In Fear of Three Little Words

Sorry I've been so long getting this next chapter up. It's been a busy week and I haven't had time...or energy to write in the evenings after work. I'm going to try to get another chapter written today.

Tana, thanks for reviewing. I certainly am glad to hear you are not seeing a theraptist for the same reasons as Kurt! Depression...yeah. Been there and still taking the little Paxil pill. Extreme anxiety and depression kept me from writing for almost two years. I thought the muse had died in me. Terribly frightening. That's why I owe so much to X-men Evo. My muse came back to me and I owe it all to this series.

And, on top of that, my best friend...and beta reader has put a bug in my ear for another story after this one. That should make Dark happy.

Enjoy.


Chapter 56


The television droned on while its light glared off the walls of Kurt’s room. Logan stared without seeing, his thoughts wandering. Kurt lay in the crook of his arm, head resting on his shoulder. Logan glanced over and Kurt’s gaze was distant, far from the movie playing on the television.

Languidly, Logan ran a hand down Kurt’s arm, stroking soft fur. He took comfort from these quiet moments alone, a new appreciation for each day together rising from the depth of tragedy. That Kurt let Logan touch him, hold him was a minor miracle unto itself. And that Logan was a part of that tragedy made the miracle all the more wondrous.

Beneath the fur, Logan felt strong muscle, a runner’s body, the quick, slim compact muscle of an acrobat or dancer. Kurt was starting to grow into the man he’d soon be. Already, Logan noticed Kurt no longer had to look up to meet his gaze.

Logan’s thoughts continued to wander, conjuring frustration when he remembered how easily Ms Cassie Martin had manipulated him. She reminded him of Jean...and Charles. They had a way of making whatever they said make perfect sense even while he was trying to find a reasonable defense against their arguments. Why he let people like that talk him into...and out of...doing what he didn’t want to or did want to do, he’d never know.

But then maybe...just maybe he wanted to be manipulated. He hadn’t felt like he’d been doing Kurt much good. Maybe this way, even if he didn’t want her prying into his mind, he might still be able to help Kurt through the aftermath of both ordeals.

And all that did was remind him that Sabertooth was still out there hold up tight...somewhere. Charles had even gone as far as contacting Magneo seo see if Sabertooth had crawled back to him after this last “job” had gone south. But Magneto had denied any knowledge of Sabertooth’s whereabouts and Charles believed him. For what reason, Logan didn’t know.

The urge to hunt rose up inside of Logan, the desire for blood...Sabertooth’s blood, a bitter taste on his tongue. But he couldn’t leave Kurt.

Worthless. Yer absolutely worthless. You can’t get Sabertooth. You can’t help Kurt.

Logan sucked in air and let it out slowly. Rage did not belong in bed with him and Kurt. It didn’t belong anywhere near the elf. He swallowed down his own bile and forced his body to relax.

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked.

Logan shifted and drew Kurt closer into the fold of his arm and Kurt shifted with him, a knee sliding over Logan’s leg. Logan almost groaned with the near contact to his groin. He felt Kurt’s hand roam over his chest and wished his shirt wasn’t between him and Kurt’s touch.

“Yeah, sure. Just thinkin’ too much.”

Kurt shifted again, stretching up and Logan felt lips touch his neck in a gentle kiss. “That’s not good for you. It will give you a headache.”

Logan swallowed hard, trying to keep his body under his control, but Kurt’s hand moved, fingers deftly working the buttons of his shirt and sliding inside to caress his skin.

A groan escaped him and Kurt’s lips pulled into a smile against his neck.

They hadn’t made love since December, since before Trask and Sabertooth had tried to destroy their lives. Their kisses had been chaste, their touch comforting, not sensual though Logan found himself aroused when he shouldn’t even think of such things. His body seemed to have a mind of its own far too often these days.

Kurt’s intimate touch now stirred Logan’s body without effort. The desire to roll Kurt over and devour him washed over Logan and he clamped down on it with all his will. He let his hand meander down along Kurt’s side, stroking hip and thigh through sweat pants.

Kurt snuggled closer and kissed Logan’s ear, nibbling the lobe then grazing on his neck again. Fingers slid up Logan’s neck and along his jaw, turning his face. Lips caught his, a tentative kiss at first, slowly deepening. Logan waited for Kurt to take it further, allowing Kurt control. When Kurt opened his mouth against his, Logan sighed with relief. They were making progress.

Logan’s shirt lay open now and Kurt’s hand roamed, stroking nipples, caressing along his ribs and across his stomach. They kissed, exploring territory that once was familiar landscape grown alien with lack of use.

Kurt’s hand slid lower, fingers tugging at Logan’s belt, working it open. With effort, Logan closed his hand around Kurt’s.

Kurt pulled back from their kiss and his eyes questioned Logan. “What’s wrong? Don’t you want me to touch you?”

Logan let out another groan. “Yeah, of course, but I...how far is this goin’, sweetheart? You sure you’re ready?”

Kurt’s gaze dropped. “I...I’m not ready to go all the way, if that’s what you’re asking.” That bright gold gaze met Logan’s again. “But I want to touch you. I want to make you happy.”

“You make me happy just bein’ here in my arms, elf.”

“But I want to do more. I want to give you that. Please.”

“Hey,” Logan said with a grin. “You don’t have to beg. You can touch me anywhere you want.”

Kurt smiled in return. “Then relax and let me be in control, okay? Think you can handle that?”

“Yeah,” Logan said with a chuckle. “I can handle that.”

Logan relaxed into the pillows and let Kurt take control. Lips traced the line of his jaw and along his neck, sucking gently. Hot breath stirred his hair and tickled his ear.

Deftly, Kurt finished working Logan’s belt, the button and zipper following with ease. His cock was hard as rock, throbbing already with need. Kurt’s hand ran over the bulge and kneaded Logan’s balls with a knowing touch. Logan let out a sighing breath and swallowed hard.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Kurt began. “But your jeans are too tight. I can’t get them down.”

With a laugh, Logan reached down and worked his jeans off. “That better?”

“Much,” Kurt replied.

Logan felt Kurt’s lips on one nipple, sucking and licking. Another groan escaped him while Kurt’s hand stroked his cock with an expert grip.

Too long, Logan had waited for the touch of his lover’s hand. Too long and now his body wanted instant release when all he wanted was for this feeling to last forever. Logan struggled between these two desires, but his body won the battle, his orgasm erupting out of him. Logan sank his teeth deep into his lower lip, holding back the howl that tried to escape.

Kurt pushed up over him and pressed soft lips to his. Logan pulled Kurt down and his mouth devoured Kurt’s until he felt Kurt stiffen towards panic. Logan eased his grip and let Kurt draw back.

“I’m sorry, elf,” Logan said breathlessly.

“No, don’t be,” Kurt replied and laid his head on Logan’s chest, body snuggling close once again.
“I...just...can’t always control what comes to my mind.”

“I know. I should have been more careful.”

Kurt’s hand caressed Logan’s chest, stroking almost absently. “I want that passion again, Logan.”

Logan reached down and drew Kurt’s hand to his lips, kissing each finger and the palm. “We have it, sweetheart. We just need to treat it with kid gloves right now. Ease into it.”

Kurt nodded against Logan’s chest then turned his face up and reached for Logan’s lips. “Will you touch me?” Kurt asked against Logan’s mouth. “Will you show me that passion again? I want to feel it. I want to know it hasn’t died inside of me.”

Logan leaned up over Kurt and traced his fingers over his lover’s face. “It isn’t dead, sweetheart.” Logan heard his own desperate need in his voice. “It’s there and I’ll help you bring it back to the surface.”

Kurt smiled up at him, a trusting smile reminding Logan of how Kurt had trusted him when he had no reason to trust.

Logan let his hand roam down Kurt’s chest and under his tee shirt, stroking soft fur. Kurt sighed, yet Logan felt Kurt’s body struggling to allow his intimate touch.

“I love you,” Logan whispered into Kurt’s ear. “Let me love you, sweetheart.” He kissed cheek and jaw line and when his lips touched that slender neck, a whimpering sob escaped Kurt. Logan stopped moving, hovering just above his lover.

“Don’t stop,” Kurt said with another stifled sob. “Please...help me.”

“Oh, baby. I love you so much. Just try to remember it’s me. I’m the only one who’s touchin’ you...lovin’ you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

Logan leaned down again and kissed Kurt’s neck, knowing why this simple act brought back such terrible memories. Sabertooth had ravaged Kurt’s neck, had torn flesh and made a mockery of his and Kurt’s lovemaking.

Gently he kissed Kurt’s ear, tongue tracing from the tip to the lobe. He let his hand move downward, caressing Kurt’s stomach, grazing his hip. With a thumb, he hooked the waist of Kurt’s sweat pants and pushed them down over one hip. Kurt’s hips lifted and allowed Logan to finish the job. Logan stroked Kurt’s hip and the base of his tail, renewing the physical intimacy of their relationship. Logan reached for Kurt’s mouth just as his hand caressed Kurt’s cock, working to awaken his lover’s passion with a gentle touch.

Kurt’s body was rigid, one hand grabbing the edge of Logan’s open shirt and holding on with a death grip. Beneath Logan’s hand, Kurt’s cock stirred, slowly hardening. With a firm grip, Logan worked Kurt’s cock, not hurrying the hoped for inevitability of Kurt’s coming. He felt Kurt’s breath grow ragged against his mouth and Logan lightened the kiss.

“Relax, sweetheart,” Logan whispered into Kurt’s ear. “You’re so tight you’re about to snap in two.”

“I...I...I’m trying,” Kurt gasped out.

Logan let out a sigh. Were they doing more damage by forcing this too soon?

“You want me to stop?” he asked.

Hesitation. “Nnn....no.”

Logan let out another sigh and eased back on his stoking, being as gentle as he knew how to be. With a caress of his lips he kissed Kurt’s hair, working his way down Kurt’s face to a tightly clenched jaw. Logan kissed the edge of Kurt’s mouth and felt jaw muscle relax and teeth unclench. Kurt turned his face and Logan looked down into a golden gaze tarnished by emotional turmoil.

“Relax,” he whispered again. “I love you. I’ll never hurt you again. I swear it on my life, elf.”

Kurt swallowed hard and a little smile tugged at one corner of Kurt’s mouth. “I know. I trust you, Logan.”

“And I still don’t know why you do.” Logan bent down and kissed sweet lips and felt Kurt open his mouth to his. He deepened the kiss and increased his speed of stroke.

Kurt’s hips ground against Logan and Kurt’s kisses grew more frantic, lips and tongue needy and wanting. Fingers ran up into Logan’s hair and held on. Kurt’s tail slapped the bed in agitation or ecstacy. Logan wasn’t sure which, but he didn’t stop and hoped he was making the right decision.

A moan escaped Kurt’s mouth, filling Logan’s with his lover’s breath. Kurt’s hips thrust forward and Logan felt Kurt’s orgasm rise from deep inside of him. Kurt bit off a cry of release and flung his head back. Logan gently kissed Kurt’s throat and collar bone, reaching up to lay another kiss just behind the ear. Another moan seeped from between clenched teeth.

“Easy, sweetheart,” Logan murmured. “That’s it. Enjoy it. Make it yours again.”

Kurt sucked in a ragged breath and licked his lips. His breath began to quiet and Logan eased off, tenderly fondling Kurt’s balls and softened cock. With another sigh, Kurt relaxed into Logan’s embrace and Logan caressed Kurt’s hip and slid his hand up Kurt’s stomach and chest, fingers tracing jaw and cheek.

Logan met Kurt’s golden gaze and saw the strangest mixture of relief and anguish.

“What’s the matter, baby?” Logan asked. “Wasn’t it good?”

Kurt nodded, but a battle waged in those beautiful eyes. “It shouldn’t...be so hard.”

“Yeah...it should. After what you’ve been through. I can’t imagine it bein’ easy.”

Kurt swallowed hard and a wistful smile pulled at his mouth. “Well, at least we know some part of me isn’t broken.”

“Damn straight, elf. And it’s gonna get easier.”

“Thank you.”

“For what? For doin’ what I always want to do...make you happy?”

“For agreeing to talk to Cassie.”

Logan looked away and reached for a box of tissues on the bedside table. “Yeah. Sure. No problem,” he said flatly. He cleaned them up and pitched the tissues in a wastebasket.

“I know it’s a problem for you,” Kurt said after watching Logan for a minute. “I know you don’t want to.”

“I don’t agree to nothin’ I don’t wanna do.” Logan settled back on the bed and pulled Kurt into his arms.

“You are such a liar sometimes.”

“And you know what you are sometimes.”

“I know. I know. A pain in the ass.”

Logan leaned up on one elbow and looked down on Kurt. “I’m doin’ this for you. Because I wanna help you.”

Kurt reached up and stroked Logan’s jaw. “And it will help me. You’ll see. Cassie’s a very nice woman. She’s very understanding. She’s doesn’t judge, if that’s what you are afraid of. She just listens.”

“And asks questions.”

“Yes, she does that. Sometimes she has to or we’d just sit and stare at each other.”

Logan laid back down and stared up at the ceiling. “Maybe it’s time I dealt with a few “issues” myself,” he said with deliberate sarcasm.

“Oh, I don’t know if Cassie is ready for that. Your issues could take years.”

Logan turned his head with a quick snap and saw mischief in Kurt’s eyes and a playful grin on his lover’s lips.