EXCERPTS

EXCERPTS (3 of 8)
Two Days, Part 1

Sam/Scott
3014 words

Characters copyright and property of Marvel Comics Group. Story and plot copyright 2002 Blu Fiction and property of Atomic Fantasy – all rights reserved. Please contact the author for archive permission and feedback.

"Two Days" is dedicated to all beautiful 'innocents'.

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May 5
Dear Journal,
Ah know - Ah know. What in hell is a grown man doin' keepin' some fruit-loop diary, right? Ah guess it's what I get for hav a s a sister like Paige, always writin', that girl. She came up ta visit me an the whole time she's here what does she do? She writes. In that damn pink book o' hers. Now look what she got me doin'? "Sam - it'll help you. Sam, you won't feel so lonely. Sam - just do it for me, ok?" Guess which one o' them dumnes nes got me? Ah knew Ah shouldn'a. I knew it. But Ah'll do mah best. Not like I have nothin' to say, least o' ways.

It's been hard bein' here. Bein' part o' this new team. Ah don't think Ah fit in. Ah feel lonely. Not too lonesome, tho, on 'counta Paige an' all. But, still.

Ah've met most of them. Scott seems to have takin' a likin' to me, at least. He showed me 'round this big place. Ah remember comin' here before, but that seems like a long while ago, now an' I didn' really remember it that well. He took me around. Ah'm 'bout the youngest here. Jubilee used to live here, she'd be even younger than me. But she's with Paige an' them others, now.

Scott says there's a few people I haven't met, yet. I knew most of 'em through Cable's briefings, anyways, tho.

Ah'm still not sure about this new idea. Me bein' an x-man an' all. It's kinda strange. It doesn't feel quite right to me. I s'pose that's just on 'count of bein' away from what Ah've known for so long, tho. I miss Tabby, too - tho actually, truth be told ... shit - not nearly as much as Ah thought Ah'd miss her.. She was pretty broken up 'bout the whole deal, needless to say. Ah don't think you'll be seein' her at Thanksgivin' afterall. Sorry to disappoint ya.

Oh, hey. I gotta go. More tomorrow.

*****

"Sam?"

"Yeah - Ah mean - I mean - uh, yes, Mr. Summers?"

"You don't need to be so formal, Sam. Have a seat. I'm your friend, not your drill-instructor."

Ah sat down. Nervous as all hell, tho. Even after he'd shown me around the big place, Ah was still nervous. "Ok - Scott. What's up?"

"I just wanted to check in on you and make sure you were getting settled alright."

"Oh - yeah. Ah'm gettin' along jus' fine, sir. I mean, Scott." Ya know - why'n the hell am I bein' so nervous an' fidgetty? Christ above, you'd think Ah was some kinda invalid or some child ain't never seen his daddy 'fore.

"Everything's good for you, then? Comfortable?"

"Oh it's all great! Better'n Ah'm used ta in X-Force, that's for sure!"

"Good. Get some sleep. We'll be up early tomorrow for training. Sorry we can't welcome you better, but you've come at a rather hectic time."

"Oh no trouble, sir. Ah'll do just fine, Ah promise ya."

"I don't doubt it. And Sam - call me Scott, ok?"

*****
May 6
Dear Journal,
Phew. Damn. Trainin' was hard. Ah thought Ah'd be set. The way we used to think of these guys in X-Force - we always thought we were so much better'n 'em. Boy, was Ah ever wrong 'bout that. Ah don't know if'n Ah EVER trained THIS hard, before.

They gave me the gauntlet, too. Like daddy always used ta say. Ah never think Ah really got what he felt like until today. How did he do it, all those years? Day in an' day out. Goin' to those black 'n dusty mines, breaking his back. Jus' to put food on the table for his kids. Ah never got it. Man. How did he do it? Ah wish he were still around. Ah do Ah do.

Wolverine - he's the mean one, not mean really jus' - well, he's pretty harsh, is all. He pinned me to the wall once and told me I was nothin' - that I was shit. Ah know he was only testin' me - but still. On only my first day you might think thd god go easier. Ah never was a quitter nor a complainer' tho.

The other ones were mostly just quiet around me. One thing, tho - they look out for their own. In X-Force, you know, it was kinda like we were still individuals - we worked togehter but it was every man's skin for hisself, ya know? Not here. Even Wolverine. He'd be the first one to help if any o' us were in a jam.

Oh. Geez. gotta go again. Scott's checkin' in on his boy, Ah g. H. Ha!

*****

"Hey Mr. - heh - I mean, Scott. How are ya?"

"I'm good, Sam. I came to check in on you - and see how YOU'RE doing. Our session today up to your standards?"

Christ, was it ever. "Yeah it most surely was. Ah'm sore from my head to my toes, and even some places I didn't know 'bout!"

"Good. That means we did our job well."

"Do Ah look bad?"

"No. No you look, good - in fact. Great. For the first day."

"Oh no. You mean it gets worse?"

He gives me a smile that looks mighty vindictive if it looks anything at all. "Oh yeah."

"Shit." But then Ah start laughin'. "Oh well - ya know, Ah'm just glad to be here. Ah'm gonna work hard."

He turns to leave but then he stops at the door. Ah'm thinkin' he's gonna jus' say goodnight and be done with it, but he turns around towards me again, and he's got a look on his jaw like he was grindin' it only two seconds before. That nervous kinda look. Ah think Ah must've messed up, somehow.

Then he just stands there for a second, and just when Ah'm 'bout ready to ask him what's eatin' him, he says: "Good night, Sam. See ya tomorrow."

*****

May 7
Dear Journal,
Well, the second day o' practice wasn' nearly so bad as Ah was fearin' it'd be. Ah mean, yeah, it was tough alright, as tough or tougher than yesterday's, but it was easier, somehow, too. Ah guess cuz' Ah knew the people a little better 'n Ah did before.

Somethin' was wrong with Scott, though. He kept lookin' over at me all day. His expression was always like that hard grindin' expression - like daddy used ta get when he was mad at one o' us. 'Cept, Ah don' really think't he was mad. He was just lookin' really hard. Ah can only assume Ah must've done somethin' wrong, I s'pose.

Ah haven't seen him the rest o' today. He wasn't down at dinner and even Jean says she don't know where he's at. But, from what I picked up so far - mah god the news flies faster 'n the flies in Kentucky, here - she an' our 'fearless leader' (Hank, the doctor that is, calls Scott that - like a joke sorta) - they haven't been gettin' along so great lately. That's what Ah heard, anyways. Ah sure hope this doesn't turn out to be some big gossip hall like those salons my mama used to drag me to. All them catty women pickin' 'n proddin'. If daddy had to deal with them mines than Ah guess her lot was to sit in with them women.

Anyways. Ah guess it's gettin' kinda late here. haha My bedtime used to be 6am an' now Ah feel like Ah'm back at our house and ten, again. "Bedtime is ten o' clock for you, boy," daddy used ta say. "Just like your age." By the time I turned 13 and could stay up past midnight, I was so used to goin' ta bed early that Ah didn' even wanna stay up late! haha

Man but Ah'm beat.

*****

May 8
Dear Journal,
Well, Scott was back in action today. Back to bein' a leader. Didn' say nothin' to me, tho. Not a word. Kept lookin' still, but no talkin'. Ah jus' don't know WHAT to think, really. Ah'm 'bout ready to go ask him, myself what's goin' on. He's nice as pie ta me the first two days Ah'm here an' then - bam - nothin'. Don't get it. Really don't. Feel like Ah'm back with Tabby - worryin' 'bout this an' that.

Tomorrow is our day off, tho. Can't wait. Wanna go look 'round this place a bit. It's huge here. Looks like they got some real nice woods, too. Maybe Ah should get my rifles up here - then again, somebody's bound to have a collection already. Xavier's wealthy as anything. 'Fore he lost his legs he used to be wuite the sportsman, so Ah hear. I dunno, tho. Can't see it, now.

Ah think Ah'll pay Scott a visit tomorrow.

*****

"Hello? Mr. Summers? Scott? You in there?" Ah put my ear close to the door but couldn' hear anythin'. Suddenly it popped open, makin' me jump back. "Hi. Can Ah talk with ya?"

He doesn't say nothin' but just gestures me in. He sits on one corner of his bed, Ah prefer to stand. The room is kinda dark, lookin' around. Not really what Ah'd expect from this guy. Well, Ah hardly know him.

"Umm," I start. "Well - Scott," it's hard for me not to call him sir, he's been like a legend to me my life, "Ah noticed that you been avoidin' me since the third day here. Ah know you see me - you look at me in trainin' all the time. Ah guess Ah'm just a little confused. Did - did Ah do somethin' wrong? Somethin' to upset you?"

He gives this weird kinda laugh, more like a bark than a laugh. Then gets up and pours himself a drink at the smallbar on the far side of the room.

Ah realize again just how outta mah league Ah am, here. Never stayed at any place with private bars inms. ms. Never even been to a normal bar!

"Have a seat, Sam."

Ah oblige him, even tho Ah'd rather stand. Ah put myself down on the bed, facing to the door. This is gonna be awkward Ah can tell, an' Ah don't really think Ah wanna be lookin' at him while we talk. Not really. He comes over and hands me a drink, closes the door to the hall. Ah look at the drink for a bit, then set it aside on the nightstand.

"So," Ah venture.

"So," he says back, then he lays back, one arm behind his head, kinda reclinin' on the headboard, drink restin' on his chest in the other hand. He's dressed pretty plain. Just a plain shirt and jeans. "I haven't meant to avoid you, Sam. I've just been preoccupied, lately. That's all."

"Ok. So Ah didn't do anything wrong, then?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Well that makes me feel better!" Ah turn to look at him but he's still layin' there the same, and the smile leaves my face. "So - then - can Ah ask ya - maybe - what's goin' on?"

"This."

And before Ah know what in hell is goin' on he's got me pulled down on my back and he is jus' doin' ... jus' ... Ah ain't felt it before. Not like that. Ah don't know whether Ah'm gonna be sick from knowin' a guy is kissin' me - or sick from knowin' that somethin' down lower is likin' it a whole hell of a lot more'n Ah think it should be.

"Sir - what - what," Ah try to say but Ah can't push him off me enough. Finally Ah do. "What in hell are you doin' sir!?"

"I told you - call me Scott."

And then he's got me down again. He's god awful strong. Ah know Ah'm bigger an' him by a good margin - taller and stronger, or at least, Ah thought stronger. But he's got me pinned god with those arms o' his, and he's usin' his legs to hold mine wide. Ah can't figure out why Ah'm not strugglin' more, tho.

Somethin' hits me like a bag of bricks, then. Suddenly, Ah just get it. Why Ah never missed Tabby much - why she was always complainin' 'bout me not bein' wild enough - why Ah could never seem to get excited enough for her. It wasn't like this. Not this feelin'.

Ah finally get mah head on right, and then Ah've got him byt the shoulders and Ah jack him up against the wall, pushin' off the big bed. Ah think Ah was pretty hard with him, but he didn't seem ta care.

"Got it in ya, farmboy?"

"I ain't no farmboy. You started this thing. Why?"

"You need a reason?"

"I need somethin' to tell me why Ah'm feelin' like I am, right now."

"Mad?"

"No, the other thing."

"I see."

Ah've still got him pinned to the wall, but he isn't the least phased by it. Ah can't see his eyes so Ah can't know what's goin' on behind that damn mask.

"Tell me - what's your point?"

"Maybe you just needed your eyes opened, Sam."

"You're the one with blinders - Scott."

That seems to piss him off enough. The smirk leaves his face and he kicks out at me, catching me in the ribs and knocking me back to the bed. Ah roll off before he can get back on top of me, though, and crouch on the floor. When he misses and lands, it's me who jumps on top of him. All I wanna do is punch the sonofabitch in the face. Ah got my fist back and ready, ah'm just waitin' for a reason. He's got me though. His face is lookin' lower, not payin' attention to mah hand.

"You like it."

"Fuck you."

"Then explain that."

Ah look down and see what Ah really knew all along was causin' me to act this way. What the hell was AH doin!? Scott was right. Ah had blinders on my eyes, my whole life.

His hand moved up to it and kinda almost touched me, but he let it fall short - on purpose, Ah think.

"What about Jean?" Ah asked him.

"She knows."

"And she's ok with ... with ... with that?"

He snorted and it made me mad for some reason. "You're naive."

"And you're a fuckin' pig, asshole!" Then Ah did punch him, hard. In the gut. Ah wasn't about to bust his glasses up.

"Come on, Sam. What are you afraid of? Might like it?"

"I doubt it."

"You know it."

"Fuck you."

"You could if you wanted."

Ah couldn't deny his words, though. What could Ah have said? He knew Ah knew it was the truth. That didn't mean I had to listen, though. Ah was disgusted. With him. With myself. Ah left him on the floor and slammed the door on my way out.

Ah took a long walk. Down to the lake, 3 miles south of the house, through those woods Ah had been so excited about seein' earlier. Ah hardly noticed 'em at all, now. A couple a times Ah had to stop and lean up on trees. But Ah had always known, really. At first Ah thought Ah would be sick, but there was a kinda absence of any feeling in my body, or my head.

When Ah got to the lake Ah sat and thought. Hours. It got dark. The lake was nice. Quiet. Not many mosquitos, either. Ah spent the time skippin' stones and just lookin' out over the water, till the sun set and all the pink had gone out of the ripples. Finally Ah got up and went back.

The house was quiet when Ah got in. It must have been later an' Ah thought. Ah wanted to write in my journal. Paige was right. It would help me. Ah walked up to mah room, tryin' to be quiet for the others, except at Scott's room where I stomped as loud as I could until Ah was past.

Back in my own room, Ah didn't turn on any lights. Ah sat down hard in my chair and just sat some more. A half hour, maybe. And then Ah flicked on my light and pulled out the leather bound book Paige got me for my birthday two years before when Ah entered the X-Force.

*****

May 9
Dear Journal,
What a day it's been. Ah don't even know where to start. What could Ah possibly write in here that would make it any easier. Nothing Ah s'pose. So here it is: Ah guess - no, that won't work - Ah AM ... no ... Ah can't write that yet. Ah like men. Ah think I like women, too, but today Ah'm only thinkin' on the men part. What do ya think of that, huh? Shocked me, least a ways.

Is this wrong? What would mah daddy think if he were alive now? Ah'm glad he isn't. He'd die, more 'n likely. He never could stand 'them fags'. Ah always hated that word. He woulda hated me, too, if'n he'd been alive long enough to know his boy was a mutant. And now one o' 'them fags' too, Ah guess. What will mama think? And Paige? Paige wouldn't care. But Ah gotta tell mama. Ah have to.

By the way. Scott wasn't mad at me. He was in love with me.

*****

Dear Mama,

How are you ... ... ...

I am doing well, here, mama. I love you.

I'm sorry this is going to be so short, but there's something ... I just wanted you to know that I love you, and that I'm thinking about you.

Yours,
Sammy

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