Nil Desperandum

5

The Jews have it right. Saturday, or Shevvat, really is a holy day. Sandwiched beautifully between half-hassled Friday and hung-over Sunday, it’s the few perfect hours where anything can happen. Including getting the beat down from a big hairy Canadian in less time than it takes for Remy to suck down a contraband cig.

Now, I still haven’t found out who the hell spread it round the school that Wolverine and Jubilee were going toe-to-toe in the Zen garden, but by the time three o’clock rolled round, the news had gotten so mainstream that Scott freaking Summers showed, his eyes unreadable behind his opaque sunglasses and a strange little smile playing around his mouth. Pretty mouth. Oh, ew. There is now way to say that in a way that doesn’t bring to mind gap-toothed yokels playing banjos in the Appalachian wilderness. But I digress. What I was saying was that if I ever do find out who gabbed to the press, there’s a can of whup-ass reserved specially for them. And we all know how well tins keep.

Anyhow, suffice it to say that I was already nervous about sparring with Logan, and it didn’t help that about fifty freaking people showed up to watch him use me as the world’s first human Zen rake.

I found him standing by a stone lantern, puffing a cigar to life. When he caught sight of me, he raised a brow, and sniffed. ‘I take it that you’re about as surprised about this as I am.’ It was a statement.

‘Yep. What’s going on?’

‘Don’t know. I think LeBeau’s running a book.’

‘What’re the odds?’ oh, please. I was curious. Wouldn’t you be?

‘Three to one.’

‘Jesus. They really think I’m gonna get creamed.’ I sighed. He chuckled.

‘It’s three to one against me, darlin’. Looks like your buddies are pretty confident in you. Still, I bet pretty high on myself. So did Summers, to his credit.’ I laughed, even though a weird, dark pit was yawning open in my stomach. Scooter betting against me? Not good. If anyone knew my limits, it was him. ‘To be fair, I think he just thought I needed the encouragement.’

I shrugged. ‘You seem pretty used to this. Putting on a show, looking calm and arrogant.’

He looked sideways at me. ‘And you ain’t?’ damn it, he was right.

‘Yeah, well.’ I sighed. ‘Okay. You still wanna do this?’

‘We should probably lay down some ground rules.’

‘What, like no crotch shots or fish hooking?’

‘Yeah. And you should have a handicap, cause I can’t turn off my healing factor.’

‘Right. But I can light you up like a Christmas tree if I use my powers.’

‘So how bout I don’t spring my claws, and I stop using any limb that you injure badly enough, as if it weren’t healing?’

‘Fair enough.’ I nodded. ‘Sounds good. No time limit?’

‘No time limit. No fish hooking, no crotch shots.’ He added.

‘Okay. And winning?’

‘Let’s say, either unresolvable restraint or incapacitation.’ I nodded. ‘All right, darlin’. Wanna limber up? I’ve already asked Cyke to ref.’

‘Good deal. You let him know the rules, too.’ I dropped into a stretch as he stalked toward Scott. There were about a bajillion thoughts going through my mind, not the least of which was a mantra of ‘ohshitohshitoshitohshit.’ I watched Logan chat to Scott, then Rogue, and shuck his boots and socks, then his shirt. Hell-the fuck-oh Messieurs the Rippling Pectoral Brothers. I kicked off my trainers and, as I’d come wearing loose sweat pants and a sports bra, stepped to meet him in the centre of the sand garden. Everyone shut up. It was pretty cool, actually. He grinned uneasily at me, and I was pleased to see that he looked a little nervous. ‘Shall we?’ He dropped into a bow as fluid as a river bend, which surprised me, but I returned it. ‘Domo, bitch.’

‘Now that’s what I like,’ he replied, ‘a woman that thanks me for a spanking.’

I suppressed the urge to laugh as Scott shouted the rules and Logan leapt with a grace that belied his bulk. I dipped beneath him and let him go hurtling past, but he curled into a dive and came up grinning.

’Damn it, he’s fast, I thought, suppressing the urge to panic, which, as I understand, is the sane reaction to a huge man bearing down on you with an insane smile splitting his face. ’But he’s still a guy. I’m smaller and faster and more flexible. I can do this.’

I surged to my feet. He was circling now, and I took two steps forward and engaged, just to see what his defences were like. I landed two punches to his kidneys before he caught on. ’Okay. Healing factor makes him a bit of a daredevil.’ I danced out of his way before he could catch me. If he got me in a hold, any hold, I was done for. He’s a hell of a lot stronger than I am, and if he could hold me down, that was it. I needed to end this as fast as possible. ’Maybe if I broke his neck…urgh. Adamantium bones.’ But his joints would be vulnerable.

I flipped over him (yes, the height on my jumps can get that good), and rammed a fist into his spine, locking a leg round his and pulling it, hard, toward me. It would’ve worked on an actual mortal man. His knee locked, but didn’t pop back. Shit. I landed another blow to his lungs, and just managed to avoid the worst of his backward-thrust elbow. ’Oh God, this is it, I’m going down. This guy is tough.’ I dived between his legs and, aiming a foot at each knee cap, kicked. Hard. This time, I managed it. I felt the ligaments tear, watched the sockets pop free. Ew. He fell, cursing and snarling, but still, terrifyingly, grinning, and as I scrabbled to my feet, my luck finally ran out.

He caught me by the ankle, and despite the frankly brilliant blows I rained down on his face (my knuckles took three days to heal, his nose took about twenty seconds), he had me face down in the sand with my ass in the air and my arms shoved up behind my back. Despite being in some pain from the restraint method, the bruises on my knuckles, and the sensation of gritty sand being ground into my cheek, having Logan’s glorious body sweating and coiling against my back was, well, glorious.

Distantly, I heard Scott declaring Logan the winner in the smug tones of a man who has just won a good deal of money, but the only thing that registered was the warm breath against my ear. ‘Didn’t lie about that whole holding down thing, eh?’

I laughed raggedly as he let go, and watched him push his knees back into the right places with a grimace. ‘You bet I didn’t. Pre-emptive strike, I told you.’ I staggered to my feet and held out a hand to pull him up. I think he probably meant to fetch up full against me, so that for a moment we were in a very romance novel cover pose.

‘Down by the lake, after we’ve both showered,’ he said, and bowed again.

‘You got it.’ I grinned back, as he stumbled over to Remy to collect his earnings.

Kitty rounded on me as I struggled into my shoes and socks. I hadn’t really taken much of a beating, but for some reason, all my joints had gone to liquid. ‘Oh my God, you kicked ass!’ she enthused.

‘What’re you talking about? He won.’

‘Yeah, but he’s like a deadly ninja master, and you actually kicked in his kneecaps! Rogue said he got shot in the head once, and it only got him about half a minute to get back up. And you landed way more hits than he did.’

‘I still lost.’

‘And the looks you two were giving each other.’ She breezed on, like I hadn’t said anything, ‘Whoo-ee. No chemistry, my ass. If all of us hadn’t been here, you two would’ve been sucking face like there was no mañana.’

‘It’s called exertion, Pryde. Speeds up the heart, puts a flush in your cheeks. Not everyone who breathes heavily around each other is madly in lust.’

‘Scuse me,’ Rogue materialised on the other side of me, taking my arm, ‘Yah don’t mind if Ah borrow Jubilee for a second, do you? Thanks.’ She steered me across the lawn toward the kitchen entrance.

‘Hey, Rogue. Nice of you to give a girl a hand.’ She stopped, and turned me round to face her like I was a truant child.

‘What is going on?’ she demanded.

‘Shit. Not you, too.’ She looked puzzled at this.

‘Not me too, what?’

‘Kitty’s convinced I want Logan’s body and vice versa, which, just so you know, and don’t try to rip my face off, is hogwash.’

‘Oh.’ She laughed. ‘Now that you mention it, Ah did see steam coming outta your ears when he had you pinned, but Ah was actually wondering what exactly happened yesterday. He showed up in our room, all awkward and smelling like a dive bar ashtray wanting to talk. And he smelled like that jasmine lotion you wear. And now he wants to meet me up by the lake in half an hour to share some beer with you two. It’s weird.’ She blushed as I studied her, twirling a strand of platinum white hair around her finger.

‘I don’t know what he said to you, but I just told him I thought he should spend some quality time with you, instead of just flashing his credit card.’ ’Why would he smell like my lotion? We weren’t touching.’

‘Hey. Ah don’t mind when he flashes his credit card.’

‘And I’m sure he’ll carry on doing that. But don’t you want him to fit into your life? Isn’t that what you’ve gone on and on to me about whenever he takes off?’

‘Yeah, but…’ she hesitated, and blushed further. ‘Ah guess Ah never expected you to stick up for me to him, is all.’ She fell into step with me as we headed up to the house. ‘So, you lookin’ to jump him?’

I shrugged. ‘You know where I sleep, and I don’t want you murdering me in my bed.’

‘Ah wouldn’t. So? You like him.’

‘Nah. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to sleep with a buddy and let things stay cool. I don’t think he knows how personal boundaries work. He’s a too-much or too-little kind of guy, who might swing wildly between the two at any given moment.’

‘You saying he’s immature?’

I grinned. ‘Yeah, pretty much.’

‘You know, yah might be right about that.’ She giggled. ‘Y’all had better go shower. You reek.’

She was right. And a shower never felt so good. All the sweat and sludge and grit and fear swirled away down the drain, and I considered ditching Logan and Rogue for a half-hour soak in the tub and a good book, but I reconsidered. I didn’t want to seem like a sore loser, and anyhow, I’d probably ditch them pretty quickly. I felt like I needed some alone time, and not the kind that involved Remy and half a bottle of Stoli. I tugged on a pair of jeans and a camisole and headed down to the lake, picking up a bag of pretzels on my way through the pantry. Oh, come on. Pretzels and beer are classic buddies. And these were awesome honey mustard pretzels, so take your carb-counting judgment elsewhere.

Rogue was there already, sitting at the end of the fishing pier, her bare feet dangling in the water. She didn’t hear me until I slid down beside her, tearing open the bag of pretzels and offering her some. ‘Hey. Ooh. Honey mustard.’ She scooped up a handful, and we sat shoulder-to-shoulder in companionable crunchy silence. Finally, she said, ‘So are you gonna go out with Warren?’

‘Nope.’

‘Why not? Ah thought you said he looks like an Adonis.’ She smiled at me, jostling me with her elbow.

‘Yeah, but he has the personality of mayonnaise.’

‘Rich, thick, and oily?’ she giggled.

‘Yeah. He doesn’t smell of eggs, though. And I bet he’s never made a sandwich in his life.’

‘You need to stop reading that Discworld dreck.’ She said, in her oddly endearing bossy matriarchal voice. ‘Your obsession with that Duke Vimes makes me nervous. Your eyes don’t go all soft and glittery for real men the way they do for him.’

‘What? He’s hot.’ I poked her. ‘Bet you’d go for Captain Carrot.’

‘Tsch. Who wouldn’t?’ I threw a pretzel at her.

‘Loser.’

‘Why don’t yah like Warren? Ah mean, aside from the fact that he’s perfect? He has a thing for you, yah know. Not serious, but he thinks you’re cute.’

‘I am cute.’ I shrugged. ‘I mean, I’m not some Valkyrie goddess like Monet, but I’m…bendy, and Asian, and I have nice tits, and I’m good in bed. I’m a reasonably attractive girl.’

‘And Warren is hot. Betsy says he can do things with his tongue that still make her toes curl. And they’ve been split for weeks now.’

‘I’m not in the mood for Warren.’ I shrugged. ‘He’s cool, but just not my style.’

‘You hang out with Remy an awful lot.’

‘And you know how he is. Mucho grande manwhore. Maybe I’m just not interested in guys right now.’ I saw cogwheels start to turn behind her eyes, and added hastily, ‘Or girls. Christ, I don’t need to be in a relationship in order to be emotionally validated, Rogue.’

‘Yah don’t need ta be in a relationship,’ he accent surfaced more strongly, indicating that she was annoyed, ‘Yoah just so…so tetchy when yoah not gettin’ laid.’

The sound of grass rustling behind us in the still afternoon air brought the hair at the back of my neck to attention. ‘Sounds like I arrived just in time.’ There was a streak of sarcasm a mile wide in Logan’s amused tone. ‘Ladies,’ he sat a pair of six packs down on the pier, flicked a bottle-opener at me. I snatched it out of the air, and uncapped three.

‘I was going to say, thanksforthebeer, that Rogue makes me sound like some kind of sex-crazy nymphomaniac, which, thank you, I am not.’ I gave her a look that she apparently failed to take note of.

‘Yoah tetchy, though, when you’re not gettin’ any. Remy says that you fried the player one game controller from the new PlayStation when he infiltrated yoah…uh…village or something.’ Rogue’s not much of a gamer.

‘Tsch. I’d do that anyhow. He was being a dick about it. The dumb thing is that he’s been levelling up his character all week while I’ve been doing fucking endurance drills with ol’ Fearless. That’s as good as cheating.’

‘Seems to me,’ Logan supplied, ‘that someone was complaining last night about climbing walls and dry spells.’

‘Ooh thank you, Mr. Helpful.’ I snarled. ‘I see someone’s gone over all confident, just because I refrained from turning him into the first human lightbulb. You wanna go round two, with fewer restrictions?’

‘She says, as she drinks my beer,’ he leant back, supporting himself on his elbows, and, golly, it sure helped me focus for the next smartass comment as his abs and chest shifted against the probably two-sizes-too-small tee-shirt he was wearing. Unfair! Unfair!

‘Ah. Have I mentioned how wonderfully witty and charming and generally godlike you are?’ I think I managed not to sound too sincere, but only just. Rogue’s eyebrows were raised, and as I was between her and Logan, he didn’t see the expression she wore as she looked from me to him. I shook my head marginally.

‘Actually,’ he carried on, unfazed by my razor-keen wit, ‘you didn’t do half bad. Went for my weakest structural points, within the rules, and you did take me down. You’re fast as hell, too. Jesus, I can see why everyone was bettin’ so high.’

‘Despite myself, I was flattered. As usual, I covered with bravado. ‘Dude, you should see me go up against someone who isn’t freaking invulnerable.’

‘Might just.’

‘Rogue’s pretty good, too,’ I sense that she was drawing into herself, ‘She hits hard, and she keeps a cool head.’ She blushed.

‘Yeah, but Ah don’t have the athletic background you have.’ She protested.

‘Tsch. You’re a fast learner. Ororo says she could be a team leader if she stays on.’ Like any well brought up Southern woman, she fought back with kindness in the absence of fried food.

‘And you ace all the strategy tests Scott gives us.’

‘Yeah, but I’ma grunt and we all know it. Think about the teamwork exercises he makes us do. Am I ever in the freaking huddle? Norsirreebob. Anyhow, I personally think the rating system is flawed.’ I glanced sideways at Logan, then back at Rogue. Yep. Not worth the extra beer to rain on their parade. ‘Oh. Crap. Speaking of systems, I was supposed to run into town to replace the controlled I fried last night. I’d better not finish this. Here, Wolvie, drink up.’ I shoved the beer into his hand. ‘Mkay. You kids need anything from the store? Soda, crisps, a new copy of Grand Theft Auto? No? Coolio.’ I dusted my hands on my jeans and stood. Rogue was studying the pretzels in her hand like the SAT prep book, and Logan was giving me a long, thoughtful look. Damn it.

‘Need a ride?’ he asked, after what seemed like just a breath too long.

‘No!’ I said, a bit too quickly and emphatically. He raised an eyebrow. ‘I mean, no, don’t worry about it. Settle in, drink your beer. I’ll go hunt up some keys.’ I made a weird awkward goodbye gesture to Rogue. ‘Catch you guys later. Don’t wait up for me.’ With a wink and a saucy sway that I didn’t exactly feel, I headed for the garage.

Truth be told, I shouldn’t have gad to do hunting up keys at all. I should’ve had my own car by now. I’d already cleared it with the faculty, and Scott still maintained an empty spot in the garage for me. The thing was…well, it was stupid, really. But when the whole Stryker thing went down, Jean had been helping me choose a car, and after she died…it just didn’t seem right. I can’t explain it. I found the nearest intercom and paged the lab.

‘Hello?’ Hank’s voice came crackling through a moment later.

‘Heya, Blue, what’s up?’

‘Jubilation. With what may I assist you today?’

‘I kinda need to run into town.’

‘And do I deduce correctly that you wish to borrow Celeste for this errand of yours?’

‘Wha? Oh. Your truck. Yeah, that’s right, you clever man, you.’

‘My keys are on the pegboard. Be so good as to sign your name on the form.’

‘You’ve got it, Blue. Thanks a million and a half.’

‘And would you mind picking up some Twinkies?’ there was a hopeful quaver in his voice. I chuckled.

‘And two percent milk?’

‘Ah, Jubilation, such a favour would elect you to very apotheosis in my eyes for a duration of at least one blissful week.’

‘Ooh. How does a girl resist an offer like that?’ I cooed. ‘Catch ya later. Kiss kiss.’ I snagged the keys to Hank’s truck as I passed the pegboard and signed the little book that was posted beside the keys. It was a good system, if a bit typical of Scott’s overly level headed micromanagement. I was just buckling myself in when my phone jangled to life. ‘Lee’s House of Dread, how may I help you?’

‘Hey.’

‘Logan? How did you get this number? What do you want?’ okay, so maybe I wasn’t as gracious as I could’ve been, but he was supposed to be spending time with Rogue.

‘Are you all right, kid?’ he asked, voice at a funny balance. ‘Ya kind of rabbited on us.’

‘Yeah. Sorry bout that, but I promised Remy a Half Life tournament, and I can’t exactly beat him if I don’t have a controller.’

‘Right. Ya know, you ain’t a good liar.’

‘Tsch. Bullshit. I’m an excellent liar. I just get nervous with the truth. What’s up with Rogue? Things going well?’

‘She said she wanted ta go watch a film with Drake. I don’t think she’s much of a drinker. Why don’t ya ditch the Cajun and help me finish the beer? Come on, I’ll even letchya bitch about your ex-boyfriend.’

I sighed and leant my forehead against the steering wheel. ‘I promised Hank I’d pick up some groceries.’

‘Groceries, huh? Am I that bad?’ he chuckled. For some reason, the despairing undertone made me feel like a total heel.

‘Dude.’ I took a deep breath. ‘You have five minutes to stash the beer and meet me in the garage. You can carry my shopping bags.’

I was impressed. He only took three minutes. Tsch. Down, boy. He slid into the passenger’s seat looking mighty smug. ‘So. Take me somewhere exciting.’ He grinned. Really, the man needed to learn to use that smile a mite more judiciously. A girl could get ideas. Dang it, he really was cute. Smelled good, too. I hadn’t noticed it out in the open air, but in the little enclosed cab, he definitely smelled nice. Like soap and man and pine. Not like floor cleaner pine, but like he’d just bruised a couple of fir needles. I revved the engine and pulled out into the late afternoon sun.

I fussed with the radio one-handed until he swatted me away with an injunction to keep my eyes on the road. I think he chose the station based on how annoyed I smelled. The speakers blared to life, informing us that they weren’t big on social graces, and though they’d head on down to the oh-ay-sis. ‘Jesus, Wolvie, is that freaking Garth Brooks? You hick.’ I reached for the buttons again, and heard the sharp, metallic snikt of his claws sliding out. He inspected them in the light, pointedly not looking at me. ‘Okay, okay. Garth stays. Jeez. Hand to the Great I Am, though, if freaking Toby Keith rears his fugly ignorant head, I’ll risk the surgery.’

‘You gotchyerself a deal, there.’ He replied. After a silence that was just settling into companionable against the ruin of poor Garth’s love life, he said, ‘I wish you hadn’t run off like that.’

‘You wish Rogue hadn’t run off.’

‘No. I mean what I say, Jubilee.’ In retrospect, it was really pathetic, the way my vision went all golden and my stomach flopped over when he said my name.

‘Kay. Fine. Sorry.’

He snorted. ‘Ya don’t gotta apologise to me, darlin’. I ain’tchyer minder. I just…I don’t know…why’d ya go?’

‘I figured you and Marie didn’t need a third wheel. Didn’t mean for any drama to ensue.’

‘Maybe Marie and I need to go easy on the one-on-one for a bit. Maybe I’m already taking her out on Sunday. If I didn’t want you around, I woulda told you. I don’t hint at people like you.’

‘Oh, yeah? You think I’m thick?’ I teased.

‘Nah, I just know you ain’t a pantywaist.’

‘Calling me fat, then.’

He growled. ‘I mean that I figure you won’t go over all offended like if I say I need some alone time with another friend.’

‘Another, huh? We buddies now or something?’

‘Why not?’ he eased himself back and hooked his hands behind his head. ‘I happen to like you, think you’re a nice girl, or something, and I think you happen to like me.’

‘For a given value of like, anyhow.’ I conceded. ‘For that matter,’ I added, feeling very clever when he chuckled, ‘for a given value of you.’

‘Yer crazy. And you’re passing the video game store.’

I careened into Game Stop like a bat into hell. ‘Two minutes, dude.’ I was definitely proud of his accurately I predicted my itinerary. Ninety seconds later, we were rolling again, and five minutes after that, we found ourselves in the dairy aisle of the local grocery stop. ‘Kay. We need two gallons of two percent. Blue cap.’ I instructed. ‘One full gallon and two half gallons. Nab some half and half, too. I think Bobby dared some poor junior to chug a pint of that stuff this morning, and there’s no way I’m sacrificing calories for satisfaction tomorrow morning. Do you need anything? Mouthwash, hair gel…’ I sneaked a sideways glance, and carried on, heedless of how good an impression of a suicidal lemming I was doing. ‘Uh, deodorant?’ he growled. Ooh. Speaking of tetchy.

‘I should make ya pick up a box of condoms, just so the nice lady with a crucifix at the register eyeballs you.’

‘You need tampons, then?’ I deliberately misheard.

He blinked. ‘What’re…what’re tampons?’ by the way he pronounced the word, loud and clear and unabashed, I could tell he wasn’t putting me on. Either that, or he really didn’t mind getting looked at by our fellow shoppers in a way that suggested he would be more comfortable in a big padded room. Or he was just setting me up for a good hard mindfuck.

‘Dude. They’re for ladies.’

‘Uh huh.’ His blank look was just so damned cute. He couldn’t have been cuter if he were crosseyed and holding a kitten.

‘For that time of the month.’ Five seconds is a long time to be staring at a big, clueless looking guy trying to clue him into something. The penny dropped. He blushed. Okay. Two kittens, one of them with its tongue sticking out. Maybe a duckling. And a cross-eyed Logan, but that’s my final offer. Any more cute would send you into a diabetic coma.

‘Oh! Whoa. Why would I…I don’t need…I don’t get…’ he actually took a step back from me at this point. I went into cute overload for point five seconds, before steering him into the snacks and cookies aisle.

‘Don’t sweat it, dude. I’m pretty sure you don’t bleed from your vagina.’ He made a choking noise. ‘Chillax. All girls do. Except for you, if you were a girl.’ He made the noise again. Well, serve him right for playing country in my truck. Hank’s truck. I swiped a Family Size box of Twinkies off the shelf. ‘Do you really need condoms?’ I glared at him.

‘Have some, thanks.’ Then, the corner of his lip lifted diabolically. ‘Do you really need tampons?’

‘Fuck off.’ I muttered (Lee FAIL!), and towed him toward the till. As we stood in line waiting for some moron to verify a cheque, he turned toward me, catching me between his body and the chocolate display.

‘Groceries? You bought some junk food at milk.’ I felt dozens of Mars Bars pressing into the small of my back. Ouch to the ego.

‘Yeah. Hank wanted some.’

‘Was it that bad?’

‘Dude, like I said, I figured you needed some alone time with her. Don’t jump down my throat, dude. Jeez.’ I managed to look him squarely in the eye. ‘You can be really intense, dude.’ My usage of the word ‘dude’ was in inverse proportion to how comfortable I felt.

He looked a little shamefaced, and back up a bit. I peeled myself away from the sweets. ‘Sorry.’

‘It’s cool. Totally cool. Just…like…try not to be such a hard-on. Reminds me of One-Eye.’ He looked totally offended, and my little heart turned over. Okay, maybe it was the burp of terror I felt coming on and was desperately trying to suppress, but I do take pity on, you know…people. Sometimes.

‘So do you really need to do this…Half Dead computer game showdown with the Cajun?’

‘It’s Half Life, and it’s a video game. And no. I made that up.’

‘Huh.’

‘Told you I’m good at lying.’

‘You just sounded so damned nervous. Could tell if it was just me, or if you were being a sneak.’

‘Yeah. Well.’

‘You wanna polish off that beer with me? I have a DVD player in my suite.’

‘I don’t know, dude. There will be talk. You know Kitty Pryde? She thinks I want your body.’

‘Oh? And since when do you care what people think?’

I sighed, threw the groceries in the back seat and climbed into the cab. ‘How long are you staying?’ the words startled both of us, I think. He blinked owlishly at me.

‘What does that have to do with anything?’

I slotted the keys into the ignition, probably harder than was needed, but I didn’t turn them. Not yet. ‘I’ll…I’ll be straight with you.’ I stared hard at the steering wheel. ‘Like I said, you might be a dick, but I think you’re a good person, and I…I guess you deserve honesty. The thing is, and I say this totally sans melodrama, but Rogue is my buddy. Or at least she’s my roomie. I deal with a lot of what she deals with, and a lot of what she deals with is you.’ I paused and collected my thoughts. And some spit. My mouth was dry as the Sahara. ‘And I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to be left behind when you decide to take off next.’

He didn’t look directly at me, but I knew he was studying me, listening to my heart beat and noticing the way I smelled, taking in all the little signals I couldn’t keep from putting off. ‘So…what you’re trying to say is that you aren’t gonna invest in my stock till you’re sure I’m a sound venture.’ Wow. All those big words and concepts. I laughed manically. Gosh, the guy was scary.

‘You don’t have to make it sound so calculated.’

‘But that’s what you’re doin’. You’re calculating how much of a loss you’ll take by spending—investing—time with me. Look. It’s just a couple beers, kid.’

‘No.’ I interrupted him, feeling my face growing hot, and the moment went surreal in the golden sunset. ‘It’s not just a beer, Logan.’ I put my face in my hands. ‘I’m not just being a drama queen, either. Damn it.’ I choked back memories, put them back in their Goddamned boxes. They struggled hard. ‘I’ve lost everyone important to me.’

‘I ain’t important to you.’

‘Not yet. You keep trying to be. That’s cool, you’re being social. I’m…I don’t know why we’re having this conversation.’

‘Cause you’re being honest with me.’ He stared at his hands. ‘And I respect that. Fair’s fair. Look, I ain’t a big talker myself, but…yer easy to hang out with, darlin’, and that’s all. You didn’t haveta help me out the other night, but you did. You’re a Goddamned soldier, too. Not sure how I know that, but you are, and I ain’t often mistaken about that kinda thing. What do you say we sort through all the emotional backlog later an’ just enjoy a movie instead of worrying about what’ll happen? I have the new Terminator.’

I cracked a smile. Couldn’t help it. ‘Great. Now I feel like a big retard. Full retard, as they say. With, like, food down my front and a desperate need for a padded helmet and…leg braces.’

‘I don’t know ‘bout the helmet and braces, but I could stand ta spill some food down your front.’ He leered.

‘Perv.’

‘Hey. I ain’t the one fantasizing about…what was it? Me taking you over my knee? Holding you down? You weren’t kidding about that, either. Cyke gave me the evil eye and everything. Acted like I’d just thrown you to the ground and had my way with you.’

I turned the key in the ignition. ‘God. I can tell I’m gonna have to unlearn how to blush if I’m gonna hang out with you. Specially if you pull movies with naked Christian Bale in them on me after I’ve had a few.’

He snickered and (mercifully) changed the radio channel to some classic rock.