Fractals

Fractals Chapter Thirty Six (NC-17)
Disclaimers Apply

A/N Goddess Foxfeather, Queen of Mad Plotbunnies, BUSIEST WOMAN ALIVE ™, Prophetic Muse, Hamster Witch and Uberbeta… *beep * InterNutter, TC, Maxwell Pink and Dracena are loverly bunnies for archiving/hosting. :) ProPhile: Next chapter. ;) Morgan: *GLOMP * Readers/Reviewers: Nemain has unexpected company this weekend. Well, semi-unexpected. Nemain is not amused. She is speaking in third person for some odd reason and there will be a break in chapters until Monday. Le sigh.


Amara paused, her head cocked to one side and her eyes closed. “I’m not stupid,” she breathed, barely loud enough to be heard. “Come out.”
Lance stepped out of the alcove and into the dim light of the hall. Around them, students were doing homework, Storm was conferring with Beast in the kitchen and somewhere, someone was yelling at someone else to turn down the “godawful crap music”. “I wasn’t trying to be sneaky or nothin’.”
“Good, because you were doing a piss-poor job,” she replied, drawing herself up to her full, if diminutive, height and tilting her chin regally. “You betrayed my trust once today, Lance. Are you going to try for a second time, or are you merely out to insult my intelligence?”
He blinked in the pale yellow light streaming from the stairway and into the narrow hall leading to the downstairs library. “What? What do you mean by that?” He had never seen her come across so distant, so shielded—at least not towards him—and it made a knot of ice form in the pit of his stomach. “I just wanted to make sure you’re not…you know, mad at me or something.” He shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pockets. Part of him hated how she could make him feel as if he had done something terrible, just with a look. _She barely comes up to my shoulder… _ he thought absurdly. “Are you?”
Amara paused for what seemed like an infinity before replying. “No. I am not angry, but neither am I pleased. We are going to need ground rules, Lance.” She moved towards him like water flowing, a smooth and almost undulating gate. She stopped just out of his arm’s reach and smiled ever so faintly. “I have been…remiss… in dealing with this. We need the rules, Lance.”
He stared openly at her. “Huh?”
“For example,” she said as if the thought were just occurring to her. “You speak to me properly.”
Under the intense scrutiny of her gaze, Lance found himself nodding. “Okay.”
“Okay…?” she murmured. “Okay?”
“Yes?” he hazarded.
“Good,” she purred, stepping forward and pressing against him, her arms coming up around his neck. “The rest can wait a bit, when I have time to…ah…properly explain it to you.” Her fingers tightened infinitesimally on his neck but he still felt the bite of her nails against his flesh and hissed softly. “Now,” she continued quietly, “I have some things I need to do. Go to bed and we’ll talk tomorrow.”
“No,” he began and gasped as she tightened her grip to the point of pain. “Amara, let go!”
She stepped back and frowned. “I apologize. I did not mean to do it that hard.” She opened her hands and stared down at her palms. “I have a lot on my mind.”
“I know,” he snapped, rubbing the back of his neck. “You might be…er…”
“Domme,” she said shortly. “And no might about it.”
“Whatever. But you KNOW that doesn’t mean you have the right to disrespect me and treat me like this!”
She narrowed her eyes and looked up at him. “You’re right,” she said after a moment. “I’ve been abusing my power.” She sniffed and jerked her chin. “I’m leaving, Lance. I was going to wait and tell you when it was closer to the time, but I’ll tell you now. This place,” she gestured loosely to the world around them, “is making me insane. I need to go home.”
“Go home? What the fuck? Amara, you can’t go back to Nova Roma. Even if you did…” he trailed off.
“They would kill me. I know. Specifically, my father would kill me. As is his right.” She held her open palms up as if in supplication. “I need to, Lance. This place will do me more harm than Nova Roma ever could. I would rather die there than live here.”
The ice in his stomach became a blade. “Amara, what are you saying? Are you… Do you want to die?” He took her by her elbows and ushered her back into the alcove from where he had been watching her. “Tell me, Princess… don’t lie to me, please.”
Amara closed her eyes and let out a long, slow, soft breath before speaking again. “I do not want to take my own life, Lance. Poena… she nearly fooled me once. Bellona would have left me to rot if I had done so to a false god.” She shook her head and turned liquid eyes to his. “Suicide is not the Nova Roman way, not unless you have done something truly awful and you must choose—kill yourself or let the state. Most people choose to do it themselves. No,” she continued, her posture again becoming more self assured and her voice gaining strength, “I do not wish to kill myself but Lance… Bayville is killing me. I am diminishing. Nova Roma is fading from me and this is worse than any physical death you can imagine.”
Lance wanted to laugh in relief but at the same time, the import of her words struck him like a fist to the gut. “You can’t go back, Amara, even if it was safe… There’s no way for you to get there!”
Amara’s smile became distinctly childlike and somehow feral. “Oh, yes there is… Jubilee helped me find it on a map and Jean…” she giggled a little. “Jean had no idea why but she helped me look up routes to South America, the least expensive ones, and I told her it was for a class project on travel.” She bounced on her toes and grinned. “Silly her.”
“Amara…” he bit his tongue. He knew that telling her she could not do something was the surest way to make her do it. “Fine. I’ll help you.”
“I know,” she said simply. “Because you’re coming with me.”