Running to Stand Still

Logan let the engine idle outside the Institute's main gate. He'd been gone for a couple of days, finding the worst possible dives to patronize. It was after the fifth hooker had propositioned him that he'd finally left, disgusted with himself and the way he'd treated Kat.

He roared up the drive and put the motorcycle in the garage before striding into the mansion and straight into Rogue. "Hey, kid, you seen Kat around?"

Rogue nodded. "She's in the rec room playin' foosball with Bobby an' St. John an' Remy."

"How's she doin?"

\y, Iy, I s'pose. Her knee's been painin' her, but other 'n that, she's fine." Rogue quirked an eyebrow at him. "You okay, Logan? You look kinda … run-down."

Logan grunted. "Yeah, kid, I'm fine." He walked pher her and into the rec room, standing in the doorway and willing Kat to look up at him. She was leaning on one crutch, only playing the defensive line while Remy took up the rest of the spots.

When she finally did, he saw the surprise and hurt in her eyes; damn, even after three days it was still there. He went over to her.

"Kat, can we talk?"

She looked wary and probably would have said no, but Jubilee came up to them. "Hey, Kat, I'll take your place. You go make with the talky-talky, okay?"

Kat shot her a venomous look before taking her other crutch from the wall and following Logan out and then into thety dty den. Most of the kids around were either in the rec room or outside, leaving them in uncomfortable silence.

She sat down in the armchair. "You wanted to talk, so talk."

Logan sat down on the edge of the couch, his gaze intense and sincere enough that she didn't look away. "I know I tried to apologize the other day, but you wouldn't let me say what I wanted then." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "Hell, at that point I wasn't even sure what I wanted to say in the first place. Will you listen to me now?"

She sighed. "Sure, go ahead."

"I'm sorry for dropping you so suddenly, it was just … After what you'd told me about your stepfather, and the way that you were letting me hold you, I started thinking things that no decent man should."

Kat frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Kat, I've been attracted to you since I first met you. Maybe at first it was just physical, but I'd like to think that maybe it's more than that now. We share some sort of understanding that we've been wronged and even if we can't punish the ones who did it, we can move on."

He cleared his throat, the fingers of one hand rubbing the knuckles of the other; his claws itched for some reason. "I thought of you as more than just a good friend, and that disgusted me."

"Great, so I disgust you." Kat angrily got to her feet. "If you don't have anything new to tell me, then leave me be."

He shot to his feet.hat?hat? You think that you disgust me?" Suddenly all the pieces began to fall into place, and he felt like the biggest jerk in the world. That in itself should have warned him that his feelings for her were more serious than he'd originally thought.

"Oh, God, darlin', I never meant that." He moved over to her, tentatively touching her arm. "I was disgusted with myself for thinking of you like that because you had just told me you'd been raped, and all I could think of was how close you were to me and how good you smelled. I wasn't disgusted because I thought you were dirty or anything."

Kat looked up at him with confusion and relief in her eyes. "You don't find me disgusting?"

Logan laughed roughly. "God, no. No, I think you're beautiful and …" He frowned. "Who told you that you were disgusting?"

She blushed. "No one, I just … It's how I feel, after what's been done to me." She looked down. "I've felt that way for the past two years."

He took her by the arms, hands gripping her tightly but not painfully. "Kat, you are not disgusting or ugly or anything like that. What was done to you, now that is the most revolting thing in the world, but what happened is not what you are. What happened makes you a survivor." He chucked her lightly on the chin. "Two of a kind, eh, darlin'?"

She laughed softly. "Something like that." Her face flushed even more red. "God, I feel like such an idiot for thinking you meant what I thought you meant. Can you forgive me?"

"Anything, darlin'. I can forgive you anything." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, then the tip of her nose, before gathering her into his arms and settling them both in the armchair. "How's your knee feelin'?"

Kat shifted so that her wounded leg hung over the arm of the chair. "Well, my body hasn't rejected the implant, so that's going okay. It hurts like a bitch, though, and I'm still pretty clumsy with these damn crutches." She smiled shyly at him. "God, I can only imagine what it's like to have metal in your body."

"You sink real fast in water," he teased, his chest tightening when a genuine smile bloomed on her face. "You should do that more often, Kat."

"What?"

"Smile."

She made that snuffling noise again as she rested her head on his chest, hand idly playing with the dogtags that had escaped from beneath his shirt. "Wolverine," she read, the letters stamped in the metal along with a code of numbers. "So you didn't pick the name yourself?"

He schooled his face to stillness, his eyes becoming hooded again. "No, I think the people who put the metal in me gave it to me. It's made of adamantium, too." He lifted it, letting the light glint off of it in cold shades of gray and blue. "About fifteen years ago," he said quietly, burying his face in her hair as if hiding from his past, "I woke up in the Canadian wilderness with metal in my bones and no memory except for a name, and this tag around my neck."

"You haven't remembered anything in fifteen years?" Kat absentmindedly ran her hand through his dark, wild hair, the pads of her fingers massaging little circles on his scalp.

Her only answer was the nearly-purring growl coming from deep in his chest that made her giggle.

"What's so funny?"

Kat grinned. "You sound like a very happy cat." She scratched behind his left ear and was rewarded with a sharper growl.

His head snapped up, eyes gone dark as he looked at her. "Darlin', I already told you that I felt bad for wanting to take advantage of you the other night, but a man can only take so much." He grabbed her hands and put them both in one of his.

She stilled in his lap, lower lip being caught again between her teeth as a wicked little smile danced in her green eyes. "A man can only take so much, hmmm?"

Logaowleowled. "You're gonna be the death of me, babe." He buried his face in her hair again, then thought better of it when the scent of roses and Kat threatened to break his concentration. He took a ragged breath before looking at her again. "Kat, what do you feel?"

She frowned, the bridge of her nose wrinkling slightly. "What do you mean?"

"When you're with me, what do you feel?"

"Safety." She met his gaze firmly. "I feel safe and warm … and something that I still can't describe. Something strong and deep and way too philosophical for either of us to understand at the moment, but it's there."

"Same thing here, darlin'."

"I make you feel safe?"

He breathed out. "Well, maybe not safe, but warm, and understood, and maybe even a little needed." The parts of him inside that were broken and animal didn't like that little admission, but the human parts settled a bit more.

Kat had been watching his face and knew that his confession had meant something to him. Before he could stop her, she leaned forward and kissed him softly. To her pleasant surprise, his hand slid around to cradle the back of her neck as he deepened the kiss, pushing gently at her lips with his tongue.

She tasted exactly like he'd thought she would, sweet and tangy all at once. He explored her mouth almost greedily, wanting to claim territory that no other man had ever marked as his own.

She moved softly against him, kissing back tentatively at first before finding his rhythm and going with it. He tasted like cigars and beer on her tongue. Her arms went around his back, nails gripping his shoulders lightly.

"You taste incredible, darlin'," Logan said, skimming his lips across her neck to nip at her ear. "And you smell even better."

"What do I smell like?" she said, her breath coming out in a sigh.

His smile was damn close to proprietary. "Me. You've got my scent all over you, darlin', and I like it."

Kat snorted. "You sound like you own me or something."

L gro growled softly against her neck. "Does that bother you?"

She shook her head, shivering at the feel of his hot breath on her skin.

Someone clearing their throat at the door made them both look up. Scott stood there, arms crossed over his chest and an eyebrow quirked over his glasses. "Am I interrupting something?"

Kat gave him a lazy smile. "Logan and I are making up," she explained, not moving from the Wolverine's lap.

"I see," Scott replied, not believing a word of it.

"Where's Roguey?" Kat teased, grinning when Scott's fair skin blushed. "Now why are you blushing, Scott? Did I strike a nerve?"

Logan looked confused but kept his mouth shut.

"Leave off, Kat, and get your butt to dinner. I figured I'd have to come find you when I didn't see you in the dining room." He pointedly glanced at Logan, who merely growled.

Scott made a noise and walked away to the sound of Kat's laughter.

"What was that about?" Logan asked. "Why are you teasin' him about Rogue?"

Kat smiled and climbed out of his lap, situating her on on her crutches. "Scott dropped Jean and I just opened his eyes to other possibilities."

Logan's eyebrow quirked and Kat's smile widened. "I love it when you do that," she said. "You look like you're thinking something evil."

"Maybe I am, darlin'." He laughed when he heard her stomach growl. "C'mon, let's go get some dinner and watch the Rogue and Scott Show."