Unchained Instinct ( Complete)

Chapter 43


Kurt walked the perimeter of his and Logan’s room, letting his hand slide over worn leather, imagining Logan wearing the jacket, filling it with a strong warm body. Grabbing up the coat, Kurt put it to his face and sniffed. The smell of Logan permeated the leather, his lover’s cologne and very essence filling his mind with memories, both good and bad.

He concentrated on the good, his mind reeling out, remembering Logan’s touch, Logan’s embrace and mouth on his that filled him with a consuming joy. He imagined their bodies entwined and Logan deep inside of him, their connection, their melding more than Kurt had ever dreamed he’d have in his life.

Fighting back tears, Kurt hung the jacket back on the doorhandle and continued his rounds. He pushed open the balcony doors and a light breeze picked up his hair and blew it back from his face, washing away a little of his fatigue.

He moved on. Stopping before the dresser, Kurt picked up a picture frame and gazed on the photo of Logan and himself, Logan’s arm around his shoulder. The smiles on their faces told the whole story.

Kurt swallowed hard and gently placed the frame back on the dresser just as he’d found it.

A knock at the door didn’t really surprise Kurt. He’d expected someone to come, Jean or Rogue or Kitty most likely, comforting him needing a woman’s touch in the Professor’s mind.

“Porting” to the door, Kurt opened it to find Kitty there holding a tray. The thought of food made Kurt’s stomach both growl and turn queasy at the same time.

“Hi,” Kitty said, a fake smile plastered on her pretty face. “Thought you might need some dinner.”

Kurt forced a smile as fake as Kitty’s and held open the door for her. “I suppose I do. You’re sweet to think of me.”

“It’s nothing. Just sandwiches and some soup. I brought enough for both of us. Thought you might need some company.”

“Hmmm,” Kurt replied, noncommital. “I haven’t had a shower yet. I may not be fit company.”

“You’re fine, Kurt.” Kitty strolled to the small table and started arranging plates and bowls and utensils. She looked up to see him still at the door and put her hands on her hips. “Well, come on before the soup gets cold. It’s cream of tomato...from a can.”

“Glad to hear you didn’t go to a lot of trouble,” Kurt replied and headed to the table. He sat and the smell of food again sent a queasy feeling through him, fighting with hunger for dominance.
He stared down at the steam rising from the bowl, a turkey sandwich sitting beside it, cut neatly like something he’d find in a restaurant.

Kitty giggled at his comment and took a bite of her sandwich.

Kurt stirred his soup. Fighting off the nausea, he took a spoonful. The flavor and his need for food banished the queasiness instantly. Perhaps the nausea had simply been from the lack of food all day.

Yet, the thought of Logan reared up in his mind. He doubted Mystique was giving Logan anything to eat. All she’d give Logan was pain.

“Stop thinking about it for a little while, Kurt.” Kitty’s voice was gentle yet insistent. “You starving yourself won’t help Logan.”

Kurt dropped his spoon into the bowl and he ran his fingers back through his hair, pushing the strands behind his ears.

“I know. I know,” he replied with a sigh. “I try not to think so much, but images come to my mind...things I...experienced and I wonder if She’s hurting him like that. If she’s hurting him right now while I sit here in our room eating soup.”

Kitty leaned forward. “She might be, but there’s nothing we can do about it right now. We’re all exhausted. We’re all feeling depressed and like failures. We all love Logan. You’re not alone in this, Kurt. I know it must feel like it sometimes.”

Kurt reached out and took Kitty’s hand. “No. I don’t feel alone. I don’t know what I would do without all of you. You are my family. My sisters and brothers.”

A soft smile touched Kitty’s lips. “That’s right. We are and don’t you forget it.” She sat back and pointed at his plate. “Now eat, before I have to get tough with you.”

Kurt grinned, a genuine grin, not forced at all. “Yes, ma’am. Right away, ma’am.”

She watched him take a bite of sandwich then when she was certain he’d complied with her demands, Kitty returned to her own meal.

They ate in companionable silence and Kurt remembered when he and Kitty first met. He’d been stricken with her, his experience with girls almost nonexistent other than to frighten them by accident. Kitty had been no different, uncomfortable with his appearance, put off by his eyes and tail and ears, not to mention his body structure.

The first month or so had been him trying to get to know Kitty and her trying to avoid him all together, her distaste apparent.

But after their first run in with Rogue and she’d put him into a coma, Kitty had come around, the first to give him the nickname of elf that Logan had picked up on and used almost exclusively now.

Much changed between him and Kitty after that and though Kurt hadn’t enjoyed the coma experience, he was glad for it. He and Kitty had become instant friends. He’d still had a crush on her for a while, but soon realized the only guy she was interested in was Lance Alvers in spite of how Lance treated her sometimes.

“Kitty?”

Kitty looked up with a questioning gaze, chewed and swallowed.

“Do you, uhm...love Lance?” Kurt asked.

Kitty’s face flushed, her cheeks turning a rosy red, gaze dropping to the table. She placed her sandwich on the plate with precision, perhaps delaying an answer. Finally, she looked up, trying to suppress a grin.

“I’m not sure,” she offered. “I think...maybe I do. I think I’m in love with him if that’s what you mean.”

“That’s what I mean,” Kurt replied with a nod of the head.

“Why do you ask me that?”

It was Kurt’s turn to study his plate. “Have you talked to him since you got back?”

“There hasn’t been time. Why?”

Kurt shrugged. Should he tell her that he almost choked Lance to death? Was ready to beat him to a pulp?

“I’m sure he’ll tell you. I acted like a madman. I accused him of helping Mystique and was about to strangle him to make him tell me where she was.” Finally, Kurt looked up. “I’m sorry.”

Kitty’s mouth pursed, trying to suppress something. “Nothing to be sorry about. There’s times I want to strangle him myself.”

Kurt let out a sigh. Good. She didn’t hate him and if Alvers tried to make a big deal of the incident, Kurt’s confession to Kitty would ease Kitty’s reaction to Alvers’ telling of the tale.

A thought nearly brought a grin to Kurt’s face. He looked over at Kitty and just as she put a spoonful of soup in her mouth he asked, “so, have you and Lance done it?”

Kitty spit soup across the table, her face turning red again, matching the color of the soup. “Kurt!”

He dodged the expected onslaught, but still had to wipe soup from his face. “Hey, you asked about Logan and me. I figure you owe me the same information about you and Lance.”

She sputtered and dabbed at the table, cleaning up the spittle of soup. “I don’t owe you anything,” she said, scowling, but then a smile crept across her lips and she rolled her eyes. “Okay, so I do owe you.”

Kurt lifted an eyebrow and leaned on his hand, elbow on the table. “Yes?” he said with expectation.

Kitty’s gaze dropped to the table again. “We did it...the night of graduation.”

“What a busy night that was,” Kurt replied. “You had a date with him after the party.”

Kitty met Kurt’s gaze. “Yes, I met him and we rented a motel room.”

“And?”

“I told you. We had sex. We made love.”

“They’re not always the same thing, you know.”

“I know that,” she growled. “But...he was so sweet to me, so loving...and gentle. He can be those things, Kurt. Lance isn’t a bad guy. He just needs the right influences.”

“Like you.”

“Like all of us.”

“You’re starting to sound like Rogue when she talks about Gambit.”

“It’s true,” she insisted. “Rogue’s right. If I can get Lance away from Pietro and the others, he could change. He could be one of us.”

Oh Kitty, don’t get your hopes up for that. We’ve been there and it didn’t work.

“You don’t believe me,” Kitty stated, shoving up and away from the table.

Kurt shot up after her. “I didn’t say that, but like Rogue and Gambit, it won’t be easy. I just don’t want you to get hurt by Lance.”

“And you just assume that’s what’s going to happen,” she replied, heading for the door.

Kurt grabbed Kitty’s arm, pulling her to a stop. “I’m not assuming anything, Kitty. But I think you need to open you’re mind to the possibility and be ready if it happens.”

“Is your relationship with Logan like that?” Kitty asked, her tone accusing. “Do you assume the worst can happen between you two so you don’t get hurt if it does?”

Kitty had a valid question. “No,” he said, releasing his hold and patting Kitty’s arm. “I just worry about you...like I worry about Rogue. But remember, Logan was never my adversary. He was always one of us. You and Rogue can’t say the same about Lance or Gambit. Your family will have doubts about your choices in men as long as you choose men like Lance.”

Kitty stared at him, her eyes blazing, but Kurt also saw her own doubts about her choices flickering in her eyes. She nodded and looked away, shoulders drooping.

“Let’s finish dinner, okay?” Kurt said, guiding Kitty back to her chair. “I’m sorry I brought up the subject.”

She gave him half a grin. “No you aren’t. You’re as nosy as I am and I’m glad we can talk like this. I’m sorry I got mad. It’s hard to hear truth sometimes.”

“The truth can be very painful,” Kurt replied, his mind trailing back to the truth about his real mother and the evil she had wrought on them all at one time or another.

Kitty’s hand stroked Kurt’s arm. “Don’t think about her. Our goal is to get Logan back. The Professor will figure out how to deal with Mystique. Okay?”

Kurt’s fingers curled, balling up into fists. “There are times I want to...kill her...with my own hands.” He looked up at Kitty. “Does that make me as evil as her? That I can imagine killing my own mother?”

“No...oh no, Kurt. You’re feelings are natural. She’s hurt you so much. She’s hurt people you care about. She’s done so much evil.”

“But then sometimes, I want her to love me. I want her to care about me...but she doesn’t. She’s using me as an excuse to do more evil. Hurting Logan is what she wants to do. The more I think about it, the more I think...most of this isn’t really about me so much as her hatred for Logan.”

Kitty said nothing, her upper teeth tugging at her bottom lip, her hand gently stroking Kurt’s arm.

“You know, it may sound sick,” Kurt continued. “But maybe I could have...would have understood how a twisted mind’s idea of love can be so corrupted. Maybe she doesn’t even know she’s using me as an excuse to do what she wants to do. Maybe I might be able to forgive her if I truly thought it was a sick sort of love for me that pushed her.”

“Oh Kurt,” Kitty said. “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.”

Kurt nodded and bowed his head. “Right now, all I want is Logan back, safe and unharmed by Mystique’s cruelty.”

“We’re going to find him, Kurt,” Kitty said. “He’s going to be fine. Logan’s always fine.”

But doubt lingered in Kitty’s tone and Kurt knew they were in trouble when even Kitty couldn’t quite believe her own words.