Memories

Chapter repost after glitch erased it!

Enjoy!
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The smoke and smell of several types of sin billowed forth when he
opened the heavy wooden door. It was that typical smell, the smell of
people doing everything in their power to forget. The music was loud
and obnoxious and the patrons weren't too happy to see him and
abruptly stopped whatever they were doing to show their disapproval.
They frowned and grunted at the brown haired, fair skinned young man
with ruby tinted shades who strolled through the sticky, liquor-
coated door. He just stood quietly in the doorway, Rain trickling
down his trench coat. His brown eyes surveyed the bar, which was
filled with bikers, truckers, and the usual tattooed loners. He knew
he'd find Logan here; this was his place of refuge when he felt down
and out. He could grovel here and become part of the crowd. He didn't
have to speak to anyone, everyone understood his pain and his need to
overindulge to feel something other then hurt. It was the quiet
acceptance this place offered that he craved. The cold silence soon
let up and their attention fell back to their drinks. It wasn't hard
for him to spot Logan. The puddle on the floor at his feet was a
clear sign of a recent addition to the bar who had stood outside and
felt the heaven open up, seemingly just for him. Then there was the
trademark scowl and curl of his lip and last but not least the cloud
of acrid smoke that wafted from the cigar clamped tight between his
dog-like canines. He hadn't looked up but he was sure he knew he was
there. He wasn't sure what he was going to say, he just knew that
Logan shouldn't be left alone no matter how hard he demanded it.

"This seat taken?"

"What does it look like, one eye?" Logan cut back. Scott realized he
wasn't in the mood for small talk but didn't really expect him to be,
not after what happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Even though he was ready for it, it still caught him by surprise. The
gunshot was so loud and devastating. It cut through the air and
everything hushed. Panic welled up in Scott's heart as he realized
that Logan had yet to make a sound, yet to react. Scott's ears
couldn't pick up any movement or sounds and he wished to god in
heaven that he had his visor. What state would he be in? What would
happen to his mind? Would he go feral? Scott swallowed hard trying in
vein to tame his heartbeat.

"No…" Scott heard the disembodied murmur. He opened his mouth to say
something but was there anything he could say?

"No…please…"The hollow voice uttered, His breathing came out in
frightful gasps and dry-heaves. There was a sharp bang that made
Scott jump and skin crawl. Logan's fist collided with the door one
last time before he slid to the floor. He curled into a ball hugging
his knees and that's when Scott heard something he thought he'd never
hear. Not from the wolverine. Not from the toughest son of a bitch to
ever walk god's green earth.

"Logan…I'm so sorry." He said blindly shuffling his way toward the
sound, the sound of sadness and frustration. The floodgates had
opened and Logan had finally broken down. He cried, He wept; he
pleaded and asked why things had to be the way they were. Delirious
in his sadness he rambled and choked on his tears. Scott reached the
automatic doors and felt along the cold expanse of metal, his hands
ran across something wet and congealed but he wouldn't let his mind
dwell on what it was. His hands finally landed on the hard packed
shoulder of his fellow teammate. It slightly bobbed and Scott lowered
himself and did the only thing he could think to do. The only thing
he had left once stripped of his visor, the personification of his
leadership. He hugged him, a tight embrace that prompted Logan to cry
even harder.

//Scott…// the professor cut in.

//Not now…not now.//Scott said and the professor respectfully left
his mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Logan stared hard at the man beside him, seemingly lost in thought.
His scent had changed, he had come with such determination but it had
faltered. Now he felt pity and sadness radiating off of him. The
pungent stink of pity ground on Logan's nerves.

"If ya gonna just stand there starin' off inta space you should just
button up that fancy coat of yers and get the hell outta here." Logan
drawled through a very obvious scowl. Scott had found the angrier
Logan got the more prone he was to lose his finer English skills.
What had made him so angry he wasn't sure, but Scott assumed his
emotions were out of whack. He looked down at his coat. He hadn't
realized his trench was considered fancy but from looking at the
other regulars he could see how he stood out. Logan went to pour
himself another mug from his pitcher and Scott sat next to him
ignoring Logan's disapproving grunt.

"Logan…"

"Don't or I'll kill ya. I'm here to relax, don't go fucking it up
feelin' sorry fer me." Logan spat and as quickly as the conversation
had begun it had been squashed. The two sat in mutual silence. The
hairy mutant watched the game on the large screen behind the bar with
lackluster enthusiasm while he tossed back drink after drink. Scott
noticed his hands shook when his eyes glazed over, looking right
through the TV; Flashing back to something haunting, scary, taunting.
He'd shake it away, mumble something under his breath about not being
a real man and took a couple more swigs of cheap bourbon and even
cheaper beer. Mixing the two seemed like a lethal combination, and
Scott's stomach turned just watching him. Logan noticed his pitcher
was empty and angrily called for the bartender, waving his massive
hand in the air. She sauntered over looking like a goth angel with
raven hair and plump ruby lips. Her Jeans hugging her hips just right
and her shirt clung to every curve her mother gave her. Logan didn't
even give her a second look, He was preoccupied with getting some
more liquid cyanide. Scott watched as Logan's Threatening glare
became even more lethal as the bartender leaned over the bar in front
of Scott instead of him..

"You gonna drink or are you here just ta take up space from my payin'
customers, huh?" She said with a tight frown, pursing her lips. She
leaned over the bar giving Scott a good eyeful of ample cleavage that
he had to take time to appreciate..

"Oh, let me just have two of whatever he's having." Scott thumbed at
Logan and ignored the menacing yet puzzled look he was getting from
his teammate. He knew what he was thinking. Fearless leader of the x-
men drinking? Are pigs flying? Scott let a small smile creep over his
face.

"It's your funeral." She smirked while she made the drinks. Her arms
seemed to be on autopilot and in less than 30 seconds she set two
large drinks in front of Scott.

"Hey bartenda'! How long am I gonna hav' ta wait here, huh?" A
raunchy biker bellowed from the far end of the battered bar.

"Your gonna wait as long as I want ya ta wait!" She shouted back but
with a smile. She made her way to the other side of the bar where the
men were crowded and rowdy, waving their money and making lewd
comments. Without turning to Logan he slid one of the drinks down the
bar to him.

"Here"

"I got my own money. I can get my own drinks." Logan muttered.

"I promised I'd buy you a drink when you woke up from the coma. I'm
just making good on that promise." Scott said with a straight face, a
meaningful serious stare. Logan reached out and took the offered
glass and Scott diverted his attention to his own liquid death. Logan
just stared at his glass, watching the amber liquid slosh in the
confines of the glass made his mind drift back to the horror his mind
had put him through. Then he remembered everything Scott had said
about him with stark clarity. Was he really a good man? Had he really
impacted people's lives in a good way? Did the man sitting next to
him really see him as a valuable part of the team? Did he really want
to get to know him…even after what he did, or rather what he didn't
do? Logan squeezed the cup and his eyes closed. It couldn't be
possible. He let a child die, he let his child die. A real man would
have found a way to save her.

"Surprised..." Scott finally said breaking Logan out of the
depression he could feel him slipping back into.

"What?"

"I'm just surprised you didn't drop one of your token pick up lines
on the barkeep. She looks like your type." Scott said with a smirk.
Logan Stared at Scott with those deep, passionate, soul searching
eyes that made Scott shiver then Snorted.

"Yeah, well, she looks alright but she looks like the kinda girl you
gotta win over and I'm not much in the mood for cat and mouse.." He
growled out draining his glass and slamming it back onto the bar. He
wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and then ran his fingers
through his hair.

"Ah, not in the mood for pleasantries then?" Scott was smiling, his
voice coated with humor and sarcasm.

"I like to get down to business. Fuck that dinner and a movie stuff."

"Your serious aren't you?"

"As a heart attack." Logan nodded. But there was a slight turn of his
lips that let Scott know that he was serious but could find the
humor. They sat in companionable silence after there exchange but
soon that silence grew heavy and someone had to break the ice.

"What are you doing here Cyclops? This isn't your kinda dive. You
here to baby-sit? The professor sent you? Or did jean?" Logan
questioned, emphasizing his code-name to reassert their non-
friendship. He put up a divider, too afraid to get close.

"They advised me not to come, Wolverine." He said throwing his
informal name right back at him.

"I came because I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Always the boy scout." The feral mutant said with a huff. Shifting
to stand as if he couldn't stand to sit next to Scott any longer.
Scott reached over and laid a hand on his shoulder halting his escape.

"No, always a friend."

"Since when have we been friends." He said growling at the intrusion
on his personal space and then forcefully brushing his hand away.

"Not sure, I know I consider you a friend now though." There was a
strange seriousness to Scott's face that caught Logan by surprise.
The younger man was talking to him from his heart. Logan could tell
the difference between a lie or a statement made out of pity or
remorse and He could tell that this statement was heart felt. Logan
gritted his teeth but decided to stay. He re-positioned himself on
the barstool and waved the barkeep over for another drink.

"I heard you…" Logan muttered.

"What?"

"I heard what you said to me, when I was in the coma. When you said
all those good things about me. I don't believe you."

"I meant every word of it."

"You don't know me…What I've done. Hell, I don't even know what I've
done. It's impossible for me to be all those good things. Not after I
couldn't save her!" The anger was rising within him again. He'd have
to show him what kind of man he really was.

"Tell that to jubilee, and all the boys that you've taken under your
wing since your stay here. And while you're at it tell that to Maggie
and the professor. Should I go on?" Scott was always growing angry.
Why couldn't Logan just accept that he had a family back at the
mansion that loved and cared for him.

"No…"

"Your selling yourself short. You have a huge network of people who
care about you. We want to help. What happened to your daughter
isn't' your fault! I know your hurting but sitting here drinking
yourself into oblivion isn't going to solve the problem!"

"Solve the problem!? As if this is some fucking algebra equation that
has a solution! You can't fucking solve for "Y" and everything is
right again! Fuck you summers…" Logan finally erupted. He angrily
chugged the drink the bartender had set in front of him, clamped his
stubby cigar between his teeth and made his way to the door with long
angry strides. Scott wasn't far behind, trying to catch up to him, he
couldn't let him go. He may never come back and the thought of Losing
Logan forever hurt his soul. By the time Scott had reluctantly paid
the massive tab at the bar and maneuvered through the crowd to make
it outside Logan was half way to his bike. The rain was coming down
so hard that it felt like god had tipped over a sky-sized bucket.
Rain dripped down his face and his hair was shaggy in his eyes. He
wiped the loose strands out of his field of vision and screamed at
Logan's retreating form.

"What you're doing right now is running away! I know how you feel!"

"You can't possibly know how I feel!" Logan yelled back not bothering
to turn around. He was gone, It was final. No need for discussion. He
couldn't go back. Not after what happened. How could he face the team
again. He knew the word had spread by now, They would all know he had
had a daughter that he let die. They shot her while he watched and he
never got a chance to even hold her. That seemed the cruelest of it
all, never having the chance to hold her, put his scent on her, mark
her and make her his. It tore him up inside knowing she died without
know him and ever primal part of his being screamed at him for not
protecting his family, his unit, his pack.

"Then explain it to me!" Scott shot back jogging across the muddy
parking lot to catch up with Logan. He reached out and grabbed his
muscular arm. Logan whirled around sending water twirling with him.
The anger and frustration apparent on his face. His chest heaved as
if he was at the very cusp of losing control.

"You wouldn't understand…" He sneered, dangerously hissing in Scott's
face but he held his ground. He wasn't scared of Logan, in fact he
understood Logan's pain and he was going to prove it.

"Try me." Scott said just as forcefully and maneuvered himself
between Logan and his bike.

"Get. The. Fuck. Outta my way." Logan said slowly, balling his fist.
Shaking with anger.

"Not until you stop acting like a little bitch." Scott said crossing
his arm.

"What did you just call me?" His eyes flashed. He widened his stance.
His teeth grinding, His eyes turning smokey black like storm clouds
about to erupt.

"I called you a selfish, scared little bitch, running away from his
problems and leaving everyone who's ever taken the time to get to
know him worried sick!" This time Scott was poking him in his chest.
Logan was taken aback. Was he purposely bating him? His anger finally
boiled over and Scott could see the change. It was like a switch was
flipped. His eyes became lifeless orbs, wide and unsettling. His lip
curled back into this sinister grin and the rainwater dripped off of
his sharp canines. His shoulders curled forward and he growled low.
Crouching he stood ready to pounce.

"You wanna know how I feel, Scotty…want me to share?" The sound of
his voice sent shivers through Scott. He could feel the power pouring
off of the man standing so close to him. Logan took the one step
forward that eclipsed the space between them. Now his packed muscles
were pressed snug against him. He could feel the older mans chest
rumble as he growled. Scott's breathing caught. He bit his lip
willing his body to calm down, surprised at how his body was reacting
to Logan's presence. With a sharp intake through his nose Logan
inhaled the younger man, laying his nose against his vulnerable neck.
Scott could feel the rough whiskers of Logan's ever growing beard
brush against his cheek. The Hairy mutant grunted then let his lips
part once again into a dangerous smirk. Could Logan tell how aroused
he was? Scott thought with panic. Then Logan just stared and Scott
found himself lost him his eyes finally realizing that he was waiting
for him to answer his question. Did he want to know how he felt?

"Yeah…I wanna know how you feel." Scott said breathlessly. If it was
even possible for Logan to get even closer he did. Pinning Scott
firmly between him and his bike. Scott watched Logan's lips as the
feral curl disappeared and his face became more neutral. The thin
masculine lips of Logan, slightly parted, The rain water seeming to
trace every curve and slope of his face. His clothes clung to every
possible muscle and his hair framed his face. Scott's lips parting in
anticipation of Logan's lips pressed against his so hard they bruise.
Then it happened. In a flash Logan's fist met with Scott's abdomen
with no mercy. Scott yelped immediately curling forward, holding his
stomach. His knees buckled and he slumped to the ground.

"That's how I feel, That's how I fucking feel! You can take that back
to the mansion and share." Logan growled out and stepped over the
writing man on the ground. He hopped on his bike. Taking the time to
light a cigar from his pocket that was slightly soggy from the rain.
Scott balled his fists. He was embarrassed, his pride demanded he do
something and lightening fast he was on his feet. He lunged at Logan
full force causing them both to topple to the ground coating them
with mud and dirt. That was it. It was on and someone was gonna die
tonight. Logan's explosive feral rage against Scott's red-hot optic
blasts. They fought long and hard but as Scott suspected no matter
what he did he couldn't keep the Wolverine down. He was getting
tired, getting sloppy and the anger and humiliation he had felt
before had left 15 minuets into the fight. Finally it was the last
showdown. Scott was too tired and couldn't go on anymore. They stood
on either side of the lot, panting. Logan came at Scott with claws
fully extended. He charged with surprising speed and Scott had to
make a split second decision. He didn't have time to measure he
quickly reached up and tore off his shades sending a wide burst at
Logan. Through the haze of red Scott could see he was too late, Logan
was already on him and as the blast hit him square in the chest Logan
extended his arm and took a powerful swipe racking his claws across
Scott's chest before being hurled with deadly force down the parking
lot. Groggily readjusting his sunglasses Scott put a hand against his
chest and was greeted with warm blood. The adrenaline wouldn't let
him feel the pain but the shortness of breath told him all he needed
to know.. Scott moaned and fell to his knees holding his chest with
one hand and bracing himself with the other. He heard and long moan
come from the distance and he knew that Logan or should he say the
wolverine was coming back to his senses. A moan and then a wet gurgle
of someone's whose lungs were filled with blood rattled his bones. He
could hear thick-soled boots sloshing through the mud toward him. He
didn't have the energy to move. His survival instincts kicked in but
he could muster enough energy to even look up. A shadow loomed over
him in silence. He could hear the distinct sound of knitting flesh
and labored lungs.

"Let's get back to the mansion. Jean needs ta patch you up." Logan
said, no longer did he have the dangerous edge to his voice. Scott
ground up the energy to Look up and found Logan hunched over and
unsteady. The grotesque wound on his chest slowly closing but from
the way he was swaying Scott assumed there were some internal
injuries his body needed to take care of as well.

"Your not looking to hot yourself." Scott slurred. His world was
going dark and he looked down at the puddle of blood, water, and mud
he had made around himself. Logan bent down to help the younger man
up almost toppling over.

"Not feelin' to hot. Whatcha do, hit me full blast? You really were
out for blood. Didn't know you had it in ya." Logan struggled in
saying as he heaved Scott off the ground and put his arm around his
shoulder. Steadying him, they made the slow walk to Logan's bike.

"Had to knock some sense into you." Scott said with a delirious grin.

"Or kill me trying…" Logan snorted trying to keep the conversation
light. Trying not to show how worried he was about the amount of
blood Scott had lost and about possible infection. His mind cleared
as he stared at his bike in bewilderment, it took some time to figure
out how he was going to manage getting the mortally wounded X-man
home.

"Scott, you gonna have to stay awake and hold on ta me or your gonna
fall off this bike. Alright?" With a tentative nod and a grimace at
the rumble of the bike when it started up Scott snaked his arms
around Logan's waist and held on as tight as his exhausted muscles
would allow. Logan slowly made his way out of the parking lot and
onto the road. The rain hadn't let up one bit so their ride was slow
and long. He could feel the blood from Scott's wound soaking into his
back and the younger man's grip loosening.

"Stay with me Scott! We're almost there!" He yelled over the roar of
the bike. If Scott died tonight he'd die with him. He wouldn't be
able to live with himself. This man had done nothing but try to
extend his hand to him in friendship and he had all but chopped it
off. This is the man who had witnessed something he had only let one
other see. Scott had seen him cry. He found himself growing angry
with Scott for egging him on. What was he trying to prove? Then he
remembered his scent. The scent of lust and arousal that seemed to
emanate from him. The scent was inviting. He had used it against him
because it frightened him but now he found himself wanting to smell
it again instead of blood and dirt.

"Fucking boy scout." He muttered as he pulled into the driveway of
Xavier's school for gifted youngsters.

TBC