In Fear of Three Little Words

One more chapter. Hope that gives everyone a little fix for the moment.


Chapter 57


Logan sat slumped with his arms crossed against his chest like a petulant child. He knew he couldn’t look more closed off and inaccessible if he tried, but this whole therapist/counseling thing just raked across the grain with him even though he was suppose to be here because he “wanted” to be.

Cassandra Martin sat adjacent to him looking almost as uncomfortable as he. She wore a deep green pants suit with a pale pink silk blouse beneath and her hair was tied back into a short ponytail. Again, she wore the lilac perfume...or maybe it was her shampoo. A pretty lady...not beautiful but pretty.

And who was he to decide who was pretty or beautiful or not?

Deliberately, Logan pushed up and uncrossed his arms. With a deep breath let out he met Cassie’s gaze and tried for a sliver of a smile.

“Sorry,” he said. “I’m not comfortable with this counseling stuff.”

“Most people aren’t,” she replied. “But we’re really here to help Kurt and I know you want to help him, Logan.”

“That’s the only reason I’m here.”

“At least, you’re honest with me,” she said with an amused smile. “How do you think Kurt is doing? You’re closer to him that anyone else I’d guess.”

Logan hesitated, trying to track Kurt’s progress or his lack thereof. “Overall, not too bad considering what he’s been through thst sst six...seven months. He’s training hard and I think that’s cause it makes him feel more in control...maybe even a way to keep his mind off other stuff. He’s definitely recovered physically. And he’s hittin’ the books hard. I think he’s gonna graduate with straight A’s.”

Cassie nodded. “But emotionally....”

“That’s a whole ‘nother story, sister.”

“Can you elaborate?”

Elaborate? Just a fancy word for sayin’ give me the details.

Logan cleared his throat and crossed his arms against his chest once again just because he didn’t know what to do with his hands. “Okay. He’s quiet and Kurt’s not quiet. He’s always been ready with a quick joke...a laugh...a grin. Sometimes he could get annoying, but now...I kinda miss that side of him. Ya know, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?”

“Yes, I know what you mean.”

“And the others, the students and the rest treat him with kid gloves. I think it’s startin’ to get on the elf’s nerves.”

“And yours?”

“Nah, not really. I’m just as guilty.”

“Maybe if you started being more...normal with him, the others would follow your lead.”

Logan let his gaze slip away, thinking on Cassie’s suggestion. Yeah, that might help, but could he do it? That was the real question. Could he stop being the ever present protector and let Kurt take back his confidence in himself?

“I can give it a shot. See if it helps. But ya know, the only thing that’s gonna help Kurt is for that scumbag Sabertooth to be caught. The kid’s always lookin’ over his shoulder. He’s jumpy out in public...at school. That’s what Kitty and Rogue tell me anyway.”

“I’m glad to hear you’re not following him to school,” she said with another amused smile.

Logan found himself smiling back. “Not like I haven’t thought of it.”

“I thought as much. You’re very protective of him, aren’t you?”

“You could say that and ya wouldn’t be wrong.”

“Has there been any progress in finding this Sabertooth?” Cassie asked.

A sneer tried to take over Logan’s face. “No,” he all but snarl. “There’s people out lookin’ for him. And Charles is doin’ everything he can to track him down. The rest of the kids take there own free time trying to find him too. But so far, nothin’. The man knows how to hide. I’ll give him that.”

“What about you?”

“Have I been lookin’? When I can, but I won’t leave Kurt. He’s not ready for that.”

“Has he said as much?” Cassie ask
“
“He doesn’t say much of nothin’ concerning Sabertooth. It’s kind of a silent agreement between us. He doesn’t want me gone for long. And I won’t deny Kurt that.”

“Do you think he’s afraid of you finding this Sabertooth and possibly being injured or even killed? He tells me you are...spontaneous in your decision making.”

Logan let out a snort. “Reckless is the word. Yeah, I’ve got a problem with actin’ before I think sometimes. One of my more endearing qualities,” he shot back with dripping sarcasm. “But I don’t know if that’s what’s on Kurt’s mind or not. He hasn’t said.” He gave Cassie a scrutinizing gaze. “Did he tell you that? Does he want me to stay close to protect me from myself? To protect me from Sabertooth?”

Cassie offered a shrug. “I’m not really at liberty to say.”

“Hm,” Logan said with an excelled breath. “That’s answer enough.”

Shifting her weight, Cassie crossed one leg over the other and leaned forward. By her body language, Logan suspected she was about to go someplace different...maybe someplace he wasn’t likely to want to go.

“Have you and Kurt been intimate since he was assaulted?”

Logan shoved up out of his chair, fists clenched. “Just wait a minute, lady. What business is that of yours?”

“Logan, please,” she said, putting a hand out in supplication. “I know this is difficult, but intimacy between couples, particularly a couple who has been through what you two have been through is an important factor in the healing process. Please help me help Kurt.”

Logan stared down at Cassie for a moment then turned and stalked away from her sincere gaze and her placating gestures. He paced the room and the woman said nothing, just letting him comes to grips with her request. He ran a hand back through his hair and turned to look at Cassie, this woman, a third of his age inquiring about his and Kurt’s sex life.

“Dammit, woman,” Logan growled. “You ask a lot of a guy.”

She rose and came to him and only then did Logan realize what a little thing she was. Yet, Cassie had a presence, a confidence in herself and maybe that was why people could confide in her. If she could believe in herself then she could believe in them.

“Only what I truly think will help the situation. This is an area that Kurt will need help healing. I know you two were sexually active prior to his assault. I just want to help you both move beyond the ordeal and back to a healthy life together.”

Logan eyed her, calculating what she knew and what Kurt had told her.

“You know how me and the elf got together?”

Her gaze flicked away, then back again, a troubled look crossing her face. “Yes,” she said, her voice low. “I know what happened between you. The first appiapping and that you were drugged.”

“And that I raped him while under the influence of that drug.”

Her gaze stayed steady this time and she nodded.

Logan took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. “Good, cause I don’t want to go there again.”

“But maybe you should,” Cassie countered, reaching out to him. “Maybe Kurt isn’t the only one who hasn’t dealt with the impact of that first kidnapping.”

Logan grabbed Cassie’s wrist and pulled her close. “Look, girly. You said you weren’t gonna psycho-analyze me. I’d appreciate it if you’d stick with that plan of action.”

“But I can help you,” she said, ignoring his manhandling.

“Yeah, you can help me,” Logan said, letting go and giving her a gentle push away. “You can help me by helping Kurt. Okay? Got that?”

Cassie let out a sigh of defeat and rubbed her wrist. “I’ve got that, but are you going to answer my question?”

“The intimacy question?” Logan asked, knowing full well what she was asking.

“Yes, the intimacy question,” she said with a hint of exasperation in her tone.

Logan was starting to try her patience and he held back a grin at the thought.

“Yeah, we have. Not all the way, but we were...intimate. Just last night. That was the first time since December. Since his kidnapping.”

“Let’s sit,” Cassie said, a hand indicating the chairs they had vacated. She drew him back with a gesture and Logan settled again into the chair, not feeling anymore comfortable than before. “Did Kurt initiate the intimacy or did you?”

“He did. I wouldn’t do that to him. I don’t push him. That’s the last thing he needs right now.”

“And how was it? Did it go well?” she asked.

Logan suppressed a growl. “So, so. He did great while he was in control...ya know...doin’ me.”

“But he had trouble allowing himself the same release?”

“You hit the nail straight on, sister. I offered to stop, but he didn’t want to. We made it, but I just hope it was the right thing to do.”

“He did reach climax then?”

“Yeah,” Logan said, hoping he wasn’t as red in the face as he felt. “I think he was upset with himself. He said it shouldn’t be so hard. I just told him I’d have been surprised if it’d been easy.”

The memory of the previous night came back to Logan, of the ecstacy and the turmoil and near despair he felt...afraid for Kurt, afraid for himself that they couldn’t repair what had been so terribly ruined.

“Did I say the right thing?” Logan asked, leaning forward this time, his hands clasped together in a tight grip. He reeked of his own deatioation. “Did I do the right thing?”

Cassie’s eyes were full of contained emotion. Logan looked for sympathy, searched for pity or contempt, but found only empathy in her warm gaze.

She placed a hand on his arm and this time Logan let her touch him. “It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things, Logan. Continue to be open and loving, but for the time being, let him make the advances. Okay?”

Logan sat back and felt some of the tension fall away, his mind eased by her words of encouragement. He nodded. “Yeah, that sound good.” He looked up to see her smiling at him.
“What?”

“See, now that wasn’t so difficult, was it?” Cassie said with her own brand of gentle sarcasm.

“Right,” Logan replied matching her tone. “Next time, you sit on this side and we’ll see how difficult it is.”