In Fear of Three Little Words

Chapter 52


Logan followed Fury down the long steel corridor of SHIELD headquarters, claustrophobia already setting in. He suppressed a growl, not liking the sterile feel of the place too much like Trask’s facility, nor the job waiting for him at the end of this journey.

Fury lead him to a small room furnished with a table, two chairs, a monitor and a DVD player. A large box of discs sat on the table.

“You’re sure this is everything?” Logan asked.

“Everything we’ve found so far,” Fury stated. “Isn’t that enough?”

“Only if it’s everything that has to do with Kurt.”

Fury shrugged. “If we find anything else I’ll let you know, but we’ve been through Trask’s office, his labs, his personal quarters. I doubt we’ll find anything else. Anyway, this should keep you busy for hours.”

Logan settled into a chair, pulled out a stack of discs and stared at them like they’d bite. “Ya got any coffee?”

With a snort, Fury said, “I think I can rummage some up. Stay here. Don’t leave this room without an escort.”

“I know the drill,” Logan growled. “If I need to use the little boy’s room, I’ll ring for the nanny.”

Fury gave a humorless laugh and left Logan alone.

He sorted discs, trying to decipher Trask’s codes. Nothing made instant sense. He’d just have to try one and see what he got. Sticking a disc into the player, Logan sat back and hit the play button on the remote.

He watched with a held breath then let it out when nothing of interest appeared, just Trask touring his “new” facility and making comparisons to his “old” facility.

Logan spot checked the rest and picked up another disc.

A young woman in uniform brought in a cup of coffee. “Just press that button on the wall if you need anything,” she said, setting down the cup. “Looks like I’m your babysitter for the day.”

“Lucky you,” Logan replied and waited for her to leave before starting the next disc.

A half dozen discs later and still nothing of interest to him. The lack didn’t raise Logan’s hopes nor ease his mind. He had come to know Bolivar Trask too well to believe what had been done to Kurt wasn’t on these discs somewhere.

Or some disc, somewhere.

Checking again, Logan searched for a code he hadn’t already tried and stuck in the next disc. He sipped the dregs of his coffee and pushed the button once more.

Instantly, Logan knew he had something. Sabertooth appeared and lying limp in his arms was Kurt, his image inducer still working.

A snarl rose in Logan’s throat, his rage rising at the sight of his nemesis and his unconscious lover. Sabertooth dumped Kurt onto a table in a laboratory and stepped back next to Trask, allowing Trask’s underlings to strip Kurt of his image inducer and his clothing, then strapping Kurt down to the table and snapping a collar around Kurt’s neck.

He watched Kurt wake and the terror that registered on that young face tore a hole in Logan’s heart, bleeding out his sorrow.

This should never have happened. They had grown complacent when Trask made no move, dangerously inattentive, the holidays having added to their distraction as well. And although Logan was certain Kurt could have done nothing to stop Sabertooth, Logan should have never let Kurt out alone in the first place.

Guilt once more swarmed over Logan as he watched Trask torturing Kurt with nothing more than a well calculated touch, too familiar with Kurt’s body, too intimate, mouthing threats while Sabertooth waited patiently for his turn.

He forced himself to watch Kurt once more endure Trask’s tests, humiliation upon humiliation that Logan knew oh so well.

When the recording reached its end, Logan ejected the disc. With his bare hand he crumbled it into little pieces.

Now that he understood the code, Logan arranged the discs. Only chance had lead him to pick up that particular disc, the first in the sequence. The next, he knew, should be in chronological order.

The woman once again stuck her head in the door. “You doing okay? Agent Fury said to check on you.”

“I’m just ducky, sister. Thanks for your concern.”

“I could probably round up some lunch if you’re interested.”

Food wasn’t on Logan’s agenda, knowing what came next would only get worse. “No thanks.”

She gave a shrug and closed the door.

For the next few hours Logan watched Sabertooth come repeatedly to Kurt’s cell and each time he left Kurt more devastated. But the elf had fought each time, never just giving up and hoping for less pain as a reward for complacency.

In spite of torture and drugs, Kurt had fought the good fight, a useless, futile battle that had to be fought nonetheless.

Logan’s soul ached and his stomach gnawed at itself. His head pounded with the constant tension and frustration and helplessness he felt over something already done and over with. But the fallout had hardly begun.

Kurt hadn’t wanted Logan to watch the recordings, had beg him to view just enough to destroy the discs, but now that he was here, Logan felt compelled to share Kurt’s pain.

The next disc turned his blood cold in his veins. Into a room Trask’s thugs dragged Kurt, forcing his arms up over his head, leather straps tightening painfully around already damaged wrists, ankles anchored to the floor in like manner.

Kurt’s eyes shown bright with fear and drugs and unshed tears. With cruel fingers Kurt’s lips were forced apart and a gag pushed into his mouth, tied at the back of his head.

Kurt struggled against his restraints in a futile effort to break free.

Then the torture began, electric shock just like they had endured their first captivity. All over again, Kurt suffered, passing out repeatedly only to be revived time and time again.

A pet. Trask had wanted to make a pet out of Kurt, breaking him like a wild animal. No wonder Kurt had reacted so strongly to what Fury’s medic had said about him.

Logan glanced at his watch. It was already into the afternoon and he’d promised Kurt he’d be home tonight, there to hold his lover while he slept.

He watched a few minutes more, sickened by Trask’s sadism and Sabertooth’s brutality. Finally, Logan stopped the disc and once again crumbled it into dust.

The following discs were no better, Sabertooth coming again and again to Kurt’s cell. In between, Kurt lay despondently with an occasional visit from a tech to inject him with drugs.

Sabertooth’s taunting and threats against the others, Kitty and Rogue, Jean and Scott sickened Logan and his rage multiplied until he had to close his eyes and get a grip on himself.

Finally calming, Logan rummaged through the last few discs, popping in one after another, discarding quickly that which had nothing to do with Kurt. One last disc remained, no code, no markings. When he put it in, Logan knew why. Trask hadn’t had time to mark it before the team and SHIELD had arrived to put an end to Trask’s experiments permanently.

Logan wanted to watch this one. He ignored his fight with Sabertooth for what he wanted to see was what Kurt had done to short circuit the collar. But all he saw was agony defining the line of Kurt’s tortured body and on that exquisite face shown concentration, a determination of will unlike any Logan had witnessed. A loud popping sound exploded and Kurt disappeared, reappearing almost instantly two feet away, collapsing to the floor, collar shattered and smoldering.

Absently, Logan shook his head, amazed at the courage and the strength Kurt had shown to accomplish something he, Logan had been unable to do. A grim smile pulled at his mouth.

“You beat it, sweetheart,” Logan murmured. “You beat Trask like nobody else could have.”

He retrieved the disc from the machine and stared at it. There was nothing here that anybody needed, nothing that would lead them to Sabertooth. Logan closed his fist around the disc, wishing that by destroying the disc he could somehow retrieve these last terrible days, rewind them...record over them with something better. But that wasn’t an option. All they could do was movrwarrward from here and try to salvage what was left.

He had found his courage to love, but what had Kurt lost in the process? They didn’t yet know, but Logan prayed it wasn’t something vital.

******************

Logan wearily pushed through the door of the mansion and locked it behind him. He let out a sigh and ran his hands back through his hair.

He was late, the midnight toll about to strike. On the stairs, a few steps up, sat Kurt, slumped over against the rail. Logan let out a sigh, moved up the stairs and sat down, an arm going around Kurt.

“Hey, elf,” he said gently.

Kurt stirred then sat up with a jerk, flinching away.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Logan said. “It’s me.”

Kurt sucked in air and stared at him. “You’re late. I’ve been waiting.”

“You should have gone to bed,” Logan replied drawing Kurt back to him.

With a shake of the head Kurt said, “I didn’t want to. I wanted to wait for you. Did you find them?”

Logan let out another sigh and nodded. “Yeah.” He swallowed hard and looked away, suddenly unable to meet Kurt’s gaze.

Kurt reached out and turned his face back. “You watched, didn’t you? That’s what took you so long, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I...had to.”

Kurt stiffened beside him. “You knew I didn’t want you to see me like that.” Kurt’s voice was desolate, filled with anguished pain. “You were only suppose to watch enough to know to destroy it.”

“I know, but I couldn’t...I had to. I had to so I could share your pain. You shouldn’t have to face this alone.”

With a heavy sigh Kurt said, “I’m not alone, Logan. I know that. But you deliberately tortured youf byf by watching. Did you do it to punish yourself?”

Logan looked away again. “I don’t know. I just had to.”

Kurt leaned into him and Logan turned and kissed Kurt’s hair. He let his fingers brush through silky strands and he pressed his lips to Kurt’s temple.

“Did Trask record everything?” Kurt asked, his tone little more than a whisper.

“I’d say so. It looks like the discs covered about fifty hours or so. I shot through most of it pretty fast.”

“Fifty hours?” Kurt took a shaky breath. “Is that all it was? It felt like eternity.”

“I know,” Logan replied. “You didn’t tell me what Trask did to you, elf. That he tortured you like that. That he wanted to break you. Make a pet out of you.”

“What was I suppose to say?” Kurt answered after a pause. “I didn’t want to talk about it. Anyway, I would have died before I’d let him do that to me.” Kurt slumped a little, like a part of him had seeped out. “But he came close.” Kurt’s whisper almost got by Logan.

Logan pulled back and gently forced Kurt to meet his gaze. “He came close?”

Kurt closed his eyes and tears trembled against dark eyelashes. “He almost broke me. He...he came so close.”

Logan stared, trying to wrap his mind around Kurt’s words. The images from the discs came without conjuring and Logan thought he knew that moment Kurt felt on the verge of breaking.

“But you didn’t, sweetheart,” Logan finally said.

“Maybe not broken...but I feel...cracked all over.”

“Give it time,” Logan offered, feeling inadequate to deal with Kurt’s emotional pain. He was good at handling concrete things, confrontations...the physical world. But this inner world of anguish and ordeal wometomething else all together, something he wasn’t used to dealing with. He had failed so miserably with the love issue. This time he had to find a way to help Kurt through the aftermath of this ordeal. “We’re gonna get through this.”

Kurt sniffed and wiped at his eyes. “Where do all the tears come from? I was never like this as a child.”

“Tears are natural. Don’t let anybody tell ya differently. There’s nothin’ wrong with a man cryin’...not from somethin’ like this.”

Kurt smiled and Logan’s heart did a flipflop. He cherished every smile now as if it was a gift.

Reaching out, Logan touched Kurt’s mouth with a finger, tracing the healing cut, glad now that the swelling had almost disappeared.

“Kiss me,” Kurt whispered. “It seems like forever since your lips have touched mine.”

“Forever,” Logan whispered in return. He leaned forward and drew Kurt to him.

The kiss was soft and closed mouthed. Logan pulled back and watched for signs of discomfort from Kurt. But none came, that gentle smile returning.

“I love you so much, Logan,” Kurt said. “I don’t know how I’d live through this without you.”

“You don’t have to, elf. I’m right here. Lovin’ you just as much.”

They sat in silence for a while until finally Logan stirred from his thoughts. “Let’s go to bed.”

Kurt nodded and let Logan lead him up the stairs.