A Divided Mind

A/N I just realized that post-X2, Jean probably won't even be around. D'oh! Well, I can't very well go back and change it, that would require too much revisions. Damn. Well, let's just pretend she came back shortly after her 'death' as the Phoenix, and that she's got pretty much good control over her own mind while sharing with the Phoenix, and stuff. Alright? Just play along, please? I'm sorry to anyone who's confused and stuff about Jean, I didn't realize it, I've just been kind of focusing more on Marie, Kurt, and Logan. Ah well, we've got it covered. ;)

Sorry about the delay.
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When she woke up, she still was bound by naked blue arms wrapped around her and a tail coiled about her ankles. Her arm felt numb from sleeping on it all night, and she was pretty sure they had not moved at all. The only thing that seemed to have changed was that she was wearing her bra and her underwear. Kurt was still sleeping, she could tell by the slow breaths he took and the beating of his heart against her back. She wondered if he was a deep enough sleeper that she could get dressed and go back to her room to take a scalding hot shower.

Tentatively, she slipped her left arm out from under his own, holding it up as she tried to deduce what to do next. It was difficult concentrating on being as quiet as possible as well as controlling her mutation. The added stress of the situation and what had transpired the entire day before sat on her shoulders like a slowly-growing weight.

'There's no time to think about that right now, Marie. First, you need to get out of there. One step at a time, girl.' she told herself, tugging gently at his wrist to loosen his hand from underneath her, moving his arm back and laying it along his side. The easiest part was the tail. Just uncoil it like a delicate piece of rope, and it should be fine.

Finally free to slide off the bed, she mistakenly tried to use her right arm to push herself up, but as the blood was slowly rushing into it, the sensation became unbearable and she nearly collapsed onto the bed. Gasping quietly, she had used her upper body strength to hold herself up, not relying on the strength, or lack thereof, of her arm to do it. It was straining on her muscles, but it at least kept her from waking up her pseudo-captor.

Swallowing nervously, she watched his face intently for any signs of disquiet, but nary a twitch nor a grunt came from his disturbingly peaceful visage. Edging away backwards so as to keep her eyes on him, she groped around for her clothes from yesterday in the early afternoon sun streaming from the part in the drapes. She pulled each article of clothing on quickly but precisely, balling up her leggings in her fist.

She glanced around in slight disorientation until she spotted the door, pulling it open inch by inch and slipping through the small crack, closing it with an almost inaudible click. Her nerves were alive, her senses alert with the tension, and she let out a shaky breath.

"Hey, Rogue!" someone shouted as they rounded the corner and spotted her, causing her to jump nearly out of her skin. She turned to see who it was, somewhat relieved that it was only Bobby.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously, his face showing no other emotions. He seemed happy to find her though, as if just seeing her was enough to make his day better.

"Oh, uhm... I was ju-just dropping off Kurt's jacket. He left it in the den last night. he's still asleep, so I just put it down somewhere." she shrugged in order to look casual, and not the knot of nerves that she felt like.

"Heh, figures he's asleep, he is Nightcrawler, after all. Surprised me yesterday that he was actually going to lunch, he doesn't usually do that." He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.

"I didn't see you there yesterday at lunch..." she furrowed her brow.

"Oh, I ate early so I could get in some ball practice and I saw Kurt walking towards the kitchen, mumbling prayers or something. You know how he is." he shrugged.

"Yeah..." she said distantly, trying not to think about just how well she knew him.

"So anyway, I was coming up to see if you wanted to come and watch some TV with us. We're just hanging out since the idea of breakfast seems to be fading away slowly. No one's up to waking up that early, really." he grinned, looking quite handsome really. Unfortunately, Marie didn't have the time nor was she in the state of mind to think about that.

"Oh, sure. I just have to take a shower and stuff, I accidentally fell asleep in my clothes last night," she smiled sheepishly, the lies coming more easily now. She slowly started towards her room, waiting for him to detach himself from the wall.

"Alright," he slipped his hands into his pockets, "I'll be down in the den with the others when you're done." he waved and headed back down the corridor he came from.

Hurrying into the room, she gave a quick glance and found it was empty. One of these days, Jubilee or Kitty was going to be here, and she wasn't going to be able to hide this for long. She didn't intend on hiding it anyway, she was going to help Kurt fight this somehow, which meant some research was in order.

As she crossed the room towards the bathroom, another thought occurred to her. What would Jubes and Kitty say about her not being there in the morning? It was easy to mistake a lump of blankets and pillows as a person when it was night time, but what about the morning? What would they make of it? She hoped that they just wouldn't ask, or at least assume that she had gotten up early to go somewhere with Logan. She was always doing things with him, it wasn't that strange for her to leave at random times with him.

Marie undressed and stepped into the shower stall, turning the water on to a hot spray. That was another thing... Logan. If what Kurt said was true, that Jean thought Logan was the one abusing her, what the hell was going to happen? She felt a heavy foreboding in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't bear to think what would happen if Logan was thrown out, that would definitely leave a more open field for Kurt, since Logan made him a bit nervous at times, and having Logan around would, in a sense, keep her a little more safe.

Scrubbing her skin fiercely, she vowed to get to the bottom of Kurt's mental breakdown before something else could happen.
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It was mid-noon by the time Kurt had rolled onto his back, realizing hazily that he was alone in his bed. It was good that she left, though, he may not have been able to control himself had she remained, or if he woke up before her. He idly scratched at his lower abdomen, his hand brushing against his member. Lazily, he passed a ragged fingernail up along the center of the shaft, shivering as the nerves prickled.

Last night had been much better. For one, she was not crying so much, which meant she was beginning to understand her role in his rebirth. Secondly, and this he wanted to share with her, he could have sworn he heard angels singing just as he climaxed. It was surely a positive sign on his part. She had to know that when angels sing, you just don't ignore it. They needed to do more, but what, he wasn't sure.

His hand slowly caressed his hardening penis, imagining it was Marie. Oh, how nice that would be. Yes, this was the next step. She had to give to him a little what he gave to her. It was only fair, really. Kurt sighed breathily, wrapping his fingers around himself. It would be so very nice if she did this...

A hard knock on his door made him jump as if shocked by a current of electricity, yelping.

"Sheiss!" he said under his breath, then called out, "Moment!"

Looking at his erection longingly, he scrambled out of bed searching for something to conceal it. He pulled on some briefs and a pair of the baggy sweatpants that the mansion seemed to stockpile, adjusting himself quickly before pulling the door open.

Before him stood a disgruntled looking Logan, arms crossed in front of his chest as they usually were. No one knew it, but that simple body language told a lot about his mood. Right now he looked confused and angry.

"Herr Logan! This is most unexpected." he was suddenly aware of a slight uncomfortableness, and tugged down the back of the sweatpants just low enough so his tail could be free. He didn't much feel like putting any holes into the pants at the moment.

"Yeah I know. Look, I'm not here to talk about anti-socialness or any of that junk. I wanted to talk to you about Marie." he looked at him pointedly. Always the direct-approach for him.

Hiding his mild uneasiness, he smiled and pulled back, allowing him more room to walk in. "Ja ja, of course." he closed the door behind him, sitting down on the corner of his bed.

Logan looked at him a moment, trying to figure out how to start, while at the same time wondering about a faintly familiar scent in the room. He tried to ignore it by pushing it to the back of his mind, focusing on his reason for being there.

"Not to be rude, but I don't want to think that you woke me up just to stare at the wall." Kurt said impatiently.

"Right, sorry about that. It's just I swear I've-- nah, nevermind, doesn't matter. Listen, something's been fishy with Marie this past week, well, the past couple of days actually. You and her seem to get along pretty good and I wanted to know if you noticed it too." he shifted uncomfortably, crossing his arms again.

This was almost too perfect. The Wolverine coming to him about Marie? It was a perfect chance to ward the animalistic mutant away from her. He could have fun with this.

"Now that you mention it, she does seem to get edgy... especially when you enter the room." he feigns concern, looking at the other mutant, "I wonder why that is?"

"I don't know, but I think she's hiding something from me. No, I *know* she's hiding something. I tried to get her to tell me last night, but she seemed so terrified, it almost broke my heart." he uttered the last part of the sentence softly, recalling the way her eyes looked and how she trembled so slightly.

"What did you do to her?" Kurt looked at him hard. Logan gave him a sharp look,

"What are you trying to get at?"

"Why else would she be scared around you if it wasn't something you did?" he stood up, his arms at his sides with his hands balled into fists. His face looked stern, but inside his mind, he was excited that this might actually work, "You did something to her, didn't you?"

A snarl broke his face as he became increasingly agitated at the thought that this little blue bastard could be insinuating something so... something he could never do to Marie in a million years,

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about," he spat, "and I don't like being accused of something that isn't true."

"You are too easily angered, I can already see that I've hit a nerve. It must be true, otherwise you wouldn't act like this." he raised his chin in a challenge, his yellow eyes locking with Logan's.

Logan flexed his fingers, growling, words escaping him. It took a lot for Kurt to keep from grinning at how well this was going, the man was almost too predictable. He stepped forward to look up at him, eyes narrowed. Logan was a good couple inches taller than him, but that didn't mean he couldn't be intimidating himself, he had his demonic looks afterall.

"I would advise that you keep your distance from her, Wolverine, unless you would like to answer to pain. With your healing powers, I'm sure we could have a lot of fun inventing new ways for you to hurt." he sneered, his sharp and pointed teeth revealed as his upper lip pulled back, his voice lowered an octave.

It was an alarming transition from the normally quiet and kind Kurt Wagner to the threatening Nightcrawler, it almost threw Logan off. He stared down at the glowwering mutant, knowing full well that if he backhanded him like he really wanted to, it would prove his point even more. Steeling himself, he stepped back,

"It's going to be like that then, is it? Something's not right here, and I'm going to find out what." he moved sideways, keeping his eyes on Kurt as he moved towards the door, yanking it open and slamming the door behind him.

He watched the door for a few seconds before finally breaking out into a wide grin, giggling madly at a job well done. With a performance like that, he could be in movies!
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With blood near to boiling, Logan stormed down the staircase and headed down a hallway, briefly glancing into the library as he passed it where he saw Jean Grey talking to the Professor in quiet voice. Grinding his teeth, he punched the button of the elevator angrily, going down to the Danger Room to Berserk out his frustrations and clear his mind for thinking.

As he stood there mulling in his thoughts, wondering why the elevator car was taking longer than usually to arrive, he heard voices coming from the opposite end of the hallway that he had walked down.

Keeping his eyes at the closed door of the elevator, he hoped that by looking intent on going into the car would keep whoever it was from speaking to him. The voices grew slightly louder as they rounded the corner, he saw them in the corner of his peripheral vision. They were too low still for him to recognize them, but as they came nearer and suddenly aware that he was in the hallway, the talking ceased and he instinctly looked over.

Marie was staring back at him, her lips caught in a half-smile at what Bobby had said. It was good to see her smiling, but it didn't hide the look in her eyes; apologetic, ashamed, and tired. She looked very tired, actually, but he was probably the only one who recognized the traits.

She opened her mouth to say something, but somehow, "Hey Logan" just didn't feel right, especially not after last night, as if everything was fine and nothing was wrong in her life. That would be a giant lie, and she wouldn't bring herself to lying to him-- just withhold the truth.

The metal door of the elevator slid open with a mechanical hiss, welcoming him inside. With a grunt, he moved away from the wall and stepped inside. The slight breeze created by his stalking past them stirred up the air and brought their scents into the elevator with him.

It occured to him half a second later when the door slid closed, why the scent in Kurt's room was so familiar but hard to place. How could he have not identified it right away?? The scent belonged to only one person, and that was Marie.

'What is her scent doing in Kurt's room?' he wondered, stepping out a minute later into the basement hall that led to the Danger Room, only to realize that he no longer felt like 'training.'

It was possible that she might have been in there to talk to him, she had been in Logan's room plenty of times just to hang out and talk, but maybe whatever she was hiding she couldn't share with him, so she went to Kurt instead?

"No," he said out loud, disagreeing with those thoughts. He saw a different side of Kurt today that gave him second thoughts about Marie actually consoling in him. He had acted peculiar, trying to intimidate him into staying away from Marie, and his entire posture and look had seemed... territorial.

Thoroughly confused, Logan decided to go to the weight room for a while. Working out was good for getting the blood pumping and stimulated his brain, which was one reason why he always loved a good fight. The adrenaline was like a high to him that he fed off of as an energy source. Whatever was going on, he was sure to find an answer.
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After Bobby had walked her to the library, Marie finally released all the tension she was holding in her muscles, slouching her shoulders and sitting in a chair in such a way that it almost looked like she was boneless.

The peculiar position was actually relaxing, and for awhile she just sat there staring up at the ceiling. Of course, she instantly thought of Logan and the way he looked at her in the hallway. He was angry about something, no doubt about that, but there was something else in his face that she couldn't describe.

Not wanting to fall asleep there, she forced herself to stand up, stretching briefly before going about what she came there to do. In order to help Kurt, she had to first understand more of what might be going through his head. This meant she'd need to read up on a lot of psychology texts.

But where to start? The only thing she knew about people with a condition like him was what she saw in movies or read in fiction. 'That's as good a start as I'm going to get' she thought. After all, those horror and mystery books she read always had a bit of truth behind them, the authors didn't just make everything up, they had to do a little research of their own.

So, she should start with the basic psychology just to get a bearing on the subject, and then she might be able to identify what was going on inside Kurt's mind.

She pulled a few books from their shelves and sat at a table close by. She was by herself as far as she could tell, but there could be someone in the back for all she knew. As long as they left her along, she was fine with it.

'Speaking of alone...' she looked around, finding it a little unnerving that Kurt hadn't come to pursue her like he had a penchance for. It wasn't possible that he had finally given up on her, from his rantings the night before he seemed to only be just getting started in whatever twisted plan was brewing in his mind.

A sudden burst of motivation to help understand more of what could be wrong with him over took her, she needed to find a way to resolve this, and she didn't know how much more of his sexual rage she could take. She hit the books, as they say, and devoured everything she could.

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Amazingly, she remained in the library well after lunchtime, finding more and more, everything leading to another option and possibility, so that she had several books open around her, pieces of paper from the copier machine used as markers so she could look back and double-check on things, or confirm a thought.

It shouldn't have taken so long to figure out precisely what she was up against, but the world of psychology and indeed, the intricate machine that made up a human mind was fascinating and she was learning things that never occured to her before. Things that could help her in other situations.

It was a given that Kurt was suffering from schizophrenia, he was having the delusions and hallucinations that pointed to it. Paranoia usually went hand in hand with schizophrenia, as the term 'paranoid-schizophrenic' was familiar with a lot of people, even those who really knew nothing about it. This was what Kurt was, the schizophrenic part was having hallucinations, and the paranoia was from his violent outbursts.

Everything else she's witnessed in him was part of it. There were many sub-catergories and types of other mental illnesses that interlocked with eachother.

Marie was excited to happen upon a recent medical text book that included news of research on a way to reduce the so-called 'voices' in a schizophrenic's head, through an electromagnetic device.

The technique, rTMS, which stood for repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation, used a handheld device to deliver a low-voltage electromagnetic pulse to a specific area of the brain. TMS pulses -- experienced as a tingling sensation -- do not damage the brain, although some patients reported a minor headache due to muscle contractions of the face and scalp. The experimental devices had been able to help some patients with severe depression. Now Yale researcher Ralph E. Hoffman, MD, reports that rTMS can hush the voices haunting some schizophrenic patients -- one of the most difficult-to-treat symptoms known to psychiatry.

Unsure if Kurt was actually hearing voices or not, she was sure that giving him a shock of some sort might help in jarring his brain and probably help to improve his mentality. Then maybe he'd be in the better state to take to Jean and have him diagnosed more professionally and treated.

The only question was where was she going to get one of those devices? She was pretty sure they didn't just sell them in a store with batteries included, and if she called an institute or even Ralph Hoffman, that wouldn't get her one either.

"Hmm, electromagnetic..." she wondered to herself, speaking to no one in particular. Basically just an electric shock only milder, right? The article said "pulse", so it probably took many jolts in small amounts to get it to work efficiently, and she still didn't know how she was going to get the electricity to do it.

Her mind quickly scanned through everyone in the mansion and all their mutations, hoping desperatly that one of them had something she could use. She'd have to find an excuse to touch them long enough to absorb the power, but she was sure she could do it.

Jubilee? No, it wasn't exactly electricity she used, it was more related to the energy blasts that Scott contained in his eyes. Jean and the professor were out, they were only telepaths. Logan was also out, even if he did have the mutation she needed, she didn't think getting close to him would be smart at the moment.

Ororo? She only controlled the weather, a lot of good that did... wait! Ororo was perfect, she could produce lightning right from her hands! Lightning would be just the thing, too. She knew she could easily control the power, she accidently absorbed her powers once and had quite a bit of fun with it. Of course, no one else appreciated her making it rain during the barbecue, but she had gotten pretty comfortable with it before it faded away.

She'd have to find a way to do it tonight, the sooner the better. It was almost dinnertime, maybe she could catch her on the way there and think of something to do to get in contact with her skin. Or, maybe she should just do it outright and run away afterwards. Running was good.

Satisfied, she returned all the books back to their places and headed out.
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At the same time that Marie was coming to a satisfied conclusion, Logan was finishing up in the weight room. He spent more time in there than he ever thought he would in one day. His thoughts were racing at about a mile a minute within his head, often repeating themselves and clashing with other thoughts, possibilities, and observations he didn't know he noticed.

Such as the way Marie acted during dinner the other night. Was that yesterday? So much seemed to have happened he had lost track of time, like the day had dragged on yet he still lost time. She seemed very uptight about something, and now that he thought about it, the air smelled different at different times during the meal.

Fear was the main emotion he remembered sensing that night, and it laced the other emotions as well, such as anxiety. What was she nervous about? Was it him? No, no... now that he thought about it, the fear increased as he was leaving the room. She didn't want him to leave, but he had. Well, what did she expect? Was he supposed to read and try to interpret every emotion? If she could just tell him what was wrong, he wouldn't be backed into a corner like he was.

The repetition of the movements of pushing his arms forward with the weighted handles and allowing the tension to snap his arms back again, was not helping at all. He became so frustrated that he let the contraption snap back on its own and jerked himself away from it with a low growl. Why couldn't something just go right, just once? Just ONCE?

Regulating his breathing, he shook himself, trying to loosen his muscles. Lunch was long-past over and the vigorous training and thinking had burned a lot of energy. He hadn't realized he was hungry until he stopped. Dinner was due in an hour or so, he had time to go back to his room to shower, change, and do whatever else needed to be done.

He made his way to the elevator and went back up to level ground. The hallway was empty and somewhat dark, no one had bothered to turn on the ceiling lights so it was only illuminated by the lights plugged into the outlets. The switch was at the other end of the hallway, too. Well, it was a good thing he had keen eyesight.

As Logan made his way down the hall, something in a nook where a small table usually was, was moving. 'What the fuck...?' he thought to himself, his eyes adjusting to the darker shadows within the nook. It was two people, more than likely sucking face.

"Hey!" he growled and one of the figures jumped. He hated it when he found two of the students necking, couldn't they go outside or to a room or something? He didn't care what they did, just so long as he didn't have to see it.

"Why don't you get a room or somethin', eh?"

The figures didn't move, and even as he got closer the shadows seemed to get darker. Something shifted and he saw a flash of white, then suddenly, two yellow orbs hovered in the shadows, looking at him.

"What the-?" it took him a second to register it in his mind, "Kurt?" he heard someone else breath in sharply, and a familiar scent wafted towards him.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded, grabbing Kurt by the shoulder and ripping him away from the corner, revealing a shocked looking Marie.
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A/N I apologize for the cliff-hanger lol Please, don't hurt me. I had to end this chapter somewhere since it it already longer than the others, and I wanted to put it out since it has been a while since the last update. I'll start on #4 as soon as possible, thank you for not hating me. :) And if you DO hate me, then oh well. :P