Lust and Cookies

Bobby "Iceman" Drake sat on the rec room couch, zapping through the channels on the TV set of Shi'ar-tech proportions. He zapped through crappy reality shows, reruns of shows that must have been popular somewhere between the Fallout of the Roman Empire and the birth of Jesus Christ-oh,wait,or was it the other way?

Never mind. He wasn't in the mood to watch TV anyway. He just needed to focus his eyes on something as he was replaying in his mind the events that took place in the previous week. The biggest bank in Salem Centre was robbed, and the criminal appeared to be some sex-controlling mutant that liked to wear tight, kinky clothing that never justified the characterization "clothing".
On the other hand, spandex clothing was no far better either, but he'd rather not go there right now.

Anyway, the whole situation brought two more mutants in the mansion.
One was Paula, a woman who worked in the bank until that day, but during the robbery she exposed her mutant identity and had to change enviroment, at least for a small amount of time.

As for her gift...she could create candy out of thin air. Crazy, but useful when you were too bored to walk to the kitchen and see if-IF- there was anything to raise your sugar.

Although he would die to see the day that Magneto would get a big chocolate cake thrown straight at the face. Chuckles escaped Bobby's mouth on the mental image created by the thought.

The other guest was a rather rude guy named Dave, and his general behaviour was not a surprise, considering that he was the aforementioned kinky mutant's brother. He had a weird gift that made him look different in each person's eyes, but that had mostly to do with straight women and gay men, so it was none of his business or his interest.

The Paula woman was eyeing Bobby from the first day she got there, and that not only that felt flattering to him, but he almost remembered the days he would woo every female creature getting in his eyesight. The signs showed she was totally into him, and he couldn't say he was uninterested too. It had been a long time after all.

Even the other X-Women had the weird look when mentioning Paula to him that almost said: "She's here-she's available-*Go get her now*"!

It felt like a huge conspiracy from all of them trying to fix him up with Paula. Normally, that would make him back out, just to show some independence, but he felt like he shouldn't miss that chance. After all, since the day she gave him a quick, sloppy kiss on the cheek...well, he could sense some feelings of fondness, even desire, growing for her.

It was weird, yes, but it felt like destiny to him. A voice in his head was telling him "That woman, young man, will a v a very important role in your life. And I don't mean as a Twinkie supplier!"

He felt like he had no reason to question that voice.

So that was it. Today, he would ask her out. Somewhere that she wouldn't have to provide the desserts, preferably.

"But no-it's only a week I have been knowing her, and even the interest she showed seems a little forced, I can't ask her out yet!"

"Now, where have we been", he thought, as he stumbled upon a documentary about the reproduction of snails.

"Even the snails have more sex than you, Drake", a little naughty voice said inside his head.

"No-no-no! Why must you pester me like this all the time?", that voice was always coming back and forcing him to do something with Paula, ever since that innocent kiss of her, days ago.

"I won't pester you all the time, just until the moment you will ask her out!"

"Here we go again", Bobby thought back. Obviously, another debate with the sex-starved voice in his head was about to begin.
***************************************************************

Logan was sitting in one of the chairs beside the mansion's lake. He viciously puffed on his cigar, trying to blow the smoke on a rather irritating fly that was buzzing above his head, destroying his otherwise perfect inner peace.

Yes that morning was almost perfect. The sun was stroking his bare upper torso(he only wore some loose jean pants and a cowboy hat),the birds were singing their best repertoire in order to attract females and not even a little, gentle splash could be heard by the lake, where Dave, the new-but-totally-useless-in-battle-guy was supposed to be bathing.

The fly was still annoying the hell out of him by flying close to his ears every time it made a circle above his head.

Logan took off his sunglasses (yes, he wore these too along with the other stuff) and had an inquiring look towards the lake. Yes, Dave was still there, but instead of swimming or something he was just lying on the surface, probably asleep.

Jeez, all that kid ever did was sleeping. First in the infirmary, where he spent some time nurturing his wounds from the bank incident, then again there, after some unfortunatcidecident with One-Eye, and later in his room or even in public, in front of everyone, he would fall asleep and no one would wake him up or get him to his room for further rest. It was the gimostmostly, they said he looked very cute when sleeping, and Storm even threatened to fry Hank's ass with thunders if he dared carry him away or wake him up.

But then again, they thought he looked cute when eating, when burping, when swearing, when working out(the one and only time he went to training with the others),even when he couldn't stomach the roast beef and threw up in front of everyone's startled eyes, making a mess on himself and getting his eyes red and teary.

Poor roast beef was wasted, was all that Logan could think.

The fly was still doing circles above his head, proudly inhaling all the smoke Wolverine had provided for it.

"Damn insect!!" he gave it an evil look and total ignorance was all he received back.

*Snikt!*

Now the poor fly stood impaled in the middle claw of the notorious killer named Wolverine.

"Who's the bitch NOW???" he mocked at the soulless body of the innocent insect. He could swear that the fly left a little whimper before dying but he left the next inhaling of smoke wash away the guilt. The stupid thing wouldn't live more than a few days anyway.

Feeling perky after that refreshing kill, Logan looked again at the sleeping guy in the middle of the lake, and grinned.

He impaled on his claw one of the oranges that Jean had provided them as a healthy snack and threw it towards Dave.

The fruit splashed in the water right next to his left ear and Dave abruptly woke up, losing the balance on the water surface in the whole confusion, and getting his head underwater, gulping down a small amount of sweet water.

As he resurfaced, he eimedimed a little belated "Huh?", looked around in terror, and saw nothing out of the ordinary.

Except for Wolverine, who lied on his chair, obviously asleep. But he had such a grin on his face that Dave was sure Logan was having naughty dreams...

"Dammit, I never have sexy dreams anymore...unless anyone considers old women in lingerie sexy of course", he thought and started swimming towards the shore.

***************************************************************

Jubilee and Paula were both sitting on Jubilee's bed, both eating freshly baked cookies straight from Paula's mutant hands, as they watched "Daredevil" on the small TV that equipped Jubilee's room.

They seemed to be more concentrated on the cookies than the movie. Especially Paula, who should have been a little sick of seeing candy by now.

"Lame flick", was ahat hat Jubilee could comment on the film's overall quality, and they were still halfway through watching it.

"Uh-uh." Paula kept munching on her crispy cookies, barely noticing Jubilee's comment at all.

"I mean, too bad the real Daredevil isn't a villain. I would have brought my justified wrath upon the writer and director if I were him."

"Uh-uh."

"Maybe Electra should do this instead, taking revenge on the guy responsible for the casting. I mean, Garner's good, but Electra had ebony hair and a cherry-red ninja costume, not that lame S/M costume. I would have killed everyone responsible for spoiling my image if I was in her shoes."

"Uh-uh."


"I would have expected a more articulate comment from you, Sweetheart. What do you think about this disaster of a film?"

"Kill them all. All responsible.» Paula turned her attention back to her cookies.

"No, not all. Ben Affleck is a hottie. It would be a pity to lose him."

"He's a bloke. He should be flushed down the toilet first in row. Head first."

"But he's so cute!"

"The Bullseye guy is cuter."

"Colin Farell? Well, even in this bald-tattooed head version, he's kinda hot-"

"Duh! Bobby is much hotter."

"Ohh, that explains all this I-forgot-my-voice-back-at-Salem-Centre attitude."

"Uh-uh"

"You're in a bad mood 'cause Popsicle h't a't asked you out yet!"

"Kinda."

"Why are in such a hurry? I mean, you are here for what, a week maybe, and you have such a need to get yourself a man? Was everybody gay and/or married back at Salem Centre?"

"I *want* him."

"Just wait a few more days. I mean, even stupid ole IceBrain will eventually see all the hints we're practically throwing on him and understand the opportunity that he has here! I'm sure he will soon ask you out..."

"I don't want to get out with him! I want to-"

"HEY! I'm not an adult yet, you know. You better cut the intricate details out, lady."

" 'kay."

"You're not brooding, are you? Because I have to tell you that brooding and angst is what attracts girls to guys and not vice-versa..."

"I'm not brooding! I just feel sorry for the poor couple over there! Look,they barely got to know each other and she had to die-and, that bastard Bullseye-"

"Hey, cut the crap. In real life, Electra came back from the dead, and avenged Bullseye, and now she lives-"

"Is she back together with Daredevil?"

"Not at the time."

"Sniff." Paula started brooding again.

"So, I see you like the film after all?"

"It's a story based on true facts, these stuff are always moving."

"And here I thought we would make healthy fun out of this crap movie-"

"Hey!" Paula protested before going back to sniffing.

***************************************************************

Bobby raised his hands, surrendering to the little inner voice's pressure.

"I will ask her out! Now, leave me alone please! Just, go, shoo!"

"Are you sure you're not saying it just to get rid of me? I live in your head you know, and I will know if you ever fuck with me-"

"I'm convinced! Just leave! Please! I wanna sleep! Don't you want me to be all fresh when I put my charms on asking your precious Paula out?"

"Now don't talk like you never wanted her-"

"I yield! I DO like her! I WILL ask her out-just GO!"

"Ciao baby", the little persistent voice said, the faded out.

"Nice. And now, to get prepared..."

"Yeah, 'cause you will have a date to attend-"

"Weren't you supposed to be leaving?!"

"Oh, right. Sorry. Buenas Dias!"

"Stupid vo-hey, what the hell am I doing? Did I just spent the last hour having a quarrel with myself while watching sna snail-porn in Discovery Channel?"

"Yup. You did."

"Will you GET the HELL out of here someday??"

"Whoops. Bye!" The voice finally faded out for real.

"Robert L. Drake, you HAVE to get over yourself", he finally spoke to himself without some twisted voice answering to him.