, with her praying that she would see no more spiders.
Fat chance of that happening. The very spider that was responsible for such trouble was climbing back up its of chord of webbing that it had used to climb down. At the top end of its web was a curious little girl, who had spun the web around her fingers, making the spider resemble a cross between a yo-yo and a marionette.
Once more eye level with her miniature cohort, Matilda grinned devilishly and said, “I think one more time should do it, wouldn’t you say?”
Now this was just pushing it. Either Rogue was hallucinating or some demon-spawn arachnid had chosen her to torment; either way, the spider had returned to its home on Remy’s neck. If she did not know any better, she would swear that the damn bug was actually taunting her.
But this time, Rogue would not fall into the same trap. No, this time she would inform Remy of the potentially poisonous little fiend that was crawling from the nape of his hair down to the bottom of this neck.
Aw Hell, that thing’s going to bit him for sure this time, thought Rogue. I could still just politely mention that there’s a spider on his neck... and then he would reasonably not believe me because of the last two times he hasn’t realized that there was a spider on his neck... then he would feel for himself the spider crawling down the back of his shirt... and then he would probably freak out, drop to the ground and roll around in an overzealous attempt to kill the spider... and when the spider has finally been killed three or four times, he will stand up all composed again, and ask why I didn’t do anything when I knew there was a spider on his neck.
...
...Oh, the Hell with it.
*WHACK*
“Yeowwwww!!!” Remy wailed as Rogue smacked the back of his neck once again.
Rogue felt horrible when she noticed that neither the palm of her hand nor the back of Remy’s neck were covered in crushed spider smudges. I can’t believe that little fucker escaped my clutches three times in a row, she thought glumly.
Remy whirled on Rogue quickly, his face contorted in a rage you could tell he was trying his utmost to contain. “What. De. Hell. Was. Dat?!”
“Ah swear to God, there was a spider there.”
Remy’s lips tightened and his eyes narrowed. Suddenly, Rogue felt a sharp sting below her right hip, directly on the curve where her buttocks met her thigh. Every feature on her face opened wide in an outraged shock when she realized what Remy had just done.
“What the hell was that for?!”
Remy shrugged and then smirked most innocently (is such a thing possible?). “Dere was a spider dere, Remy swears.”
Rogue’s lips tightened into a thin line and her eyes became wider with a frustration that hardly became her. “That is not fair, LeBeau. Ah was only tryin’ to help you because (whether you beieve meh or not) there really was a spider there and-“
*WHACK*
This time, Remy landed his hand directly on Rogue’s ass. Between her outrage, shock, and utter disbelief that he had indeed just truly spanked her, it was amazing that she had actually heard what Remy said when he spoke. “Oops, ‘nudder spider.”
He was smiling. That son-of-a-bitch actually had the nerve to smile after he had- Okay, now she was just pissed.
“Ow, that hurt!” Rogue said as she smacked Remy’s shoulder. Hard.
“Well, how d’ y’ think it when y’ hit Remy?” He replied, smacking her in the same spot she had smacked him previously.
“Ow!” went both of them when they both struck the other at the same time (Rogue to Remy’s right pectoral, Remy to Rogue’s left arm). Oh, now it was on.
Using both hands, the two young adults engaged in the ultimate smacking contest. There was only one unspoken rule: leave out the face. Both of them were too pretty to be smacked in the face. This mockery of a fight went on for a few minutes before it suddenly reached a new pinnacle. Remy’s hands had been lighter than he had intended when he accidentally brushed the curve of Rogue’s waist. Rogue unwillingly giggled under the Cajun’s touch, and Remy realized that he had just entered into a whole new ballgame.
Remy mostly stuck to her waist and tummy, and it was those two areas that accomplished what he wanted most effectively. Rogue was giggling and laughing uncontrollably and begging Remy to stop. Did Remy heed her pleas? Hell no, this was payback.
Rogue had just managed to squirm out of his grasp when she felt his warmth press full-length against her back and his long, strong arms wrap around her waist as he lifted her a few feet off the ground. Rogue half-laughed and half-screamed when he spun them both in a semi-circle, tickling her sides all the while. Gaining some leverage when he set her back on the ground, Rogue maneuvered her arms so that she could at least attempt to achieve revenge. It worked... sort of. Not fully realizing the role that gravity was playing in their present position, Rogue managed to tickle Remy’s sides, and was thrown aback when she realized that her sneak attack had indeed surprised Remy, causing him to bring them both down in a collapsed heap on the ground.
The two youths were panting when they rolled apart onto their backs. A few moments of deep breaths in and out passed before the two of them both simultaneously turned their heads a quarter to look at one another. When they locked eyes once more... they both began a fresh peel of laughter, louder than before.
Both Kitty and Kurt had paused on their trail when they noticed that neither Rogue nor Remy were following any longer. They peered over at their friends form a short distance, but a distance nonetheless.
“They are so weird.” Kitty said, not taking her eyes off the laughing people on the ground.
“Agreed.”
After a beat, the elf and his cohort turned to look at each other. One shared shrug later and the two resumed walking forward. Unfortunately, neither of them saw the all-too-convenient overgrown root of a nearby tree that had sprouted right through the trail that they were embarking on (naughty, naughty Matilda). Tripping over the said root, both Kitty and Kurt braced themselves on their forearms and stared at the ground before peering over to look at each other. And that’s when the laughter caught them as well.
Above all of their heads, a certain Spirit of Love was thanking a spider. “A job well done, girlfriend. Gimme eight!” After gently setting her spidery friend back on its respective web, Matilda stepped off the tree branch without even looking down and landed most gracefully on her feet. Looking between the two happy pairings, Matilda smiled and began to dig through her great big pocket of everything. “I think all this merry, silly, laughter will serve as an excellent transition to possibly one of my most favorite-est parts of my job.” Pulling out her pink iPod Mini (that contained every love song ever written), popping the little white earbuds into her tiny ears, and selecting a fitting song from her massive playlist, she said, “It’s time... to cue... the romantic-comedy-musical-montage-sequence!”

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin’ down the street, and I hardly know you

The morning hike went by fast, but, oh-so eventful. The group mostly followed Kitty and Kurt, who led with the map and compass, and remained completely unaware of the dancing Love Spirit who followed them. They also somehow remained unaware of the affectionate, yearning glances that their respective significant others kept stealing.

It’s just like we were meant to be

Matilda did her utmost to make this the most romantic, euphoric, beautiful nature walk that these four had ever experienced in their young lives. In between the time she took while dancing, she would smoothly play a little trick to get them as close as possible. As an example, they had to step down from a high overgrowth of land that their trail had become. Remy and Kurt hopped down onto the ground below them and then politely reached up to Rogue and Kitty to help them down.

What if this is just the beginning?
We’re already wet, and we’re gonna go swimming

Kurt had one hand entangled with Kitty’s own hand and his other hand on the opposite side of her waist. Kitty landed successfully on her feet next to Kurt and they both continued on. Remy was about to help Rogue down in a similar manner, but Matilda had other ideas. Very quickly, she kicked out the edge of earth that separated Rogue from the ground and gravity. Rogue began to fall much sooner than she had planned; fortunately for her, a certain Creole happened to be there to catch her, with her draping her arms around his neck, his arms around her waist, and her feet dangling a few inches from the ground. As the two of them stared into one another’s eyes, neither realizing that there were witnesses to this display of obvious, tangible, sexual tension. Kurt rolled his eyes and Kitty leaned over to whisper in his ear, “Will they just make out already?”

Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you?

Of course, sometime later, Kitty and Kurt found themselves in a similar position. They had paused to catch some fish from a stream for brunch (they had not had breakfast or lunch, after all). All of them had removed their coats and rolled up their pants as far as their legs would allow, but it was only the boys who stripped off their shirts. They spent about thirty-seven minutes trying to catch a fish the way Logan had showed them (with their bare hands) but were mostly unsuccessful. Kurt was the one who finally managed it (quipping to Kitty “I caught you a delicious bass”). The fish would have his revenge later, after being prepared, cooked, and shared between the four of them, when suddenly Kurt swallowed too much at once and began to choke. Kitty managed to summon any brute strength she had in order to properly perform the Heimlich maneuver on her blue friend. Kurt breathed in a few times, thanked Kitty profusely, and vowed never to eat fish again.

It’s inevitable, it’s a fact that we’re gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?

Matilda had nothing to do with the fish incident (remarkably), but she did play a hand a bit later. Rogue had paused to admire the flowers that had fully bloomed on a tree. Since she was directly beneath it, Matilda had little difficulty in hopping up into the tree and shaking the branches a little. The white petals from the blossoms fell all around and above Rogue, who was smiling at the snow-like beauty that surrounded her. The sight of the delicate, white petals clinging to her hair and skin almost made Remy’s heart stop.

It’s an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch

Kitty was innocently walking by a bush when Matilda tossed a small rock into said bush. This normally would have gone unnoticed... except this small rock disrupted a horde of yellow butterflies that were hidden within the bush. The butterflies swarmed and fluttered around Kitty, who simply giggled at the ticklish sensation that they evoked within her. She was so enthralled with the winged creatures that she did not even notice Kurt staring at her reverently.

But wouldn’t it be beautiful?

The day wore on and it was blistering hot by the time noon rolled around. The trees only shaded them from the sun, but nothing could keep the air from being sweltering. Of course their coats and jackets found themselves tied around their waists. Rogue was very glad that she had been walking behind Remy when he pulled off his shirt and stuffed it in a pocket where half of it dangled freely with each step he took. Granted, Rogue had seen Remy without his shirt on before but this was a first for her; she had never seen him shirtless and sweaty. Holy God, she never imagined she would ever want to jump his bones just by staring at his back. At least by walking behind him, he could not see how flushed her face had become.

Here we go, we’re at the beginning
We haven’t fucked yet, but my head’s spinning

Kurt never took off his shirt so Kitty could not relate to Rogue’s predicament. There came a point when they were curious about how much further they were from the mountains; the trees did a thorough job of obscuring the sky for the most part. Kurt volunteered to port to the top of one of the taller trees to check on the matter. The three left on the ground had only been sitting for a few minutes when Kurt suddenly ported back. With a mysterious smile plastered on his face, he reached out his hand to Kitty. She looked confusedly at both Rogue and Remy (who simply shrugged in response) and allowed Kurt to port away with her.

High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it’s goin’?

Rogue and Remy remained grounded and sitting on their own respective rocks. Remy had been casually looking around when he turned slightly to see what was behind them. He startled Rogue when he suddenly dropped to the ground, flat on his stomach.

High enough for you to pull me under
Somethin’s growin’

Rogue looked at him perplexed and opened her mouth to speak when he held up a single finger to his lips, signaling that she should remain quiet. Rogue was about to look behind her but Remy shook his head at her. He finally pointed at her and then waved her to come down on the ground while he mouthed “slowly.” Convinced that there was another bear behind her, Rogue did exactly as he said. Once on the ground, Remy began to crawl around the rocks that they had been sitting on to some bushes growing close by. Pushing some branches aside, he motioned for her to join him. She did so, wondering all the while what he was up to. Once beside him, Rogue looked at Remy expectantly. He smiled at her in return and pointed in a direction through the branches he had pushed aside for her. She looked towards where he had been pointing and gasped.

Out of this that we can control
Baby I am dyin’

Kurt had managed to situate Kitty to where she was hanging onto his side while he climbed to the top of the tree. Kitty mentally chanted to herself “don’t look down” as they climbed higher and higher. But she trusted Kurt with all of her being and knew he would never allow anything to happen to her. Upon reaching the top of the tree, he smiled as he pushed the branches out of his Kätzchen’s way and nodded with his head for her to climb the rest of the way. Knowing that Kurt was behind her was all the reassurance Kitty needed. Breaking through the top of the tree, she gasped.

Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?

A doe and her two fawns were grazing a on small, softly damp, bright green patch of grass. Periodically, the doe would reach down and lick the back of one of her babies’ heads. It was possibly one of the cutest, sweetest, prettiest things that Rogue had ever witnessed and she was so thankful that Remy had led her to it. While Rogue was enthralled with the perfect scene before her, Remy took the opportunity to stare at her gleeful profile openly, not remembering the last time he had felt this content.

Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you?

Kitty could see everything and she meant really everything. The entire forest was stretched out before her like a sea of green, contrasting beautifully with the blanket of blue and white that the sky created, finally the mountains in the distance framed everything. I wonder if this is how it feels to look at the world from God’s seat, she thought. Kurt could appreciate the beauty of the natural world that surrounded them, but all he could really focus on was the joyful knot in the pit of his stomach that was created in knowing that he had made Kitty happy.

Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can’t I speak whenever I talk about you?
It’s inevitable, it’s a fact that we’re gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can’t I breathe whenever I think about you?
Whenever I think about you
Whenever I think about you
Whenever I think about you
Whenever I think about you

What you’ve just read is 76 pages long on Word so what I’m about to say may come as a shock to some: this is not the entire chapter. I was getting impatient with myself... I’m not even sure if that’s possible! So much like Quentin Tarantino did with Kill Bill, I’ve decided to release half of the chapter now, and then the next half when I’m done with it. Once I’m done with the second half of this chapter (I shudder to think about how long that thing’s going to be), I will take down this “tiny” (I use that word very loosely) update, and post the chapter in its entirety. I also have a very long author’s note at the ready of the second half to explain why this has taken so long to update. I hope I’ve made some people happy. Later!