In Fear of Three Little Words
folder
X-Men - Animated Series (all) › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
61
Views:
18,830
Reviews:
76
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
X-Men - Animated Series (all) › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
61
Views:
18,830
Reviews:
76
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own X-Men Evolution, or any of the characters from it. I make no money from from the writing of this story.
Chapter 31
Ooooh, what nice reviews. I love you all. Writers are sooooo needy. It's terrible really.
Chapter 31
Kurt sat at the dining table slowly sipping coffee, trying to eat breakfast when his stomach wanted none of it. Around him his fellow students jabbered away, their conversations whirling around him, but lighting of nothing that was important to him. His thoughts were on Logan.
Where was Logan now? When would he be back? Would he be back?
Kurt swallowed down a hard lump. A deep breath, let out slowly, cleared his mind and calmed his breathing.
He managed a chuckle at one of Bobby’s jokes, hoping no one not his his less than jovial attitude this morning. Before him lay the weekend. Homework might occupy the time as well as a couple of training sessions. But that only reminded him that Logan wouldn’t be there to run them.
If only he hadn’t said those words. If only he’d stop chastising himself repeatedly for only saying how he felt, thinking Logan would do the same.
He rose with the others, clearing off the table and putting his dishes in the dishwasher. Two hours until training session and all Kurt could think of was going to his room where he didn’t have to hide his anxiety and heartache.
“Kurt,” Hank called to him just before he started up the steps. “Do you have time to talk for a moment?”
Kurt’s defenses instantly went up, sensing a lecture of some kind. His eyes narrowed, but he managed a shrug. “I suppose. Training session isn’t until eleven.”
“I promise not to bite,” Hank replied.
Kurt walked with Hank down the hall, heading towards one of the small parlors. “Do you know who’s to run this weekend’s sessions since Logan is gone?”
“I believe Scott will be with Ororo’s assistance.”
“Great,” Kurt said flatly. He and Scott hadn’t been more than courteous to each other for weeks.
They reached the door and Hank opened it and waved Kurt in with a smile. But what did the smile hide?
“Please sit.” Kurt obeyed and Hank settled his big bulk onto an adjacent sofa. “Do you think I asked you here to lecture you?”
“I don’t know. Did you?”
Hank’s smile broadened. “No. No lectures. I was just concerned----”
“And the Professor,” Kurt injected, knowing the Professor was in on this.
“And the Professor, but this isn’t about the Professor. I was concerned because I spoke to Logan last night before he left us so abruptly. He seemed greatly distressed, but wasn’t inclined to talk about it.”
“And you thought perhaps I would.”
Hank let out a sigh. “That’s up to you, Kurt. I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you to talk to if you need someone. I didn’t want you to feel isolated or think that no one would understand how you are feeling. I’ve seen Logan take off like that before, but usually something drives him to it.”
Kurt sat back in his chair and turned to gaze out the window. The trees were barren now, the leaves fallen. They were on the v of of winter and Kurt’s heart felt encased in ice, heavy and cold and about to shatter.
Hank’s patience was this man’s virtue, quietly waiting for Kurt to speak or indicate their meeting was over.
“You know,” Kurt said without turning back to Hank. “I’ve done something that almost no one has ever done.”
“Oh? What’s that?”
Kurt turned and met Hank’s gaze. “I scared Logan. I made him run away.” A smile pulled at Kurt’s mouth, but his eyes had teared up and the knot was back in his throat.
“Love does that to the strongest men.”
With a tilt of his head, Kurt looked at Hank with a new respect. “Then you understand. I told him I loved him.”
Hank nodded. “I thought perhaps.”
“Why was saying I loved him such a terrible scary thing? And I thought he loved me in return.”
“To a man like Logan those are very serious words and not ones said lightly.”
“I didn’t say them lightly,” Kurt said, sounding defensive to his own ears. “I meant it. I love him. With all of my heart.”
Hank sighed and leaned forward, clasping his big hands together. “I’m sure you do mean it, but Logan wasn’t ready to hear it and you couldn’t have known that. You spoke your heart and Logan ran from his own.”
Kurt looked away again, contemplating Hank’s words.
“I have to say,” Hank said. “I was surprised to see you at breakfast this morning.”
“Did you expect me to sit in my room and cry like a little girl?”
“Hmmm. That’s not the image I had in mind, but I thought perhaps you’d not feel up to company this morning.”
Kurt turned back to Hank and fought for control of his emotions. “I spoke to Logan last night before he left. In the garage. He was ready to leave and all he’d left me was a note under my door. I had to confront him. I had to know....” Kurt swallowed down tears and sniffed. “I had to know if...it was over. If maybe the Professor had been right all along and Logan had grown tired of me.”
“Oh Kurt,” Hank began, but Kurt put up a hand.
“No. Logan reassured me that he was still committed to our relationship. But that he needed some space. He needed time to think. So I let him go. No begging. No crying, but all my insecurities were laid bare there. I suppose that is something only I can overcome.”
Hank nodded.
“He’ll come around,” Kurt said with forced optimism. “I have to believe that. I love him...I’m in love with him.” Kurt shifted in his chair, his thoughts uncomfortable to the touch. “And if he doesn’t come to love me...I’ll...I’ll take whatever he’s willing to give.”
Kurt swallow hard, eyes closing against unshed tears. Hank reached out and squeezed Kurt’s shoulder gently. Kurt smiled and opened his eyes. A tear escaped and Kurt wiped it away with a frustrated gesture.
“I wish I knew how to make this time easier for you, Kurt,” sai said in a gentle voice. “Love is not an exact science. And it comes when it will. Not a moment before. But if it helps at all, I think Logan does love you very much. Men like Logan just have a hard time facing these kinds of emotions. I think you may have gotten closer to him than anyone ever has and in a relatively short period of time. Do as he asks. Give him his space and his time and you’ll be rewarded.
Kurt bowed his head with a little nod. “It’s just....”
“What?” Hank asked.
Kurt looked up. Tears finally fell and Kurt let them, tired of holding them back. “It hurts...so much. Should love hurt this much?”
A sad smile tugged at Hank’s mouth. “I’m afraid so, Kurt. I’m afraid so.”
Chapter 31
Kurt sat at the dining table slowly sipping coffee, trying to eat breakfast when his stomach wanted none of it. Around him his fellow students jabbered away, their conversations whirling around him, but lighting of nothing that was important to him. His thoughts were on Logan.
Where was Logan now? When would he be back? Would he be back?
Kurt swallowed down a hard lump. A deep breath, let out slowly, cleared his mind and calmed his breathing.
He managed a chuckle at one of Bobby’s jokes, hoping no one not his his less than jovial attitude this morning. Before him lay the weekend. Homework might occupy the time as well as a couple of training sessions. But that only reminded him that Logan wouldn’t be there to run them.
If only he hadn’t said those words. If only he’d stop chastising himself repeatedly for only saying how he felt, thinking Logan would do the same.
He rose with the others, clearing off the table and putting his dishes in the dishwasher. Two hours until training session and all Kurt could think of was going to his room where he didn’t have to hide his anxiety and heartache.
“Kurt,” Hank called to him just before he started up the steps. “Do you have time to talk for a moment?”
Kurt’s defenses instantly went up, sensing a lecture of some kind. His eyes narrowed, but he managed a shrug. “I suppose. Training session isn’t until eleven.”
“I promise not to bite,” Hank replied.
Kurt walked with Hank down the hall, heading towards one of the small parlors. “Do you know who’s to run this weekend’s sessions since Logan is gone?”
“I believe Scott will be with Ororo’s assistance.”
“Great,” Kurt said flatly. He and Scott hadn’t been more than courteous to each other for weeks.
They reached the door and Hank opened it and waved Kurt in with a smile. But what did the smile hide?
“Please sit.” Kurt obeyed and Hank settled his big bulk onto an adjacent sofa. “Do you think I asked you here to lecture you?”
“I don’t know. Did you?”
Hank’s smile broadened. “No. No lectures. I was just concerned----”
“And the Professor,” Kurt injected, knowing the Professor was in on this.
“And the Professor, but this isn’t about the Professor. I was concerned because I spoke to Logan last night before he left us so abruptly. He seemed greatly distressed, but wasn’t inclined to talk about it.”
“And you thought perhaps I would.”
Hank let out a sigh. “That’s up to you, Kurt. I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you to talk to if you need someone. I didn’t want you to feel isolated or think that no one would understand how you are feeling. I’ve seen Logan take off like that before, but usually something drives him to it.”
Kurt sat back in his chair and turned to gaze out the window. The trees were barren now, the leaves fallen. They were on the v of of winter and Kurt’s heart felt encased in ice, heavy and cold and about to shatter.
Hank’s patience was this man’s virtue, quietly waiting for Kurt to speak or indicate their meeting was over.
“You know,” Kurt said without turning back to Hank. “I’ve done something that almost no one has ever done.”
“Oh? What’s that?”
Kurt turned and met Hank’s gaze. “I scared Logan. I made him run away.” A smile pulled at Kurt’s mouth, but his eyes had teared up and the knot was back in his throat.
“Love does that to the strongest men.”
With a tilt of his head, Kurt looked at Hank with a new respect. “Then you understand. I told him I loved him.”
Hank nodded. “I thought perhaps.”
“Why was saying I loved him such a terrible scary thing? And I thought he loved me in return.”
“To a man like Logan those are very serious words and not ones said lightly.”
“I didn’t say them lightly,” Kurt said, sounding defensive to his own ears. “I meant it. I love him. With all of my heart.”
Hank sighed and leaned forward, clasping his big hands together. “I’m sure you do mean it, but Logan wasn’t ready to hear it and you couldn’t have known that. You spoke your heart and Logan ran from his own.”
Kurt looked away again, contemplating Hank’s words.
“I have to say,” Hank said. “I was surprised to see you at breakfast this morning.”
“Did you expect me to sit in my room and cry like a little girl?”
“Hmmm. That’s not the image I had in mind, but I thought perhaps you’d not feel up to company this morning.”
Kurt turned back to Hank and fought for control of his emotions. “I spoke to Logan last night before he left. In the garage. He was ready to leave and all he’d left me was a note under my door. I had to confront him. I had to know....” Kurt swallowed down tears and sniffed. “I had to know if...it was over. If maybe the Professor had been right all along and Logan had grown tired of me.”
“Oh Kurt,” Hank began, but Kurt put up a hand.
“No. Logan reassured me that he was still committed to our relationship. But that he needed some space. He needed time to think. So I let him go. No begging. No crying, but all my insecurities were laid bare there. I suppose that is something only I can overcome.”
Hank nodded.
“He’ll come around,” Kurt said with forced optimism. “I have to believe that. I love him...I’m in love with him.” Kurt shifted in his chair, his thoughts uncomfortable to the touch. “And if he doesn’t come to love me...I’ll...I’ll take whatever he’s willing to give.”
Kurt swallow hard, eyes closing against unshed tears. Hank reached out and squeezed Kurt’s shoulder gently. Kurt smiled and opened his eyes. A tear escaped and Kurt wiped it away with a frustrated gesture.
“I wish I knew how to make this time easier for you, Kurt,” sai said in a gentle voice. “Love is not an exact science. And it comes when it will. Not a moment before. But if it helps at all, I think Logan does love you very much. Men like Logan just have a hard time facing these kinds of emotions. I think you may have gotten closer to him than anyone ever has and in a relatively short period of time. Do as he asks. Give him his space and his time and you’ll be rewarded.
Kurt bowed his head with a little nod. “It’s just....”
“What?” Hank asked.
Kurt looked up. Tears finally fell and Kurt let them, tired of holding them back. “It hurts...so much. Should love hurt this much?”
A sad smile tugged at Hank’s mouth. “I’m afraid so, Kurt. I’m afraid so.”