Wicked Game

disclaimer: I don't own the x-men, I'm just playing so don't sue, okay? *s*

note: *s* so glad you guys enjoy this. ideas and suggestions and comments are of course always welcome *s* I'll probably need som help later on, with the outline of the plot... *s* Any mistakes you may find, they're all mine.

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Grabbing the worn leather jacket on his way out, carefully putting the lock of Rogue’s hair in one of the pockets, Logan ran for the door. People crowded the hallway, they tried to stop him, they were yelling his name. There was no time to wait for Charles to search for her with Cerebro. He already knew where she was – trapped inside the worst of nightmares with William Stryker and Magneto holding her hostage. It was still hard to believe Stryker had survived at Alkali Lake, the whole place had been destroyed, but somehow Jeannie had survived … and if she could’ve so could Stryker. Of course, it could be some evil scheme by Magneto … Either way they were both dead men. Rogue had been in that picture. When it’s over, and she’s safe, I will kill them. Make them beg for mercy. Nothing could make up for what they’d done, to him, to her, to other humans and mutants. Nothing. If she was dead … No she cannot be … I’d know … I’d feel it …

The world rushed by him in a multitude of colors. He usually loved being on the road like this, enjoying solitude and high speed, but not now, not today. Mystique and her companion had a head start – about 30 minutes or so, but that had been enough to drug Rogue and sneak her out of the mansion. Outside there could’ve been someone waiting to pick them up and away. There had to have been. And somehow Stryker and Magneto had teamed up … The only explanation was that Magneto had managed to rescue Stryker when the dam at Alkali Lake had been destroyed, and that son of a bitch still held a grudge towards him, Logan, saving Rogue at Liberty Island. If Magneto had some unfinished business with him, well it was nothing compared to what Logan had in store for him. The only good thing about it all was that he got to kill Stryker again, but this time he intended to stay and watch the life force leave the man, and then burn the body, ground it into a million pieces. The ultimate death for someone like that – killed by his own creation. The thought made Logan smile, still he was so cold inside. And Magneto … Logan hated Stryker, but it didn’t compare to what he felt towards Magneto.

… Magneto had been defeated, not dead but defeated, and seemed unable to move – he was lying there on top of the partially destroyed torch held by the statue of Liberty. But all Logan could think about was her. Rogue. She was unconscious, still tied up to that awful machine. There was a white streak in her hair. She didn’t look like she was in any pain, she looked asleep. Peaceful. Dead. There was no blood. No bruises. N,o she had to be alive, some part of her had to, he thought as he freed her, taking her in his arms. Her whole body was completely limb, and the eyes were closed. He could save her, he knew that, and took off one of the gloves. She didn’t even have to be conscious for the power to come to life. Nothing happened as he gently touched her; she seemed dead, not responding to his touch. Closing his eyes he held Rogue tight against him, leaned his cheek against her forehead and forced his power into her. She had to live, she couldn’t die, and he couldn’t let her die … because of him … no … live, darlin’ … please don’t leave us … come back …

Rogue had survived, and he as well, though severely injured. If he hadn’t been there she would have died. But if I had left her by the side of that road …

If Stryker meant to harm or kill Rogue to get to him, then that was worse than anything he could ever imagine. He prayed that she was okay, all he cared about now as to find her and then wipe Stryker and Magneto off the face of the earth. But first they had to know why they deserved to die, why they needed to die. First he had to know she was alive. Alive. Please don’t take her away from me again … Where had they taken her? Alkali Lake had been destroyed, there couldn’t be anything left of it, and still it was the only place Logan could think of. Of course, when they’d last been at Alkali Lake … some years had passed since then, and some things could’ve survived and others could’ve been rebuilt. Logan shuddered at the thought of the lab being restored. No, he wasn’t gonna let them make anymore mutants like him again. Never.

He could concentrate on driving, that wasn’t a problem, and he managed that after having spent most of the life that he could remember. Before he got to know Charles Xavier, he spent his days and nights driving a shabby truck, earning money from cage fights – winning every fight he participated in, the indisputable champion – the Wolverine. That was him. Indestructible. Fearsome. Careless. Ruthless. He didn’t feel like that now though, going as fast as he could, hoping the police wouldn’t pull him over. Alkali Lake was too far away – there was no time to lose, because Rogue’s time was running out. Again. No, she wasn’t going to die, not if he had anything to say about it. He’d promised to take care of her, not to hurt her and let her get hurt by someone else. Fuck. He wasn’t gonna screw things up this time again.

“Gift? Gift?! This wasn’t a gift. You gave it to me,” she shouted and dangled the chain in front of him, “just to keep me quiet, didn’t you? You know why these are called dog tags don’t you? Well maybe you should’ve given them to someone else, like a normal person!”

He shrugged resignedly, though still felt angry. “Have it your way, Rogue, just tell me why the hell you’re acting like this.”

“You really are something else. Who are you trying to fool? You don’t care about me.”

“Shut up, you know damn well know I do care. Christ, Rogue, in how many other ways do I have to tell ye?” She was crying, and didn’t bother trying to hide the fact, it made it so hard for him to look into those wide eyes of hers.

“Remember how you said you would take care of me? That you promised to?”

“Yes, I remember …”, he said suspiciously.

“Then let me quote you, Logan, your own words,” she continued, “’Well, you tell her my heart belongs to someone else.’”

He didn’t say anything, but knew his facial expression had changed from angry to something between that and tired. He broke away from her gaze.

“That was answer enough … so I’m gonna ask you one last time, Logan. What do you want? Because Ah really don’t think Ah can bare this any longer.”

“I want to be your friend, because I do care about ye, and I have ever since I found you hiding out in my truck”, he said softly, yet cautiously.

“Friend?” she asked matter-of-factly.

“Yes …”

“You bastard … and after everything I’ve told you, and to think I let you kiss me. Damn you, Logan, for doing this to me.”

“Marie …”

She slapped him, probably as hard as she could. He tried not to heal the pain because he needed to hurt, for Rogue’s sake he had to take on some of that pain from her. She didn’t look pleased, instead the sorrow flared out from her and clung to his senses like glue. God it hurt, his very being ached with her pain, but he couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Everyone keeps saying what a brave and dangerous man you are Logan, and still you sent Jean to tell me you didn’t want me, instead of telling me yourself, and then you were planning on taking off without so much as a goodbye”, she said, and he could smell nothing but despair and humiliation coming from her, “And you have the guts to accuse me of being cruel to you? What a fuckin’ coward you are, Logan.”

Her words still echoed in his mind. He was a coward and a bastard most of the time, he knew that, but he and Rogue had made peace shortly after the conversation in the hallway earlier. It seemed like days ago; still he’d been inside her no less than five or so hours ago. He wondered if she could still feel him inside her head. Was it of any comfort to her? He didn’t know. The past week had been traumatic for the both of them, Logan could recall what it had felt when he accidentally stabbed her, what it had felt like when the claws sank into her flesh. He remembered it vividly, just like that first time in his room all those years ago. Rogue had almost died three times because of him, but every time he’d brought her back to life. Anyone but her would’ve died. And what he was in relation to her, and the other way around, had frightened him enough to suppress it into a shadow of a thought after Liberty Island. Jeannie had been there, and it had been so easy reaching out to her, she didn’t have the emotional baggage he and Rogue had. Jean was older too, and he knew she felt something towards him as well.

“That was a very brave thing you did.”

“Did it work?” He was lying on his back, tubes and band aids all over the place it seemed. He felt like he’d risen from the dead. Jean looked down at him, he could smell her being relieved. That was a good thing.

“Yeah, she’s fine. She took on one of your charming personality traits for a while”, she said, smiling while checking his injuries. “I think she’s a little taken by you.”

“Well you tell her my heart belongs to someone else”, he said hoarsely.

It had been so easy. She was beautiful, a good friend, and … not so young. He didn’t feel obligated to her in that way. But he’d promised to take care of Rogue. He’d given her his word, and then left without even saying goodbye. And now … He didn’t deserve her faith in him. He didn’t deserve her in any way.

She seemed happy hanging out with her new found friends. It felt good to see her smile, hear her laughter fill the rooms, the mansion hallway, the kitchen … to see that she was okay after everything that had happened. He didn’t feel like interrupting her – walking away he had Alkali Lake waiting for him. Answers waiting for him.

“Hey,” he heard Rouge’s voice say and he came to a halt and turned to face her. “You running again?” she said and took a couple of steps towards him.

“Not really … I’ve some things to take care of up north”, he said, and tried to sound as casual as possible. Tracing the white streak in Rogue’s hair brought a smile to her face.

“Ah kinda liked it …”, she said. Her features went serious all of a sudden, and those eyes … they were so wide. “Ah don’t want you to go.”

He met her gaze for a while before reaching up to his neck, unfastening the chain around it. Taking Rogue’s hand, he placed the dog tag in the palm of it, the closing his own over hers.

“I’ll be back for this.”

He had returned, knowing a little bit more about his past, what had happened at Alkali Lake. Rogue had changed too. Jeannie had changed, she’d chosen to be with Scott and but then shortly after Alkali Lake had been destroyed and everyone thought she was dead, she had returned, alive and a lot more powerful. She called herself Phoenix, and she had deserted Scott for him, Logan, and professed her love or more like lust for him. Logan had felt sorry for Scott then, he knew Jean was the love of the man’s life. He knew and didn’t care. He knew about Rogue’s feelings, and didn’t care. You don’t care about me … fuckin’ coward you are … you don’t care …

The heart of Wolverine had hardened over the years, it was a way to survive, and he was and always had been a loner. He didn’t love, didn’t let anyone underneath his skin, he didn’t care about anyone but himself, or so he’d thought until he’d met Rogue in Laughlin City. He hadn’t approached her in the bar after the fight, but he’d noticed her. She had looked so out of place, any young girl in a bar like that would’ve, hiding her face in that deep hood. He knew she was looking at him, he’d caught her gaze a couple of times, but he could also feel her puzzlement, that she was curious and not that frightened of him as he’d expected her to be. There was something odd about her, and she had known he wasn’t like other men, that he was just like her. And he had practically handed her over to Magneto. He was a cold hearted bastard. He didn’t deserve her or anyone else, and Rogue … she’d tried to push him away, being mean, shielding herself, doin’ it all on purpose so he wouldn’t hurt her again. Logan knew she didn’t trust him; she wanted to, he had always felt that around her. He’d felt her need for his acceptance, for him to offer her a safe place to stay. To accept her for what she really was, for whom she was – a woman not a child, the child she thought he saw her as. At first he’d thought of her as a kid, and as soon as he’d let her tag along in the truck his senses had told him otherwise. Rogue was young, but not childish or without life experience in any way – she had a lot of it, and similarities to his own life, or perhaps more of what kind of a person he was, and she was. While Rogue was running from her past, seeking redemption and some kind of future, he needed to know what he’d been before the Wolverine. That was the main key to be able to embrace life, the future. Whatever he’d been in back then – husband, friend, father, and lover – it was all gone, and he couldn’t even be sure about the authenticity of any memory from the time before the adamantium had been attached. Still he couldn’t give up, he had to at least try, for the sake of his own sanity, his own peace of mind. To come to terms with what he was. He was the Wolverine, and his name was Logan. He was a mutant and a man with no past – his future unsure. … a coward … you’re an animal, Logan, and I made you into what you are … Wolvie … and to think I let you kiss me …You must be Wolverine … it is not you that I want … Why does it hurt, Logan? You tell me and I’ll stop. I’ll stop and you can go back to your life … a fuckin’ coward … You haunt my dreams. That’s why I have to leave, and if I’m not around … a coward … But I can still save her.