Unchained Instinct ( Complete)

Chapter 50


Cassie sat up in bed in spite of the Demerol trying to drag her back down. Concern occupied every crevice of her mind and if she thought she could do it, she’d climb out of bed and go find out how Logan was herself.

She drummed the fingers of her good hand, the unspent energy of anxiety forcing some movement from her and when the door opened, Cassie whirled her head and wished she hadn’t.

“Ohhh,” she moaned and put the heel of her hand to her forehead. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Why are sitting up, my dear?” Hank asked, fussing over her and gently forcing her back to a supine position. “You need to rest now. Another day and we’ll be able to cut back on the medication. Then you can sit up.”

“Yes, Doctor,” she replied with a tone she hoped conveyed sarcasm and thankfulness all at once.

Hank smiled down at her, but there was sadness in his soulful eyes.

“How is Logan? Please tell me.”

Hank took his time, settling into a chair. “I’m not sure right now. His body has healed itself mostly, but by the amount of blood dried on his skin and from what Kurt told me...well, let’s just say this is far from over.”

“At least he’s alive. That’s a start,” Cassie said, grasping for hope. “If...if she’d killed him...I don’t know how Kurt would have lived with it.”

Letting out a breath, Hank slumped in his chair. “But we don’t know what she did to him. Mystique is a shape shifter. She came to you as Kurt and you didn’t know the difference. She came to Kurt as Logan and it took some time before the boy realized she was not Logan.”

“I don’t like where you’re going with this, Hank,” Cassie said. Her mind whirled around images of Mystique changing into any number of people, people Logan hated...and loved.”

“I don’t like it either,” he said, reaching out and patting her hand. “Mystique’s mind is warped beyond redemption, a soul lost long ago.”

“Did Logan tell you anything?”

“No. And he’s not likely to anytime soon. You should know him by now. Logan doesn’t open up easily.”

“He did to me,” Cassie said, trying to push up to sit again.

Hank’s expression held a hint of cynicism and he pressed her back down with a touch. “For Kurt’s sake, Logan did. Not for himself. Don’t push him too soon, Cassie. Logan will explode on you just as readily as he can explode on anyone. I’ve seen it before. And now, not knowing what damage Mystique has done, we need to tread carefully with him.”

Cassie nodded, her mind turning inward to the possible horrors Mystique inflicted on Logan.

***************

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked to the shower door. He paced back and forth across the bathroom, his tail whipping around behind him as it always did when he was agitated. Steam billowed out from atop the shower, the heat of the water feeling close to the boiling point. “Logan?!”

Logan pulled the door open six inches, obviously restraining the urge to yank the mirrored glass off it’s rails. His teeth gritted together as if they were wired shut. “I can take a shower on my own, elf.” The tone was deadly and Kurt restrained a step back based on nothing more than the suppress rage emanating off of Logan.

“I...I was just concerned.”

Logan closed his eyes and a breath rushed out. Water trickled down from that chiseled chin and off dark hair matted to head and cheeks.

“I know, sweetheart. Just back off a little. I need some room.”

“Okay. Do you want me to leave?”

Logan’s dark gaze met Kurt’s and gleamed. “Yeah. Just be sure the hallway’s clear when I’m ready ta leave. I don’t feel up ta chitchattin’ with anybody right now. Got that?”

Kurt swallowed, a hard lump making that simple task difficult. “Yes, I’ve got that. I’ll go change the bedclothes.”

“Good idea..”

Kurt turned to go, his heart feeling heavy, a strange fear still riding his back, tickling the fur on his neck.

“Elf,” Logan said.

Kurt turned and tried not to look as scared as he felt. Not scared of Logan...scared for him. “Yes?”

“I love you.”

Kurt sucked in a breath and a smile tugged at his mouth. “I love you too, Logan.”

Kurt pulled the bathroom door closed behind him and leaned on it a moment, forcing the fear and anxiety away.

Logan was alive. Logan was safely home. Logan loved him.

What more could a man ask for at the moment?

For this to never have happened.

It seemed he was always wishing for something not to have happened. Would his whole life be like this? Always wishing for something that couldn’t be changed?

Running his fingers through his hair, Kurt pushed away from the door and headed for his and Logan’s room.

“Kurt, wait up,” Rogue called. She ran down the hall, catching up with him. “How’s he doin’?”

Kurt offered a shrug. “I’m not sure. What I do know is that he’s full of rage.”

“Can ya blame ‘im?”

“I suppose not,” Kurt replied, leaning against the wall. The long day and night had finally caught up and now that Logan had been found, the adrenalin he’d been running on, had drained away. “Why aren’t you already in bed? You should be exhausted.”

“Ah’m headin’ that way, but Ah’m kinda pumped. Ah just wish we coulda caught Mystique.”

Kurt looked away. “I had her, Rogue. In my grip...I had her.”

“Ya did? What happened?”

“I wanted to kill her.”

“Yeah, Ah know what ya mean.”

“No Rogue,” Kurt said, through clenched teeth. He grabbed her by her biceps and jerked her close. “I had her like this and my tail was wrapped around her neck and I was squeezing, choking her. I was on the verge of killing her...my own mother.”

“Oh Kurt,” Rogue replied in apparent shock. “Ah...Ah don’t know what ta say. Ah guess, Ah thought we were talkin’ figuratively and you meant literally.”

He released his hold and fell back against the wall again. “She said I’d be no better than her...a murderer. That I was truly her son.”

“Oh man. She was playin’ on your sympathy, Kurt. She was playin’ on your decency.”

“Decency?! What sort of decency do I have that I could come so close to murdering my own mother?!”

Rogue reached out to him with a gloved hand, gently rubbing his arm. “Com’on, little brother. We’re all human whether those yahoos out there wanna think so or not. We all give in ta urges and Mystique’s pushed every button we have. She’s lucky ya haven’t felt like killin’ her sooner for everything she’s put us through.”

Kurt closed his eyes and ran his fingers back through his hair again, holding on to his head as if it would fall off. “I don’t know, Rogue. I feel sick over it though. I feel like I slipped down to her level.”

“Slick spot gotcha, huh? There’s lots of those around. Remember when Ah pushed her off the cliff? That was the same sorta rage. Ah thought ya’d never forgive me. Now Ah know ya understand how Ah was feelin’ then.”

Kurt nodded. “I do understand, sis. It doesn’t make it easier though.” Glancing toward the bathroom, Kurt said, “I’d better see about Logan. He doesn’t feel up to seeing anyone right now. Would you mind giving him the hallway?”

“Nah, Ah’m headin’ for bed. Ah’m worn out from the lecture Ah got from the Professor and Scott about not obeyin’ orders.”

Kurt offered her a smile. “You’re not alone. I think I’ll be getting one of those myself soon.” He reached out and gripped Rogue’s hand, squeezing. “Thank you for finding him. Thank you for giving Logan back to me.”

“Aw, shucks, bro,” Rogue said, hiding her pleasure at his words with sarcasm. “Ah wanted to find ‘im too. What would the Institute be without Logan? Ah’ll tell ya what. Borin’ as hell.”

Kurt watched Rogue go, her stride confident yet full of fatigue. He turned back to the bathroom and stood there, staring at the door, listening. The shower had been turned off and he heard movement, but he thought better of bothering Logan again and headed to their room, pulling out clean sheets and blankets to replace the blood stained linens on the bed.

The task took only minutes and he stepped into the hall and shoved the wad of soiled sheets down the laundry chute.

Taking up vigil outside the bathroom door, Kurt waited like a lone sentinel watching over his tribe. But the hallway was silent and empty just as Logan had requested.

Kurt glanced at his watch and yawned. 3:23am. What was Logan doing in there?

He gave a knock and called, “Logan? Is everything all right?”

The door came open and Logan stood before him, dressed in sweats and a tee shirt, clean shaven and hair still damp. “Everything’s just ducky, elf. How’s everything with you?” Just what Kurt needed right now, Logan’s signature sarcasm. Actually, the familiarity of Logan’s tone, unlike the one Mystique had used on him, sent a wave of warmth through Kurt.

“Not really ducky,” Kurt replied. “Aren’t you finished in there?”

Logan let out a sigh. “Yeah. The hall clear?”

Kurt nodded. “Come on. You need to rest.”

“I don’t need a mother,” Logan muttered.

“I’m not your mother,” Kurt shot back. “I’m your lover and your lover says you need rest.”

Logan’s arm slid around Kurt’s shoulders as they walked, drawing him close. Kurt leaned in and savored the contact, the feel of Logan’s body against his.

Kurt closed the door to their room behind them and started stripping off his uniform, rummaging in a drawer for sweats and tee shirt. When he turned, he found Logan watching him with a look Kurt didn’t recognize. He finished changing under Logan’s penetrating gaze, unease washing over him.

Mystique’s last words to him rushed through Kurt’s mind, sending ice crawling down his back.
“Go find your precious Logan, my son. See what he’s become and see if you can live with and love a vicious animal.”

Kurt shook off the memory and crossed the room to where Logan stood. He reached up, stroking Logan’s cheek. “It’s all right now. It’s over. She can’t hurt you anymore.”

A hand shot up and gripped Kurt’s wrist, that gaze almost feral. But then Logan’s dark eyes closed and the expression turned into anguish. Arms went around Kurt, pulling him into an iron embrace. Kurt held on just as tightly, gripping the back of Logan’s shirt, his other hand running up into Logan’s hair and gently stroking.

“It’s going to be all right, love,” he whispered. “I’m here and you are safe.”

Logan’s hold didn’t slacken, the embrace desperate.

“I wish it were that easy, sweetheart,” Logan finally said, pulling back a little, but still holding on as if he’d never let go. “Ya know better than anybody it’s not that easy.”

Kurt glanced away and nodded. “But I still need to say it...just as you said it to me.”

Logan said nothing and stroked Kurt’s back, pushing up under to his fur. Hands pulled Kurt closer and Logan buried his face in Kurt’s neck and hair, nuzzling him, perhaps reassuring himself that Kurt was real.

Through the sweat pants, Kurt felt Logan’s cock hardening and his breath deepening, drawing in Kurt’s scent.

“Logan, you need to rest right now. And so do I.”

The hands stroked down Kurt’s arms and held on around his biceps. The eyes gleamed again with that near bestial gaze and Kurt stared into the depths of darkness and pain and something so primal a chill of dread washed over him.

A shudder ran through Logan’s body and the eyes closed, mouth twisting in rage and for a moment Kurt was afraid, afraid of the beast he saw lurking in Logan’s soul.

Logan pushed away, a restrained shove meant to keep from hurting Kurt. Turning away, Logan’s hands went to his face and rubbed. “You should go on back to your room, elf.”

A stab of pain like a knife struck Kurt in the heart, but he fought it back and said, “I am in my room. Our room and I’m not going to let Her change that. I’m not going to let Her do this to us, drive us apart. That’s what she wants!”

Logan whirled on him. “It’s not about Her. It’s about me not hurtin’ you. It’s about you bein’ safe from me. I’m holdin’ it back right now, but in my sleep, I don’t know what I might do...how I might wake up.”

Kurt glanced around the room, desperate for an answer to appease Logan’s logic. “I don’t care,” he said, meeting Logan’s eyes again. “I will not leave you when you need me. I’ll...I’ll sleep in a chair. I’ll sleep on the floor! You know me, I can sleep anywhere.” Logan was shaking his head, but Kurt rushed on. “Yes, I’m staying here in our room, Logan, even if I have to stand and watch over you all night. Please understand,” Kurt said, moving close and reaching out to Logan’s cheek again. “I don’t want to be away from you.”

Logan stared at him and Kurt stared back, forcing a determined gaze. Logan let out a sigh through gritted teeth and pulled Kurt into his arms again.

“Why is it I can’t say no ta you even when it’s in your best interest?”

“Because I’m so cute and irresistible?” Kurt replied brightly, hoping to add some levity to the seriousness of their conversation.

Logan almost smiled. “Yeah, that must be it.”

Kurt gave Logan a gentle push. “To bed with you. You must be exhausted.”

Logan went without further prompting, climbing into bed and staring up at the ceiling. Kurt turned out the lights and settled in beside Logan.

Waiting, Kurt lay there listening to Logan’s breath, hoping for the sound of sleep, but when it didn’t come, Kurt rose up on his elbow and gazed down at Logan.

Logan’s eyes turned towards him and Kurt detected a flinch. “What is it?”

“Nothin’. Go ta sleep, elf.”

“And leave you lying there, stiff as a board as if you’re waiting for something terrible to happen?”

“You expect a lot from a guy who’s been hangin’ from his wrists for...hell, I don’t even know how long. And don’t tell me. I don’t wanna know.”

Kurt snuggled closer and Logan put an arm out almost reluctantly and gathered him in. “I’m sorry....” Kurt began. “She hurt you and there was so much blood—”

“Stop it,” Logan said, putting his hand to Kurt’s mouth. “We’re not goin’ there. And like I said before, you got nothin’ to be sorry for. You didn’t do this and you’re not responsible for what She does.”

“I know,” Kurt replied, pulling Logan’s hand from his mouth. “But I’m still sorry. I still feel like it was my fault.”

Logan let out a harsh humorless laugh. “Let me clue ya in, sweetheart. Your momma does what she wants to do. She might have used you for an excuse, but that’s all it was. She’s pissed at me for a whole lot more than beddin’ you. Some of it I don’t even know what she’s talkin’ about. Stuff I don’t have any memory of.”

Kurt sniffed, tears on the verge of pushing passed his defenses. He reined them in and lay his head on Logan’s shoulder. He pressed a light kiss against the skin of Logan’s neck and slid his hand over Logan’s tee shirt covered chest.

Finally, he felt Logan’s body begin to relax, unwinding from days and nights of torture, Kurt was certain. Soon, his lover’s breath eased into rhythm and Kurt allowed himself to succumb to his own exhaustion.