Crucify Me
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X-men Comics › Slash - Male/Male › Remy/Logan
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
8
Views:
4,843
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
X-men Comics › Slash - Male/Male › Remy/Logan
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
8
Views:
4,843
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own X-Men comics, or any of the characters from it. I make no money from from the writing of this story.
Chapter 5
WARNINGS: Rape and sexual abuse of a child. Don’t read this if it offends you. I’ve tried not to get too graphic, but it’s important to the story.
NOTES: This story is very AU. At the beginning of the story, Remy is 10 years old and living with Bella Donna and her family and has been for several years. The song lyrics are from “Crucify” by Tori Amos.
~ Why do we crucify ourselves?
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains ~
It was late, well past two in the morning…well past the time when normal children would be tucked away in their beds, sleeping peacefully. Sitting together in the flickering candlelight of Remy’s shrine, wrapped in the boy’s tattered patchwork quilt, Bella Donna and Remy sat in silence, the calm punctuated only by the boy’s shivering and occasional sniffles.
Remy had been crying for hours, inconsolable at the thought that Bella Donna wanted him to leave. He was miserable, yes, but he was also with her and that simple fact was all that mattered. She was the only comfort he’d ever had in life, he was terrified to be without her.
Bursting into fresh tears, he clung to her, desperate for the comfort of her arms. He knew why she wanted him to go but this was the only life he could remember and to ask him to give up the one person who loved him and to trust a complete stranger, and a man no less, was inconceivable. He couldn’t understand that she only wanted what was best for him, all he knew was that she wanted him to leave, and the pain of that realization a h a hundred times worse than any physical pain that had ever been inflicted on him.
“Tu ne m'aimes pas encore?” Remy sobbed, burying his face against the girl’s neck.
“Naturellement je t'aime,” she whispered, pulling the shaking boy tighter against her. “Tu sais que je t'aime..”
“Alors, pourquoi?” the boy whispered brokenly.
“Parce que je ne veux pas que tu souffres encore,” the girl answered softly. She knew Remy understood her reasons, but that he just couldn’t accept it. As hard as this life was on him, the boy clung to it; it was all he had ever known.
“Mais je ne veux pas partir,” Remy insisted petulantly.
“Je sais,” Bella Donna answered patiently, “mais tu dois partir.”
-------
Logan sat with his back against the headboard of the uncomfortable hotel room bed, watching a hockey game on TV with only minimal attention. He couldn’t get the fear on the boy’s face out of his mind…he’d hoped that the boy would change his mind and come find him, but it was far too late at night for there to be much likelihood of that now. All he could do was hold out hope that the kid had put the money he’d given him to good use and had gone somewhere safe.
It was pointless worrying about it, there was nothing more he could do about the situation, no matter how much he wished that weren’t the case. Trying to clear his mind and drive the worry from his mind, Logan closed his eyes and tried to nap.
-------
“Remy, s'il te plait, fais cela pour moi.,” Bella Donna whispered, sitting behind the boy and combing her fingers through his hair, trying to calm him.
“Mais…”
“Pour moi,” the girl said again, more firmly. It was a dirty trick, using his devotion to her to get him to agree to something he didn’t want to do, but it was the only choice she had left. One way or another, she had to save him.
She could see the looked of panicked indecision on Remy’s face; his devotion to her was tearing him apart, he wanted to please her but didn’t want to be without her. It tore her up inside, but she knew she had to do this.
After several long heartbeats the boy appeared to reach a decision, drawing in a shaky breath and forcing a smile onto his face even though Bella Donna could feel that he was still shaking. Meeting the girl’s eyes with a look of determination, Remy nodded almost imperceptibly, unable to actually speak the words.
“Tu ne vas pas m'oublier?” the boy asked softly.
“Jamais,” Bella Donna answered, pulling him into her arms.
-------
Quietly leaving the boy to pack his meager possessions, Bella Donna returned to her own room down the hall. Soundlessly padding across the room, she knelt on the floor by the bed and reached underneath, pulling out a battered shoebox.
Inside were her most prized possessions: a lock of her hair from her first haircut, a picture of her mother, a sapphire ring that had belonged to her grandmother…and a faded photograph of two young children, scarcely more than four years old, one blonde, one dark-haired, smiling into the camera with gap-toothed grins; it was the only picture she had of Remy and herself together and she had guarded it jealously over the years.
Taking the faded photograph from box box and replacing the rest of her treasures underneath the bed, Bella Donna laid it carefully on her writing desk and retrieved a pen from the desk drawer. Thinking for several moments, she turned the photo over and wrote carefully on the back:
“Remy –
Souviens-toi que je t'aime toujours.
– Bella Donna”
Although she knew that her fr cou couldn’t read it, having never been taught to read or write, she knew that he would someday be able to and never wanted him to forget that she had loved him and only wanted what was best for him. She couldn’t bear the thought that someday, when he was grown and had put all this behind him, he might forget that she loved him. Tears running down her cheeks, she pressed a kiss to the front of the picture before slipping back down the hall to the boy’s room.
-------
Sitting on the floor in the middle of his room, Remy waited for Bella Donna to return, holding the knapsack that held the only possessions he had chosen to bring with him: his crucifix, the contents of his shrine, a rosary Bella Donna had given him a year before and the clothes on his back, the rest of the room’s meager contents held too many bad memories for him and were being left behind.
Hearing her footsteps in the hall, the boy got to his feet, slinging his knapsack over his shoulder and trying to stop the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. He had to be strong, he knew this was as hard on Bella Donna as it was on him and he didn’t want to make it any harder on her than he had to.
-------
Bella Donna walked into Remy’s room slowly, trying to stay strong when all she wanted to do was grab the boy and never let go. Going to the boy’s side, she took his good hand in both of hers and squeezed it tightly then turned it palm up and laid the picture in it. “N'oublie jamais, Remy,” she whispered softly, eyes brimming with tears.
Nodding, unable to speak, Remy turned his gaze to the photo the girl had laid in his hand. It was hard to believe that either one of them had ever been so innocent or so happy, but the proof was in his hand. Unable to hold back his tears any longer, Remy pulled the girl into a fierce hug, heedless of his broken arm. “Je t’aime, Bel.”
“Je t’aime, aussi, Remy. Va t'en, maintenant. Je serai bien..”
“Mais…”
“Va t’en,” the girl whispered again, more forcefully, trying to hide the pain the command caused her.
Nodding sadly, Remy reluctantly released his friend and, placing the photograph Bella Donna had given him in his pocket, padded out the door, too scared to look back.
-------
Logan was snapped out of a restless sleep by a hesitant knock at the door to his hotel room. Glancing at the clock, he swore irritably; it was going on to three in the morning. Getting up from the bed,paddpadded to the door and opened it, ready to give his visitor hell for waking him up in the middle of the night.
Instead he stood silent for several heartbeats; standing in the hallway outside his door was the boy he had been worrying about less than an hour before, looking scared and worn out, and staring at him with the most beautiful eyes Logan had ever seen. “Come on in, kid,” he finally said, moving aside to let the boy into the room.
Forcing his hesitant feet into the room, Remy stepped over the threshold into the room, careful to stay fairly close to the door. “Merci,” the boy said softly, eyes on his feet.
There were so many questions Logan wanted to ask, so many things he wanted to know, but those would have to wait. What the kid needed right now was a good night’s sleep, and a doctor to look at that arm, but that would have to wait until morning. “You tired, kid…Remy?”
“Oui,” Remy answered softly. There was no point lying about it; even if he denied it, he’d still end up falling asleep and leaving himself vulner. A. And on top of that he had to trust this man; he was putting his life in this stranger’s hands.
“The bed’s all yours, kiddo, go ahead,” Logan said, waving a hand toward the king size bed. “I’ll sleep on the floor,” he added, noting the look of confusion on the boy’s face.
“Merci,” Remy answered with a weak smile, laying his knapsack down and moving to sit down on the bed.
-------
Logan stood by the bed, watching the small re ore on the bed sleep. In spite of the boy’s obvious fear, he had fallen asleep almost as soon as he had laid down and was now deeply asleep with his thumb in his mouth, his broken arm stretched out on the bed beside him.
Logan was worried about the Remy. As peaceful as the boy looked, his cheeks were flushed and his bangs were damp with sweat and it was clear that the boy was running a fever. Reaching out carefully, he lightly laid the palm of his hand against the b for forehead, swearing under his breath at the heat he felt. He was definitely going to have to get the kid to the doctor.
-------
Waking up with a start some hours later, Remy shivered. He could hear Logan’s heavy breathing to his left side, deep and even and calming. He was cold and scared and missed the comfort of Bella Donna’s arms Lyi Lying for several long moments, shivering, Remy weighed his options and, reaching a decision, scooted off the bed and onto the floor. Carefully, the boy laid down next to his benefactor, lifting the man’s arm and wiggling underneath until he was lying with his back against the man’s chest, closing his eyes with a sigh, hoping he had made the right decision.
-------
Logan was careful not to move even though he had been woken by the boy lifting his arm. He knew the decision had to have been a hard one and didn’t want to scare the boy away. Logan smiled softly as the boy settled back down to sleep, warmed by the heat of Logan’s body.
TBC
~ TRANSLATIONS ~
1) Tu ne m'aimes pas encore?
Don’t you love me?
2) Naturellement je t'aime.
Of course I do.
3) Tu sais que je t'aime.
You know I do.
4) Alors, pourquoi?
Then why?
5) Parce que je ne veux pas que tu souffres encore.
Because I don’t want you hurt anymore.
6) Mais je ne veux pas partir.
But I don’t want to go.
7) Je sais, mais tu par partir.
I know, but you have to.
8) Remy, s te te plait, fais cela pour moi.
Please, Remy, do it for me.
9) Pour moi.
For me
10) Tu ne vas pas m'oublier?
You won’t forget me?
11) Jamais.
Never
12) Souviens-toi que je t'aime toujours.
Always remember I love you.
13) N'oublie jamais, Remy.
Don’t ever forget, Remy.
14) Va t'en, maintenant. Je serai bien.
Now go. I’ll be fine.
15) Va t’en.
Go.
NOTES: This story is very AU. At the beginning of the story, Remy is 10 years old and living with Bella Donna and her family and has been for several years. The song lyrics are from “Crucify” by Tori Amos.
~ Why do we crucify ourselves?
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains ~
It was late, well past two in the morning…well past the time when normal children would be tucked away in their beds, sleeping peacefully. Sitting together in the flickering candlelight of Remy’s shrine, wrapped in the boy’s tattered patchwork quilt, Bella Donna and Remy sat in silence, the calm punctuated only by the boy’s shivering and occasional sniffles.
Remy had been crying for hours, inconsolable at the thought that Bella Donna wanted him to leave. He was miserable, yes, but he was also with her and that simple fact was all that mattered. She was the only comfort he’d ever had in life, he was terrified to be without her.
Bursting into fresh tears, he clung to her, desperate for the comfort of her arms. He knew why she wanted him to go but this was the only life he could remember and to ask him to give up the one person who loved him and to trust a complete stranger, and a man no less, was inconceivable. He couldn’t understand that she only wanted what was best for him, all he knew was that she wanted him to leave, and the pain of that realization a h a hundred times worse than any physical pain that had ever been inflicted on him.
“Tu ne m'aimes pas encore?” Remy sobbed, burying his face against the girl’s neck.
“Naturellement je t'aime,” she whispered, pulling the shaking boy tighter against her. “Tu sais que je t'aime..”
“Alors, pourquoi?” the boy whispered brokenly.
“Parce que je ne veux pas que tu souffres encore,” the girl answered softly. She knew Remy understood her reasons, but that he just couldn’t accept it. As hard as this life was on him, the boy clung to it; it was all he had ever known.
“Mais je ne veux pas partir,” Remy insisted petulantly.
“Je sais,” Bella Donna answered patiently, “mais tu dois partir.”
-------
Logan sat with his back against the headboard of the uncomfortable hotel room bed, watching a hockey game on TV with only minimal attention. He couldn’t get the fear on the boy’s face out of his mind…he’d hoped that the boy would change his mind and come find him, but it was far too late at night for there to be much likelihood of that now. All he could do was hold out hope that the kid had put the money he’d given him to good use and had gone somewhere safe.
It was pointless worrying about it, there was nothing more he could do about the situation, no matter how much he wished that weren’t the case. Trying to clear his mind and drive the worry from his mind, Logan closed his eyes and tried to nap.
-------
“Remy, s'il te plait, fais cela pour moi.,” Bella Donna whispered, sitting behind the boy and combing her fingers through his hair, trying to calm him.
“Mais…”
“Pour moi,” the girl said again, more firmly. It was a dirty trick, using his devotion to her to get him to agree to something he didn’t want to do, but it was the only choice she had left. One way or another, she had to save him.
She could see the looked of panicked indecision on Remy’s face; his devotion to her was tearing him apart, he wanted to please her but didn’t want to be without her. It tore her up inside, but she knew she had to do this.
After several long heartbeats the boy appeared to reach a decision, drawing in a shaky breath and forcing a smile onto his face even though Bella Donna could feel that he was still shaking. Meeting the girl’s eyes with a look of determination, Remy nodded almost imperceptibly, unable to actually speak the words.
“Tu ne vas pas m'oublier?” the boy asked softly.
“Jamais,” Bella Donna answered, pulling him into her arms.
-------
Quietly leaving the boy to pack his meager possessions, Bella Donna returned to her own room down the hall. Soundlessly padding across the room, she knelt on the floor by the bed and reached underneath, pulling out a battered shoebox.
Inside were her most prized possessions: a lock of her hair from her first haircut, a picture of her mother, a sapphire ring that had belonged to her grandmother…and a faded photograph of two young children, scarcely more than four years old, one blonde, one dark-haired, smiling into the camera with gap-toothed grins; it was the only picture she had of Remy and herself together and she had guarded it jealously over the years.
Taking the faded photograph from box box and replacing the rest of her treasures underneath the bed, Bella Donna laid it carefully on her writing desk and retrieved a pen from the desk drawer. Thinking for several moments, she turned the photo over and wrote carefully on the back:
“Remy –
Souviens-toi que je t'aime toujours.
– Bella Donna”
Although she knew that her fr cou couldn’t read it, having never been taught to read or write, she knew that he would someday be able to and never wanted him to forget that she had loved him and only wanted what was best for him. She couldn’t bear the thought that someday, when he was grown and had put all this behind him, he might forget that she loved him. Tears running down her cheeks, she pressed a kiss to the front of the picture before slipping back down the hall to the boy’s room.
-------
Sitting on the floor in the middle of his room, Remy waited for Bella Donna to return, holding the knapsack that held the only possessions he had chosen to bring with him: his crucifix, the contents of his shrine, a rosary Bella Donna had given him a year before and the clothes on his back, the rest of the room’s meager contents held too many bad memories for him and were being left behind.
Hearing her footsteps in the hall, the boy got to his feet, slinging his knapsack over his shoulder and trying to stop the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. He had to be strong, he knew this was as hard on Bella Donna as it was on him and he didn’t want to make it any harder on her than he had to.
-------
Bella Donna walked into Remy’s room slowly, trying to stay strong when all she wanted to do was grab the boy and never let go. Going to the boy’s side, she took his good hand in both of hers and squeezed it tightly then turned it palm up and laid the picture in it. “N'oublie jamais, Remy,” she whispered softly, eyes brimming with tears.
Nodding, unable to speak, Remy turned his gaze to the photo the girl had laid in his hand. It was hard to believe that either one of them had ever been so innocent or so happy, but the proof was in his hand. Unable to hold back his tears any longer, Remy pulled the girl into a fierce hug, heedless of his broken arm. “Je t’aime, Bel.”
“Je t’aime, aussi, Remy. Va t'en, maintenant. Je serai bien..”
“Mais…”
“Va t’en,” the girl whispered again, more forcefully, trying to hide the pain the command caused her.
Nodding sadly, Remy reluctantly released his friend and, placing the photograph Bella Donna had given him in his pocket, padded out the door, too scared to look back.
-------
Logan was snapped out of a restless sleep by a hesitant knock at the door to his hotel room. Glancing at the clock, he swore irritably; it was going on to three in the morning. Getting up from the bed,paddpadded to the door and opened it, ready to give his visitor hell for waking him up in the middle of the night.
Instead he stood silent for several heartbeats; standing in the hallway outside his door was the boy he had been worrying about less than an hour before, looking scared and worn out, and staring at him with the most beautiful eyes Logan had ever seen. “Come on in, kid,” he finally said, moving aside to let the boy into the room.
Forcing his hesitant feet into the room, Remy stepped over the threshold into the room, careful to stay fairly close to the door. “Merci,” the boy said softly, eyes on his feet.
There were so many questions Logan wanted to ask, so many things he wanted to know, but those would have to wait. What the kid needed right now was a good night’s sleep, and a doctor to look at that arm, but that would have to wait until morning. “You tired, kid…Remy?”
“Oui,” Remy answered softly. There was no point lying about it; even if he denied it, he’d still end up falling asleep and leaving himself vulner. A. And on top of that he had to trust this man; he was putting his life in this stranger’s hands.
“The bed’s all yours, kiddo, go ahead,” Logan said, waving a hand toward the king size bed. “I’ll sleep on the floor,” he added, noting the look of confusion on the boy’s face.
“Merci,” Remy answered with a weak smile, laying his knapsack down and moving to sit down on the bed.
-------
Logan stood by the bed, watching the small re ore on the bed sleep. In spite of the boy’s obvious fear, he had fallen asleep almost as soon as he had laid down and was now deeply asleep with his thumb in his mouth, his broken arm stretched out on the bed beside him.
Logan was worried about the Remy. As peaceful as the boy looked, his cheeks were flushed and his bangs were damp with sweat and it was clear that the boy was running a fever. Reaching out carefully, he lightly laid the palm of his hand against the b for forehead, swearing under his breath at the heat he felt. He was definitely going to have to get the kid to the doctor.
-------
Waking up with a start some hours later, Remy shivered. He could hear Logan’s heavy breathing to his left side, deep and even and calming. He was cold and scared and missed the comfort of Bella Donna’s arms Lyi Lying for several long moments, shivering, Remy weighed his options and, reaching a decision, scooted off the bed and onto the floor. Carefully, the boy laid down next to his benefactor, lifting the man’s arm and wiggling underneath until he was lying with his back against the man’s chest, closing his eyes with a sigh, hoping he had made the right decision.
-------
Logan was careful not to move even though he had been woken by the boy lifting his arm. He knew the decision had to have been a hard one and didn’t want to scare the boy away. Logan smiled softly as the boy settled back down to sleep, warmed by the heat of Logan’s body.
TBC
~ TRANSLATIONS ~
1) Tu ne m'aimes pas encore?
Don’t you love me?
2) Naturellement je t'aime.
Of course I do.
3) Tu sais que je t'aime.
You know I do.
4) Alors, pourquoi?
Then why?
5) Parce que je ne veux pas que tu souffres encore.
Because I don’t want you hurt anymore.
6) Mais je ne veux pas partir.
But I don’t want to go.
7) Je sais, mais tu par partir.
I know, but you have to.
8) Remy, s te te plait, fais cela pour moi.
Please, Remy, do it for me.
9) Pour moi.
For me
10) Tu ne vas pas m'oublier?
You won’t forget me?
11) Jamais.
Never
12) Souviens-toi que je t'aime toujours.
Always remember I love you.
13) N'oublie jamais, Remy.
Don’t ever forget, Remy.
14) Va t'en, maintenant. Je serai bien.
Now go. I’ll be fine.
15) Va t’en.
Go.