Strawberries

STRAWBERRIES CHAPTER FOUR (NC-17)
Disclaimers Apply

A/N Goddess Foxfeather, Queen of Mad Plotbunnies and BUSIEST WOMAN ALIVE (tm), one day you're going to whack me over the head with something heavy for sending you all this stuff to beta, lol. Readers/Reviewers: I love you people. You make me all glowy and shiny and smutty...er...I mean, the FIC is smutty...yeah, that's it...

My name is Kitty Pryde and I'm a stalker. There. I said it. I admit it. I am obsessed with Kurt Wagner. I didn't think it was possible but...well, how else would you explain why I'm lurking around the Danger Room for no good reason other than the fact Kurt just went in there? It started innocently enough...I figured out I liked him. I know, I know...I'm a big flaming dork for being blind so long. Rogue told me so like a million times already since it sort of leaked that I have a "thing" for him. Everyone thinks it's the funniest damn thing since...since...well, since something pretty damned funny that I finally like Kurt. Well, I've got news for them. This isn't like. This is pure, unadulterated want. I won't say the "l" word...Lance said that one a lot and it wore thin for me. I can't say it without doubting it, not like Kurt can. I know he loves me. I used to think that he thought that he loved me, but now I know he does. Really. I knew I was really in trouble the night we kissed and it got me so hot and bothered that I...um...well, let's just say I'm in touch with my true feelings. That was almost a month ago. Each single minute that's passed since then, I've had all sorts of thoughts about my fuzzy blue elf. Most of them naked. Pardon me while I blush. Kurt's taken it well; after the kiss, he all but ignored me. I see him looking at me, I've heard him say my name just softly enough to deny if I asked if he called me. I know he watches me, he talks to people about me...he thinks I might like him just a little, enough to give him hope. Got news for you, Kurt. I like you more than a little. If you only knew... I think he'd faint if he knew how much I wanted him. I could be all Harlequin1 and say that my love for him is pure and true and the fire within me burned to know his touch and blah blah blah...well, that'd be kind of bull, ya know? I mean, okay, it's kind of true but I'd never say anything so maudlin. I want to be with him all the time. I want to know everything about him and I want to share things with him. We're friends...best friends, really...and you'd think that means there's no secrets between us. Wrong.
"Katzchen?"
_Shit. _ "Um...hi..." Smooth. Really smooth. He was all sweaty and out of breath and my God, did he have to look so hot?
"You okay? You look like you don't feel well..." He was looking at me with such concern that I wanted to just wilt into a heap like one of those Victorian girls who always needed smelling salts.
"I'm fine," I said quickly. I could see Logan behind him in the Danger Room, moving stuff around and waiting for the next victim. "Actually," I said, "Can we talk?"
He looked so sad that I almost told him to forget it but he nodded and said, "Where?"
Somewhere private.... Aloud, I said, "Let's go to your room. You can change while we talk." My, my...how bold of me. Kurt looked scared for a second, but nodded again. He took my hand and the feeling of those butterflies in my stomach dancing a fandango nearly overrode the sick feeling I always got when he ported me anywhere.
"What's wrong, Katzchen?" he asked as soon as I stopped swaying.
"Nothing's wrong...not really..."
"You're a bad liar, Liebes."
Liebes. He called me Liebes. This is a good thing, yes? "I was just wondering why you'd been ignoring me since...since the kitchen."
"I haven't been," he snapped but looked guilty anyway.
"Kurt..."
"Kitty, what do you want from me." He was still all mussed and agitated and my mind was taking an almost disturbing turn to the pornographic.
"Well, that's a loaded question." I tried to smile but was pretty sure I looked sick. "I just want...I want to know what's between us."
"Kitty, I love you." He looked like he was resigned to it rather than happy about it and the words just sort of hung there, waiting.
Now or never... "I love you, too."
He looked so angry that I nearly phased through the floor to get away from him. He was on me in a second, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me slightly. "Don't say that."
"Why not?" I was pissed. I told him I loved him, I said the word I hated and I really meant it and he was shoving me away. He pushed me away and I nearly fell as he shoved past me to get to the half bath and shower.
"Could you please leave? I need to shower and change and..."
"Shut up." My voice was harsh even to my own hearing and he turned very slowly to look at me. He was stunned, it seemed. Well, so was I. "I mean it, Kurt. I love you. I love you and it's real and I'm scared and there it is..." I sounded hysterical now, I knew. "It's out there and you don't want it, do you? It's okay to love me and kiss me once or twice and make me want you so bad I can't sleep sometimes because I know you're just down the hall and...and...Oh, Hell!"
"Katzchen..."
"Shut up!" I cried again. "Go take your shower. This didn't happen..." I nearly made it out the door when he pulled me back, his chest pressing against my back, warm and hard and his pulse thumping clearly against my shoulder blade... "Kurt, let me go."
"I just don't believe it could be true," he said, his grip on my arms tight but not painful. "Why should you love me?"
"Why should _you _ love _me? _" I could feel his breath on the back of my neck and some how that made me feel as if I were just naked right there in front of him. The intimacy of breath, life moving in and out, brushing my skin and making me feel so exposed...
"Because," he said, helplessly to my ears.
"That's a good a reason as any," I said quietly. I wanted to turn around and face him but I was afraid to. Kurt could never hide how he felt, not in his eyes, and that intensity of his feelings always scared me. That's why I stayed away so long. I was afraid to be totally wanted like he wanted me then. Now, really. His grip relaxed on my arms and I knew he was expecting me to turn, but I couldn't. Instead, I just sort of leaned against him and laid my hands over his when they went around my stomach and waist. "I'm sorry I yelled."
"I'm sorry I was a jackass."
My stomach lurched pleasantly when I felt his lips brush the back of my neck. Oh, God, that feels so good when he does things like that, just barely touches me, burning my nerves with these tiny kisor cor caresses. We were standing there in his room, him all sweaty and gross, me all weepy and gross, and he was kissing the back of my neck, making certain portions of my anatomy very attentive to what was going on. I could tell when he noticed I was getting more...well, excited, because he started kissing me more definitely, his tongue making little trails on the back of my neck, nibbling just below my ear. I think I may have moaned or worse... I didn't care then. He made me turn to face him but I closed my eyes. I still didn't want to look at him just then.
"Look at me," he said firmly, just inches from my lips.
"No, I can't..."
"Why not?"
"People don't keep their eyes open when they kiss." I'm such a liar. I know for a fact many people do so ner.
"Look at me," he said again, more urgently. He was making these tiny circles on my arms with his thumbs and I sighed.
"Okay." I opened my eyes and he was staring straight into them. You'd think yellow would be a freaky color for eyes but not on him... I couldn't stand him with any other color. I wanted to die a little, I think. I always wanted to feel that delicious fluttering in my stomach, that wonderful thrill in my chest and lower... I wanted to always be just inches from a kiss with Kurt. A second later, I changed my mind. I always wanted to be _kissing _ Kurt then. He was possessive, not at all like in the kitchen. He kissed me, made love to me with a kiss, if that's possible. I know I felt...drained. Empty and full at once. I felt so intimate and exposed and taken that I could hardly breathe. I tasted his sweat against my tongue as he pulled away and I pulled him back, missing his mouth and landing a kiss on his chin instead. I sort of lost track of what happened then. I know he half-carried me towards the bed but we just kind of fell onto it in a heap. I was trying to keep kissing him and he was trying to kiss my neck again, his hands on my waist when I wanted to feel them everywhere. I tried to unfasten his uniform in the back but he wouldn't let me, pushing my hands back down to my sides and biting me softly where my shirt collar lay against my chest, just above my left breast. I could feel him hard against me and I know I blushed. Badly. Somehow my legs had ended up around his waist and I don't think he knew that he was pressing against me as we kissed again, thrusting so vaguely that it was barely noticeable. The thrusting, that is...not...other things. Definitely not other things. I know when he realized what he was doing because he stopped suddenly and rolled away from me. "Kurt..."
"I need to take a shower," he said thinly.
I was pretty sure it was for an entirely different reason now. "Okay." I didn't add that I was going to go take care of things myself. God, can he kiss.
He laid there on the bed, on his stomach, until I got to the door. Very, very quietly, so quiet I almost missed it, he said, "Do you think...do you think we could talk later? After lights out?"
I nodded furiously. I had no idea if he meant talk or _talk _, but either way...

1 Famous line of romance novels