In Fear of Three Little Words

Dark! Thanks so much for finding that spelling for me. At least, I know I spelled it the same way others have. You're a sweetie. E-giggles, thanks for reviewing. Ya know, you always hurt the ones you love...I think that sums up elf torture. He's so cute, we just can't help ourselves. Just ask my beta reader. She'll tell you. I tend to hurt young, dark haired, cute guys in my stories. I just don't know why.

Now, as for this chapter...I've been struggling with it and hope it is up to par. And, my muse has insisted that I need to add a chapter right after this one...so that means it may be the weekend before I gt dot done and ready for posting. Sorry.

Chapter 46


Kurt floated, wrapped in warm cotton clean softness. From the depth of his drug induced slumber, he heard voices talking softly, his name spoken in hushed tones, not to him, but about him. Logan’s gruff yet gentle voice caressed his soul, scattering his fears and anxiety.

The pain lay dormant inside of him, soothed by drugs. Kurt didn’t care how or why, just as long as the pain stayed away, as long as the darkness and the cold and They stayed away from him.

He felt someone holding his hand and knew it was Logan, felt the gentle squeeze of his lover’s fingers. He felt a kiss pressed to each finger, lips then pressing into the palm of his hand.

Oh Logan, you shouldn’t do that. I’m so filthy.

But Logan didn’t seem to care, each kiss followed by loving words of devotion.

Kurt slipped again into sleep, the dreams coming once again like so many times before, slamming him into a nightmare.

...He tried to run, but his ankles were chained. He tried to teleport only to have his body rocked with waves of agony. Trask’s laugh filled Kurt’s ears and he wanted to scream for it to stop. Thebertbertooth appeared with that malicious grin, licking his lips as if Kurt were the main course for dinner. Big hands grabbed of of him, shoving him hard to the floor, rolling him over and the pain slammed into him. Kurt screamed and fought, determined not to give Sabertooth one ounce of compliance....

“Kurt! Wake up, elf! Wake up!”

Kurt’s eyes flew open and Logan’s pained expression greeted his sight, skewering Kurt’s heart.

Pulling him close, Logan him him, rocking him gently. Sobs broke free from his dream, racking Kurt with terror and relief. He clung to Logafraafraid to let go...afraid the dreams would take him again and trap him in that nightmare forever.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s all right. You’re safe now. Nobody’s gonna hurt ya,” Logan chanted. “I’m here, elf. I’m not gonna let you go.”

Slowly, Kurt calmed, but his shudders woke his pain, his shivers tightening up his aching muscles. Logan laid him back down and smoothed the hair from his face. Hank appeared, offering him a reassuring smile and checked his IV, smoothing the tape down again against his fur.

“Another nightmare, huh?” Logan asked, his hands never leaving Kurt.

Kurt closed his eyes and nodded. He sniffed back tears and reached up weakly to wipe at his eyes and nose. Logan pressed a tissue into his hand and Kurt opened his eyes again and tried to smile.
“I’m...sorry.”

“Don’t you dare startt,” t,” Logan countered. “You have nothin’ to be sorry for. You’ve done nothin’ wrong. You hear me?”

Kurt gave another nod to appease Logan and wiped his nose with the tissue.

“You just rest. I’m right here for whatever you need.”

Hank came again, checking Kurt’s pulse and heartbeat, looking at his eyes. “Just relax now, Kurt. I need to check these wounds.”

Kurt said nothidrowdrowsiness pulling at him again and he wondered what brought him up finally out of sleep’s depth . He fought the urge to close his eyes, forcing his mind to take in his surroundings.
He watched Logan from beneath a veil of lashes. Dressed in turtle neck and jeans, Logan looked fit as ever, except for his eyes. Those dark eyes were tired and red rimmed, weary from lack of sleep.

Hank turned Kurt’s head with a gentle touch, examining his neck wounds and his shoulders and Kurt steeled himself not to flinch from the touch. “The wounds seem to be healineanleanly,” Hank murmured more to himself than to Kurt. “A few more days and we can take the bandages off.”

Kurt tried to swallow, his throat dry and his mouth felt like mush. He met Logan’s gaze and the expression on his lover’s face was pitiful, fearful and hopeful and oh so anxious.

“May I...have some...water please,” Kurt whispered.

Logan responded instantly, rushing to oblige. Strong hands helped Kurt with this simple task.

“Thank you,” Kurt said afterwards.

“Whatever you need, elf. Whatever you want, I’m here.”

Kurt lay awhile dozing, but images came to his mind, of torture and Sabertooth’s savagery, of Trask’s cruelty and sadism. The horror of it swept over him and he swallowed down a hard lump in his throat, stuck there too long with nowhere to go.

He felt Logan beside him, hand sliding into his, holding on.

Opening his eyes, Kurt caught Logan’s gaze. “How long have...I been...asleep?” he managed to choke out without screaming.

Logan gave Kurt’s hand a squeeze. “About two days now. Hank’s bringing you down off the morphine. That’s why you’re startin’ to wake up.”

Kurt looked away. “Oh. I would have liked to have slept longer.”

“I know, sweetheart. But it’s not good for you to be on the morphine for long. It’s pretty addictive.”

“Hmmm. I can see...why.”

“Ya know, everybody’s been by to sit with you for a while. Not all at once, of course....”

“That is...very kind of them.” His tone sounded despondent even to him. “Particularly since I...ruined their...Christmas.”

“Hey,” Logan said, drawing Kurt’s gaze back with a touch. “You did nothin’ wrong. I told you that. You weren’t the one to ruin anything.”

Anguish rolled through Kurt, anguish so deep it had no bottom. A wash of tears streamed down his face. He pd awd away, shrinking from Logan’s touch, shrinking from the emotional pain.

“Oh sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

Kurt shook his head, his sobs smothering his breath. He ached inside and out, an ache impossible to relieve with drugs. How was he to live with what had been done to him? How could he face his friends, his family...Logan?

“Elf....” Logan said, his voice gentle and loving. “It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known Sabertooth was workin’ for Trask. None of us could.”

“There...were so many people...around,” Kurt stammered, sniffing and working to control his sobs. “In the parking lot. I never dreamed.... I...just turned around...and he hit me. I don’t...remember anything until...until...I woke up and Trask was there...and Sabertooth.” More tears came, drenching Kurt with sorrow and pain of remembering. “Oh Logan.”

Logan gathered him into a strong embrace, holding Kurt and he clung again, needing Logan’s strength for he had none of his own.

“I...feel so weak,” Kurt said, pushing back a little. “Why...do I feel so weak?”

“Short circuiting that collar took a lot out of ya, elf. It drained you. You’ll be better soon. You’ll see...good as new soon.”

Kurt reached up and traced Logan’s cheek and jaw. “You don’t think...I’m a wimp?”

“You?” Logan smiled and Kurt saw admiration in Logan’s eyes. “You beat the collar, elf. You beat Trask and you helped me beat Sabertooth. I had him on the run when the others showed up to help out.”

Kurt gave up a thin smile. “I’m glad. I couldn’t stand the thought...of you unable to use your claws. That Sabertooth might be right. He taunted me about what he’d do to you.” He sniffed and swallowed back tears.

“Easy, now. It’s okay.” Logan’s expression turned pensive, working himself up to telling Kurt something.

“What is it?”

“It’s Sabertooth. He...escaped.” Logan looked away, unable to face Kurt’s stunned disbelief.
“Fury’s people are out there lookin’ for him. And the others, Cyke and Kitty and particularly Rogue, are only gonna give Fury so long before they’re gonna go after him themselves.”

Kurt took in this dismal information. He had hoped this ordeal was over, that Sabertooth and Trask were safely put away so they could harm no one else.

“And Trask?”

“We’ve got him. The Doc’s made sure he won’t get another chance to hurt another mutant.”

Kurt’s thoughts darkened, memories of Trask flashing in lurid scenes of the man’s hands on him, hurting him. He shoved back the memories and nodded. “Why are you here then...if Sabertooth is free? I would have thought you’d have gone after him.”

Logan looked away then back again. “I wanted to, elf. It took everything I had in me not to go after him. But you were more important.”

“You stayed with me,” sta stated slowly, the implication of Logan’s words sinking in.

“Yeah, cause you mean everything to me.” Logan shifted and settled Kurt back onto the bed, smoothing and straightening the ketskets. He looked up and caught Hank’s eye. “You think you could give me and Kurt a minute to ourselves here?”

Hank raised an eyebrow and the slightest of smiles played on his lips. “Of course. I have some things to do elsewhere. Kurt, I’ll be back to check on you...until then, you’re in good hands.”

Logan waited till Hank had shut the door behind him and Kurt looked up, trying to understand Logan’s sudden desire for privacy.

Letting out a held breath, Logan took Kurt’s hand in his, stroking the fur on his arm with the other. “This might be a lousy time to say this, but I’ve waited long enough to say somethin’ that should have already been said.” Logan met Kurt’s gaze and brought his hand up, kissing his fingers. “I...love you, Kurt. I should have said it, but I was scared. It shouldn’t have been so hard, but it was. Then Sabertooth came along and took you away from me and I was scared I’d lost ya forever. And I never said it...never said I love you...that I’m in love with you.”

Kurt felt caught in Logan’s sincere gaze, the depth of Logan’s love for him radiating out.

“Oh Logan....”

“Tell me it’s not too late, elf. Tell me you still love me,” Logan whispered in a desperate tone.

Kurt reached out and stroked Logan’s face. “What a question. When would I have stop loving you? What kind of man would I be if...if I let Sabertooth and Trask...steal that from me?” Tears threatened again as Kurt thought back through the terrible moments of his ordeal, but he sniffed them away and gathered his drug scattered thoughts. “I survived because of you. I was strong because of you. I remembered your words...and I steeled myself to endure...because of you.”

Logan gazed on him, a look of incredulity etched on his features. “Because of me?” Logan shook his head. “What did I ever do to deserve you, elf?”

Kurt took a shaky breath and let it out. “I told you before...you’d just have to learn to live with me...because I am not going away.”

“Thank god for that,” Logan replied, kissing Kurt’s hand again.

“I thought you didn’t believe in god.”

“Hmmm. Maybe I’ll start if it makes you happy.”