In Fear of Three Little Words

Chapter 30


Logan lay with the smell of Kurt all over him, a scent that made his mind reel and his groin ache...and his heart.

Why had he held back? Too soon, he mind screamed back at him, the desire to flee almost overwhelming.

He forced himself to lie still, forcing his mind to think rationally, to consider the consequences of actionBut But the feeling built to a crescendo, until his muscles quivered from his own restraint.

With a snarl Logan shoved up out of bed and scanned the room like a trapped animal. Inwardly, he chastised himself for acting this way, but he couldn’t breath and the walls felt as though they were squeezing the life out of him.

He dressed in a hurry, shrugging on his leather jacket and threw some clothes into a bag. Scrawling two notes, Logan headed out of his room. With a trepidation so unlike him, Logan approached Kurt’s bedroom door and shoved one of the notes under. Without waiting, he stalked down the hallway, hardly acknowledging the trio of girls who stared at his retreating back. He felt their eyes boring into him, knowing something wasn’t right.

The other note, he had every intention of shoving under Charles’ door, but Hank met him, the man’s instincts instantly sensing Logan’s agitation.

“Logan, is something wrong?” Hank asked, sending the younger students along to their rooms.

hin’hin’s wrong. I just need to get away for a couple of days. Need some room to think.”

“Something is wrong...with you and Kurt?”

“I said nothin’s wrong,” Logan growled back.

“Hmmm. If you say so.”

“Give this to the Doc, will ya?” He handed Hank the note and shoved his bag up further onto his shoulder. “I gotta go.”

“It can’t wait till morning when things are clearer and seem not nearly so distressing?”

“I can’t....” Logan said and rubbed his face with a hand. “I can’t breath here right now, Hank. I need some room.”

“And Kurt? Does he know?”

“I left him a note.”

“And you think that’s appropriate?”

“It’ll have to do.” Logan moved passed Hank, feeling strangled and suffocated...feeling trapped.

“What happened, Logan?” Hank asked in a gentle voice to Logan’s back. “Did Kurt tell you he loved you?”

Logan stopped in hiacksacks, taking a long harsh breath and letting it out in a rush. “It’s none of your business. So keep your nose out of it.” Logan stalked away without looking back.

He reached the garage without another encounter and threw his bag into the back seat of his new Jeep.

“So you’re just skulking away in the dark of the night and you think a note is enough to appease me?”

Logan whirled and Kurt stood there. He truly had been in in flight mode for him not to have smelled the sulphur of Kurt’s teleporting.

“I’m not skulking away,” he said defensively. “I...I just need to get away for a few days, elf. I just need some room.”

“Away from me and my declarations of love.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Away from everyone and everything. That’s all.”

“You are a terrible liar, Logan.”

“And you’re a pain in the ass.”

Kurt blinked, a stunned look crossing his face as if Logan had just struck him.

“Aw elf, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”

“Oh no...I’m sure you meant it. I knew I’d annoy you once too often and obviously you have reached your saturation point. Though I really didn’t see it coming considering the last few hours we’ve just spent fucking.” Kurt’s voice was strained with suppressed emotion and his yellow eyes were bright with unshed tears.

“It wasn’t just fucking,” Logan said, feeling like a shit.

Kurt shook his head. “I thought it was more. I...I thought we were making love. I see now that it meant more to me than to you.”

“That’s not true,” Logan countered. He moved closer, reaching out, but Kurt avoided his hand with the tilt of the head and twist of his shoulder.

“Then why are you doing this? Why are you leaving?”

Logan closed his eyes, trying to clarify the answers to those questions. “I don’t know. I just need some time to think.”

Kurt looked away and Logan saw Kurt’s As aps apple move, trying hard for a swallow.

“Is it over? Was this infatuation after all?” Such pain. Such heartache. Kurt’s anguish washed over Logan like a tidal wave.

“Sweetheart,” Logan said, pulling a reluctant Kurt into his arms. “No. It’s not over and it is more than infatuation. Please. Please just give me some time. Just give me some space. I do care for you...I’m just not ready for those words.”

“Those words,” Kurt choked out, tears finally falling. “Those words are how I feel. I can’t take them back now. I do love you. I’ll do anything you want, Logan. Anything to make you happy.”

“Then don’t smother me. Don’t suffocate me,” Logan replied, keeping his voice gentle and understanding.

“I didn’t know love would make you feel that way.”

“And I’m not even sure it’s love that makes me feel that way. Everything’s happened so fast. Just give me some time to work through this and we’ll find a way to work this out. Okay?”

Kurt reached up and drew his fingers down Logan’s cheek. “It breaks my heart that I would ever make you feel like you need to run from me.”

Logan leaned his forehead against Kurt’s and stroked Kurt’s still damp hair. “You took a shower.”

Kurt turned his face away. “I...I felt dirty.”

Logan let out a sigh. “It breaks my heart that I’d ever make you feel like that.” He turned Kurt’s face back and lifted the boy’s chin. “There’s nothin’ dirty about what we do, elf. Don’t ever get that into your head. I’ve just got a few inner demons to deal with.”

Kurt lifted one eyebrow at the demon reference.

“Yeah, real demons. Not a fuzzy blue one that’s more beautiful than any angel ever hoped to be.”

“Oh Logan,” Kurt said with ft sft smile. “Why do you make things so difficult?”

“That’s just the way my life’s always been. I can’t seem to change it now. Not even for you.”

Kurt nodded and gave him a gentle shove. “Then go. Take your time to yourself and I’ll try not to be so insecure which I know annoys you so much.”

“You’re not a pain in the ass,” Logan insisted, still trying to make up for what he’d said.

“You’re right. I’m the only one with a pain in his ass.” But Kurt smiled when he said it.

Logan pulled Kurt close again, hugging him fiercely. Suddenly, he was afraid to let go, but Kurt reached up and kissed him, a closed mouth kiss more affectionate than sensual. Then Kurt dieareeared out of Logan’s arms. An emptiness wrapped around him and Logan climbed into the Jeep and barreled out of the garage like the demons of hell were after him.