A Bottle Can't Hold You

AN: While I enjoy positive reviews, I absolutely treasure good critiques. As much as I’ve enjoyed the friendly response to my writing, taking the time to actually evaluate the story shows you enjoyed it beyond the ten seconds it takes to say “I loved it please update soon.” In fact, I’m going to try out a new policy: despite my lack of time at the moment, I will do my very best to respond personally and individually (eventually) to every review I get, and reviewers who take the extra time to give at least a somewhat thorough evaluation will have their own stories evaluated in turn.





Chapter 5: Wakeup Call



Snikt.



Sharp metal pressed against Kurt’s throat. It was warm, which meant that—



“If I were one of the bad guys, you’d be dead. Keep that in mind while you’re suiting up. Danger Room in five minutes, and don’t think I’m gonna go easy on you cause of a hangover.”



Yup. Extremely pointy metal things at body temperature generally suggested that Logan was involved. Two thoughts crossed Kurt’s mind: first, last night hadn’t been a dream; and second, today was going to suck.



“…Time’s it?” he mumbled grumpily.



Logan’s claws pulled away from Kurt’s neck as he replied, “Not quite four.” If Kurt didn’t know any better, he would have said that Logan sounded almost chipper. Evil old badger.



The door closed, and Kurt was alone again. He wanted nothing more than to burrow back into his bed and tell Wolverine to relocate his training session to someplace with very little solar exposure…



On second thought, he realized he did want something more than that: he wanted to stay alive. And so it was that Kurt Wagner, the Incredible Nightcrawler, ignominiously crawled his incredibly hung-over self out of bed and began dressing for the Danger Room.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



Three minutes, twenty seconds, and four very long and inventive combinations of cursing in every language he knew later, Kurt appeared outside of the Danger Room, tail still refusing to feed itself through the hole in his uniform. The troublesome appendage thrashed about, seemingly ready to tear its way out of the fabric that held it captive.



He let out a growl of frustration and pain; the muscles in his tail were cramping, and nothing was working to get it free.



A decidedly feminine giggle behind him silenced his protests.



Before he could turn around to see who was laughing, nimble fingers had found their way through the tail hole, incidentally rubbing his fur in a way that made everything more tolerable. The tip of his tail went towards the fingers out of instinct, and was rewarded with a gentle pinch that allowed his benefactor to lead it out into freedom. With the hand’s blessed work complete, fingertips stroked upwards along the length of his tail, brushing against the grain of his fur till they reached the base, where the whole hand then wrapped around it and stroked down.



The effect was… unglaublich.



His odd hissing intake of breath, followed by the immediate reversal of the airflow, made for an interesting sound somewhere between a gasp and a moan. It obviously entertained the owner of that magical hand as well; another giggle reached his ears, and he turned to meet a pair of stunning blue eyes.



“Y’know, Blue,” Tabitha Smith remarked with a smirk, “You make the cutest noises when you’re grumpy, but I think I like that last sound even better.”



Gott im Himmel. Of all the people to learn how sensitive his tail was, it had to be Tabby. There was no telling how she would abuse that particular bit of information…



And why was that not seeming like a terrible thing?



Kurt’s tail started stretching involuntarily towards Boom Boom’s hand, presenting itself for more stroking, and he caught it with a tridactyl hand, face turning to a dark purple as he took control of his recalcitrant extra limb. Well… at least one of them. He prayed that Tabby would not look down and notice that not all of the diverted blood had been directed to his face.



Of course, being Tabby, she was all too aware of the reaction she was causing in her teammate. In fact, by all appearances, she was enjoying it immensely. She leaned in to whisper in his ear, lips brushing against the extra-sensitive guard hairs.



“I’ve been thinking about it for a while, Blue, and I’ve got some interesting things we could try with your tail. I promise you’ll like them almost as much as I will.”



As Kurt’s mind rushed to consider the possibilities promised by that particular remark, he was struck by an unrelated epiphany: the combination of a hangover and extreme arousal was unfamiliar and decidedly painful. Blood was pumping through his body hard and fast, and each pulse worsened his already splitting headache to the point of agony.



Clutching his head, he moaned and teleported away, returning a few seconds later dripping cold water from his entire head. The benefits of his impromptu cold shower arrived a few moments later as he felt the throbbing from both antagonists lessen. Tabitha cocked her head and quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing for the moment.



“Since when are you early for one of these, Boom Boom?” Kurt asked after a period of silence that was beyond uncomfortable. “You’re usually here ten minutes late at least.”



The blonde shrugged. “Badger Man figured that out and told me it was in five. That was fifteen minutes ago, and my ass is too pretty to be wasted walking upstairs again.”



Kurt had absolutely no idea how to respond to the latter comment; it was certainly an attractive backside, but he didn’t want to let on— any more than he already had— the effect that Tabby had always had on him. If he let that slip, who knew what sort of troubles she might drag him through as he chased after her kisses?



And damn it all, why was part of him so eager to find out?



The sounds of dozens of pounding feet and roaring approached. It seemed that the rest of the students had gotten a mass wakeup call from the Wolverine. Kurt couldn’t help but smile as he watched Scott and Jean leading for the first time in three months— leading the rush to get away from a man who stood an entire head shorter than Kurt.



Still, in their defense, Logan certainly wasn’t someone you wanted chasing you at four in the morning, especially when you had believed that he was gone indefinitely.



As the space around Kurt and Tabby began to get more crowded, Wolverine came into view. Both sets of claws were out and glinting in the fluorescent lighting, and in his hands were two versions of Jamie Madrox, each hanging by one booted foot, heads bobbing a scant inch from the ground. Apparently the youngest of the New Mutants hadn’t been running fast enough for Logan.



The Wolverine came to a stop a few feet from his students, who were for the most part huddled against the Danger Room door. He opened his hands and retracted his claws, dropping Jamie on his head and forming another four duplicates in the process.



“You kids have been getting soft while I’ve been gone,” Logan growled. “I dunno what kind of cheesy sunshine-and-flowers sims Scooter’s been running for you lately, but that little mosey down here wasn’t even a hard jog. Took you forever and a half to even suit up. Today you’re gonna get back to real training.”



A series of groans and protests began to arise from the assembled population, until Wolverine’s claws resurfaced and silenced them almost instantly.



“The more you whine, the harder I run you. Whining means you ain’t out of breath yet. Staring stone-faced at the mutants before him, he began to lay out instructions. “When this door opens, you’ll be walking straight into danger. Your job is to stay alive and keep your teammates alive for five minutes. This ain’t gonna be as easy as it sounds.” Shifting his glance to Cyclops, who stood just short of cowering against the door, he continued. “Something tells me Slim’s been forgetting to balance your training out. So this time, you’re all going through this with no powers. If I catch you using your powers anyway, I’ll decide you’re a slow learner and teach you personally. That is not a good thing. Understood?”



There was murmured assent, and Logan crossed his arms after retracting his claws. “All right. Let’s see how much work I’ve got ahead of me getting you kids back into some kind of shape. Elf, if you’re done with that shower, I’m gonna need a ride up to the observation room.”



Kurt sighed and walked up to the shorter man. One hand went to Logan’s shoulder, and the two disappeared, reappearing in the room that housed the Danger Room’s controls. Before the cloud of smoke even began to dissipate, Kurt dropped to one knee, clutching his head as water dripped between his fingers. Vertical teleports were always much harder on him, and to make one with a hangover was torture.



“Get up, Elf,” the voice above him said. With a groan, Kurt managed to stand. Something was pressed into his right hand, something small and oblong. He glanced at it.



A vitamin?



“Herr Logan, I don’t quite understand…”



“Multivitamin. Best hangover cure when you’re on the run. Won’t work right away and won’t take care of everything, but you won’t feel like complete shit.”



A slow realization began to cross Kurt’s features. The personal wakeup, however rough, had given him a little more time to prepare for the training session, and now he was being given a bit of relief from his hangover. Coming from Logan, these small kindnesses were enormous.



“Herr Logan, why—”



“Ain’t good at talking, Elf. Really ain’t good at feelings and shit like that. But I know what it’s like to hop into a bottle and not wanna come out.” His eyes were unfocused, distant.



Kurt had never heard him discuss anything so personal; for the gruff Canadian, these admissions were roughly equivalent to baring his soul.



Logan shifted uncomfortably before reverting to the Wolverine. “Now swallow that and get your fuzzy ass back down to the team. And if you ever tell anybody about this, I’ll have a blue pelt hanging on my wall. Got it?”



“Jawohl.” Kurt popped the pill in his mouth and swallowed it dry. He glanced back at his instructor, unsure of himself. “And… thank you, Herr Logan. Really.”



Nightcrawler teleported away to save Wolverine the need to reply, popping into the hallway a short distance from the Danger Room, far enough away that he knew no students would be in his path. He made his way back to the group just as the doors slid open. With a deep breath, Kurt prepared himself for hell.