Snowflake

Endings are hard.

It's especially hurtful to watch helplessly, as the line is cut and all possibilities are diminished before one's very eyes.

At the same time there are always these thoughts, imagining alternative endings, better endings. What if this, what if that. What if I hadn't-

It was in vain, after all. But the human mind could not help but think on it anyway.

The only thing more hurtful than being helpless in the face of an imminent end, was bringing it about oneself.

As Tony was pacing around his makeshift workshop he was doing just this.

He knew he did, yet his heart still claimed that he hadn't been the one to, Loki had been. Loki had ended it the second he had betrayed him.

There were still a few hours left, though. The end was near, but all those sweet, taunting possibilities still lay before him.

Forbidden as they were, he could not help but imagine.

He had strayed from the path of heroes before, what if he could again?

Why not?

Because he killed Clint, because he nearly killed you.

Why, oh why was there still this need in him, this deep love and longing for that madman.

As many unhealthy obsessions as he had had in his life, this one took the cake for sure.

This naive illusion that he could heal Loki, make him better, make him happy, was too much to bear.

Reason would not help him now, he knew, so he allowed these little thoughts as he worked to destroy the man that had hurt him so much, to put an end to the story he had been caught in.

The heart-to-heart he had shared with Thor the night before was still on his mind. Had he been happy?

Had this been an illusion on Thor's part? Much like his own, that Loki could be good, could be loving and happy? If it hadn't been for the Tesseract-

If they took that away from him, this poisonous device.

Tony remembered the eerie glow in Loki's eyes shortly before the change, as he had reached out towards the Tesseract's energy. It had looked like Clint. Posessed.

What if-

Oh, it would be so simple. All evil in Loki blamed on the god-forsaken energy source, his lover nothing but drunk on its power.

If they took that away, got him off of its influence.. he might be good. Good and happy.

The dream really didn't help much.

Do you know what it feels like, to be eternal?

Loki had still had this oldness about him, in the dream. But it was of another kind, than what he had felt back in the tower.

It had been the age of nature itself, wise and calm and in deep sorrow and suffering.

This being had been scared. Frightened of a cruel fate, overwhelmed by the greatness of it all, the greatness, that had to be expected of an immortal.

If he could only bring him down from this, make him stay in this small life, just for a while.

What was Loki without his glorious purpose, this mean drive that pushed him forward. Was it the way he had been raised? Raised to be a king, to rule the golden realm of Asgard. How do you recover from that? Live little, find happiness in the small things? Well, he guessed one just didn't.

He knew the pressure. It had been laid on him from childhood on. As little as his own father might have expected from him, the footsteps he followed had been huge.

He had to justify so much. Fight for his right of idle joy every now and then, and it had still made him the man he was today. Driven, too, to achieve greatness.

Did he know the feeling of eternity? No. But did it make it any better, to know that he only had limited time to achieve the things expected from him? Not likely.

If he could just talk to the guy, make him listen.

Maybe, maybe after they had caught him. He needed to protect him from Fury, maybe with Thor's help he would be able to.

Perhaps the punishment in Asgard would help, depending on the nature of it. Thor had been made mortal once, but he doubted such a merciful fate awaited Loki. After all, Thor had always been the favoured one, and Loki's crimes exceeded Thor's by light-years, as far as Tony had heard.

Well, there were possibilities.

That much he knew.

While his mind was busy preparing for a possible end to all of this, tried to declare Loki lost once and for all, Tony's heart nurtured ideas and notions of a possible future, one reasonwould never allow to exist.

His work went along great anyway.

The signature would be producable by the energy distributors in the tower, more accurately even, than S.H.I.E.L.D technology had been able to.

It would hold Loki.

Unwelcome memories flashed before his eyes, no use.

No matter what sweet possibilities his heart managed to produce, a romantic killing spree was never among them, something had to be changed, if any of his scenarios should have any chance to come to fruition.

All the magic/technological-studies the two of them had had finally payed off now. The shield should be able to supress all magic, unless he had something entirely different up his sleeve. Well, apart from super-human power, that is.

At some point time had started to fly. It was only afternoon when he was able to present his team mates with a plan, a plan, he had figured out while working on the energy signature, accessed JARVIS to remotely ready the distributors and wallowed in his little possibilities.

He couldn't help but applaud his multi-tasking abilities.

Speed really picked up then. Suddenly he was in his suit again, up in the air, and the realisation, that he was going to meet Loki again, finally hit.

Would he be expecting him? All cameras had been interfered with magically, at least something Loki had learned. There was no way of knowing what awaited them. Would he stand there, behind the broken window front, in his usual stance.

So we meet again, Mr. Stark.

He might be kneeling in front of the Tesseract, or shouting at it. He might have left, too.

That was a possibility no one had even thought of. What if he had changed locality? Again?

Well, too late to think about it now.

Tony activated the makeshift cage as they were one minute shy of reaching the tower.

He half-expected an enraged howl or something of the like to sound through all of New York, but no reaction could be heard or seen.

It wasn't until the distinct shape of his tower came into view, that he realised how little a plan he had.

Scratch that. How little conviction he had, to actually follow the plan he had fed his team mates.

His stomach got queasy, then. Uncertainty shouldn't have that big an influence, should it? Well, the fact that his feet touched down on the balcony reminded him, that a final decision would be nice now. He still told himself, that the decision would be made the moment he saw Loki and everything he decided before that would mean nothing anyway.

All he saw right now was a dark form in the back of the lounge, a shadow. But that was all he needed to see, really. Loki was there.

Tony did not think much at that moment. He realized that his feet had left solid ground again. Seems like he had been right, his decision hat been made for him. No matter what reasoning his mind might have provided, he wouldn't have acted differently, he knew. So why bother?

His flight brought him to and through the workshop window, but the sight that greeted him was not what he had expected.

The harness was a mess, wires stood in all directions and Tony only needed one glance to realize, that its heart was missing.

Ripped out, violently, by the looks of it.

"Mute.", he said and the panicked chatter of the comm was silenced instantly. He didn't need to hear what they did, what they saw, he needed to be there.

Whatever Loki had done, he needed to know.

His mind provided several scenarios, one of which was the one he had thought to bring about himself.

Loki, freed from the Tesseract's bad influence, all better now.

Even he knew it wasn't going to be this easy, but it didn't hurt to believe, for once, did it?

His suit took him to the lounge automatically. He couldn't tell if he had actually moved a single muscle himself, if he had even given the order to move.

Little did it matter anyway.

Voices sounded harsh and shrill in his ears, muffled by several layers of concrete.

As he entered the lounge his heart stopped. Not much had happened, apparently. Outside Tasha and Cap were jumping out of the quinjet. Thor was standing several meters distance to Loki, who was still sitting on the couch, as relaxed as could be.

Had he noticed the cage he was in? One couldn't tell.

A grin was plastered across his face. Not the mad grin that spoke of sadistic pleasure, this was a genuinely amused one, it seemed.

His brother stood and stared in horror, eyes wandering back and forth between Loki and the corpse.

None of them had payed any mind to Tony, who intended to change that.

"Where is the Tesseract?"

The smile on the god's face broadened and he laughed. The bone-chilling sound rang hollow in the way too big room.

"Where is it?!"

He had been optimistic, but with the current state of mind Loki seemed to be in, you never knew. The cube might be back in his pocket dimension or god-knows where.

The laughter died, the grin didn't. None of it reached his eyes. No matter how high the corners of his mouth rose, those eyes stared right through him, glass-like.

"I-... I've lost it, I fear."

He giggled, more to himself.

Whether he referred to the Tesseract or his own sanity, Tony couldn't tell, but it scared the hell out of him anyway.

He did not waste time with complex movements like walking, a quick boost took him right across the room and towards Loki, whom he tackled and threw off the couch. They went down in a heap, but the god wouldn't fight. Tony simply had to grab him, held him at arm's length and desperately looked for any sign of reason, of awareness.

Loki gave him nothing. Dead eyes and a madly distorted smile.

"Talk to me, what happened?"

Desperation shook his voice, irrelevant if the sentence was coherent or not, he didn't get any sort of reaction.

Then Thor was there, knelt down by their side, a hand firm on his brother's shoulder.

"Loki, please! Talk to me, explain to me!"

He wouldn't. But he did open his mouth to utter the last words they should hear from him in some time.

"I'm done, I give up. This was-", mad laughter swallowed whatever else he might have planned to say. There was no trace of sadness, of defeat.

There was nothing, nothing left but a madman's mask.

And this was how he was taken into custody by S.H.I.E.L.D.

This was how he was held captive and this was how he was taken back to Asgard after a decent amount of negotiations.

A silent, empty, laughing god.

---

Everyone was there that day.

Blue sky seemed to be mocking the sullen atmosphere that hung heavy around them.

Tony felt like wearing black, nothing but black. But the little bit of spite that would always be part of him had him choosing a lightly coloured, so very casual suit topped off by sunglasses.

The coloured kind, not the one to actually hide behind.

Now he wished he had chosen black. Maybe a last display of sorrow in face of Loki's fall might just be the thing to move the god, get him to react in any way.

It wouldn't have been, of course. He knew that. It hadn't been before, it wouldn't have been now. Nothing could get any reasonable reaction out of Loki. It seemed like his whole being had been replaced by the mask he had liked to hide behind too much. Was there something left behind it? Who knew. All he did know was that it was probably impossible to see his recovery, if there would ever be one, within his own limited life span.

So why bother.

Why bother.

He had tried it all. Had broken into the cell, held Loki, kissed Loki. Nothing. The god hadn't pulled away, hadn't responded. Tony had been on the brink of insanity himself, when Thor had finally gotten the OK to take his brother home.

Home, far away.

That would settle things for Tony. It would hurt, it would drive him mad, it would be alright, eventually.

He only had to live through this, and then he would be free. Free, free, free.

There he was. Dressed in his usual asgardian clothes, a muzzle hiding that god-awful grin of his, eyes glass-like and unseeing.

Not even the recovered Tesseract was worth a fleeting glance.

He gripped the handle as Thor prompted him to, the movement more automatic than anything.

And then they were gone.

And Tony smiled an easy smile, as fingernails drew blood in tightly closed fists.

It was truly over.

The end.