Heaven Can Wait

Rogue’s eyes opened slowly. She tried to gain her bearings and failed. She felt dizzy and languid at the same time. She began to look around. Her vision wasn’t clear, and she blinked several times before giving up. Her mouth was dry and she had tubes coming out of her. She got up slowly and winced as she felt a pain shoot up her left arm. She looked down at it to find it bandaged practically to her shoulder. She looked at the I.V. and blood transfusion tubes. She had a breathing tube in her nose and two heart monitors, one on her chest and one attached to the index finger of her left hand. She groaned as realization dawned on her. ‘Busted!’ Her head ached and felt amazingly heavy, yet light at the same time. She closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the pillows and listened. Nothing. ing ing but the sound of machinery around her. She’d done it! They were gone! Getting caught was worth it if she’d achieved her goal. ‘But why such a fuss?’ Honestly Rogue. You did not believe you could shut us out. Rogue stiffened as Magneto’s voice echoed in her mind. Come now, girl. You wanted us here. You put us here yourself. Now be a good girl and get some rest. Your strength is our strength. We depend on you. We need you to be strong. "No! No!" Rogue whispered desperately, "What do I have ta do ta be rid o’ ya’ll?" Really dear, did you think pulling a stunt like that would stop us? Mystique. "Yes," Rogue replied, beginning to cry. Well, you’ve never really been bright. Mystique sighed. You’d better listen to Magnus. He knows what’s best for you. "None a ya’ll know what’s best fer me. Now go away!" Rogue cried. Very well. But only to keep you from harming yourself further. Don’t ever do that again Rogue! You have more lives to think of then your own now.


The door opened and Beast walked into the med lab. He was mumbling about something, but stopped short as his eyes fell upon Rogue. He rushed over to her. "Hi Mr. McCoy," Rogue said, testing the waters. He sighed. "Rogue how many times must I tell you, call me Hank." "Sorry, habit." "Yes, I’ve noticed, though all of you have no problem with Ororo or Logan. It always seems to be me you forget about." He was half teasing her, and she smiled. "Sorry…Hank." He smiled at her. "That’s better. Now would you care to explain this?" he said, gesturing to her bandaged arm. "Ya weren’t supposed ta find out about that," she replied. "Well, it is hardly difficult for us not to find out you tried to kill yourself." Her eyes went wide. "Kill mahself?!" He nodded. "No! Ah wasn’t tryin’ ta kill mahself. Ah was just…" He didn’t seem to believe her.

Rogue began to cry. "Ya don’t know what it’s lahke. None a ya’ll do. Ah didn’t try ta kill mahself. Ah’ve neva tried ta kill mahself. Ah just do that ta clear mah head." She gestured to her arm. "It wasn’t tha first time. It probably won’t be tha lahst." "It could very well have been the last, if Bobby hadn’t found you and taken the measures he did." She gasped. "Bobby found me?" He nodded and she began to cry harder. "Oh gawd! He wasn’t supposed ta…ah didn’t mean ta hurt nobody…ah…it’s just so hard! None o’ ya’ll understand. Ya’ll try and pretend lahke ya do. But ya don’t. Ya neva will!" She began to choke on her tears, the heart monitor registering her levf upf upset. "Ah’ve always done this. With tha Brotherhood. Before the Brotherhood. Jus lately its been getting’ harder." Her hands clasped her head. "Ah can’t take it any mo’. Ah can’t live lahke this. Why can’t ya’ll leave me alone! This isn’t a habit! Ah don’t need it!"

It was a lie, and she knew it. The truth was she’d become addicted to it; she depended on it, craved it. She’d be lost without it. She cried harder, feeling lost. She was a stranger in her own mind. She was going to fall over the edge any minute. Why couldn’t they see that?! She was losing and no one was there to save her. The guilt washed over her. The pain, the depression, the sheer deprivation. It wasn’t fair. No one should have to live like she did. She wanted to be loved. She needed to be loved. ‘But no one could eva love me. Ah’d kill ‘em.’ She was drowning in her thoughts. Fear, anger, desperation; Rogue was being pulled in a million different directions and she couldn’t breathe.

She dropped her head in defeat. Her whole body shaking with heart wrenching sobs. Everything hurt, everything. And there was nothing anyone could do to make it better. Hank reached for her, his own heart aching in his chest at the sight of her pain. She pulled away, reflexively. Her knees came up to her chest and she wrapped her arms around them, her head falling into them as she cried her soul out. "Ah didn’t try ta kill mahself…" "Rogue, I will be right back, okay?" She didn’t answer. "Rogue? Please I can’t leave until I know you will be here. Will you wait here?" She nodded. Hank sighed. He didn’t want to leave her alone, but he needed help, and he knew exactly where to get it.

The living room grew deathly quiet as Hank appeared in the doorway. All the students were there; none seemed to have left since yesterday. They all looked tired and tears stained their cheeks. Their clothes and hair were rumpled. They were a mess, and so was the living room. The tension in the room was so thick you wouldn’t need special abilities to feel it. Hank took a deep breath and sighed, momentarily overwhelmed. None of the students moved, none spoke; most were holding their breath, as if they dare not risk injuring Hank’s statement.

"Rogue is stable," he began, and immediately the whole room sighed in relief. "She sustained a large amount of blood loss, and knicked a few important areas, but nothing too serious. I called the school and told them none of you will be coming in today. I don’t want any of you leaving the mansion. None of you are going anywhere until Professor Xavier returns." The students all nodded. "No funny stuff, I mean it. You’re all to stay out of trouble. Now, Warren, I’m going to need your assistance." Everyone, including Warren was surprised. Beast motioned Warren over. "How strong are your empathic abilities? How precise is your control?" Warren looked confused, but he answere"I’m"I’m not sure what you mean. But I guess I’m pretty good though."

Hank looked around the room. Scott’s empathy was latent; it probably wouldn’t show itself for a while. Jean was slightly empathic, but he didn’t really want to bring a telepath into this. Besides, he didn’t think Jean would quite do the trick. Bobby’s empathy was strong, but he didn’t have much control. He was also currently an emotional wreck. Warren didn’t use his empathy often, however, his was very powerful, and he hav have at least an iota of control. Hank nodded. "Alright Warren, come with me please." He turned, without another word, and walked out the room. Warren followed silently, while a new panic enveloped the living room.

Hank stopped abruptly before the med lab door. Warren, who’d barely been paying attention, nearly crashed right into him. Hank turned to face him. "It is worse than I wanted to share. Healing Rogue know is critical. The physical healing can only happen after the mental healing." "I don’t understand." "Mind over matter, my dear boy." "I still don’t-" "You will." Hank opened the door and walked in. Warren followed. As soon as he stepped into the room he was hit by the turret of Rogue’s emotional storm. He took a step back, coughing. "I gather it is worse than I thought," Hank said, walking over to the younger man. "Warren? I’m sorry. I did not believe it was this bad. And I didn’t realize your empathy was this sensitive. Come on, I’ll help you out of here." "No!" Warren cried, "No, any empath would pick this up. God, she hurts so much…I’ll be fine Hank. Please, I can’t leave her like this. I can’t." Hank nodded and Warren approached Rogue.

Rogue was curled up on the bed tightly. The whole world was spinning out of control. Rogue tried, but she couldn’t find anything to hold onto. It was as if the whole world was against her. She was enveloped in pain and darkness. It engulfed her, and she was ready to give in. And then there was a light. Small at first, then it got larger and brighter. The light was warm and welcoming, and Rogue ran toward it. As she got closer the feelings felt familiar. She knew who they belonged to.


Rogue’s head lifted slowly and her tear-filled eyes glanced upward. Warren stood beside her bed, smiling down at her with his eyes. Rogue leaned toward him. "Oh Warren!" she cried, before falling into his chest and beginning to sob once more. Warren held her to him tightly, flooding her with feelings of love, understanding, safety, hope, and everything else he could think of that was positive. She clung to him with all her strength. He took all of her negative feelings, letting them drain into him. He held her until she’d fallen asleep. It hadn’t taken long, about ten minutes. Carefully maneuvering around all her tubing, Warren climbed into the bed with her, laying her against his chest and holding her.