. . . AND, BEHOLD, IT WAS VERY GOOD

 

 

The rest of the night was entirely uneventful, as we slept right through it.  The morning dawned bright and clear, with sunshine slanting across the bed.  Even so, we didn’t wake up until quite late. 

 

"Now, let's get us some breakfast and decide what we want to do today," Logan announced, getting up and pulling aside one of the faded curtains covering the bedroom window.  "Sun's shinin' already.  How about a walk at Herring Cove?"

 

I pulled the covers up over my head and groaned.  “I have a headache.  Go away and leave me alone.”

 

“Serves ya right, you damn lush,” he replied heartlessly.

 

“Close the curtain, you damn sadist.  The light hurts my eyes.”

 

He relented and drew the curtain back over the window.  “All right, all right.  You stay there.  I’ll get you some aspirin and a cup of coffee.”

 

It took a while, but I eventually pried myself out of bed.  The headache was fading away, and the smell of fried bacon seemed almost tempting.

 

“About time, Elf,’’ he greeted me.  “It’s almost noon.  I can fry you a couple of eggs and heat up some of this bacon in the microwave, if you think you can handle it.”

 

“Just a piece of toast and some bacon vill be fine.  And maybe a little more coffee.”

 

“Comin’ up.”

 

That went down well and I was starting to feel alive again.

 

“So how about that walk at Herring Cove?”

 

"The beach?"

 

"Yeah.  Where you almost landed us last night."

 

"I have seen beaches before.”

 

"I'm sure ya have, but this one is special."

 

"Special how?"

 

"You'll see, Elf.  You'll see.  C’mon.  Get dressed."

 

http://ptownchamber.com/on-the-water/beaches/

 

And see I did.  We left the motorcycle in the parking lot and started out towards the water.  Fortunately, I was feeling pretty much myself by then.

 

Logan pointed off to our right.  “See that lighthouse way over there?  That’s Race Point.  The straight part of the beach is in that direction.  The gay section is to our left.”

 

“It is segregated?  I did not think that vas legal in this country.”

 

“Self-segregated would be a better description.  Anyone is free to go anywhere along the beach, but the various groups tend to separate themselves out.  You can’t hardly tell today, but come summer, the entire beach will be very crowded, especially at high tide, when there’s not so much beach above water as there is today.”

 

“So vhich vay shall ve go?”

 

“Left.  It gets more interesting.”

 

We walked just above the waterline, following the edges of the breaking waves as they washed up onto the sand.  On an impulse, I took off my shoes, pulled up my sweatpants, and tried wading, but the water was like ice and I danced quickly backwards, much to my companion's amusement.

 

"Verdammt, Logan! Is it alvays this cold?"

 

"Yeah, it is.  Well, maybe not quite as cold as it is now, but it's never what anyone would call warm, not on this side of the Cape.  This is the Atlantic ocean, Elf, not the Gulf Stream off the Florida Keys."

 

"Ja, so I have noticed.  You could at least have varned me.”

 

He held up his hands in a warding-off gesture.  “Hey, you didn’t ask.”

 

 

http://i1203.photobucket.com/albums/bb381/Karl-5/HerringCovemap_zpsa57de494.gif

 

 

The sand felt nice against the soles of my feet, so I ended up carrying my shoes for a while, until my feet had dried off.

 

“This first section of beach is where the lesbians mostly hang out.  The gay men go a little further along.  See where the dunes meet the beach up ahead, where there’s all those scrubby pine trees?  That’s a very popular place for cruising.  Ya know what cruising it, don’t you?”

 

“Ja.  Cruising I know.”

 

“Some years back, the local authorities tried to stop the nudity and sex, but that didn’t work out too well, so they pretty much gave up, much to everyone’s relief, including the cops who had to try to enforce it.  Further along, you can see the Wood End lighthouse.  We’ll be coming to the nude part of the beach soon.  I’ve always thought it a bit strange that you’d have to traipse all the way past the lesbian and gay section just in order to take your clothes off, but that’s how it works.”

 

“So, if it vere varm and sunny, I could take off my clothes and no one vould bother me?”

 

“Well, normally, yes.  Being who and what you are, you’d probably get more than a few sidewise glances, though.”

 

“You mean, of course, due to my gorgeous body and my impressive manhood, nicht wahr?”

 

“Uh – well, in some cases, yes, I suppose so.”

 

“I vas only joking.”

 

“I wasn’t.  You are gorgeous, in your own way.”

 

I wasn’t sure how to react to that, so I changed the subject.  “Shall ve sit down for a vhile and look at the scenery?”

 

“Sure.”

 

For a time, we both sat staring at the waves, and the sparkles of sunshine on the water.  I could not get rid of the thought of all those men in among the dunes, waiting for someone to come along who might want to have sex.  Could it really be just that easy and uncomplicated?  Sure, I had seen such places in the cities, in certain areas, but here it looked so open and natural.  And possibly dangerous.  Let us not forget about that aspect of such sex.

 

"Did you do that?" I finally blurted out, forgetting that Logan was not a telepath.

 

“Did I do what?”

 

“Cruising in the dunes, the way you said?”

 

"Uh - well, not very often."

 

"That means yes, sometimes, does it not?"

 

"Yeah.  I guess it does.  You gonna tell me you've never done that kind of thing?"

 

"No.  I cannot tell you that vithout lying.  But I am ashamed of it."

 

“I’m not.  If two people, regardless of sex, are interested, why not?”

 

“Easy for you to say.  You vill not catch any disease your body cannot heal, and you are not likely to be beaten up or murdered.”

 

“Well, neither are you, as far as that second problem is concerned.  As for the first, that’s what condoms are for.”

 

It was quiet for a while, then Logan asked,  "How about you?  Have you had much experience with men before?"

 

"Vhen I vas very young, I had far more experience vith many things than I ever vanted or needed."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

I shook my head, wanting only to dismiss the subject.  "I do not even think about that, much less speak of it.  Let us just say that I am not as innocent of such things as I perhaps should be.  And you?"

 

"I already admitted to cruising.”

 

“Ja.  But beyond that?  Anything more significant than a quick blow job in the dunes?”

 

“Uh – yeah, some.  Like I told you already, beyond a certain time, I have no clear memories of most of my past.  But I get glimpses of things now and then, bits and pieces of what might or might not be memories.  When I touch you, it seems strangely familiar, as if I've done this before.  Remember I told you the other day that I'm fairly sure I've been a soldier for much of my life?"

 

"Ja."

 

"If I'm right about that, then I've probably spent a lot of time in the company of men.  And where women are not much available, I know that men are likely to make do with each other.  So it's possible that I'm -- I'm --"

 

He could not seem to say it, so I did.  "Gay?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"And this disturbs you?"

 

"Sometimes."

 

"You loved Jean, so I vould assume you have been vith other vomen?"

 

"Oh yeah.  Quite a few, over the years.  You?"

 

"Perhaps not quite a few, but certainly some.  Mostly long ago, but some more recently."

 

"Then maybe we swing both ways."

 

"And that is better than being gay?"

 

"No.  I didn't mean it like that.  I've known a lot of gay folks, both male and female.  They're no better and no worse than anyone else.  I'm just trying to find a word for what we are and what we're doing, that's all."

 

"The vord you are looking for is bisexual, or maybe pansexual, as some people are calling themselves these days.”

 

“Maybe.  C’mon.  Let’s walk on a little further.”

 

 

We walked along the sand in silence for a time.  A seagull took flight as we approached, its harsh cry making it seem as if it were laughing at us. 

 

I took Logan's hand.  His fingers tightened around mine.

 

For a time, he was silent.  Then, abruptly, he let go of my hand.  Still staring straight ahead, he said,  "Elf, I wasn't being entirely honest in what I just told you.  I – I’ve had quite a bit of experience with men in more recent years.  I spent a lot of time in Japan, training in martial arts.  It was virtually an all-male culture, and I did get -- involved with some of the men.  The master/student relationship could be really intense, if you know what I mean."

 

"Ja.  And you are ashamed of this, or proud?"

 

"That's the problem:  I'm not sure."

 

"But you have just said there is nothing wrong vith being gay, so vhy is this a problem?"

 

He still wouldn't look at me, but only stared steadfastly ahead.  "I don't know how to explain.  I just --" he faltered and seemed unable to go on.

 

"I vill guess.  You have alvays thought of yourself, as they used to say, as a pitcher, not a catcher, nicht wahr?"

 

"Uh - yeah."

 

"But that vas not alvays so, in Japan?"

 

Silence.  Then a quick nod.

 

"Mein Freund, you are not the first man to discover this about yourself, and you most certainly vill not be the last."

 

"I know.  But it's hard for me to handle.  I'm a man.  I shouldn't enjoy --"

 

I almost felt like laughing, but I knew I must not do that.  "You should not enjoy taking it up the ass," I finished for him.

 

He nodded again.  As if he had to force out each word, he said, "I know that's dumb.  But I'm so used to being -- " he shrugged his shoulders "-- well, what I am.  And what I am --"

 

"-- is most certainly not a sissy boy," I finished for him.

 

"Yeah, you got it." 

 

"The men in Japan - tell me, vere any of them sissy boys?"

 

"Hell no!  Anything but."

 

I said nothing for a time, letting him think about that as we walked.

 

"I have problems about sex betveen men, but they are not the same problem you have.  Mine are mostly religious.  All I can tell you is that a man is no more or less a man because of vhat he enjoys doing for sex.”

 

"I know what you're sayin', Kurt.  And I know you're right.  It's just that I can't always feel it's right.  There's something inside me that says it's a weakness, something that makes me ashamed."

 

"Given who you are and vhat you are, I vould be surprised if you did not feel that vay at times.  I expect it is harder for some men than it is for others to accept this.”

 

This whole conversation was just getting too intense.  I decided to try to lighten it up a bit.

 

“Shall ve go into the dunes and see vhat ve can find?  Perhaps there vill be some horny men out there.”  I nudged him with my elbow.

 

“You ain't serious, are ya?"

 

I laughed.  "Nein.  I vas only pulling your leg."

 

"Well, cut it out already, or I'll be reaching over there and pulling your tail, bub," he threatened, clearly kidding.

 

Porting several meters away, I stuck out my tongue at him.  “You vill have to catch me first, old man!”

 

He ran towards me.  I ported again, further this time.  He chased me.  And so it went, until we were in among the low dunes, with their short, stunted scrub pines.

 

When I had finally lured Logan over to exactly where I wanted him, I ported back, landing right in front of him and taking him completely by surprise.  I wrapped my arms around him, pushed him back against one of the more sturdy trees, hooked a leg around his thigh and pulled myself tight up against him, with our crotches locked together.  Then I pressed my lips against his in a hard kiss, my tongue making its way into his mouth before he even realized what was happening.

 

As you may well imagine, he caught on quickly, sucking my tongue deep into his mouth and grinding his cock against mine through our clothing.  Our tongues fought a heated battle, until I finally surrendered by letting him invade my mouth, hoping he wouldn’t encounter the sharp edges of my teeth and spoil the mood.

 

Meanwhile, he forced a hand between us and unfastened my belt and my jeans, pushing them down just far enough to get at my cock.  In return, I jammed a hand down the back of his pants and grabbed his ass hard, feeling my nails draw blood as I moved lower.

 

Meanwhile, my tail, still half-trapped in my jeans and briefs, strove mightily to reach between my legs and his in order to rub against the bottom of his crotch through his jeans.

 

We squirmed and thrust and kissed ourselves to orgasm, excited by the idea that someone just might come along and see us going at it, even though that was extremely unlikely.

 

When we finally broke apart, Logan gave me a stinging slap across my half-bare ass, laughing as I yelped in surprise.  “Serves you right, you damn slut, luring me into the dunes just so you could have your way with me like that.  Never trust a guy with a tail.”

 

I started to smack him with the aforementioned tail, but he caught it in mid-air.  Few people are fast enough to do that.

 

“Oh no, you don’t!” he said, still laughing.  I couldn’t help it.  I went into a laughing fit of my own, as we both straightened out our disheveled clothing.

 

 

It was a long walk back to the parking lot, but we spent most of it in silence, each of us thinking our own thoughts.

 

As I took my helmet off the seat, I couldn’t help but quip, “There.  Now ve have done it in the dunes also, like those others you told me about.”

 

“Yep.  Guess we did, didn’t we?”

 

Without so much as a glance around to see if there was anyone in sight, he put his hands on both sides of my head, pulled my mouth to his and kissed me soundly, his eyes open and staring into mine.

 

 “Now get your ass onto the bike so we can go get something to eat.”

 

 

That was the extent of our adventures for the day, although we did walk into town and stroll around in some of the more out-of-the-way sections of town, away from the tourist area.

 

 

 

The next morning, we decided to go see the famous lighthouse in North Truro.

 

 

http://www.capecodlight.org/

 

 

It was only a short ride down Route 6 to the Highland Light.  The parking lot was practically empty, with only one rather beat-up Volkswagen in close to the wooden walkway that circled around the buildings at the foot of the lighthouse itself.

 

As I got off the bike, I remarked to Logan, "As lighthouses go, this one is not very tall."

 

"Maybe so, but it's at the top of the highest cliff around here, which means it doesn't have to be tall in order to be visible from a long way.  If I remember correctly, the light can be seen 23 miles out to sea."

 

What could I say to that?  He clearly had a point.

 

"Uh-oh," he remarked as we approached the entrance to the building.

 

"Was ist los?"

 

"I don't think it's open.  No lights on inside."

 

By then, I could read the sign on the door.  "It is only open mid-May through mid-October.  Scheisse!  Ve are a veek too early!"

 

"Oh well, we can still look around.  There's not much more we can see from the top of the lighthouse that we can't see from the overlook at the edge of the cliff.  C'mon."

 

"Ja, but I vanted to go inside and see vhat it is like to climb up next to the light itself.  I should have read the brochure more carefully."

 

We were almost around the back of the buildings when I heard a child's complaining voice.

 

"Aw, Ma, I thought you said we could go inside."

 

"I'm sorry, honey.  We didn't know it was closed this time of year."

 

Logan nudged me with his elbow and said softly, "Looks as if you're not the only one who's disappointed, huh, Elf?"

 

Two women and a boy stood at the base of the lighthouse.  The boy appeared about ten years of age.  He wore braces on his legs and stood propped up by a forearm crutch, staring longingly up at the glass-enclosed top of the lighthouse.

 

"I could have climbed the stairway," he declared to his adult companions.

 

"Well now, Nicky, I'm not so sure about that," one of the women replied.

 

"I could have, Mom!  I know I could have!  I climbed the Monument, didn't I?"

 

"Yes, but that wasn't a narrow spiral stairway.  Maybe it's just as well that it's closed."

 

By now we were close enough to hear his sigh of frustration and defeat.

 

I studied the lighthouse carefully.  No, I couldn't see inside the room containing the light.  That meant it would be too dangerous for me to - no, wait!  There was another way.

 

I walked towards them, as Logan stared in surprise.  Taking courage from the fact that they didn't react to my appearance, I said cheerfully, "I can get your son to the top, if you vill allow me to."

 

The shorter and more feminine-appearing woman narrowed her eyes at me, but the other just asked, "Oh yeah?  How?"

 

"Easy.  I am a teleporter.  I have to be able to see vhere I plan to go in order to do it safely, but I can do that and also show you it's possible at the same time.  Vatch."

 

I ported up to the top of the highest chimney on the building.  From there, I could see the roof above the light, so I ported up to there. Leaning over the edge of the roof, I waved to the folks down below, then looked into the circular room that housed the light itself.  There was enough open space for several people.  Satisfied, I returned to the ground.

 

"See?  Nothing to it.  I can take you all up together, if you vish."

 

The rather butch-looking woman glanced at Logan, who by now was standing beside me.

 

"Did he just do what I think he did?" she asked doubtfully.

 

"You saw it, didn't you?"

 

"Yeah.  But I still don't believe it."

 

"Believe it, darlin'.  It's true."  He stuck out his hand to her.  "Name's Logan.  This is Kurt."

 

She shook his outstretched hand.  "Pleased to meet you.  I'm Robin and this is Joyce.  Our son here is called Nicky."

 

Nicky glanced back and forth between the two women.  "Mom?  Ma?  What do you say?  Can we do it?  Please?"

 

Joyce took Logan's hand, holding it for just a second longer than she really needed to.   She then touched my shoulder briefly.  I noticed an oddly vacant look in her eyes as she did it.

 

Only then did she answer Nicky’s question.  “Yes.  That would be fine.  Robin, do you want to go with us?”

 

“No thanks.  Heights aren’t my thing.  I get dizzy just climbing a ladder.”

 

“I’ve been up there before,” Logan offered.  “I'll stay down here with Robin."

 

That left me with Nicky and Joyce.  "I should varn you that some people do not like the sensation of teleporting.  It can make them sick to their stomach."

 

They glanced at each other.  “That’s okay.  We’ll take our chances.”

 

“I have to touch you to do it.”

 

"That’s all right.  Some of my Mom's friends are weirder than you are."

 

“Nicky, where are your manners?” Robin scolded.

 

“No problem.  It is not news to me that I am rather strange-looking.”

 

I held out a hand to each of them and in an instant we were there.  The view was truly spectacular, but Nicky was more interested in looking around inside.

 

“Aw, I was hoping it was a Fresnel lens, not just an ordinary old light.”

 

“There aren’t many of those lenses still in service,” Joyce told him.

 

Nicky made his way somewhat awkwardly around the light, what with his braces and his crutch, clearly determined to see as much of it as he could, while Joyce and I stared out at the scenery.

 

For lack of anything else to say, I asked, "Are you his mother?"

 

"Yes and no.  Robin is his birth mother.”  Joyce gave me an appraising look.  “Are you surprised?  Most people are."

 

"No, not really.  I just thought –"

 

“That because I looked more feminine, I was the one who had the baby?”

 

“Vell, yes.  I am sorry.  I should not have assumed –”

 

“That’s okay.  You’re not the only one to ask that question.  How about you?  Is Logan your partner?"

 

"Vell, ve are not sure about that just yet, but perhaps."

 

"Don't let him get away.  He's a good man."

 

"How do you know?"

 

"I can tell these things.  It’s just this feeling I get when I touch some people.  Trust me."

 

“Are you an empath, or a telepath?”

 

She shrugged.  “Not really.  It’s just a feeling.  Nothing I can pinpoint.”

 

By then, Nicky had come full circle.  He took my hand without the least hesitation.  “Can we go down now?”

 

Back on the ground, the boy stared up at me.  "That was awesome!  I hope I’m a mutant like you when I grow up."

 

"Uh -- vell, I doubt you vill be quite like me, since I've looked like this since I vas born.  Everyone does not turn out to be a mutant.  It is not possible to tell until it happens.  And some mutants have a lot of problems.  It is not alvays fun stuff that they can do.

 

"Sure looks fun to me."

 

"There is nothing wrong vith not being a mutant, you know."

 

"Well, I suppose --" But he didn't sound entirely convinced.

 

"In any case, most mutants first discover their ability or talent vhen they are in their teens, so you von't know for sure for a vhile yet."

 

"Why do you talk so funny?"

 

"Nicky," his Ma scolded.  "Don't be impolite."

 

"It is all right.  I vas born in Germany, so I have never learned to speak your language as vell as you have."

 

"Oh."

 

“There’s an observation deck over by the cliff,” Logan suggested.  “Want to see it?”

 

“Sure!”

 

So we strolled down the walkway to the overlook.  This particular part of the Cape faced directly out over the ocean to Europe, so we had a panoramic view of the waves breaking against the beach at the foot of the cliff down below us.  As cliffs go, it was not exceptionally high, but for an area as flat as the Cape, this was quite a cliff.

 

Nicky, however, had other things in mind besides the view.  "Are you a mutant also, Mr. Logan?"

 

Logan nodded.

 

"You don't look like one."

 

Without saying a word, Logan extended his claws on both hands.

 

Nicky’s eyes went wide.  “Wow!  Can I touch them, Mr. Logan?”

 

I was surprised when Logan held one hand down to the boy, with the sharp edges toward the ground, saying.  “Yes, but be careful.”

 

Nicky ran a finger along the blunt edge of one of the blades, near Logan’s hand.  As usual, there were a few streaks of blood on the sides of the blades.  “Does that hurt?”

 

“Um-hmm.  But I’m used to it.”

 

“I wish I could do that!”

 

Logan shook his head as he retracted his claws and placed a hand on Nicky’s shoulder.  “No, you don’t, son.  No, you don’t.”

 

For a moment, there was an uncomfortable silence.

 

“I think it’s about time we got going,” Robin finally said.

 

We headed back to the parking lot. 

 

 

 

“Nicky, why don’t you thank Kurt for taking you into the lighthouse and let's say good-bye?"

 

"Thank you, Mr. -- uh?"

 

"Vagner.  Kurt Vagner."

 

"Auf wiedersehen, Herr Wagner.  Did I say it right?"

 

"Ja, you did.  Auf wiedersehen, mein junger Freund." 

 

“Good-bye, Mr. Logan.”

 

“Bye, kid.  You take good care of your mothers, now.”

 

Nicky stood up a little straighter and squared his shoulders.  “I sure will, Mr. Logan.”

 

 

 

As we watched them get into their car and drive away, Logan had a sort of wistful expression on his face.

 

I pulled on my boots for the motorcycle ride and was settling the helmet on my head, when Logan asked, "How about a walk in the woods?  It's early yet and I figure we could both use the exercise.  There's a trail on our way back that's about a mile long."

 

"Sure."

 

"Okay, the Beech Forest Trail it is."

 

"A forest trail on a beach?"

 

"Beech trees, Elf.  Beech trees."

 

"Oh."

 

http://www.hikingcapecod.com/beechforest.html

 

 

We left the bike in the parking lot and started walking.  At first, the trail ran mostly along the sides of some ponds, and there were indeed many trees.

 

For a while, we walked in silence, listening to the sound of the wind in the branches overhead.  Then Logan asked me a question, seemingly out of nowhere.

 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/highstrungloner/with/1134482141/#photo_1134482141

 

 

"What did you think of me when we first met in the Blackbird?"

 

"You mean at Bobby's house?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Vell, at first you seemed rather rude." 

 

He gave a short laugh.  "And you sounded like an arrogant braggart, boasting about the circus."

 

"Ja.  I know."  I looked down at the ground, embarrassed. 

 

"But after that, what did you think?"

 

"Um - you  -- disturbed me."

 

"In what way?"

 

"For the first time in many years, I felt a strong attraction to a man.  And I did not vant that to happen."

 

I was reluctant to go further with this, but I had to.  "And it made me feel guilty."

 

"Guilty?  For what?"

 

"The Bible says that it is an abomination if a man lies with another man as if he vere lying vith a voman."

 

"That's pretty silly.  I couldn't lie with you the same way I'd lie with a woman even if I wanted to.  You don't have the same kind of equipment a woman has.  And anyway, there are a lot of ways to translate and interpret those passages, you know.  They're far from carved in stone.  Ever hear of the Queen James Bible?"

 

http://queenjamesbible.com/gay-bible/

 

 

"Uh - you mean the King James Bible?"

 

"No, I meant exactly what I said.  Google it."

 

"I vill.  But in any case, that is not how the Catholic Church interprets it."

 

"Well, maybe it should.  Besides, we've been doing quite a bit of lying with each other already, if you want to apply it literally, as in lying beside each other and doing sexual stuff."

 

"Ja, but that is different from the one vay a man really could lie vith both a man and a voman."

 

"Ya mean anal sex, right?"

 

I nodded unhappily.

 

"Is that a problem, Elf?"

 

"Ja."

 

"So then what makes everything else we've done okay?"

 

"Because it - uh - it is not entirely easy to explain.  A long time ago, I decided that masturbation is a sort of lesser of several evils, as far as sex goes.  So at first, I could tell myself that vhat ve vere doing is only varying forms of mutual masturbation."

 

I held up my hand to forestall the objections I knew would be forthcoming.

 

"Yes, I know that's pretty specious reasoning, but tell me you have not done it yourself at times, especially if it involved something you really, really vanted.  And even more especially, if it involves sex.  I seem to recall one of your presidents who tried very hard to convince the public that a blowjob vas not sex."

 

The trail forked ahead of us.  Logan pointed to the right hand branch, so we headed in that direction.

 

"I'm Canadian.  Clinton wasn't my president." 

 

"Irrelevant to my argument.  Show me a man who has not tried to come up vith a vay to convince himself that God vould not really mind vhat he vas doing and I vill show you a saint."  I bowed my head sorrowfully.  "I am not a saint."

 

"Very few of us are, Elf."

 

"I know.  But that excuse is not holding up so vell anymore.  I can see vhere ve are heading and know I should stop.  But I do not vant to stop.  I vant more."

 

"Um, yeah.  I do see your point.  Kinda.  Essentially, your Church doesn’t approve of homosexuality.  That would seem to be the basic problem, right?"

 

"Ja.  Right."

 

"So are there any other things your Church teaches that you have problems believing?"

 

"Ja.  There are," I admitted unhappily. 

 

"Such as?"

 

"The arbitrary definition that human life begins at conception, vhich leads to a ban on the most effective types of birth control, not to mention early abortion, in an age vhen ve are so grossly overpopulating the vorld."

 

"Anything else?"

 

"That vimmen may not be priests."

 

"Um-hm?"

 

"That there can be no divorce."

 

"Is that all?"

 

I shook my head.  I did not want to have to admit this, but I did not wish to lie either.  "Mutants," I said, not meeting his eyes.

 

"What about mutants?"

 

"Ve are taught that being a mutant is evil in and of itself, but God vill forgive us for vhat ve are, as long as ve do not use our mutant powers.  But how can that make sense?  I did not choose to be born a mutant.  But if I am, and I can use my abilities to do good, how can that be evil?"

 

"And what exactly does the Church say about how a gay person who can't change, just as we mutants can’t?  How can he possibly be a good person?"

 

By now, I could not even face him, but only stared straight ahead at the sandy path.  "That it is wrong to desire someone of the same sex, but if you do, you must never act on that desire.  If you vish to have sex, you must only do it if you marry someone of the opposite sex, and then only have sex vith that partner.  If you cannot do that, you must remain celibate."

 

"Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"

 

"Vhat do you mean?"

 

"That's essentially the same thing as the teaching about mutants not using their abilities."

 

That really caught my attention.  "Ja!  Vhy did I not notice that myself?"

 

"You've admitted you doubt the advice given to mutants, right?"

 

"Ja.  So?"

 

"So you've already chosen to disobey as far as not using your mutant abilities goes.  Why not also doubt the wisdom of the advice to gay folks?"

 

I was speechless.

 

He finally asked, "Elf?  Ya okay?  It's not like you to be quiet this long."

 

I just shook my head.  "I-- I cannot -- I mean, that seems too easy.  Mein lieber Gott im Himmel, I do not vish to sin, but I also cannot deny vhat I am!"

 

"Look, Kurt, maybe I shouldn't have said all those things.  I wasn't trying to upset you or anything, just tryin' to make things clear."

 

Light dawned on me.  "You knew all that stuff about the Church and mutants, nicht wahr?"  I accused him.

 

"Yeah."

 

"You deliberately -"

 

"Yeah, I led you on.  Why not?  Something wrong with showing you the holes in your own logic?"

 

I wanted to be angry, but I couldn't.  He was right.  Now what?

 

"Ya mad at me?"

 

I shook my head again.

 

"Say somethin'."

 

"I do not know vhat to say.  I vill have to think about this.  I have enough problems vith God already.  I am not sure I need more."

 

"With God, darlin'?  Or with the Church?"

 

"It is the same thing."

 

"Is it?  Really?"

 

I did not know what to say to that either.  Fortunately, we had just arrived at the bottom of a sort of a stairway composed of logs that went up a long sloping hill, so we concentrated on making the climb instead of talking.

 

Somewhere inside, I had to agree with Logan.  But I was not yet ready to admit it, even to myself.

 

 

From the top of the stairway, we could see a huge sand dune that seemed to have spilled over into the forest, since there were trees in various stages of being buried by the sand.  It was quite a dramatic sight, and I stopped in my tracks for a minute.

 

Seeing my interest, Logan told me about how the early settlers had cut down so much of the forest, which left the dunes no longer anchored in place by their vegetation.  Over time, dunes move forward as the winds push them along.  This particular dune had already reached the edge of the forest and was in the process of slowly drowning it in sand, killing everything that was growing in its path.

 

I remember feeling an unaccountably sharp sense of sorrow for the trees, being overwhelmed and destroyed because of things that had been done so many years ago.

 

For the rest of the way around the trail, we didn’t say very much.  Now and then, Logan gave me other similar tidbits of information, but I was clearly distracted and lost in my own thoughts.  Although I tried not to show it, our talk about religion was troubling me.  The still small voice inside my head that I was accustomed to calling my conscience was engaged in a vicious argument with another voice that seemed to be expressing the wishes of my heart.  I could not seem to force them into any kind of agreement.

 

 

Later on, back at the campground, I sat outside wondering how I could find a solution.

 

Logan came out and sat next to me, placing an arm around my shoulders.

 

I closed my eyes and must have made a grimace of distaste as he did so, since he withdrew his arm.

 

“You’re not really in the mood for sex, are you?”

 

I shook my head.

 

“I am confused.”

 

“You’re not confused, Elf.  You’re conflicted.”

 

“Vas?”

 

“You’re fighting yourself.  You want sex, but your conscience is sayin’ it’s wrong.  But still you want me.  The rationalizations we talked about are wearing thin, but the reasons your conscience gives you aren’t making it anymore.  I can’t give you a way out and I can’t give you the answers you’re looking for.  I have my own answers, but they don’t include a God.”

 

“So you have no problem vith vhat ve have been doing?”

 

“No moral problems about it, no.  As long as the other person consents, there’s nothing wrong with anything two people choose to do to each other to find pleasure.”

 

“And you have never felt guilty?”

 

“I’ve felt guilty about a lot of things in my life, but sex isn’t one of them.  Uncomfortable about some aspects of it maybe, like we talked about before, but not guilty of any wrong-doing.”

 

I just sat there, staring at the darkness that was rapidly settling around us.

 

“Come on inside, Elf.  No sex, I promise.  Maybe just a back rub?”

 

I heaved a sigh.  It wasn’t what I wanted, and yet it was.  “Really?”

 

“Yeah, really.”

 

 

It felt so good to just lie there with his hands working on the tense muscles of my back.  I hadn’t quite realized until then just how uptight I was over all this.  I didn’t want it to be this way.  I wanted to be able to enjoy what we did together without that nagging sense of guilt.  Yes, I had strayed in the past now and then, but that had been casual sex, usually in a weak moment.  This was something more.  If nothing else, it was certainly premeditated.  I wanted it to be all right.  More, I wanted it to be wonderful, even sacred and holy! 

 

“Turn over.  I’ll do the front.”

 

“Logan –”

 

“No sex.  Just massaging, so you can relax a bit.  Trust me.”

 

“How can I trust you vhen your cock is already hard?”

 

“Let me worry about that.  I just want you to feel good, okay?”

 

And I did.  He carefully avoided any sensitive areas, maintaining the distance and care of a professional masseur.

 

“There.  Is that any better?”

 

“Ja.  I do not feel vound up so tightly as before.”

 

Lying beside me, he idly traced a finger along the ridge of one of the many scars on my chest.  “Ya know, now that I’ve gotten used to it, this is kinda nice.  Sort of like a fancy tattoo.”

 

“Do you really think so?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Being reminded about what I had done to my body sent my mind off in another direction.  Terror.  Fire.  Death.

 

“Vhy do they hate us so?”

 

“Who, darlin’?”

 

“The regular people.  You know, the normal humans?”

 

“You want the easy answer or the hard one?”

 

“Both.”

 

“Easy one first:  because we’re different and anything that’s seen as different is automatically feared and hated.”

 

“And the hard answer?”

 

“Because we truly are a threat to them and they know it.”

 

“But ve are not!  Ve do our best to protect and help them vhen ve can.”

 

“Some of us do.  Some of us don’t.  Let’s face it, pal: most of the time the X-Men are defending regular folks against other mutants.  But even beyond that, we simply are dangerous.  Some of our abilities make us more powerful than ordinary humans, like me and my claws.  Some abilities are more neutral, and could as easily be used for good as for evil.  And some mutations are just plain strange, and are not even good for those who have them.  But all of us threaten the previously normal way of life.  Best case, most optimistic scenario, all of us use our powers for the good of others.  Even then, we outclass the natural abilities of ordinary folks.  On some level, they know they will someday be second class citizens, in one way or another.  And they react to that knowledge.  Overall, we can do a wide range of things that they cannot.  Period.  Against that kind of competition, how can they hope to compete?  So we are a threat, however much we may not want to be and however much we may try to help them.  They don’t want to need help.  They don’t want to think they can’t make it on their own.”

 

“So vhat can ve do?”

 

“If I knew that, I’d tell you.  C’mon.  Let’s go to sleep.”

 

 

 

The next day was Saturday.  We planned to leave on Monday, so our vacation was nearing its end.  Only a couple more days.  I tried to be cheerful, but the thought of leaving here depressed me.  I had settled nothing by getting to know Logan better.  In fact, I only desired him all the more.  If only we could just stay here, where we would be accepted by those around us.

 

And if only I could get my conscience to agree with my heart.

 

 

I wanted to buy some T-shirts, so we headed for town on foot.  The day was bright and sunny, which only cast more darkness into my soul by contrast.  Rain would have suited my mood much better.  Knowing how soon we would be leaving made me look even more intently at the scenery and the quaint, crowded streets, as if I could impress them on my mind and in my memory by doing so.

 

After I had finished my shopping, we headed for the library, so Logan could check his email once again.  I suppose you may be wondering why he couldn’t just do that on his cell phone, so I should remind you that this was quite a few years ago, when cell phones were only portable telephones, not the tiny computers that they are now.

 

I walked around aimlessly looking at books, while Logan used one of the library computers.  I considered taking another look at the Rose Dorothea upstairs, but couldn’t get up the interest.  My rationalizations just weren’t working anymore, and guilt is not a very pleasant thing to feel.  Maybe this whole thing with Logan was just one colossal mistake, and I was only fooling myself that it was anything else.

 

I was so deep in thought that I didn’t hear Logan as he walked up behind me.  When he tapped me on the shoulder, I jumped. 

 

"Kurt, I think you may want to look at something I found online."

 

"Vhat is it?"

 

"I can't explain it.  Just come take a look."

 

I must admit that I thought it would be a porn site and was a bit annoyed that he would bother me for something like that.  Imagine my surprise when I saw the homepage for something that called itself the North American Old Catholic Church.  I gave Logan a skeptical sideways glance.  "Vhat is this? I have never heard of an Old Catholic Church."

 

http://www.naoldcatholic.com/lgbt-inclusion/

 

 

"Go to their ‘Statements of Faith and Belief’ page."

 

I did as he asked, still wondering what this was all about.

 

"Now click on ‘Diversity’."

 

I did.  There were only two short paragraphs, but they were more than enough to catch my interest.

We consider gender diversity to be a blessed part of life and promote the full inclusion of LGBT persons in our religious life, sacraments, and clergy. Similarly, we advocate for the full inclusion of LGBT persons throughout society.

We also consider mutation to be a blessed part of life and extend the same principles to mutants.  Just like all talents and abilities, their powers are a gift from God, and, like all gifts, can be used for either good or evil.

 

"Unmöglich!" I exclaimed softly.  "Who are these people?"

 

"Keep reading.  It won't take very long.  I’m going to the bathroom.”

 

So I sat down and started going through the website.  I knew it couldn't be the Catholic Church I was accustomed to, but what could it be?  Some schismatic spin-off from the real Church, maybe?  Every one of their doctrines was as wonderful as that first one.  And yet they were not denying anything except the authority of the Pope.  I read the brief history and info provided.  Clearly, they were not a very large group, but they held beliefs that I had long held myself, deep in my heart.  If only I could meet these people and talk to them.  Or more, believe that they are correct!

 

By this time, Logan had returned and bent over next to me.  He saw the look on my face, glanced at the monitor, then tapped the button that said "Locations".  Scrolling down to an address in P'town, he said, "Maybe this is where you'd like to go this Sunday for Mass?”

 

"Perhaps," I said dubiously.

 

"You don’t have to decide now.  Here, let's print all this out and get going.  Our time's almost up anyway."

 

 

I walked back to Coastal Acres in a sort of spiritual daze, seeing nothing but the words I had read about diversity.  It was a very simple statement, but it meant so much to me. 

 

Even after we had gotten back, I was still turning all of this around in my mind, reading over and over the information about this strange church and examining it every which way.  It was not the Roman Catholic Church I knew and had accepted as my own.  But the doubts and questions that had assailed me lately had driven a wedge between my inner being and that Church that had accepted me grudgingly, if at all.  I remembered Father Bauer, the priest I knew a long time ago. If only he were still alive so I could talk to him about this!  In all the years since then, he has been the only priest who has truly accepted me for what I am.

 

I finally decided I had done enough thinking for now.  It was time to carry out the promise I had made to Logan several days ago.

 

“Since ve have nothing much to do this afternoon, I vill make a special dinner for us tonight,” I announced.

 

“What’s it gonna be?”

 

“It vill be a surprise.”

 

“OK.  So do you want me to take you to the grocery store?”



”Nein. I vill teleport.  I know vhere it is, so I am sure I can get there and back.”



”Well, if you’re sure ---”

 

“I am.  Go take a nap, or walk around, or sit out in the sun or something.  I vill be back soon.”

 

I was as good as my word, returning in less than an hour with the ingredients for a traditional German meal.  Or at least as close as I could get, considering that not only was P’town not Germany, but it was also not a large cosmopolitan city where many kinds of food were readily available.  I did the best I could with what I had, but I could not find any real German beer that I knew was of good quality and I had to make several substitutions in my menu.

 

After unpacking the groceries and doing as much as I could of the food preparation, I went outside to find Logan, who had last been seen lounging in a lawnchair and reading yet another issue of “Men’s Journal”.

 

“Here is the best I could do as far as German beer is concerned,” I said regretfully, offering him a can, and then settling down beside him to drink my own.  “The closest I could get was St. Pauli Girl, but although it is brewed in Germany, it is not sold there, since it is not very good.”

 

“Tastes fine to me, Elf.”

 

“All beer tastes fine to you.”

 

“Well, yeah, I guess it does.”  He shrugged.  “I still can’t believe the X-Men haven’t needed me for all this time.  No phone calls.  No emergencies.  No monsters or evil mutants.  No nothing.  I’m starting to worry that something awful has happened and we just don’t know about it.”

 

“Vell, you could alvays phone the School, if it is really bothering you.  If they need you, I could teleport us both back there very quickly.  Although I do not really vant to do that,” I added quickly.

 

“Nah.  They have my number.  The world should be able to survive without my help for at least a week,” he said sardonically.  “It’s sure nice to be able to just relax for a change.  I should do this more often.”

 

I said nothing as I finished my beer, then went inside to check on the food.

 

 

 

“All right, here is my version of Wiener Schnitzel,” I said proudly, as I set a plate full of food in front of Logan, then sat down with my own.

 

For a few minutes, we ate in silence.  I watched him tasting each mouthful, more concerned about whether he would like it than I was with what I was eating.  Finally, I could stand the silence no longer.  I had to know.

 

"So vhat do you think?"

 

“This tastes familiar, as if I’ve had it before.”

 

“Maybe vhen you vere in Germany?”

 

“Nah.  More like down in the Southern states.  Southern fried pork chops, but with lemon juice."

 

"Vell, that is pretty much vhat it is.  But the type of meat can vary, as can the sauce that is used, or not used, in many cases.  Pork, and especially veal, are more traditional in Germany." 

 

"How about chicken?"

 

"I have occasionally seen it made vith chicken, turkey, or beef, but that's not the usual."

 

"Too bad.  I'm real fond of Kentucky Fried Chicken."

 

"The chickens are from Kentucky?"

 

"No.  Or at least not very often.  And I've had sauerkraut before, but only on hot dogs, not by itself.  The potato salad isn’t much different from what I’m used to.  I’m still trying to decide how I like the pork cutlet.  How about another helping, so I can make up my mind?”

 

“Does that mean you like it?”

 

“If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t be eating it, would I?”

 

“Maybe you are just being polite.”

 

“Nah.  I ain’t that polite.  Now stop lookin’ so concerned.  It’s good.  Really.  How about some more of that potato salad, while you’re at it?”

 

However, when I brought out the apple pie and heated it up in the microwave, Logan gave me a very strange look.

 

"Elf, ya ain't gonna tell me apple pie is a German tradition, are ya?"

 

"Nein.  But it vas the closest thing I could find to apple strudel.  I am not much of a baker," I admitted.

 

“Guess that’ll just have to do, huh?”  He grinned, so I knew he was kidding me.  When I brought out the vanilla ice cream to put on top of the pie, he grinned even wider.  “That’s not a German tradition, is it?”

 

“Not really.  I just figured you’d like it.”

 

 

After dinner, I got my rosary and went outside, as I do so often when I am troubled, seeking the peace of the outdoors and the feel of the beads slipping through my fingers as the old familiar prayers run through my mind.  With every prayer, I begged for guidance and the answer to the question that was disturbing me.  I did not know if I would get an answer, but I had to try.  I was still there as the sun slipped down in the west and the sky turned a golden red.  All I could think of was the fires of hell, even though I do not truly believe in such a literal description of the place.

 

Part of me felt a ray of hope, because of that website.  But another part argued that I was only being tempted into sin.  After all, just because I wanted to believe they were right, that doesn’t make it true.  Maybe I should go to their Mass and find out more?  Or maybe not.  What would Jesus do?  What did God want me to do?  Did God even care?  For all those years, I had held onto my faith in a Church that, truth be told, had no place for me.  Now I had seen an alternative, but did I dare believe in it?

 

Just about then, Logan came out of the motor home and sat down on the ground not far from me.

 

"Don't let me disturb you, darlin'.  I'm just out here to smoke a cigar and watch the sunset.”

 

At first, I managed to ignore him, but after he lit his cigar, an occasional tendril of smoke would drift my way, reminding me of his presence.  Logan always smokes outside, for the sake of others who might be harmed by the smoke. Usually, it doesn’t bother me, but tonight I was on edge and touchy, feeling as if he was staring at me.

 

After a while, he got up and went inside, much to my relief. 

 

Darkness fell, as it usually does.  Still undecided and unsatisfied, I gave up and went inside also.

 

There were no lights on in the main room, and only a dim light from the bedroom.  I walked through to the other room, saying, “Logan?  Vhere are you?”

 

And I stopped dead in the doorway.

 

He was lying on the bed, stark naked, his hands behind his head.  He fixed me with an intense stare.

 

"Fuck me, Elf."

 

"Vas?"

 

"You heard me.” 

 

I hesitated, not sure how to react.  "Vhy are you doing this?"

 

"Maybe because I want to show you in no uncertain terms that a man can't really 'lie with a man as he would lie with a woman'?" he suggested.

 

“Nein.  There is more to it than that.”

 

“Kurt, hasn’t anyone ever told you there’s a time to talk and a time to shut the fuck up and just take what’s being offered to you?  I want you.  Fuck me.  It’s as simple as that.”

 

But it wasn’t that simple at all, not to me.  And not to him either.  I could see it in his eyes, and in the expression on his face.  He would have been much more comfortable fucking me.  So why was he making this offer of himself instead?

 

Or perhaps that is exactly why.  Perhaps this is his conflict and he wants to overcome it.  Certainly, I could not hurt his body, but what about his self image?  For someone like Logan to invite me to do this, he would be taking a big risk, if he is not settled in his mind about such issues as submission and dominance, active or passive, feminine or masculine.  Perhaps he is fighting his own battle somewhere inside his head, a battle that he would not, or could not, easily put into words, beyond what he has already told me.

 

Could I hurt him in some way by doing this?  Yes, I decided, I could.  But if I refused?  Would I not hurt him even more?

 

Seeing me dithering, he rolled over onto his hands and knees, his naked ass in the air.

   

“Maybe you need to hear it in German,” he said, when I just stood there staring.  “Ich will dich.  Fick mich."

 

Even now, it is hard for me to explain how those words affected me.  The sight of his ass being offered like that triggered something deep inside me.  The heavy, sharply-defined muscles of his thighs, the thick curled hair on his back, thinning out but never entirely disappearing over his buttocks.  The sheer power of the man, the ferocity I had seen in the way he fought his enemies, the tough guy exterior that was all too real but could never entirely define the complexity of his innermost being.  All that, and more, was being quite literally handed to me for the taking.  He had not said, “I love you.”  He had only said, “I want you.”

 

And me?  I had too often in the past been wanted and desired by men – but only as the one to be taken and used, not the one to do the taking.  Logan must know what it means for him to yield the power to me.  He had the sort of raw strength and courage that would never be mine, or at least not to the same extent, for I am no weakling.  He was pure danger, distilled power, all in an indestructible body, that he used as a weapon on a regular basis.  How much more macho could a man be?

 

And I wanted with all my heart and soul to plunge my cock into his body, in a gesture of possession that was pure animal lust.  I wanted to fuck him hard and pump my cum into that offered ass as a sign that I had claimed him, that he himself was mine, just as his body was mine, to take and use and fill.  To possess his love and all his desire, to hold and make it mine.  If it had been possible to make a child upon him, I would have wanted that too.

 

All that, and more.  I would have impaled his very soul, if such a thing were possible.  There was nothing rational about any of this.  Nor was there anything rational about the way I tore into him, barely managing to slather some lube over my inflamed cock before I entered him, pounding him so hard I nearly drove his head into the headboard before he regained his wits enough to brace himself against my onslaught.

 

It was as if something I had held captive inside myself for a long time had finally had the chance to break free.  I was only vaguely aware that I was growling German curses at him, calling him the foulest names I could think of, while I simultaneously declared that he was mine, now and forever, that I had captured him and claimed him, and would never let him go, because I wanted him, because I needed him, and because I loved him beyond all others.

 

And throughout all this, he remained stolidly in place, allowing – no, welcoming the way I used myself as a battering ram to drive my cock up his ass as far and as hard as I could.

 

By the time I finally came, I was still raving incoherently in German.  (Thank God it wasn’t English!  Surely, he couldn’t follow most of what I was saying.)

Even as my cock lost some of its hard urgency, I felt him convulse around me.  He groaned deeply as he released his load onto the bed in quivering spasms.

My fingernails had torn red gouges along his sides and hips, where I had been holding onto him during my frenzy.

 

Gasping desperately for air, I pulled abruptly away, sanity creeping back in from the edges of my mind.

 

“Du lieber Gott, was hab’ ich getan?!” I croaked from my bone-dry throat.

 

I tried to get up, intending only to flee from the room, before he could turn on me and slice me to ribbons, but he was too fast.

 

Before it even occurred to me to teleport, Logan had me in his arms, dragging me down onto the bed, holding my shaking body close against him.

 

“Easy, Elf.  Easy.  Stand down.  You did nothing to me except what I wanted you to do.  I loved it.”

 

“But the things I said –”

 

“I caught some of it, and can take a good guess at the rest.”  He chuckled.  “I love it when you talk dirty to me, darlin’.”

 

“You’re not –”

 

“Angry?  Hurt?  Damaged?  Shit, no!  You’re welcome to impale me on that sword of yours anytime you want to.”

 

By then I had started to pull myself together. 

 

He grinned down at me.  “Now tell me, in your wildest dreams, would you ever lie with a woman the way you just laid with me?”

 

“Merciful God, no!”

 

“Then I rest my case.”

 

“Logan, you know perfectly vell that does not prove anything.”

 

“Yeah, I know.  I just wanted you to look at it from a different angle, that’s all.  Now calm down.  Your eyes are so bright I’m afraid they’re going to burn right through your head, and I sure wouldn’t like to see that happen.”

 

His fingers stroked my hair and the back of my head, while the palm of his other hand pressed into the small of my back, just above my tail, holding me firmly against his hard body.

 

I felt somehow strangely safe in his arms like that.  And I felt as if I were somehow safely home at last.

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning was Sunday.  Sometime during the night, I had realized what I had to do.  I got up early, careful not to wake Logan.  He might have offered to go to the Old Catholic Mass with me, but I didn’t want that.  I felt I had to do this alone.

 

Carrying my clothes into the other room, I got dressed and snuck quietly out the door, leaving a note on the table telling Logan where I had gone.  Considering his incredibly sharp hearing, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he really had heard me leave and simply pretended to be asleep, realizing I would have wakened him if I had wanted his company.  I had put the address for the Mass in my pocket along with a map of the town, but I was pretty sure I knew the way, since it wasn’t very far from the campground.

 

As I had expected, it was a private home, not a church building.  I was pretty sure this was a small group, just getting started.

 

Once again, I will not bore you by giving all the details of the service at length.  Suffice it to say that it was very close to the usual Roman Catholic Mass, but the priest was a woman, who looked very much as if she had been born a man.  Only ten people were there, but what they lacked in numbers they made up for with enthusiasm.  This time, with these people, I felt that I should take Communion when it was offered.

 

Afterwards, there was coffee and doughnuts.  I asked many questions and received many answers.

 

I was still mulling it over when I got back to Coastal Acres.  Logan’s first question as soon as I walked in the door was quite predictable.

 

“So what did you think of it?”

 

I sat down in the chair next to the door.  “I am – not sure.  They believe in much the same things as I do, but I knew that from their website.”

 

“So what’s the problem?”

 

“Can it really be that easy?  After all the years that I have been a Catholic, I’ve fought to convince myself that the Church is right in all things, being founded by Jesus and inspired by the Holy Spirit to alvays know the truth.  And yet, there vere still things I could not in good conscience accept.  And now something comes along vhich does not require me to do that.”

 

“And this is a problem?” he asked, a confused expression on his face.

 

“Vhat if it is a test of my faith in the True Church?”

 

“What if it’s a test of your faith in the Truth?”

 

I nodded.  “Exactly.  How can I be sure?”

 

“Elf, we can never be sure about such things.  We stumble around in the darkness, and sometimes we run across something that seems to shed some small amount of light into our lives.  But that light looks different to everyone who sees it, and we can’t know who sees it clearly and who doesn’t.  Some of us never see it at all.”  He shook his head and shrugged helplessly.  “What can I say?  If it looks to you like the light, then all you can do is follow it and see where it leads you.”

 

“I see two lights, mein Freund, and they show me two different paths.”

 

“Then follow the one that shines the brightest.”

 

“I’ve got to think about all this.”

 

“Well, how would you like a chance to think about it while you’re sitting in the best room in town?”

 

“Vhat do you mean?”

 

“I made all the arrangements while you were out.  We were lucky.  The Land's End Inn had a guest who decided to leave a day earlier than planned, so the room is empty tonight.  They call it the Bay Tower Room.  It has a view like you wouldn’t believe. Check in time is 3 PM." 

 

I will never forget the absolutely smug, self-satisfied look on his face as he told me that.

 

“But – but the price must be –-”

 

“Don’t worry about it. That’s already taken care of.”

 

I opened my mouth to object, but he stopped me by leaning over and kissing me soundly.

 

“Not another word about it, Elf, or I’ll tie a knot in your tail.”

 

“I vould like to see you try!” I retorted.

 

“Yeah, yeah.  Now get your lazy ass out of that chair and help me clean up this place so we can leave it the same way we found it.”

 

 

 

 

We spent the rest of the time packing everything up and cleaning the motor home thoroughly.

 

“How about we eat up the rest of the food?” Logan suggested.  “There isn’t much left.”

 

“Let’s just eat what we can for lunch, and toss out the rest.  Tonight I vill take you out to dinner at the restaurant of your choice,” I announced.

 

“You don’t have to do that.”

 

“I know.  But I vant to.  Vhere shall ve eat?”

 

“The Red Inn.  It’s one of the best restaurants in town.  A very classy place, so don’t pack away your best clothes.”

 

“Our best clothes are not very impressive.  Are you sure they vill even let us in?”

 

“There’s no dress code in P’town.  As long as you’re wearing shoes and a shirt, you’re okay.”

 

 

 

Logan was in the process of shutting off the gas and the water, while I carried the trash to a nearby dumpster when I realized something.

 

“Ve have not yet gotten cleaned up ourselves.  I need a shower.”

 

“You’ll do for now,” he replied, sniffing in my direction.  “Don’t worry, you don’t smell.”

 

“But I – ”

 

“There’s a really nice bathtub waiting for you in our room, darlin’.  Wouldn’t you rather get cleaned up there?  I know I sure would.  C’mon, let’s load our stuff onto the bike.  It’s almost three o’clock.”

 

“Vell, if you’re sure.”

 

“I am.”

 

http://www.landsendinn.com/

 

http://www.easyviewmedia.com/Lands-End-Inn/3.html

{Virtual Tour of the room they’re in.}

 

 

 

Land’s End Inn is on top of one of the higher hills in the town.  I had to remember to keep my mouth from gaping open at the lovely gardens and the fantastic view.  By the time we climbed the stairs to the room, I thought I was beyond surprise, but I wasn’t.

 

I walked through the door and just stood still.  “Mein Gott, this is spectacular!  It is all vindows!”

 

“Yep.  It’s basically a hexagon, so we can see just about all the way around.  Gotta be the best room in town, not to mention the most luxurious.  The bed is almost as big as the place we were stayin’.”

 

“Is that a hint?”

 

“Nah.  Save that for tonight.  For now let’s sit out on the balcony for a while and enjoy the view.”

 

“Vhich balcony?  There are two of them.”

 

“Depends what you want to look at:  the town or the end of the Cape.”

 

“Let’s try one side first and then the other.”

 

“You got it, Elf.”

 

We sat outside for the next couple of hours, watching the boats come and go.  I spotted the Bay Lady coming in from the afternoon cruise and watched as they lowered the sails.  As the sun started to sink towards the water, a small thunderstorm passed by far in the distance, adding a bit of drama to the seascape.

 

Early on, Logan fell asleep in a lounge chair, so I had a lot of time to think over what I had seen this morning at Mass.  When it came right down to it, I stopped thinking and just decided to do what my heart told me to do when the time came.

 

Leaving him still napping, I went inside to enjoy the lovely bathtub.  In addition to the little bottles of shampoo and conditioner, there was also one of bubble bath powder.  I emptied it into the hot water running from the faucet, then settled in for a long soak, watching the bubbles rise around me.

 

I was lying on my back, head propped against the foot of the tub, with the rest of me concealed beneath drifts of bubbles, when Logan came into the bathroom.

 

“Figured I’d find you in here, Elf” he said, as he emptied his bladder into the toilet. "Ya look like a blueberry sundae.  The ice cream is hidden under the whipped cream, and your head is the blueberry."  He studied me, frowning slightly.  "Needs more blueberries though."

 

I bent my legs so that my knees showed above the bubbles, next to each other in the center of the tub, then I poked the end of my tail through the bubbles next to them.  "How is that?" 

 

He studied me again.  "Better, but I'd like it if they weren't all so close together."

 

"You mean like this?"  Obligingly, I spread my legs apart and moved my tail down closer to my feet.

 

"Oh yeah.  Much better.  Good enough to eat, in fact."

 

Kneeling beside the tub, he reached down with one hand beneath the bubbles and began caressing my stomach.   "Umm.  Yummy.  Now what else have we got underneath all this whipped cream?" 

 

As his hand traced its way to my groin, I came close to melting down into the water.  When he took my cock and balls into the palm of his hand, squeezing gently and rhythmically, I had to remind myself not to just sink down beneath the bubbles.  Fingertips played lightly over the area behind my balls, reaching for and then touching the puckered skin around my anus.  Still holding my sex in his palm, he teased my hole, stroking and probing until he had gotten me to open enough to accept his finger.

 

"Ya like that?"

 

"Umm," was about all I was capable of saying.

 

Another finger joined the first, touching me where I had not been touched for more years than I cared to remember.  As another finger went in, my body responded automatically, relaxing the ring of muscle around my opening.  He spread his fingers apart a bit, as if testing to see how far and how easily I could be stretched. 

 

I closed my eyes, totally blissed out and enjoying the sensations, which seemed magnified by the sensual touch of the warm water all over my body.  "O Gott, I have died and gone to heaven."

 

"Naw, not just yet, Elf.  And hopefully not real soon."  He leaned down and kissed me.  "Now, how about getting out of there, so we can have the main course in a more comfortable place?"

 

I sighed.  "All right.  But you must take a shower first, if you expect to sit at my table."

 

"Are you insinuatin' that I'm not clean enough for ya?  You never said that when we were at the campground."  But he was joking.  I could tell by the sound of his voice.

 

"This is different.  This time, there is no excuse," I pointed out primly, opening the stopper of the tub and letting my lovely bubbles begin to drain out.  I stood up.

 

Logan laughed.  "Now ya look like somethin' out of a strip show, darlin', with all the bubbles in strategic places.  Well, maybe not all of them."

 

I had to admit that I did present rather a strange sight, with patches of bright white bubbles clinging to me in various places on my dark blue body as I stood there.

 

"Hmph," I replied in mock indignation, pulling the shower curtain across the tub and turning on the shower in order to rinse off.

 

I had hardly gotten started when Logan stepped into the shower along with me.  "Move over, bub.  It's my turn."

 

"Vell then, I must make sure that you do a good job of it."  I scooped up a handful of the remaining bubbles that were still in the process of being washed down the drain and began spreading them over his body, starting with a handful in his hair.  Of course, he protested loudly over this indignity but that did not stop me from pouring some shampoo on his head also and washing his hair, then lovingly covering the rest of his body, especially the most interesting parts, with shower gel, before I stepped out of the tub and gave him space to stand under the shower and rinse off.

 

By the time he got out of the bathroom, I had already gotten dressed for dinner.

 

He looked slightly disappointed to see me with my clothes on, but must have decided he too was ready for dinner, since he didn’t say anything.

 

The Red Inn lived up to its reputation.  I ordered a bottle of champagne, but was very careful not to drink more than one glass.  This was not a night for me to get drunk.  We ended up taking the rest of the bottle along with us as we left.

 

By the time we got back to our room, the sunset was fading over the ocean and we were both comfortably full of food.  I was just wondering how best to put my plan into operation when Logan pulled a fresh cigar out of his pocket and asked, “You mind if I go out on the balcony to smoke?”

 

“Go right ahead.  I vill get ready for bed.”

 

While Logan sat outside, I searched through his duffel bag until I found the lube I had used last night, then I got undressed.  Lying down in the middle of the huge bed, I dug a finger into the jar, and spread a glob of the sticky stuff over my anus.  Then I relaxed back against the pillows and waited.

 

It wouldn't be long before Logan would come through the door. I knew what I wanted from him, and I knew how I was going to get it, sin and abomination be damned.  I might regret this tomorrow, but I refused to consider that right now.

 

When he stood framed in the doorway, I leaned my head slightly forward, glancing coyly up at him from beneath my eyelashes.  My lips turned upward in a slight smile, as I spread my legs slowly apart until they were nearly at a hundred and eighty degree angle, then dropped my tail straight down between my legs.  I spread my arms out towards him, palms up.

 

The invitation could not have been any more obvious if I had written it out on the wall, but he didn't react right away.

 

"Elf, you really sure this is what you want? If it's not, I won't force you."

 

"Ja.  I vant it."

 

"No guilt?"

 

"No guilt," I lied, fully expecting the guilt to overwhelm me once my conscience had a chance to kick in.  But right then I didn't care.  I offered him my body, as he had offered me his the night before.  With all my heart, I yearned to feel him inside me, wanted him to take what I knew should be his.  I would have given him my life, if he had asked for it.

 

It only took a few minutes for him to get out of his clothes and coat his cock with lube.  He climbed onto the bed between my legs, and said, "I'll go slow, darlin'.  I won't hurt ya."

 

"No.  It has been a long time, but I am no virgin, mein Freund."  My legs clamped around his buttocks and I pulled him down on top of me.  Even then, he was careful.

 

I responded to the pressure of his cockhead without thinking, as I had been trained to do so very long ago.  He slid past the ring of muscle and sank deep into me only as he felt me relax and open for him. 

 

I gasped and whimpered softly with that ineffable feeling of satisfaction as I pulled him deeper with every sweet spasm that tightened around his throbbing cock.  It was as if my soul stretched around him, welcoming the penetration with each hard clench of my muscles.

 

"Oh ja," I moaned.  "Fick mich!  Ahhh!"

 

Perhaps I reacted too enthusiastically, or maybe Logan was just too aroused to hold off, but he came almost immediately.  I loved feeling him spasm inside me, even if it was far too soon. 

 

I had just about managed to gather myself together enough so that I wouldn’t show my disappointment if he pulled out, when he grabbed my hips and came up onto his knees, holding us still locked together but now with much of my weight on my shoulders, while he reared up over me.

 

"Don't move, Elf.  I want more than that and I know you do too.  Slide your legs up over my shoulders and bend your knees.  That’s right.  I wanna be in you until I’m ready again.  You okay like that?”

 

“Of course.”  At that point, I’d have been willing to stand on my head and offer him my ass, if that’s what it would take to keep him right where he was.

 

His hands slid down my body, kneading my chest with his fingers and rubbing his palms roughly across the stiff nubs of my nipples, so hard that it almost hurt.  Arching my body, all I could do was groan at the intense sensation that combined pleasure with pain.

 

When he’d had enough of that, he ran his hands down both sides of me until he was once more clutching my hips.  From my vantage point, I could see my own cock, swollen hard and flushed bluish-purple, with my balls pulled tight at the base.

 

Very slowly, Logan started rocking back and forth against me, barely enough to produce any real sensation, but I could feel him hardening inside me even so.

 

Since my tail was already between his legs, I lifted it up and pressed the wide base into the crack of his ass, flexing it against his hole in time with the rocking.

 

"Oh yeah, keep it up, darlin'."

 

I managed a grin.  "That is precisely vhat I am trying to do, mein Schatz."

 

"Did you just call me your sweetheart?"

 

"Ha! Is that a problem?  You just called me darling, nicht wahr?"

 

"I guess I did, at that."

 

In reply, I flexed the end of my tail up over his shoulder and with my usual unerring accuracy, speared his nipple hard with the tip.  He cried out in surprise, but by then I had dealt the other nipple a stinging blow also.  When I raised the tip to his lips, he opened his mouth to receive the end and sucked on it intently.  The motion of his hips increased dramatically.  My ass tightened harder on his reviving erection.  The feeling of his tongue on my tail became maddening.  No one had ever done that before.  I had no idea it would feel so good.

 

By this time, we were both heaving and thrusting, moaning incoherently as we gasped for breath.

 

His cock pressed deep into me, hitting that so sensitive place inside with each stroke.  I wanted to hold back, to savor this keen anticipation just a little longer, but I could not.  I convulsed around him, even as I saw my quivering cock begin to pump out its cum across my belly and chest.

 

Logan let go just a second after I did.

 

How can I describe what happened then? It was as if something had been dammed up inside me for years, and suddenly the dam had burst.  My insides were still thrilling to the intensity of my orgasm, but as Logan’s seed filled me, it was as if an intense love for all creation poured into me also.  I was making love to the entire world, and to God Himself, in all His radiant glory.  I wanted it to last forever.

 

At one and the same time, that other thing that I had once called my conscience screamed in condemnation, “This is sin!  This is evil!”

 

"Nein!!” I objected, trying desperately to hold onto the glorious feeling that had overwhelmed my soul, even as the sensations were overwhelming my body in a fierce ecstasy.  “My God is a God of love.  I vill not believe this is not love."

 

Then something even stranger happened.  It couldn't have lasted for more than an instant, but I saw what looked like Da Vinci's painting of the Last Supper, but it wasn't entirely the same.  Instead of leaning back towards Peter, John, the Beloved Disciple, is leaning against Christ, as is described in John's gospel.  Christ sits at the center of the long table, surrounded by his Disciples, celebrating the Passover just prior to his death.  The remains of a meal are spread around the table.  Jesus seems to be looking down at the table, or perhaps at young John.

 

I had barely even begun to realize what I was seeing when Jesus looked up at me, smiled very slightly, then pulled John closer and very deliberately kissed him on the lips.  Then he looked back to me, and winked, still smiling.  I heard a voice say distinctly, "Where love is, there God is also."

 

If I had really been there, my mouth would have been gaping open in astonishment, rather than what it was doing in reality, which was gaping open and moaning in delicious ecstasy as my orgasm continued to wash over me. 

 

Then it was over and everything faded, leaving me breathless and wild-eyed.  But that last image remained branded on my mind, and always will be.

 

Was it real, or just what my imagination knew I wanted to see?  How can I answer that in any meaningful way?  All I know is that I was engulfed in an incredible upwelling of joy that came from deep inside my very being.  And in that moment, a burden lifted from my heart, a burden that I had been carrying for so long that I no longer even noticed its weight.  All the guilt, shame, and fear fell away and the only thing left -- was love.  Love of Logan, love of so many good people I had known in my life, love of beauty and joy, love of the world and the entire universe, love of life in all its beauty and its horror.  Love of God, who no longer condemned me for what I was, not for being gay and not for being a mutant.  And finally, love and acceptance of myself as someone good and worthy of love, even if I am not always perfect.  In one respect at least, I was whole again.  I couldn't help it; I started to cry from the sheer joy.

 

"Du lieber Gott im Himmel!" I gasped aloud.

 

"Elf?  What's the matter? You okay?"  He was leaning over me, looking down in concern.  "Is something wrong?  Answer me, darlin'.  Was ist los?"

 

"Keine Sorgen.  Mir geht es gut, ganz gut," I managed to say through the tears. 

 

"For someone who says he's just fine and extremely happy, you sure look as if you're crying your eyes out."  But his voice was no longer concerned, and he was smiling.  "I mean, I know it was good, but was it *that* good?  You look as if you've seen a ghost or something."

 

"Or something," I replied in a reasonably normal tone of voice.  I took a deep breath and looked at Logan.  I knew I couldn't tell him what I had seen.  Not then, and not for many months afterwards, until he had known me long enough to realize that I was only half-crazy most of the time.  So I settled for the obvious.  "You really are the best there is at what you do."

 

He laughed, but somewhat sadly.  "I wish to God that this truly was what I'm really the best at, but it's not.  Thanks anyway, for sayin' it, darlin'."

 

I pulled him down on top of me and held him tightly. "Oh yes, it is.”

 

To this day, I don't know if he laughed or cried when I said that.  Sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference.  But he recovered quickly and we got up and headed into the bathroom to wash off the sweat and the cum, and possibly, the tears in our own eyes.

 

 

 

 

Later on, we settled down once again in the huge bed together, staring out the windows at the moon and stars, and drinking the last bit of leftover champagne.

 

"You know, Logan, I realized something tonight, something I should have figured out a long time ago."

 

"Yeah?  What?"

 

"Just like anything else, sex can be used for good or for evil.  It is not wrong.  It is not sin.  If anything, it is sacred."

 

"I'll drink to that," he replied, lifting his glass as if it were a toast.

 

"So vill I."  We touched glasses a little too enthusiastically and some of our champagne splattered onto his bare chest.  I bent down and licked it off, then we both drained our glasses.  Putting them aside, we settled down to go to sleep.

 

"I think I vill be sorry to leave here tomorrow."

 

"I'm always sorry to leave P'town, darlin'.  Always.  Now stop talkin' and go to sleep."

 

"Jawohl, mein Herr," I replied, snuggling against his back as he turned over.

 

 

 

The following morning, we had a fine breakfast at Land’s End before packing our things for the last time and loading them onto the motorcycle.

 

I pulled on the boots and picked up my helmet, then I looked directly at Logan.

 

"I do not think I vill be going back to Germany anytime soon."

 

"Good.  Because I want you here with me."

 

 

 

 

"And so, mein Freund, to this day I am still here vith him, even though many years have passed since that trip to Provincetown. I have never regretted that decision.  Of course, it has not alvays been easy, but nothing is alvays easy, nicht wahr?” 

 

 

 

 

 

GERMAN TRANSLATIONS

 

Verdammt!                   Damn!

 

nicht wahr?                  isn’t it so?

 

Was ist los?                  What’s wrong?

 

Auf wiedersehen, Herr Wagner            Good-bye, Mr. Wagner

 

mein junger Freund              my young friend

 

Mein lieber Gott im Himmel!          My dear God in heaven!

 

Unmöglich!                   Impossible!

 

Ich will dich.  Fick mich.                 I want you.  Fuck me.

 

Du lieber Gott, was hab’ ich getan?!              Dear God, what have I done?!

 

mein Schatz                 my sweetheart

 

Du lieber Gott im Himmel!             Dear God in heaven!

 

Nicht sorgen.  Mir geht es gut, ganz gut.                Don’t worry.  I’m fine, just fine.

 

Jawohl, mein Herr!               Yes, sir!

 

 

THE REST OF MY LOGURT STORIES

 

Comicverse – Single stories

 

Hope

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090809

 

REVENGE!

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090949

 

The Monster

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090893

 

The Best You Can Hope For

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091203

 

 

 

 

Story Arc based on Kurt Darkholme

 

Der Doppelgänger

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090999

 

 

Of Angry Elves and Mouthy Mercenaries

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091017

 

 

Hinter Meine Masken (Behind My Masks)

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091081

 

 

Vengeance Is Mine

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091156

 

 

Say Very Softly

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091183

 

 

STORY ARC -- Movieverse

 

Morning Devotions

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090821

 

Something a Little Different

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090822

 

As the Twig is Bent

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090851

 

Pray for Us Sinners

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090852

 

With Nothing on My Tongue

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090873

 

You Win, Elf

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090894

 

Hell Hath No Fury

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090950

 

 

These last ones are not really part of the story arc, but could be either comic or Movieverse.

 

Let's Pretend

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600090964

 

Happy Birthday, Elf

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091000